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Are you the type of person to actively search or let things happen on its own?

sportygirl89

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sportygirl89

sportygirl89

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Just curious. I'm more of letting things happen naturally. I haven't been on a date in over a year. I've talked to a few guys here and there but it never goes further than that. No one's wowed me yet. I don't like OLD. A couple guys at church I like, but haven't really been given the chance to hang out one-on-one type of thing yet (everything is in group setting :(). I volunteer and get my self out there so I know the right person will come in due time.

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oldshirt

oldshirt

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I'm more of letting things happen naturally.

 

 

I haven't been on a date in over a year.

.

 

 

 

....and you don't think those two things are related???

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sportygirl89

sportygirl89

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....and you don't think those two things are related???

 

I'm not settling. I'm not actively going out seeking a guy. I have a plentiful life where I should meet a guy in time. Interesting I'm being positive about my time being single and someone has to come and be negative about it.

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Snakechammah

Snakechammah

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"Ask and you shall receive!"

 

I find that everytime I am closed off to love, I remain single.

 

When I'm open to the idea of meeting someone, I... well.. meet someone!

 

Does that makes sense? Hah!

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LookAtThisPOst

LookAtThisPOst

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I'm not settling. I'm not actively going out seeking a guy. I have a plentiful life where I should meet a guy in time. Interesting I'm being positive about my time being single and someone has to come and be negative about it.

 

How is going out with the intention of meeting men "settling"? "Settling" is actively dating someone that you're not into. Apples and oranges.

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Nimue

Nimue

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I'm a bit of both: I don't go out and "hunt", I focus on having fun in my work/hobbies - but I still do keep my eyes open and try to connect with people.

 

To find someone that "wow"s you is the hardest part. But also, from my experience, love on first sight isn't always that promising - both my past relationships were like that. So now I try to keep a more open mind, because there are other ways to fall in love too. For example, if you are able to spend time with someone and have fun, love/attraction can grow, and it's often deeper than with someone that "clicked" the moment you saw him. Also, it is true that being open to love often attracts love. Going out and talking to people is a good first step, though :) Telling your friends that you're looking for someone may help too, since they often bring together single friends.

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sportygirl89

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I'm a bit of both: I don't go out and "hunt", I focus on having fun in my work/hobbies - but I still do keep my eyes open and try to connect with people.

 

To find someone that "wow"s you is the hardest part. But also, from my experience, love on first sight isn't always that promising - both my past relationships were like that. So now I try to keep a more open mind, because there are other ways to fall in love too. For example, if you are able to spend time with someone and have fun, love/attraction can grow, and it's often deeper than with someone that "clicked" the moment you saw him. Also, it is true that being open to love often attracts love. Going out and talking to people is a good first step, though :) Telling your friends that you're looking for someone may help too, since they often bring together single friends.

 

I said I'm putting my self out there and volunteering. I'm just not going out there to beg for a guy.

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losangelena

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Just curious. I'm more of letting things happen naturally. I haven't been on a date in over a year. I've talked to a few guys here and there but it never goes further than that. No one's wowed me yet. I don't like OLD. A couple guys at church I like, but haven't really been given the chance to hang out one-on-one type of thing yet (everything is in group setting :(). I volunteer and get my self out there so I know the right person will come in due time.

 

I used to be really active in church, and I had that same mindset, that if I just "put myself out there," that someone will come along. That resulted in me barely dating three guys throughout the entirety of my 20s.

 

I realize what you're asking is a bit different, but I've noticed that there's often a spoken or an unspoken notion in the church that actively dating is bad, and that you need to, you know, "let go and let God," or that all you need to do is sit back and, "let God bring you your spouse."

 

I believed that for a long time, yet as I got older, I noticed that a lot of women my age or older were still single and unhappy, and that this passive, waiting around mentality was not doing them any favors. They were all worried that they'd done something "wrong," or that maybe God had destined them to lives of singlehood, even though they wanted families. I think the problem was more that they never put themselves out there and actually tried to date.

 

I've since distanced myself a great deal from the church, and took my dating life into my own hands a few years ago. I don't think you necessarily need to do one to do the other, but I do think being more proactive about it (instead of passive) will net better results.

