5 months out and still REALLY pissed off!

[gls081209]

Hello LoveShackers -

 

I haven't posted in about a month as I had been keeping track of my progress of my coping since my ex broke up with me back in July. We haven't had any contact since then. It was quite a cruel breakup that I didn't see it coming and I never expected him to discard me like a piece of trash like he did.

 

It's been a roller-coaster. Before the breakup, I lost some people in my life over the past year (one being a murder, one being a suicide, and one being my mother). I think all that grief just caught up with me after the ex left. I always felt okay during these deaths because I had his support. As stressful as that is, he and I still had fun together and I made sure to grieve more in private than around him.

 

Anyway, when he walked in my house back in July and announced that he didn't love me and never did and wanted to break up, I was shocked (especially after him just taking me to a family reunion).

 

Whatever, it happened. I've accepted that it's happened and I've come to terms with never hearing from him again (he gathered all his stuff from my house that night and left his keys and walked out the door and hasn't said a word to me since). I wrote one e-mail to him after it happened as I was too shocked to respond the night of. I have since blocked him on everything and deleted his number and avoided his hangouts.

 

Is it normal to be RAGINGLY PISSED OFF five months later? I see a shrink and am taking a small dose of an anti-depressant just to cope with all the events that have happened within the past year, but I don't see much improvement. I've learned how to compartmentalize my anger so I can function in my everyday life and under the radar of my friends and family. All I hear from them "is how strong I am" to deal with everything. Little do they know that, privately, I'm a hot mess, but I hide it well.

 

I want to let go of this anger (I know not all of it is just about him, but I've never been betrayed by someone I loved to this degree). I exercise, I go out with friends, work a lot, volunteer and participate in life. I'm indifferent about all of it. I know this is the depression talking.

 

I keep reading about "letting go" and "forgiving." I would love to know how you actually do that? I don't want to be this angry, hateful, bitter person and I'm sick of being miserable every day. I feel like the movie "Ground Hog's Day," in which every day is the same. My therapist says it just takes time and to be patient with myself. I know it's a mindset, but I don't even know how to change it.

 

How does one forgive?

[d0nnivain]

Anger is one of the stages of grief. In a way it's more productive then wallowing. You did have a lot of losses which compounded the issues & muddied your emotional waters. This is also your 1st holiday season without your beloved mom. Please accept my condolences. January will be 5 years since my mom departed this earth & every so often I still get overwhelmed with grief but those bouts are increasingly easier to reign in as the years go by.

 

Listen to your therapist & feel what you feel. Going through the process means eventually it will end.

[BC1980]

I'd say it's pretty normal to be angry at this point. When I was grieving my breakup, I remember feeling extremely angry at times. I'm sure I could get angry again if I sat down and thought about all that happened. Some of the best advice I received was to feel angry, write down exactly why you are angry, or even write an angry letter to your ex that you don't send. Doing those things will help you pinpoint exactly why you are angry, and, though you can't change what happened, maybe you can find a way to channel the anger into something positive. For me, that was realizing that I stayed despite the red flags and vowing not to put myself in a position to feel so angry again. I felt more empowered after that.

 

As far as forgiveness, I struggled very much with that concept. I really didn't understand exactly what it meant to forgive. What I realized is that forgiveness is simply letting go and moving on. Forgiveness is saying that this entire situation no longer has any power over you. It doesn't mean condoning or agreeing with any behavior that happened. You have to realize that your ex can never take anything back or make you feelings go away, so the only option is to let them go and move on. Forgiveness happens at the very end when you no longer feel deeply about any of it.

[gls081209]

Thank you for your responses and kind words.

 

This will be my second Christmas without my mom, but it still feels fresh.

 

I feel like that word "forgiveness" is deceiving. I get frustrated when people talk about "forgiveness" because I don't understand how you just "let it go." It's definitely a flaw of mine that I hold grudges forever. If the offender is someone I had trusted and I am betrayed, I walk away. I take pride in the good friendships and relationship I've nurtured and I don't tolerate unkind people. With that said, even when I walk away from that person, I hold onto that resentment for years when I think about the incident.

 

Holding onto this particular anger is poisonous and I need to let it go as soon as possible. I suppose I'm not patient enough. I just haven't endured this amount of anger ever. I just wish you could say "I forgive you" and POOF - you feel a weight lifted. I just don't know how to channel it.

[d0nnivain]

Before you get to I forgive you try you (meaning your EX) don't matter any more. Once you realize how inconsequential your EX is to your future, the easier it will be to let go

[NewLeaf512]

Really normal. It's ok!

[SparrowH]

Hey, I'm in a similar place; the breakup was in July but still completely consumed by it. Sometimes angry but mainly sad. Those other losses must make it all the more difficult and you should listen to your friends - you might feel like a mess but just by being and participating in life takes an enormous mount of strength that you should give yourself credit for.

 

I almost feel like I'm spamming this article a bit now but I found the idea of what feels like making no progress at all aka Ground Hog Day, is actually okay.

This Is The Moment When Your Heartbreak Will End | Thought Catalog

[ExpendableYouth]

I completely understand. Mine broke it off via TEXT message early August......WE LIVE TOGETHER STILL.

 

I am moving out in Feb.......this has been the worst 4 months I have ever endured in my 29 years on earth. She has moved on, with a boyfriend whom she is in love with....and I am still in love with her. Try putting that into perspective......no second chances, nothing. I am nothing to her now. It breaks my heart every day, and I have bouts of sobbing alone and then intense anger. But it's a cycle....she did not like me as I did her.....it is over.

 

BUT, the light is at the end of the tunnel....I will be leaving in under 5 weeks. Keep in there, it's been almost 5 months and I am incredibly angry and depressed.......you are not alone.