friskywife Posted June 1, 2005 Share Posted June 1, 2005 I feel so bad about this. My MIL is a very sweet person, but she really can't drive with distractions in the car!! We have avoided her taking our son (who is 21 mos) anywhere by meeting her or if she was with him at our home, we would leave the car seat in our car. So today she goes out and buys a car seat even though we have told her that he doesn't need more than one. She wants to take him to a park, where there are bigger kids and metal playgrounds and she wants to take him to the zoo. We have already told her we both wanted to be there for his first trip to the zoo. We aren't trying to keep him away from her, its just we don't trust her driving. For example, the first time I rode with her & my hubby she was so busy talking to him she ran up on a curb. My mom rode with her right before we got married and my mom said that she had to tell my MIL that the light was green and to go, TWICE!! I know my hubby and I are WAY overprotective, but I am scared to death of her driving with him. She can't even have a conversation with you if he is in the room, she gets so distracted by overwhelming cuteness!! I will add that he will be starting a Parents Day Out this week, so my nerves are already going through the wringer about leaving him there. If anyone knows a way for me to get over this or to just tell her (she is VERY sensitive and gets her feelings hurt) that we don't like the idea of her driving with him alone, PLEASE help. Please note: I am a first time mom, he was a preemie and has been my life for 2 years!! Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted June 1, 2005 Share Posted June 1, 2005 Just tell her that you are not comfortable with her driving him anywhere. Laugh about being a new mom to lighten the mood, but if she doesn't understand then it is her problem. Don't risk your child's life or your anxiety. Would you rather be anxious about hurting her feelings or the safety of your child? The lesser of two evils, it seems to me, would be to risk hurting her feelings. Would you be more comfortable if you are riding with them? Link to post Share on other sites
Author friskywife Posted June 1, 2005 Author Share Posted June 1, 2005 I'm thinking that the only way to get out of this mess is to either ride with them or make my hubby go ! Maybe the first couple of times, see how she does. One mistake though-not paying attention and missing a light because of him for instance-then we will have a valid argument...maybe. She's SO VERY sensitive. She competes with my mom in her own head. She saw my mom take him to her MIL's one day and since then my MIL has been like "Oh he can go out now!!" She just wants to "take him places", but she will say things like "I want it to be a surprise" WHOAA!! He is 21 mos old, you can come in from outside and he is surprised! Link to post Share on other sites
phillygirl63 Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 Hi, I know what you are going through. I have a father-in-law who really should be deemed "legally blind" but he still gets his drivers license renewed - go figure! Anyhow, he really always wants to drive the kids around (mine are 10 and 12). And I just flat out won't let him. I don't tell him directly but I just think of every excuse in the book. I think finally he's caught on because he dosen't ask anymore. That baby is your baby and you are responsible for his well-being. Do what you have to do and don't feel the least bit guilty. I would just go with the "nervous mother" routine and if she confronts you head on about it then just tell her..."you know, I really don't like anyone driving him anyplace but his father and me" and then let it go. One piece of advice though, make sure your husband is backing you up 100% on this. My husband felt the same way and even though he caves in to his parents on many other issues he stood strong on that one. Link to post Share on other sites
New_Wife Posted June 7, 2005 Share Posted June 7, 2005 Or, you could play the dumb card. New mothers are notoriously distracted, so you might be able to slip it by. "The Zoo? Oh how wonderful! We were just talking about going to the zoo! What time should we pick you up?" Just ignore the mention of her driving him and turn it into a family outing. Time may make the rest a non-issue as your son gets older and can understand to be quiet in granny's car, or your husband finds a way to gently break it to her. Since it's his mom, he should probably be the one to do this. But in the meantime, I highly recommend the selective hearing/distracted approach to cut her off at the knees. If she insists, "oh no, we don't want to trouble you with all of that! Hey, but you know that blanket...if you wouldn't mind bringing that we could have a picnic...what do you think about...." involve her in stuff you DO feel comfortable with her doing so she still feels important and helpful. What does she do well? sew? knit? etc? Link to post Share on other sites
seagirl Posted June 8, 2005 Share Posted June 8, 2005 Believe me I know what you are going through, I am a first time mom of an 11 month old and I have not been away from him for more than 20-really-since the day he was born! I was just wondering if your MIL is always a goofy driver or has it been just those 2 times, if has been just those 2 times then have your husband go with her or you go with her to put your mind at ease, then if/when you see that everything is ok then let them have their alone time. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts