Update. I was married to a stranger.

[Faldve]

I'm sorry but why the F*CK are you so nonchalant about your husband SEXUALLY ASSAULTING your children???? Are you kidding????? Why in the world are you even leaving them alone with him??? And long enough for you to have sex with another man? THAT is your priority? you should abort ASAP, you SHOULD NOT be bringing more children into this world. WTF!

 

:sick::sick::sick::sick:

 

Did you read anything I said? I did leave and went straight to the emergency room when it happened. There was no physical evidence. I'm not nonchalant. Every single minute I am home my body is in a state of constant alarm. I feel literally sick. No one believed me. He got custody of the kids. I came back to protect my children. Who said he was watching my children when I cheated?

[Faldve]

You mentioned you left before.

 

 

How did you do that? Where did you go? Did you take your children with you?

 

 

What made you go back?

 

I put the kids in the car and went to the ER. I went to my grandmother's house. I went back because there wasn't physical evidence of sexual abuse and he got custody.

[Faldve]

I do not know where you are and do not have to know, but check and see if there are any child advocacy centers in your area. They have lots of resources that may be able to help you. Almost every state has several of them.

 

A cop in another town gave me the number of a center. The only thing is I'm afraid that if I call DHS will get involved and obviously he will find out and do anything possible to get the kids.

[Faldve]

I dont get your previous threads. 6 weeks ago you were thrilling on your husbands best friend. If someone sexually assaulted my daughter, they would be a dead man walking. And I am male. Women I know would not be looking for more dick. They would be looking for a lawyer or a gun.

 

Well, I guess I'm just not human. I looked for a lawyer. I have no money. They won't do anything to help unless I have money. Killing him would not do anything but make it where my children are orphans pretty much and then they would have the possibility of being subjected to more abuse.

[Faldve]

You need to get to a shelter with your children. What are you thinking screwing some dude while your children are being l sexually assaulted???

 

Jesus that guy would be in prison or dead if that w as my kid.

 

If he is looking up kiddie pornography get his dampened computer/device and take it to the police.

 

He threw his computer into the trash can before the incident happened.

If I take them to a shelter he would have me either arrested or just implement the custody order that he has.

 

I didn't leave the children with him when I cheated. I mean if someone's child is POSSIBLY abused (I HAD NO PROOF) do you honestly believe they would never have sex?

[Faldve]

I know you mean well and I understand your sentiments, but talking about guns is reckless.

 

 

This woman is already probably at the highest risk she will ever be for being murdered.........abused, pregnant, and ready to leave.

 

 

Her potential murderer has threatened suicide and is a real live version of the man we see on the news taking his whole family out before he kills himself or doesn't.

 

THIS is what terrifies me the most. I can't count how many times he has threatened to kill himself or told me his plans of killing himself. His father has a TON of guns and he lets it be known that he has easy access to every single one of them. He's told me where he would shoot someone, that he knows how to kill someone and get away with it. Everytime he leaves angry I flinch when he gets back because I'm terrified he's going to turn the corner with his finger on the trigger.

[Faldve]

Faldve

 

 

Is your grandmother capable of watching your kids temporarily?

 

 

Can you get your husband to agree to let them go stay with her for a visit?

 

 

Even if you tell him something ridiculous like you want the two of you to have more free time to work on things?

 

The kids are actually with their grandmother right now and won't be back until Friday.

[World's.Edge]

Faldve, okay what you need to do is realize and internalize that you are not weak. You have it in you to be strong, find you inner strength. Be self-assured in who you are, you may be a product but you are not a victim of your past and your situation. Your self-esteem needs to improve and you have to be confident in yourself.

 

If your "husband" tries to put you down or call you crazy, you do not believe that for a second. He is cruel and a bully but ultimately pathetic. Take pride in who you are, as you are. No one can make you think or feel anything about yourself that you yourself don't belive about yourself, so be strong, know who you are and your husband's word cannot affect you.

 

You need to capture and document your husband's behaviour. If you're able to, get a voice-activated-recorder (VAR) and keep it hidden on you and set up a nanny cam or several around the house to capture your husband's behaviour towards you and your children.

 

As Velvette has mentioned, if he has child pornography on his computer and your local police refuse to do anything about it then contact a higher authority such as the FBI and see what they can do.

 

Start saving money. Sell stuff around the house that won't be noticed and maybe you can use that for a lawyer or to leave when you decide to.

 

Your husband is selfish, if he threatends suicide and plans to go through with it, he won't just kill himself, he'll probably want to hurt you and/or the children so be prepared to protect yourself.

