Abigail0404 Posted December 21, 2015 Share Posted December 21, 2015 My boyfriend just bought a house and he is getting two hot housemates. I am not thrilled about that...actually...I am quite upset about it. I tried to explain to him my concern but he was mad at me for being paranoid and not understanding of his financial burden from mortgage. I have no intention in asking him to get other housemates but I really just hope that he can introduce them to me. Sadly, when I flew to meet my boyfriend last month, his rooomate left the place for a week. I have a feeling that she was avoiding me thats why she moved away and moved back once I left the place. Am i being paranoid or incosiderate? I dont want to fight with m boyfriend about this anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 21, 2015 Share Posted December 21, 2015 I doubt the new roommate was avoiding you. I'd assume she simply had other plans & did not feel the need to rearrange them to meet her landlord's GF. Trust your BF until you get evidence to give you a reason not to. Also trust with your eyes open, but do trust. If you can't do that, end this because you will only make yourself crazy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 21, 2015 Share Posted December 21, 2015 I think you'll feel a lot better when he's a proper fixture in your life - someone who you can hang out with whenever you want and do actual boyfriend/girlfriend things with. How soon will the two of you be ending this long distance thing? Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 Was he unable to find any male housemates? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Abigail0404 Posted March 31, 2016 Author Share Posted March 31, 2016 Actually one of his male friends asked him if he can rent the room to him but got rejected. He explained to me that he doesnt like that guy thats why he refused to rent the room to him. Recently I just got into another big fight with him as I was starting to get more confused by his relationship with his housemate. His housemate would ask him to kill bugs in her room in the middle of the night or help her to turn ofd the air conditioning. And the worst of all, he posted his pictures on eharmony after the fight. I found out after a couple of days and confronted him. He told me he did that to prove that he has nothing going on with his housemate. Finally he agreed to take off his pictures on eharmony but refused to close his account there. I knew i am a complete idiot... Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 31, 2016 Share Posted March 31, 2016 And again I will make a comment about this all being more difficult because the two of you are living so far away. When will you move near him? Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted March 31, 2016 Share Posted March 31, 2016 Your boyfriend is on a dating website, how is that not a deal breaker for you? Is this an exclusive relationship or not? By continuing to date him you are basically condoning his behavior. Set higher standards and don't tolerate that kind of disrespect. This relationship will give you nothing but a broken heart and lots of stress. Life is too short to waste on someone you can't trust. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted March 31, 2016 Share Posted March 31, 2016 Actually one of his male friends asked him if he can rent the room to him but got rejected. He explained to me that he doesnt like that guy thats why he refused to rent the room to him. Recently I just got into another big fight with him as I was starting to get more confused by his relationship with his housemate. His housemate would ask him to kill bugs in her room in the middle of the night or help her to turn ofd the air conditioning. And the worst of all, he posted his pictures on eharmony after the fight. I found out after a couple of days and confronted him. He told me he did that to prove that he has nothing going on with his housemate. Finally he agreed to take off his pictures on eharmony but refused to close his account there. I knew i am a complete idiot... So clearly you have reasons not to trust him. LDRs are hard, most fall apart. Next! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Abigail0404 Posted March 31, 2016 Author Share Posted March 31, 2016 I am in HK. He is in Perth. Two years ago I quit my job and moved to Perth. Eventually found out that he cheated on me while I was in Hong Kong. A Taiwanese girl flew to Perth to visit him twice. We sort of broke up and I.moved back to HK. I was so naive to believe that If i just be patient with him and forgive him. Things will be fine soon. I thought someday he would realize the damage he has done to me. I should be responsible for myself for not setting my boundaries. So I am just whining only. I felt really ashame and embarrassed to even share with my friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 31, 2016 Share Posted March 31, 2016 My boyfriend just bought a house and he is getting two hot housemates. How do you know he is getting two hot housemates? Did he tell you he was purposely looking for hot girls to be his housemates? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 31, 2016 Share Posted March 31, 2016 I doubt the new roommate was avoiding you. I'd assume she simply had other plans & did not feel the need to rearrange them to meet her landlord's GF. Trust your BF until you get evidence to give you a reason not to. Also trust with your eyes open, but do trust. If you can't do that, end this because you will only make yourself crazy. Yes this^! It could be that she left to give you two alone time. I would if I knew my roommate had their gf coming in from out of town. I would leave and let them have the place to themselves. It may have been a kind act on her part. