My wife's emails to another man

[Cyberdog]

I would like some feedback on this situation.

On March 31 I was trying to secure my computer and thought the intrusions may be coming thru my wife's computer. I told her I was going to be on both puters.

 

I ended up finding a virus on her computer, but it wasn't the kind I was looking for.

I found emails between my wife (8 years) and some guy I never met.

They dated back to 1-2001.

When confronted she blurped out, "You can't tell me you haven't had opportunities".

Later on she insisted they were friends and she would never cheat on me.

You be the judge. Here is some things she wrote:

 

 

 

“Just wanted to tell you how much your phone call meant to me the other night.

I really enjoyed talking to you.”

 

“Not sure why, but I’ve been thinking about you allot lately”

 

"I had such a great time talking to you, I was tempted to call you Sat. night.”

 

“Just wanted to let you know I will not be home Wed. evening until after 8:30.

I should be home all other evenings.”

 

“I checked on Mapquest and it is a 7-8 hour drive. That’s nothing really.

But when you add in LA and traffic, it was about 15 hours. You need to get them

to send you somewhere closer for training. LA or even Phoenix would be ok.”

 

“Let me know what days/time you have off/get off & we can makes plans”

 

“I just hope my niece remembers her first love as wonderfully as I remember mine.”

 

“Oh well, sorry to be so sentimental. I just thought I’d share some of my memories with you since I’d been thinking about you a lot today.”

 

“I felt like I could talk to you all night.”

 

“Oh well, I don’t think Doug would understand anyway. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t go, it just means – What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him ) "

 

“You’ve got to find somewhere within 100 miles of here for training”

 

“Just checking to make sure you made it home ok.”

 

“So do you have the dates you’re going to be in the Bay area?”

 

“I’ll let you know when the dates are & we can make plans.”

 

“Even with all this going on, I’ve had you on my mind”

 

 

There is too many to list. I won't give my thoughts till I read some outside opinions.

Notes:

She called him her "First Love"

He said, "she was his first love too"

He is married and lives 900 miles away.

She is still maintaining that she "did nothing wrong".

I'll be lurking and looking at replies.

[Bryanp]

To Cyberdog,

 

You would have to be in total denial not to realize that your wife is setting up a meeting with this guy to have sex with him. (what he does not know will not hurt him). She is at the very least in an emotional affiar. The comments are totally disrespectful to you and your marriage. I would contact him and his wife and show the wife the emails. My friend, she is making it clear that when he is in town she will cheat on you with him. This is extremely serious. She is making a mockery of your marriage. I suggest marriage counseling at once. It is a matter of time until she will put your health at risk. Please open your eyes. I wish you luck.

[DeaconFrost]

Yup, I agree. She's lying to your face. I'm not totally sold on the whole sex thing, but she is definately having a emotional affair. This sucks balls man. I've been on both sides of the fence here and I now realize how truly painful it is. Don't back down from this one. You sit her down one day and hammer her with it. Ask for the truth. If she can't give it to you how it really is, then you should disappear for a few days and get your head straight. Your wife is as innocent as Charles Manson. If she keeps playing this lie then she must think your some kind of naive fool. She is making a mockery indeed...The time has come for some serious decision making. Good luck.

[C. Nick]

I am 25-years old. I am not married, but I recently ended an almost 4-year relationship with my girlfriend because she cheated on me... I first noticed strange behavior, but I also found e-mails like that to this guy... I also read text messages very similar to things you posted. She is definitely cheating. And if it's not sexual yet (it's definitely emotional cheating already), it will be soon.

 

 

What I did, is I tried to give my ex the opportunity to tell me the truth. When she didn't, I logged on to her e-mail (in front of her) and read her the e-mails. Of course, she turned things on me and got angry for "invading her privacy." But, that battle only lasted 3 minutes, and we spent the rest of the night arguing.

 

 

Obviously, being married (not sure if you have kids), living together, makes things a lot more different (and complicated). I didn't live with my ex. So I'm not gonna try to give you advice, or tell you what to do. Some people can work things out, some people can't.

 

 

I wish you the best, and I am truly sorry this has happened to you.

 

 

C. Nick

[Marshbear]

She is way beyond just a friendly e-mail pal. She is telling him that I will do what I want and my H doesn't need to know anything.

She thinks about him all the time ( emotional affair ).

She is making plans with him ( possible sexual affair ).

She is trying to put the guilt on you ( she did nothing wrong ). People who do this are hiding something.

 

I would say she has had the affair or is very close to having it. You need to tell her you will not tolerate this behavior and if she does not end the relationship with him then your's is over. Ask her to go to counceling with you. See if she really wants to save your marriage or if she is to far into their relationship.

 

Good Luck...

[miss fortune]

I'd tell her, break off all ties with him now if you want this marriage to work.

 

If she loves you, she'll do it, and she'll never give you another sign of a problem like this again.

 

But I think it depends on whether or not she seems sorry for what she did.

 

If she thinks she did nothing wrong, THEN I'd say its time to seriously consider a break. If she wont admit the problem, she'll continue to do it!

[future]

Almost a year after I got a divorce from a cheating spouse let me tell you how it works. No matter what you find or what proof you have of the affair they'll lie about it and accuse you of cheating to cover their tracks. I didn't only find emails that my ex was sending to her boyfriend but the strange behavior was the telling evidence to me. I didn't confront my ex I just filed for the divorce and didn't say a word to her about it until she was moving out of the house and divorce was almost final. I don't care how much someone might claim to love you, if their cheating on you then your feelings don't matter whatsoever. I wouldn't wait for her to own up to it, they never will. Thanks to people on this site I didn't feel alone or devastated I took control of the situation and moved on. I'd suggest you do the same otherwise you'll just prolong your own misery of having a cheating wife. Besides, you don't know what STD she'll bring home to share with you.

[alex434]

Originally posted by miss fortune

I'd tell her, break off all ties with him now if you want this marriage to work.

 

If she loves you, she'll do it, and she'll never give you another sign of a problem like this again.

 

But I think it depends on whether or not she seems sorry for what she did.

 

If she thinks she did nothing wrong, THEN I'd say its time to seriously consider a break. If she wont admit the problem, she'll continue to do it!

 

 

 

Freeze! having a break? Thats the worse of all, thats basically temp broken up, meaning she can go have sex with the guy and not feel guilty or actually have the word "cheater" stamped on her forehead. Sure sounds like shes up to something but approach it the strong way. Cut the crap, or leave, and honestly.. if i were you i end it anyway, because if it happens once it can sure as hell happen again!

 

I wish you luck!