Non-virgin gf making me wait for 3+ months

[Blunderstorm]

Not sure if this is the normal time frame a non-virgin (and not religious either) gf would make you wait for sex.

 

I don't want to sound rude but I've actually try to be romantic by adding a couple candles in my house and lovely stuff (this was prepared hours before our date; she would be visiting my house). I thought that's what girls love.

 

But then as we were kissing deeply, she still declines; for yet the 2nd time. I admit to getting somewhat irritated and then she immediately was like ''Oh so that's why you tried being romantic'' (yes, she was pissed off) asked to be taken home.

 

Anyway I've tried calling to apologize but she won't answer. I'm feeling kind of frustrated at the same time: I'm already 24 and it's been 2 years since getting my Bachelor's. Makes me wonder if she even finds me attractive or I just suck at getting a girl turn on. I followed the advice one of my friends gave to me about decorating my room and letting it flow naturally.

[JustGettingBy]

Were you direct (outright asking 'do you want to have sex?')

[Blunderstorm]

Were you direct (outright asking 'do you want to have sex?')

Nope. I didn't ask her that. I was first talking about trivial stuff and then mentioning about the day we met, and basically throwing off romantic lines; a couple of them are lines I read online and one from my friend.

 

Then as we got into bed, I tried moving in faster. It's when I was starting to take off her shirt that she stopped me and that's where the argument started.

 

Sometimes I'm starting to think there must be something wrong going on if a woman isn't religious and had no problems in the past in having sex in a relationship with someone else (the guy didn't have to wait that long) but is making me wait.

Edited December 22, 2015 by Blunderstorm

[basil67]

You need to talk with her and find out how she feels about sex in a relationship.

[Blunderstorm]

You need to talk with her and find out how she feels about sex in a relationship.

I tried bringing it on at that day but she got upset. It's been a day since the argument. I'll try calling her again tomorrow.

 

I just can't keep waiting forever. I still want to be with her if we were having sex. I'm not religious either. It would suck if I were right about her not finding me too attractive.

[loveflower]

she is not that into you, I think.

Edited December 22, 2015 by loveflower

[RedRobin]

Sounds like she wants genuine intimacy and love before sex. If your moves are more about manipulation than genuine caring, then a lot of women can see through that.

 

if your values are different, then find someone else to date. no biggie.

[BlueIris]

It is normal for many people to wait to have sex until after they have gotten to know someone well enough to know that they want a relationship with that person.

 

It isn’t about “making you wait.” It isn't about you at all.

 

If that is how you view sex and view her, she might decide that she doesn’t want a relationship with you. Don’t view girls and women as sex delivery systems. Who dole out sex or make you wait. If you don't have caring feelings for her as a person or just want sex, move on.

[salparadise]

I admit to getting somewhat irritated and then she immediately was like ''Oh so that's why you tried being romantic'' (yes, she was pissed off) asked to be taken home.

 

 

After three months dating, you light the candles, get her into bed, and she gets pissed because you tried to unbutton her shirt? Dude, sorry to say it but this one has three serious problems: a) libido in negative numbers, and b) a vagina is more precious than antimatter, and c) she gets pissed over nothing.

 

Which is fine if that's who she is; you have no choice but to accept it or not... the problem is that it took you three months of your life to figure it out.

[Blunderstorm]

Sounds like she wants genuine intimacy and love before sex. If your moves are more about manipulation than genuine caring, then a lot of women can see through that.

 

if your values are different, then find someone else to date. no biggie.

I admit maybe I got a bit desperate at that moment but it's making me feel unwanted, as if there is something wrong.

 

She didn't make her very first bf nor her other bfs wait that long and had no problems with it. I don't mean to be directly but how much long would I be in this position of getting rejected every time I want to go deeper? I've already been waiting forever to be exact; years and years of either not even making it pass getting to know each other on a date or shortly after kissing a girl on a date, then it would always be the friendzone all the time. Basically she's the only woman I made it pass friendzone, my only gf.

Edited December 22, 2015 by Blunderstorm

[Redfisher]

The waiting game eh... My current girlfriend was going to make me wait 6 weeks... third date(4th day) I light 12 candles bought good chocolate and had her fav band on the stereo....Her panties hit the floor faster then all get out....Haha good times.

[d0nnivain]

She didn't make her very first bf nor her other bfs wait that long and had no problems with it. .

 

 

How do you know? I do not understand why you would be privy to that info.

