losangelena Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 Good point...but it was a restaurant date that would last 2 hours...I wasn't worried. However...I wouldn't do this if just meeting a person at a sports bar. Yeah, I was half-kidding. It was just funny that you said you're too cautious to let a guy pick you up from your house, yet you'd let him order you a drink. I do those kinds of contradictory things all the time, too. Link to post Share on other sites
PrettyEmily77 Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 The contradiction was, you said it's simple, and then went on to explain how un-simple it is. "Be the right guy" is so not simple! It means totally different things to different people. You can't "be the right guy" by following this list. I think we misunderstand each other, but never mind. It's simple to the guy it comes naturally to; it comes as fake and forced (but still simple) when someone follows the list to impress. Being the right guy is simple - or maybe my boyfriend makes it look simple and I'm really lucky, I don't know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 From some of the posts on threads I've read on here, I'm not sure that a guy helping a lady to remove her coat wouldn't end up with two black eyes :lmao: I rarely agree with you - but on this one I do. While things like not hitting women and being polite to waitstaff I agree with (this is just being a basic good human), I find the majority of this gag-worthy. Though I did appreciate my husband helping me with my coat when I injured my shoulder skiing last winter. And this is what it comes down to - if I *need* assistance then I very much appreciate help. Just as I would help my husband with his coat if his shoulder was injured. While I wouldn't give a black eye (basic good human), I would be very put off by a guy who didn't treat me as an equal. Link to post Share on other sites
Samhain Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 I rarely agree with you - but on this one I do. While things like not hitting women and being polite to waitstaff I agree with (this is just being a basic good human), I find the majority of this gag-worthy. Though I did appreciate my husband helping me with my coat when I injured my shoulder skiing last winter. And this is what it comes down to - if I *need* assistance then I very much appreciate help. Just as I would help my husband with his coat if his shoulder was injured. While I wouldn't give a black eye (basic good human), I would be very put off by a guy who didn't treat me as an equal. I'm honoured 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 Great guidelines! Three of them are outdated. Particularly if one has taken a self defense class. I'd be afraid of letting a guy park my car in his garage. My defense instructor warns against that maneuver. Along with handing the guy the key to unlock your apartment or house door. On a lighter note, yes its refreshing to have manners. Sincerity is key. Link to post Share on other sites
Samhain Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 (edited) Not sure about the "Jack of all trades" part, especially with the reference to James Bond. Since he has a different woman each movie, if he was on LS he'd be crucified Edited December 22, 2015 by Samhain 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 toodles, how about how to be a gentlewoman? When a gentleman leads, being a lady comes naturally 2 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 When a gentleman leads, being a lady comes naturally That's what they always said about salsa dancing, too—let the man lead! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 That's what they always said about salsa dancing, too—let the man lead! Dating, dance floor, or in bed....it's all about the dance! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Samhain Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 That's handy, I won a dance competition once just walking to the bar. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 Dating, dance floor, or in bed....it's all about the dance! Let a man lead in bed - bahaha. You're funny Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 Let a man lead in bed - bahaha. You're funny Mmmm....for me, there is no better way Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toodaloo Posted December 23, 2015 Author Share Posted December 23, 2015 toodles, how about how to be a gentlewoman? Well according to many of the posters on here to do that all you have to do is put out after ever date... Yes its a joke! How about we google it and see what we can find... I suspect basic manners and thoughtfulness will be the main theme to that one too. Link to post Share on other sites
burnt Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 How to be a gentleman…? 1. Do not read or follow articles listing guidelines on how to act like a gentleman. 2. Just be you--with an unwavering commitment to being honest and open about who you are. 3. Say what you mean and mean what you say. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GravityMan Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 You have to balance out "being a gentleman" with common sense, good situational judgment, social awareness and comprehension of current societal/cultural norms. The "park her car in the garage" is one example...one woman may really appreciate that while another woman may find it a bit weird or over-the-top. (Personally, I'd wait a while before doing something like that.) It really depends on the woman, the guy, and the current dynamic between the two. It helps a lot if the guy is able to "read" her and detect subtleties that can help him determine what may or may not resonate positively with her. The list in the OP should not be looked at as some ironclad set of rules that one is required to follow...instead, it should be viewed as a set of guidelines or suggestions in which a guy MAY adopt IF it feels right and natural for him as a unique individual. What really matters isn't the actions themselves, it's the caring thought behind them. Nice gestures "just for the hell of it" or "just because I read it on the Internet" may come across as hollow and/or insincere. Guys who understand this well are able to tailor things in a way that is fitting and natural for them...in other words, being a caring gentleman while still being yourself and having self-respect. None of this is mutually exclusive. The guys out there who are real gentleman...that aspect of them is ingrained within them, it's pretty much a part of their DNA; a part of who they are. I doubt they learned this stuff from a book or a blog post. Far more likely they were taught this stuff years ago from their parents and/or older siblings back when the guy was a boy. And yes, in a romantic sense, of course you have to be the right guy. Duh. But even if you aren't that guy, having some common courtesy (while still respecting boundaries) is still good. In other words, being a decent human being. Gentlemen treat just about everyone well, including other women (waitresses, female acquaintances/friends/coworkers, etc.)...they just do the extra little things to make their significant other feel special and desired. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
