How to handle finances?

[AliceW]

Hi all,

I've lived with my BF for several months. At the moment, we keep our finances very separate: each month, we add up all household expenses (rent and electric, gas, and cable bills, etc) and we divide them in proportion to our incomes (he makes considerably more money than me, although I do OK). We also save our receipts for the groceries we buy and split the total in half. We informally alternate treating each other to dinners out (he probably pays for somewhat more). For everything else (clothes, hobbies, etc) we pay for ourselves. We have no joint checking or savings accounts.

 

We are both pretty independently minded, so this arrangement seem to work pretty well for us at this point. However, we both feel that if we decide to get married (or simply to make a more official/permanent commitment to each other), in would want to merge our finances more: we agree that it doens't really make sense to think too much in terms of "mine" and "yours" in the context of a lifelong partnership. However, I think I would feel most comfortable if I could retain some degree of financial autonomy...I don't like the idea of having to worry about the impact of every dime I spend on someone else's life. It had nothing to do with him: he is very good with money (much better than me, actually), and has never shown any signs of being at all controlling.

 

So do any of you have any suggestion about a middle ground? Is it possible to merge finance to some degree without going all the way? How do you handle finances in your relationships?

[moimeme]

I know a couple who married and continued the exact arrangement you just described. It was the most comfortable situation for both of them. They bought a house together, mind you. What you could do is establish a joint account into which you put your proportion of the household expenses plus an agreed-upon extra sum to be used only with the agreement of both and then each retain an account of your own which can be used at your discretion.

[Mz. Pixie]

For me, I prefer one joint checking account and one savings. My dad and his wife have always kept separate money and it's nothing but a argument over who spent what and who owes the "house" fund what.

 

In my case, my bf and I decided on a joint account (which I had in my first marriage). We will each get a certain amount of money monthly to which we are not accountable to each other. That's our fun money- to do whatever we want to with it. It's not for gas, haircuts or whatever- just fun.

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

We had a joint account until the first time we separated. We got back together after a few months but kept separate accounts. We both contributed to the household expenses fairly equally, and when one of us ran short, the other would transfer money or pay extra bills. It didn't make a huge difference because both of our accounts were pretty much drained each pay period.

 

But having separate accounts helped us each be more "accountable". I found that when it was joint, we would both dip into there to buy personal stuff and then we would both wonder where all the money went when it was time to pay the bills.

 

When we were saving for our wedding, he pretty much had to hand me his paycheque. We worked together and I did payroll, so I knew exactly what his paycheque was haha.

[UltimateZen]

My fiance and I decided to hold a joint checking and savings; but still hold separate accounts for our paychecks to be direct deposited to. We even have our accounts at separate banks. Because of house payments, utilities, luxuries we want for our house we wind up doubling our contribution to our joint accounts with the understanding that we agree to every single cent being spent (this includes dates out together, travel, etc). Our separate accounts go towards paying our individual credit cards, friend b-days, etc. Hope this helps.

[Moose]

Our accountant pays all of our bills out my salary automatically. We spend, on the average, $200.00 a wk on groceries and paper products.......when we see something we want, we buy it. If it's an unusually large purchase, say over $500.00, we consult with each other first. Usually, we'll question each other whether it's a, "want", or a "need"......then we discuss the ROI if there is one and base our decision on that.

 

If you're a couple, spending the rest of your lives together, it only makes sense to be on the same page with each other as far as finances. There is no such thing as my money, Mrs. Moose's money, or the kid's money......it's all, OURS, even if I'm the only one earning it.

[Artifact]

My fiance and I live together, so pretty much we share all money. We have separate checking accounts still, but take turns writing checks for the bills, buying dinner, groceries, etc. We don't argue over whose account something comes out of for household expenses. Now, I have never asked him for a few hundred dollars to go to a Spa or something either. Our plan is to combine checking though, when we get around to it, and allocate a certain amount of money to the savings account every month.

 

Another thing I have heard of working is having a joint checking account where each person puts a certain amount in from each paycheck every month (enough to cover expenses plus a little extra for "entertainment" expenses.) From this, the couple can pay bills, buy food, go out, and all other "leftover" money belongs to the person who earned it.

 

Of course, probably the most important thing to remember is that you are a couple, and need to decide on something together.

[Guest]

I was an Accounting major in college and a tip I heard in one of my finance classes that I found really cool came from the wife of the football coach. She said when they were married they learned to live off of just his income and although she worked full-time they put everything she earned into savings. I remember they did this for 2 main reasons. The first was their plan was to eventually have kids and she wanted to be able to stay at home with the them and not work. By only living off of his income, they were already use to a one-income standard of living and did not have to make any major financial adjustments. The second reason was they had a nice sized savings account for emergencies. I remember she said they had to use it once when her husband decided to go back to school for a masters . . . and maybe once for a new refridgerator when theirs busted.

 

Now I understand that not everyone is able to financially do that, and not every girl wants to be a stay at home mom, but I really liked the idea and thought I would mention it. I'm very fortunate that my bf is financially stable to accomplish this and he is open to the idea. Well good luck to the two of you. I am glad you are discussing it now because finances are a major cause of divorce so it's important to be sharing your views.