 

 

Notwithstanding that the fact that she is not a virgin does not mean that she is obligated to have sex with you at all let alone on some time table you demand.

 

 

While on some level I can understand that you are anxious to consummate your relationship perhaps she has learned over time that falling into bed / sex too soon can actually ruin things because no meaningful connection develops outside the bedroom.

 

 

Do talk to her. Gently tell her that she say no that you feel rejected & ask her what she's thinking. Do not demand sex from her or throw in her face the shorter amount of times she dated others before having sex with them. If you bring them up, if she has any self respect she will break up with you on the spot

[Wewon]

But then as we were kissing deeply, she still declines; for yet the 2nd time. I admit to getting somewhat irritated and then she immediately was like ''Oh so that's why you tried being romantic'' (yes, she was pissed off) asked to be taken home.

 

Anyway I've tried calling to apologize but she won't answer. I'm feeling kind of frustrated at the same time: I'm already 24 and it's been 2 years since getting my Bachelor's. Makes me wonder if she even finds me attractive or I just suck at getting a girl turn on. I followed the advice one of my friends gave to me about decorating my room and letting it flow naturally.

 

You two might not be compatible.

 

She either has a low sex drive or some value that is clearly not in lined with yours. She's also not above implying that your desire for sex is some kind of selfish act.

 

I personally don't want to always feel like I'm negotiating for sex like a husband in a TV sitcom.

[PegNosePete]

I personally don't want to always feel like I'm negotiating for sex like a husband in a TV sitcom.

Agreed. I'm not sure why guys accept the seemingly prevalent attitude that women can or should "make men wait" for sex.

 

It's like women hold some kind of resource that men want, and it is up to the woman when to release it?? Whatever happened to sex being a mutual and loving act between two like minded individuals?

 

I say: make her wait!!!

[Redfisher]

I say: make her wait!!!

 

Haha I tired this many times over the years and I always give in...lol

[central]

Some women play the waiting game in hopes of determining that you like them and continue dating them for who they are, rather than for sex. I have no problem with that, since it seems many men are mainly interested in sex, and perhaps not a relationship.

 

 

I would be willing to wait - no more than 3 months, though - IF she is an extraordinarily good match in other ways. However, once we do have sex, if she has issues then, or strong limits on what she'll do or let you do, lacks passion, or limits the frequency, etc., then I WILL break up with her, no matter how amazing she may be otherwise. I expect and require sexual compatibility in ADDITION to great compatibility in other areas. If any one thing is seriously lacking, there will be no relationship.

 

 

Hopefully, she wants to minimize the users and flakes, but if she wants to wait to get you emotionally involved and then turns out to be a poor sex partner, you need to be able to walk away no matter how hard that is.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Why do you think of it as she's "making YOU wait"? Maybe SHE wants to wait.

[GunslingerRoland]

If she won't even talk about sex with you (rationally, not just getting angry because you want to have it with her) then I'd consider that a major issue.

[io2iio]

The real fact is she is playing a double standard game. In her past she probably had sex too early and the relationships didnt stick or the guy thought because she spread her legs that quickly , she isnt worthy of a relationship.

 

So by experience she could be holding things off. The fact is that she isnt making you happy. Find a woman who is going to making you happy. There is no reason to keep waiting for her when she had easily spread her legs for other men.

 

You are only 24.

[No_Go]

Some people are sexually frustrated due to family,culture etc. she was probably told repeatedly in her past things like "women give sex to men", "sex is a precious gift" etc etc instead of understanding the pure biology behind sexual responses in both genders.

 

Another option is that she's not attracted to you but digs you as an attention giving puppy... If you like this role, keep playing it

 

Not sure if this is the normal time frame a non-virgin (and not religious either) gf would make you wait for sex.

 

I don't want to sound rude but I've actually try to be romantic by adding a couple candles in my house and lovely stuff (this was prepared hours before our date; she would be visiting my house). I thought that's what girls love.

 

But then as we were kissing deeply, she still declines; for yet the 2nd time. I admit to getting somewhat irritated and then she immediately was like ''Oh so that's why you tried being romantic'' (yes, she was pissed off) asked to be taken home.

 

Anyway I've tried calling to apologize but she won't answer. I'm feeling kind of frustrated at the same time: I'm already 24 and it's been 2 years since getting my Bachelor's. Makes me wonder if she even finds me attractive or I just suck at getting a girl turn on. I followed the advice one of my friends gave to me about decorating my room and letting it flow naturally.

[salparadise]

Why do you think of it as she's "making YOU wait"? Maybe SHE wants to wait.

