velvette Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 Faldve You said you had previously spoken to shelters and that they could not help you. What was the reason they gave you for not being able to help you? Link to post Share on other sites
SleeplessIn Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 ...... So, he tried to get me involuntarily committed (didn't succeed). He took the vehicle and cut my access to money off. He took me to court for temporary custody and I lost. I got awarded supervised visitation every other weekend. She has since moved back in, so I would assume the supervised visitation is voided. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 That's why she needs to get legal help...somewhere else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Faldve Posted July 18, 2015 Author Share Posted July 18, 2015 Does she say anywhere why or how he got custody? I was stupid and had no case built against him. I didn't have a lawyer or anything so I went to court by myself. He used proof that I had been depressed and suicidal in the past. I answered the lawyer honestly and was stupidly open about it. Including cheating. Also, my son had missed around 5 days of school during the couple of months we left. This was most because he took the car and I didn't have any money. I wasn't able to keep it together when the lawyer was just bashing me, so I'm sure I looked unstable bawling. I was scared so I didn't bring up the abuse. I didn't think it would matter anyways because they had shortly before found there to be no physical evidence. I had also let him convince me once again I was crazy and he got me to think I wouldn't have a chance so I didn't want to be without my kids. I messed up big time. I can clearly see that now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Faldve Posted July 18, 2015 Author Share Posted July 18, 2015 She has since moved back in, so I would assume the supervised visitation is voided. I need to call a lawyer to ask them about that because the only thing I found was that it would be illegal for me to take them if I didn't have primary custody. From what I remember his lawyer told him to call him if we get back together so that he can void the papers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Faldve Posted July 18, 2015 Author Share Posted July 18, 2015 Faldve You said you had previously spoken to shelters and that they could not help you. What was the reason they gave you for not being able to From what I remember they told me that it would probably be best to wait until the kids had their exams since I was out of the home and he couldn't see the kids until he was cleared anyways. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 I was stupid and had no case built against him. I didn't have a lawyer or anything so I went to court by myself. He used proof that I had been depressed and suicidal in the past. I answered the lawyer honestly and was stupidly open about it. Including cheating. Also, my son had missed around 5 days of school during the couple of months we left. This was most because he took the car and I didn't have any money. I wasn't able to keep it together when the lawyer was just bashing me, so I'm sure I looked unstable bawling. I was scared so I didn't bring up the abuse. I didn't think it would matter anyways because they had shortly before found there to be no physical evidence. I had also let him convince me once again I was crazy and he got me to think I wouldn't have a chance so I didn't want to be without my kids. I messed up big time. I can clearly see that now. This is classic abusive behavior bordering on sociopathy. I wonder if we have any attorneys on the board who have any compassion toward WW's who could weigh in..... Link to post Share on other sites
World's.Edge Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 How have you been doing Faldve? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Okay, enough is enough. Go to the courthouse and get a restraining order put out on this guy. Get you and the kids away from this dude. He says he's going to kill himself. Right. Most people that are going to kill themselves don't broadcast it. They make a decision, come to terms with it and just do it. Highly doubt this guy is going to kill himself. He loves himself too much. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 This is why I honestly feel any 16 yr. old who gets pregnant should be forced to give up the kid for adoption. We require people to get a license just to drive a car, they can't purchase booze until 21 or join the military until 18. Yet we have zero problem with letting a 16 yr. old raise a child. Divorce your husband and also stay away from the slimeball you cheated with. Do not bring your kids around EITHER of these people, they are both slime in different ways. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Faldve Posted December 21, 2015 Author Share Posted December 21, 2015 I finally got the courage to leave my husband after nine years of being together. Reading my last post, it's insane to me how controlled I really was. I felt I was trapped and there was no way out. I left around a month after my last thread. We had a paternity test done and the baby is his, and I'm due in February with another little girl. The event that finally made me leave was finding a gun he stole from his dad's house. He hid it in a blanket in his truck. I had to stop him from leaving to go get another gun. My four year old daughter witnesses the whole thing. She was telling him not to go. I had to call the cops. They took the gun and took it to the police station. They also talked to my husband and pretty much told us to talk to each other and figure something out. A week after this I went to check on him and went in the house to find him and his friend drunk. There was a noose by the bathroom door. His friend yelled at me. I left with the kids and didn't go back. I've been living with my mom. My husband took out his retirement or whatever, around 7,000 that I didn't get any of except for the paternity test. He quit his job, went missing for a week which later he said he went to Colorado I believe, he started college classes then a few weeks later was dismissed for not going to class. He isn't helping financially, hasn't bought a single thing for the baby, and our two kids are getting kicked out of school because he's only paid less than a hundred dollars on their tuition. Our house was in his dad's name and they're selling it. I went to go get some of our things and found out he put most of the stuff outside in the open garage, toys, clothes, and other useful things I wanted were thrown into a open trailer to go to the dump. Sadly, my kids were with me and saw this. They don't understand. He's asked to see them two times since August. The last time he had them my son came home with petechia on the roof of his mouth and bruises around it. I took him to the ER and they said it was a cold. My son told me different however I was afraid to tell them about the abuse allegations. My husband still has temporary full custody. I have no money to get a lawyer but he hasn't made contact much and I told him he'd never hurt them again. I refuse to let him. I failed to protect them so long and I'll live with that forever. My son is in counseling now and doing so much better, so is my daughter. I don't know how to get past this, though. My kids talk about him everyday and want to see him. My son tells me he lied about my husband abusing him. I know he didn't but it's hard. I want to cut him out completely from our lives. He doesn't respond to texts for money or help with tuition. He's been staying in another state a lot working under the table for his dad. How do I even begin to move on? