My girlfriend and her ex

[chocolate_boy]

What do you guys think I should do about this?

 

I have been seeing a girl since end of Jan, she broke up with her ex (of an 18 month relationship) cos she was bored of him in early Jan, got with me about 4 weeks later.

 

They didn't have any contact for a while, apart from him sending her 11 page sms messages and emails saying how much he loved her and desperately wanted him back. She responded that she never meant to hurt him etc. As we had only just hooked up I stayed out of it...

 

However we have now been together almost 5 months, have a vacation booked etc. Over the weekend she mentioned that she was going to university to do some work, but her ex was going too so they shared a car "to save petrol", then she says they grabbed some food on way home.

 

On friday night I actually met her ex for first time as I went to a party with my gf, and her ex is part of the same group of friends that she moves in (I don't know them), he came over to shake my hand and say hi.. then txt my ex later to say he was happy for us, and if I give her up I'd be stupid (?).

 

Now that night he actually hooks up with one of my gfs friends, and goes back to sleep with her. My GF says she doesnt mind at all and that its cool. But she has been talking about him lots over weekend. Anyway last night we were in bed, and she got an sms at 3am, as she was asleep I had a look, and it was from her ex, just saying "sorry if i woke u up, just wanted to let u know 8 is fine sweety pie x".

 

So I then checked through to see if she had any more sms from him, turns out they've been seeing each other every day for last few days, including going out for drinks on Saturday night together. I was out with the boys on sat night for a friends welcome party, she told me she stayed in and did uni work.

 

This morning I casually asked what she did get up to on sat, sort of like "u must need a night out soon, did you go out all over weekend, what about sat night what did u do?" and she said she went out with uni friends maybe, but she's been so busy can't really remember what happened on what day...

 

However I saw from the sms that they went out for a "friendly game of pool " as it said.

 

Now I wasn't too into this girl at first, she was just a bit of casual fun, but recently I have grown lot more attached to her, but I'm unsure what to do over this.

 

I'm half tempted to confront her and try and put a stop to it, but I don't want to seem like a control freak.

 

I know that she'd also use the fact that I'm friends with an ex too against me, but its different cos I did date a girl for 6 weeks in 2002, it didn't work out and we've been good pals since (she lives a few hundred miles away and is engaged to a guy she has been with for 2 years now) so I think that's different.

 

Any advice?

[DeaconFrost]

Advice? Leave her. Your f**ked dude. I've been exactly where you are before, but sooner or later you'll figure out you were the rebound guy. If she hasn't done it yet eventually she'll reach the emotional affair status. Then you'll notice her pulling away from you and becoming somewhat distant. She'll get pissed at you when her ex gets pissed at her. It'll go on until someone gets pissed and leaves (you, her, or the ex). Even if she realizes your the one she should be with the damage has already been done.

 

For whatever reason she still chooses to be attached (probably because her ex is a pansy and sobs to her about how he NEEDS her). If you are absolutely into her and feel its worth a shot (including all the pain and agony) then your only choice is to hit her between the eyes and ask her what the deal is? If she insists its still innocent then walk right out that door and never look back. Its never innocent and any woman who thinks it is is running the relationship into the ground and is taking you for a fool

[Cecelius]

What Deacon said.

 

If these things were innocent, they wouldn't be happening. A good woman, who is into her man, does not have an interest in the types of contact she's having. At a minimum, she wants this guy around for the ego props she gets (being needed, etc.).

 

The only thing going for it is that he's such a frustrated chump, she probably won't give him any physical loving. That does not mean he won't try or that she won't keep hanging it out there.

 

Don't ask her what the deal is, tell her. Be calm, make it clear you can walk without a second thought and no remorse, and explain that if she still needs to be in contact with this guy, that is fine but you can find a more loyal girl.

 

And stick to it. If you show her an ounce of weakness on this, you are done.

[billybadass36]

Tell her it's going to stop here and now if she wants to be with you. She'll tell you, "Okay", maybe, or she'll tell you to get lost. If she tells you "okay", she'll still probably keep contacting this guy while stringing you along. The likelihood is that this will continue. If she was *that* into you, it wouldn't be going on, and she wouldn't be hiding it from you. Your best bet is to just move on before you get more emotionally involved with this woman than you already are.