 

Reach out to people, any friends or family that can help you so that you do not have to go through this alone and that you have a support system.

[goodyblue]

As to the bolded, may or may not be a good idea and probably needs legal advice.

 

 

First, the local police have already declined to do anything about kiddie porn on the computer.

 

 

Whose computer is it and who has access to it. This man plays dirty and could just as easily say she pulled the kiddie porn up.

 

 

If she can protect herself in that regard, the she should call the local FBI office and talk to them, telling them she tried to get the locals to act and they wont.

 

Yes, you are right. If it were me I w o hold probably disappear in the night.

 

Such a scary situation.

[goodyblue]

He threw his computer into the trash can before the incident happened.

If I take them to a shelter he would have me either arrested or just implement the custody order that he has.

 

I didn't leave the children with him when I cheated. I mean if someone's child is POSSIBLY abused (I HAD NO PROOF) do you honestly believe they would never have sex?

 

I believe your priority should not be seeking out OM, getting pregnant and worrying about who the father is. You should be dealing with your situation. Not bringing a baby into this mess.

[66Charger]

I know you mean well and I understand your sentiments, but talking about guns is reckless.

 

 

This woman is already probably at the highest risk she will ever be for being murdered.........abused, pregnant, and ready to leave.

 

 

Her potential murderer has threatened suicide and is a real live version of the man we see on the news taking his whole family out before he kills himself or doesn't.

 

And that is exactly my point Velvet

[turnera]

Bottom line, you have kids, and another on the way. It's time to grow up, and do the ADULT thing, and disappear, before you're saddled with an infant. Through whatever means necessary. Get smarter about this. Do your research, contact agencies, GET THE HELP.

[velvette]

A cop in another town gave me the number of a center. The only thing is I'm afraid that if I call DHS will get involved and obviously he will find out and do anything possible to get the kids.

 

Buy a cheap burner phone, call them and ask them. Don't tell them your name. Just tell them your story and ask them what the process would be.

[66Charger]

Reckless is her current behavior. If this man is a stick of dynamite ready to blow, and she is having affairs, pregnant and spending a lot of time with the OM..And her husband is a PEDAPHILE, she is playing with fire. The only advice here should be to get the hell out. Protecting the children BY ALL MEANS NECESSARY has to be priority 1

 

I dont understand the OP, but i do understand child abuse. I will wish you well

Edited July 16, 2015 by 66Charger

[velvette]

Last summer I saw two different lawyers, they couldn't help me because I didn't have the money to pay up front.

I did contact the sheriff department. I was in contact with child protective services, and a woman who deals with internet crimes against children (he threw away one of his laptops before the whole ordeal happened, and hid the others) He also disconnected the internet service and opened a new account. I talked to a social worker. I contacted a women's shelter. I got no where.

 

Don't give up. Not all shelters are created equal. Some are much better than others. Try others in the area or if youre in a smallish town go to a larger town.

 

 

Google free legal advice/help for your state. Even if you cant find a pro bono lawyer, many of these sites have lawyers giving online advice. Maybe they will come up with something.

 

 

Google some domestic violence forums. There will probably be women there that have successfully escaped these situations who may be able to give you better advice.

[velvette]

And that is exactly my point Velvet

 

What are you suggesting? That she shoot her husband and orphan her children when she goes to jail at which point they will be thrown into a foster system in a state that apparently does little to protect children?

[66Charger]

My suggestion is that her focus needs to be on protecting her children. Not the OM.

 

My stepfather abused my sister and at age 15, I threatened his life. He left the next week

 

And yes, I would rather do the time, than here the silent screams of childhood sexual abuse..

Edited July 16, 2015 by 66Charger

[velvette]

My suggestion is that her focus needs to be on protecting her children. Not the OM.

 

My stepfather abused my sister and at age 15, I threatened his life. He left the next week.

 

I agree she needs to stop all contact with the OM.

 

 

You are a man as far as I know. Her threatening his life is not going to phase him and will likely make him more violent.

[Fleur de cactus]

What a mess and toxic relationship?!! Not sure how to call this. I am a kind of confused since you paint your h as a mean, dangerous and you fear for you life. But by the same time you stay with him, you cheat on him and are more likely to have a baby from another guy, and your h accepts to be the father even if the baby may not be his! And you said that you are afraid of him? And you wonder why the police and social services dont know how to help you?