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 How do I even begin to move on? You see a lawyer TODAY, tell him everything you've posted here, file for divorce, and put a block on the house being sold. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 We had a paternity test done and the baby is his, and I'm due in February with another little girl. Do you mean your H is the father of your unborn child? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 I finally got the courage to leave my husband after nine years of being together. Reading my last post, it's insane to me how controlled I really was. I felt I was trapped and there was no way out. I left around a month after my last thread. We had a paternity test done and the baby is his, and I'm due in February with another little girl. Very happy to read this new post by you. Well done! He's asked to see them two times since August. The last time he had them my son came home with petechia on the roof of his mouth and bruises around it. I took him to the ER and they said it was a cold. My son told me different however Given the back-story you should have your kid in therapy and discus with them if they could visit your husband. And yes unfortunately it is very confusing for the kids, but given the situation it really is for the best. Some day they will understand. I don't know how to get past this, though. I still hope you and your family will get therapy at some point. For no just keep putting one step forward every time. I am sure it will lead to a better life in the future! Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 I would look up Lundy Bancroft online and get his book, "Why Does He Do That?" You have a textbook abuse case. These abusers are coldly calculating to do their abuse emotionally and to do their physical abuse on body places that no one can see. You will see none of it was your fault. He had that abuser mindset before you even met him. It's incredibly hard to leave an abusive relationship. The abuser makes it so, so hard. The average length I heard is 7 years? And the average number of times leaving is 7 times? Not sure. At any rate it's too many times, too long. Congratulations. You did it. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 I don't understand why your kids are in a school that requires you to pay tuition, when you can't afford a lawyer to get divorced. School is free in America, and I assume you're in America? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Faldve Posted December 23, 2015 Author Share Posted December 23, 2015 Okay, enough is enough. Go to the courthouse and get a restraining order put out on this guy. Get you and the kids away from this dude. He says he's going to kill himself. Right. Most people that are going to kill themselves don't broadcast it. They make a decision, come to terms with it and just do it. Highly doubt this guy is going to kill himself. He loves himself too much. I went to the court house last year after he physically abused me, she wouldn't let me (the person who files the papers or whatever). Link to post Share on other sites
Author Faldve Posted December 23, 2015 Author Share Posted December 23, 2015 Do you mean your H is the father of your unborn child? Mr. Lucky He is. I completely cut contact with the other possible father. I finally realized how ridiculous I was being and that our safety should be my only priority. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Faldve Posted December 24, 2015 Author Share Posted December 24, 2015 I don't understand why your kids are in a school that requires you to pay tuition, when you can't afford a lawyer to get divorced. School is free in America, and I assume you're in America? I left him in August after they began going to school there. His father is the one who agreed to pay tuition for them. Pretty much what my husband and father in law said went, sadly. My father in law bought us our house, vehicles, and paid the bills. I actually wanted them to go to public school which is free. I actually was half way through nursing school and was supposed to start back to complete my degree in August, therefore I didn't have a job. I am in America. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Faldve Posted December 24, 2015 Author Share Posted December 24, 2015 Very happy to read this new post by you. Well done! Given the back-story you should have your kid in therapy and discus with them if they could visit your husband. And yes unfortunately it is very confusing for the kids, but given the situation it really is for the best. Some day they will understand. I still hope you and your family will get therapy at some point. For no just keep putting one step forward every time. I am sure it will lead to a better life in the future! I've called a place near us to try to set up counseling for my oldest. They aren't taking new patients until the beginning of the year. I think it'd be the best place because it's specifically for children who've been abused. I'm so torn about it but I don't think they should see him again. My oldest seems to be triggered into a panic just from being at the old house. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Faldve Posted December 24, 2015 Author Share Posted December 24, 2015 I would look up Lundy Bancroft online and get his book, "Why Does He Do That?" You have a textbook abuse case. These abusers are coldly calculating to do their abuse emotionally and to do their physical abuse on body places that no one can see. You will see none of it was your fault. He had that abuser mindset before you even met him. It's incredibly hard to leave an abusive relationship. The abuser makes it so, so hard. The average length I heard is 7 years? And the average number of times leaving is 7 times? Not sure. At any rate it's too many times, too long. Congratulations. You did it. Thank you. I will look it up. It is hard to leave. Especially without anyone else close to you that understands or doesn't think you're just crazy. Being away for this long has made things so much clearer. I can finally breathe. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 Thank you. I will look it up. It is hard to leave. Especially without anyone else close to you that understands or doesn't think you're just crazy. Being away for this long has made things so much clearer. I can finally breathe. Just wait til you read that book. It will be SO much clearer. Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 I've called a place near us to try to set up counseling for my oldest. They aren't taking new patients until the beginning of the year. I think it'd be the best place because it's specifically for children who've been abused. I'm so torn about it but I don't think they should see him again. My oldest seems to be triggered into a panic just from being at the old house. It seems you are taking the right steps. I understand it is hard for you, but unfortunately this is where you and your kids need to start. Children at that age are fragile for things like this, but research also shows that attention and love can cure many traumas. Better not having a dad than one that is destructive like your ex. Link to post Share on other sites
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