hasaquestion Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 How to be a gentleman…? 1. Do not read or follow articles listing guidelines on how to act like a gentleman. 2. Just be you--with an unwavering commitment to being honest and open about who you are. 3. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Yeah, gestures like the ones in the article are very superficial. Being honest and just in your dealings, and making an effort to understand and connect with people. That's the real thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 I like this list. My BF did a lot of this and it really set him apart from the other guys I was dating when we first met. Link to post Share on other sites
Wewon Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 How to be a gentleman…? 1. Do not read or follow articles listing guidelines on how to act like a gentleman. 2. Just be you--with an unwavering commitment to being honest and open about who you are. 3. Say what you mean and mean what you say. You're my new favorite poster. I also agree with PrettyEmily. You can do all 23 things and still hear about "butterflies", "Chemistry" and "spark". At least when you're being true to yourself hearing those kinds of blow-offs no longer phase you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 Sorry, Toods, but if a guy jumped to his feet every time I entered the room I would crack up.... I mean, I agree with some of the items on the list, not all. I guess it really depends on culture/norms/situation - and I think that if someone is a generally considerate person who prioritizes your well-being, it will show through without needing any lists. They are good suggestions, but to be taken with a huge pinch of salt. That being said... You're my new favorite poster. I also agree with PrettyEmily. You can do all 23 things and still hear about "butterflies", "Chemistry" and "spark". At least when you're being true to yourself hearing those kinds of blow-offs no longer phase you. I don't understand why every suggestion for men on LS is typically answered with posts like this. Of COURSE 'being a gentleman' in and of itself is not guaranteed to get you the woman you ordered, delivered within 5 working days and with a 30 day moneyback guarantee. Besides the fact that there are no guarantees in life, ever, it's pretty much common sense that ONE aspect alone is usually not enough to form a happy and lasting relationship, for men or for women. Link to post Share on other sites
Wewon Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 I don't understand why every suggestion for men on LS is typically answered with posts like this. Of COURSE 'being a gentleman' in and of itself is not guaranteed to get you the woman you ordered, delivered within 5 working days and with a 30 day moneyback guarantee. Besides the fact that there are no guarantees in life, ever, it's pretty much common sense that ONE aspect alone is usually not enough to form a happy and lasting relationship, for men or for women. Well, speaking for myself, because I think that its worth mentioning these kinds of caveats. Its not about guarantees, its about managing expectations and not intentionally giving incomplete or misleading advice to people that may be struggling and wondering what they're doing right or wrong only to have the ultimate answer to be "it depends". Its the reason that post like PrettyEmily's are so valuable. Its a little naive to think that that list was simply written because the average LS viewer was wondering how to be a good citizen. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PrettyEmily77 Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 It's not about guarantees, its about managing expectations and not intentionally giving incomplete or misleading advice to people that may be struggling and wondering what they're doing right or wrong only to have the ultimate answer to be "it depends". Exactly. It's not advisable IMO to start telling guys to follow the list (any 23 things) just because you think it'll get you laid, especially if you have no intention of carrying it through all the way during the relationship - if that's who you are naturally, a woman will appreciate that in you because she's into you, not because she's into gentlemen in general and will only go after a guy that takes her coat off. Link to post Share on other sites
PrettyEmily77 Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 Exactly. It's not advisable IMO to start telling guys to follow the list (any 23 things) just because you think it'll get you laid, especially if you have no intention of carrying it through all the way during the relationship - if that's who you are naturally, a woman will appreciate that in you because she's into you, not because she's into gentlemen in general and will only go after a guy that takes her coat off. Re-read this by fluke and now that the effect of various Irish Christmas spirits have worn off I can see how this may be interpreted the wrong way (sorry Toodaloo ). What I meant was that it is not adviseable to tell guys won't don't know any better to follow that list because they might think it'll be enough to get them laid. Felt bad that anyone (especially lovely Toodaloo) might take offence to that very badly written post. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toodaloo Posted December 28, 2015 Author Share Posted December 28, 2015 Don't worry Emily. No offence has been taken to any of these posts. Yes if a chap started leaping to his feet when I entered the room it would be laughable however all the men I work with do get out of their seats when I enter the room/ work space. My father does it, my brother does it. They do not go leaping about but they do rise in preparation for pulling out chairs and opening doors. Its just basic good manners. Some thing that I have noticed is really severely lacking in both women and men in this crazy age of dating. Hope everyone is having a good Christmas break and is not getting blown away (Texas) or flooded out (Cumbria). Go and enjoy the festivities Emily and don't worry. All your points are perfectly valid. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toodaloo Posted December 31, 2015 Author Share Posted December 31, 2015 toodles, how about how to be a gentlewoman? Can't take credit for finding it but seems pretty good to me... How to Treat a Guy: 15 Steps (with Pictures) - wikiHow Link to post Share on other sites
deckard11 Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 I've been a gentlemen my whole life to women and it's gotten me nowhere with them, and I mean nowhere. maybe I just need to act like a doucebag and treat them like crap. Seems to me like that's the kind of men they like these days. Link to post Share on other sites
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