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted March 31, 2016 Share Posted March 31, 2016 Good thing you came here asking for advice. We're giving it to you. This individual has no intention of being faithful to you, that's clear. Now it's up to you to decide whether you want to: Continue the r/s on his termsBreak up with him Those are the only two options. Most women find that attempting to be in a 1:1 r/s with a chronic cheater and liar is painful and being alone for a time is better that that. I suspect you'll come to that conclusion too, hopefully sooner rather than later. Good luck! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted March 31, 2016 Share Posted March 31, 2016 Given his history of cheating and having an online dating profile, his "getting" 2 hot roommates is the least of your problems. You should have already ended this so called "relationship." What he has ALREADY done should have been dealbreakers for you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 31, 2016 Share Posted March 31, 2016 Generally, when you don't see someone very often, people will keep dating other people, no matter what they say. I honestly do think this girl may be after him that's moving in, but there is no way to tell. He already has a history of cheating, so there's nothing you can do about this situation long-distance. My advice is you tell him you're no longer exclusive. He isn't being faithful, hasn't in the past so there's no reason to think he is now when he's getting two girl roommates. And there is no reason why you should sit there worrying about it when you could be dating other guys. Tell him you're going to date around just like he is, and do it. And before you let him manipulate you further, just think about what he'd have to say if you let two hot guys move in with you. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 31, 2016 Share Posted March 31, 2016 I dont want to fight with m boyfriend about this anymore. Stop fighting with him and break up with him, how much disrespect are you willing to take from him? YOU have "doormat" written across your forehead. This relationship is going nowhere fast, get out there and date men who will make you their number one priority. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted March 31, 2016 Share Posted March 31, 2016 I am in HK. He is in Perth. Two years ago I quit my job and moved to Perth. Eventually found out that he cheated on me while I was in Hong Kong. A Taiwanese girl flew to Perth to visit him twice. Can you see a pattern here? He picks out women internationally to fly to see him rather than someone local. For him this makes it easier to see multiple women, and this online profile is exactly how he is doing it. You now know for a fact that he is actively using it. I should be responsible for myself for not setting my boundaries. So I am just whining only. I felt really ashame and embarrassed to even share with my friends. You can set boundaries for yourself now, it isn't too late. I can understand why it is difficult to share with your friends, but the problem with keeping this a secret is that you aren't getting any support or an outsiders perspective on the situation which makes you more vulnerable to his lies. He will just make you feel like it is all your problem not his. I'm glad that you came here so you can get the support you need. You deserve better than this guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BeholdtheMan Posted April 1, 2016 Share Posted April 1, 2016 I tried to explain to him my concern but he was mad at me for being paranoid and not understanding of his financial burden from mortgage LOL...that male BS You should get two Magic Mike-like housemates...see how ur boy reacts when the tables are turned Asian girls gotta wise up 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Abigail0404 Posted April 1, 2016 Author Share Posted April 1, 2016 Dear all Thank you for your reply. I admit that I am stupid as hell but it doesnt mean all Asian girls are. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted April 1, 2016 Share Posted April 1, 2016 Dear all Thank you for your reply. I admit that I am stupid as hell but it doesnt mean all Asian girls are. Nothing proves that you're stupid... Yes, you're caught in a situation in which you can't implement the inevitable. But we all do mistakes. I can tell you that it very easy to give advice from the side. I wish I could fulfill all the advices YOU gave to others. Pictures and a profile in a dating site because of a fight? Come on... He extremely disrespect you. For the sport, I advice you to take the strong side. Just disappear. Stop answer his mails, calls, texts... Let him live in the fog of not knowing what's going on. And of course, move on. He's history. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 Giving someone the benefit of the doubt is idealistic, not stupid. The fact you came here asking shows you weren't willing to look the other way forever. Time for you to date other guys. You can still see him if you want to, of course, but tell him you're no longer exclusive. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 My knee jerk reaction was so what if he has cute female roommates, I have been the only girl in "guy houses" multiple times, and nothing ever happened, the whole don't piss where you eat mentality... But cheating? Online dating profiles? Long distance? There are obviously bigger issues here. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 I admit that I am stupid as hell I agree with you. (not that you're stupid, but that you may have done something foolish) But it's ok; everybody does stupid things sometimes. I can be stupid too. If you can admit it, learn from it. Don't let it happen again. Move on and find someone better. As a side note, the fact that there are so many women who are dealing with such bad people is kind of exciting for me. If I ever get out there, I'm gonna be such a catch! Link to post Share on other sites
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