 

Your H may be controlling and is using the mistakes you made to control you and cover up what he is doing. I am not saying that your H is not a bad guy, but I dont see that you are doing anything to help yourself and change this situation. If you want to end this messy, dangerous situation, go to women shelter. They will help you with everything. Don't be afraid, women's shelter staff are aware of domestic abuse, they know that someone like you without money, no friends , not family can become a victim for long term abuse. If your kids were sexually abused by the father, if you fear for you life and the life of you kids, go to women shelter. Dont go to other man for comfort, sex and come back to you h, and start saying that your H may use his gun. Off course he me use the guns! But you, what are you doing to protect yourself? Nothing! Go to women's shelter.

[autumnnight]

OP, if you go to nationalcac.org, you can look for a CAC near you. I would recommend calling them and telling them what is going on, along with your fears of what your hubby may do. I would ask for a forensic interview of your children and see what can be done to wait until AFTER the interview to involve authorities. I would also report what has happend to YOU to them. If the interviews are on tape (and most centers videotape them), then it won't much matter what your husband tries to do once the disclosure has been documented.

 

I understand your fear. When you are dealing with someone both unstable AND narcissitically controlling, you really do have to get help on the sly, which is very sad.

 

Thinking ofyou.

[66Charger]

Being a Man has nothing to do with it. I am US Military and I served with a lot of women.

 

Say what you want Velvette, but based on HER words, what would you do if these were your children? Would you leave them with a pedophile while you spent a lot of time with the OM?

 

I have read your words before and respected them, and you would not. Nor do I think you would let that dog lie.

 

Regardless, now I am triggering so I will leave the OP to you.

[velvette]

Faldve

 

 

You need to contact every shelter you can tomorrow and find out exactly what they will do regarding the custody order that your H has if he or the authorities track you to a shelter.

 

 

With regard to money, does your grandmother own a home and would she be willing to get a loan against that home or a second mortgage to come up with the money for your legal fees?

 

 

You previously said you had no other family. That's hard to believe. Maybe no close family, but what about aunts/uncles/cousins etc. Time to swallow your pride if there is anyone out there that you can ask for help.

 

 

I would also contact a shelter in another state and ask them what will happen if you take your kids to a shelter across state lines under the circumstances where abuse has already been deemed non-existent by another states courts.

[velvette]

Being a Man has nothing to do with it. I am US Military and I served with a lot of women.

 

Say what you want Velvette, but based on HER words, what would you do if these were your children? Would you leave them with a pedophile while you spent a lot of time with the OM?

 

I have read your words before and respected them, and you would not. Nor do I think you would let that dog lie.

 

Regardless, now I am triggering so I will leave the OP to you.

 

 

As to the bolded no.

 

 

I would play dirty and I would win, without going to jail and orphaning my children or abandoning them to a fate that could be worse. But, I also wouldn't have made some of the mistakes shes already made. I would have already taken the legal fees from his wallet, bank account or credit cards. I would have marks on me every night until he was arrested.

 

 

But, I'm not a 23 year old who has been abused most of her life. I have a job, she doesn't. I have the means to get a job, she doesn't yet...at least not one that can support her and her children.

 

 

As far as the courts are concerned no abuse of her or her children has ever happened.

 

 

If the OP can find a way to disappear with her children without risking them being returned to the father and her not there to protect them then she should.

[velvette]

Faldve

 

 

This may be a total fantasy.

 

 

But, the reason I asked your husbands age is that is seems very close to a crime in most states if he was having sex with you when you were 14 and he was 18.

 

 

Google age of consent/statutory rape for your state.

 

 

Even if it was a crime, the statute of limitations may have run out. However, the statute of limitations in some states only starts running when you realize as an adult that you have been the victim of a sexual crime.

 

 

Whether or not you could file criminal charges especially where you are or not, you might be able to pursue a civil case where you sue him. Lawyers who file these kinds of suits don't require money up front and will only take your case if they think they can win it. They get paid out of money the court awards you if you win.

[whichwayisup]

THIS is what terrifies me the most. I can't count how many times he has threatened to kill himself or told me his plans of killing himself. His father has a TON of guns and he lets it be known that he has easy access to every single one of them. He's told me where he would shoot someone, that he knows how to kill someone and get away with it. Everytime he leaves angry I flinch when he gets back because I'm terrified he's going to turn the corner with his finger on the trigger.

 

You have to get this all on video or recorder. Get a voice activated one and put it in your pocket or purse. Put a 'nanny cam' up somewhere in a few rooms in the house.

 

GO to the cop station again from that other town and see if someone can just hear your story. Hopefully a lawyer that they provide can be cheaper or possibly go pro bono with you because of how serious your situation is. There HAS to be lawyers who take cases and genuinely want to help.