Serious CF looking for some guidance any thoughts?

[Foaminitin88]

I will make this as breif as i can but its a long story and im not proud of this. My business partner and good friend introduces me to his girlfriend early this past summer. Initially we are just friendly but as we keep interacting we start to have an emotional kind of connection(we both come from broken families, drug addict parents and so much more in common). If you ndver had those k ind of problems, its intense when you finally have someone who understands what you went through. Most people where im from have no clue what those stresses and experiences will do to you. So with this crazy connection the sexual tension is nuts too and she is rediculously bad. Not in tje pornstar sense but that classic kind of beauty that just radiates in a room. So back on topic i do not act on these urges during their relationship but he ends it in thd worst way goes on a gambling binder just takes her to her friends house never calls her blocks her on all fronts. She is devastated and is looking to me for info and answers about him i try to soften her blow but he crushed her. He winds up screwing me over in our business with his gambling so him and i have a falling out. Not the kind that would end our friendship but i buy him out and its not the same as our friendship used to be. As his ex keeps coming to me for answers i tell her about everuthing with his addiction and issues that he said hes done with her for good. Shortly after i take her out to a job interview on a platonic front but i couldnt fight my urges anymore and that turns into a date which leads to sex and confusion. I have terrible trust issues and not good at opening up. For a gauge ive been in 9 relationships, im 27 and only told one girl i love you, but this girl had my attention. I explain that im not what you would call boyfriend material and that we need to move slow on the emotional side. I play it close to the chest for two months as i fall for this girl and play it way too cool to where she thinks i wont commit because i dont see a future with her which was not true cuz thats exactly what scared the piss out of me. I live by the montra of outside of my son and brothers there really isnt anyone that i cant walk away from on a moments notice if necessary but she was inching toward that circle. My emotionaly inept self when confronted did not do well and created an argument. Just as my luck seems to be, my friend,her ex pops up at this moment with the whole ive changed blah blah. Unfortunately i had given her doubts and had not commited at all to being exclusive even though i was not interested in seeing anyone else. I was dumb i know and was waiting to see all the angles and it bit me on the ass. So i keep playing it cool let her go back, a few weeks in i try to share how i feel but i wasnt very convincing nor 100% open again, so she gets back with the man who crushed her soul. 90 days in with no contact what so ever she has now reached out with attempts of reconciling but i have seriouz issues with her cutting me off and her low self esteem for diving back in with dude after what he did to her but this is the only girl that ive ever had these strong of feelings for i assume its love and ive just never truly been in love before is the only logical thought i have about it. I really dont know what to do any thoughts would help. I usually would never entertain an ex because i have never been attached to someone before to where it actually bothered me or i had regrets. The rub is i know i caused those two issues that are holding me back but they still bother me. Any thoughts?

[Scarlett.O'hara]

If you want to give this relationship another chance then you need make sure that

 

A) She is completely done with her ex.

 

B) You are willing to be more open with her emotionally.

 

If you go back together without addressing these issues then you are probably going to repeat the same mistakes all over again. Communication is key.

 

Good luck.

[anika99]

I also come from a broken home and drug addict parents and I totally get what you mean when you talk about how intense it can be when you finally meet someone who has had similar experiences and understands what you have been through. It is over the top attraction and sexual chemistry, but sadly it usually isn't really love, or at least not a healthy love. It's two hurt souls being drawn together by mutual dysfunction and personal issues and therefore it usually can't last.

 

Your ex has her issues as well as you. She is needy and can't be alone. She latched onto you right after her BF dumped her and then after things didn't look promising with you she ran back to him. Now she's with him and wants to come back to you. That's all kinds of f$&ked up. You both need to fix your issues independently. People who come from backgrounds like ours have major issues having healthy relationships and commonly fall head over heels in love with people who are just as damaged. It feels right because we feel understood and accepted but two damaged people are not going to be very good at having a healthy relationship with each other. A better solution is to work on self healing and becoming whole and healthy. Then you will be able to connect and become intimate with other healthy people.