 

That's just me, though.

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GemmaUK

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How is going out with the intention of meeting men "settling"? "Settling" is actively dating someone that you're not into. Apples and oranges.

 

SG wasn't talking apples and oranges, you are though..

 

She is out and about enjoying herself and not out on the 'hunt' for a guy.

It's not settling, it's just enjoying life.

What she is 'not settling' for is the ones on OLD who don't fire her interest.

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sportygirl89

sportygirl89

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SG wasn't talking apples and oranges, you are though..

 

She is out and about enjoying herself and not out on the 'hunt' for a guy.

It's not settling, it's just enjoying life.

What she is 'not settling' for is the ones on OLD who don't fire her interest.

 

Right on. I have plenty of guys interested in me. Not necessarily interested in them.

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preraph

preraph

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As long as you are getting out living real life doing the things you're passionate about and also doing things and reading and just expanding your interests, then in my opinion, that is the best way to meet someone you have things in common with. Just make sure you're paying attention to your appearance, not dressing like a boy all the time and that sort of thing. There's a time and place for that, of course, but show that you are multifaceted and not just stuck in a grunge rut.

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Nimue

Nimue

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I said I'm putting my self out there and volunteering. I'm just not going out there to beg for a guy.

Oh, from your post I thought you just talk to people and didn't actively show interest for anyone. Picking someone who looks interesting and thinking of how he'll notice is different from going around begging (as long as you don't act clingy). Maybe you just haven't found anyone you want to put that effort for? (Also, what do you mean by "volunteering"? I mean, what is your general behavior?)

 

 

As long as you are getting out living real life doing the things you're passionate about and also doing things and reading and just expanding your interests, then in my opinion, that is the best way to meet someone you have things in common with. Just make sure you're paying attention to your appearance, not dressing like a boy all the time and that sort of thing. There's a time and place for that, of course, but show that you are multifaceted and not just stuck in a grunge rut.

That too ^^

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sportygirl89

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Oh, from your post I thought you just talk to people and didn't actively show interest for anyone. Picking someone who looks interesting and thinking of how he'll notice is different from going around begging (as long as you don't act clingy). Maybe you just haven't found anyone you want to put that effort for? (Also, what do you mean by "volunteering"? I mean, what is your general behavior?)

 

 

 

That too ^^

 

Volunteering meaning stuff like soup kitchens. There is this guy in my church we always end up accidentally holding hands. Not sure if that's a physical only thing or not. Its like no matter where we are we end up next to each other. I've gotten a new wardrobe and all. So hopefully he notices I'm more put together. I think I got attention of another guy in church but I'm not sure. Things are early for him, but before he would barely talk to me.

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sportygirl89

sportygirl89

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As long as you are getting out living real life doing the things you're passionate about and also doing things and reading and just expanding your interests, then in my opinion, that is the best way to meet someone you have things in common with. Just make sure you're paying attention to your appearance, not dressing like a boy all the time and that sort of thing. There's a time and place for that, of course, but show that you are multifaceted and not just stuck in a grunge rut.

 

I've actually been hit on after working out before. I'm like uh thanks for finding me attractive after I'm all sweaty haha. I was like that guy is cray cray to think any girl is attractive after a hard core work out!

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FadedSign52

FadedSign52

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I've actually been hit on after working out before. I'm like uh thanks for finding me attractive after I'm all sweaty haha. I was like that guy is cray cray to think any girl is attractive after a hard core work out!

 

I've always been a fan of girls in yoga pants myself so I see where they are coming from ;)

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FadedSign52

FadedSign52

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I'm not settling. I'm not actively going out seeking a guy. I have a plentiful life where I should meet a guy in time. Interesting I'm being positive about my time being single and someone has to come and be negative about it.

 

I'm not sure how old you are but this might be an interesting read for you :) I'm late 30's and have recently entered the market and I am shocked at the amount of gorgeous, well educated single women out there. Works out well for me though :p Anyway your comment about not settling is what made me think of this book:

Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough by Lori Gottlieb ? Reviews, Discussion, Bookclubs, Lists

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