 

Ha, obviously. In which case he should be the one pissed off and acting like the prima donna, eh?

 

If she isn't ready after three months of dating he should probably cut his losses. She's just phukking with his head because, well, I don't know why but it doesn't matter. That's who she is. I say give her her walking papers and she can hold out 'til hell freezes over if that's what floats her boat.

 

I had one tell me, after two months dating, and shtupping like rabbits, that she had decided to "remain chaste" until marriage. I told her fine, but I have no such intention, so if you'll excuse me I have some calls to make.

 

There are plenty out there who aren't mind phukks- if she wants to feign demure for another three-six-nine months, let her start counting with the next one. Pffft.

[newmoon]

you can't measure what she did with other men against what she is doing with you. timeframes will vary with each partner you have and so will interest levels. it sounds like you're eager to just have sex already, and she either isn't interested in you, or wants to wait some more for whatever reason. but since you're 24 with a degree you can communicate, right? so try communicating as an adult in a relationship. ask her the reason she is waiting, and get your answer instead of taking advice from your buddies and setting up romantic scenes she isn't interested in. if she gets upset then you have to either get her to open up and see what-what's, or move along.

[RedRobin]

I do my best to avoid men who don't have their own reasons to wait and get to know someone.... For all of the reasons in this thread. It's all about your ego and zero about relating to the other person.

 

I very much resent this idea that anyone (man or woman) who wants to wait has anything wrong with them at all...

 

Me personally... I think there is more wrong with people who will swap fluids with a near stranger... Someone who is more than happy to take THOSE risks with someone they barely know... When they likely wouldn't trust that same person with their car keys, or watching their pet, or maybe even watering their plants, for crissakes.

 

OP, I really have no idea what her history was or wasn't... But here you are, claiming you haven't had a lot of experience and now you want some experience. Let's assume your assumptions about when she had sex before are valid. Why do you get to learn about your sexuality, wants and needs, and make changes... And she doesn't?

 

Your needs are important, but they aren't more important than hers... And her needs aren't more important than yours either... But it is her body, and she gets to decide who she shares it with. Just like you have had the opportunity to do all these years.

 

If you just need something to f*ck... And any woman will do, then break up with her. It sounds like you don't really care about her.

 

If you do really care about her, then you need to find a way to share how you feel about this. Without pressuring her.

 

If you can't come to some understanding, then yes. Find someone else. Your values aren't in line.

[RedRobin]

Agreed. I'm not sure why guys accept the seemingly prevalent attitude that women can or should "make men wait" for sex.

 

It's like women hold some kind of resource that men want, and it is up to the woman when to release it?? Whatever happened to sex being a mutual and loving act between two like minded individuals?

 

I say: make her wait!!!

 

My observation is that men who are serious about finding a committed partner DO wait. They aren't jumping in bed with every woman who says 'lets go'.

 

It takes two to tango. Men who aren't serious act in ways that aren't serious. More women should pay attention to that, and get rid of the BS conditioning that men have to act like stupid horndogs all the time or else they aren't 'real' men with a substantial libido.

 

Anyway, I get the sense that the OP is more interested in sowing oats. I am sure the woman he is dating can sense that.

 

OP, I think you probably need to find someone else. Not because you want to have sex and she doesn't... But because your values are different and you are at different stages of your life. She's not interested in filling out your experience card just to say that you did. Yea, I wouldn't want to have sex with that guy either.

Edited December 22, 2015 by RedRobin

[thefooloftheyear]

My observation is that men who are serious about finding a committed partner DO wait. They aren't jumping in bed with every woman who says 'lets go'.

 

It takes two to tango. Men who aren't serious act in ways that aren't serious. More women should pay attention to that, and get rid of the BS conditioning that men have to act like stupid horndogs all the time or else they aren't 'real' men with a substantial libido.

 

Anyway, I get the sense that the OP is more interested in sowing oats. I am sure the woman he is dating can sense that.

 

OP, I think you probably need to find someone else. Not because you want to have sex and she doesn't... But because your values are different and you are at different stages of your life. She's not interested in filling out your experience card just to say that you did. Yea, I wouldn't want to have sex with that guy either.

 

I agree with your philosophy and actually quite value women who have standards in these areas. however is it not remotely possible that she just isn't into him, but likes the attention? Maybe she is keeping him around as an ego boost because there is nothing around her that's better and/or she just doesn't want to be solo?

 

Seems like a valid query...*shrug*...

 

TFY