Just seen Him with his family :-(

[ktya]

It's killing me not knowing.

I am in love with him and since he said not to speak to Him I have left him alone,

For years it's been him chasing me then we get close and he pushes me away.

I couldn't cope thinking he doesn't care for me at all

 

hes obviously conflicted if its been going on for all this time. you say he has a 3 month old daughter, which means that a year ago he found out his gf was pregnant, right around the time it seems that you two started seeing eachother.

 

hes stuck, doesnt want to leave his baby momma with a young child thats his but wants to keep seeing you. i know the feeling... sometimes I wish that I chose my AP and sometimes I'm happy with the choice I made, but now my S is pregnant and theres no going back but me and the AP are still crazy about eachother. Honestly I love them both equally but if my AP started getting really close and serious I'd probably push her away a bit too, but its not because she's disposable; i care about her so much I got her a job in a wicked career and the only reason she got the job is because I offered to her new boss that I'd train her for free.

[ladydesigner]

(((Louisesarah))) men who cheat on their pregnant gf's or wives are the worst kind of MM.

 

Think about what kind of person does this to their SO who just had a baby?

 

That is the kind of person he is.

 

I would lose all of them if I were you, the friend, mom and him. Surround yourself with people who are looking out for YOU and your best interests.

[Louisesarah]

I know I keep putting myself in her shoes

I'm at home with a three week baby and he is out in bed with someone else.

What was I thinking

[imperfectangel]

I seem to see it differently than others. I believe he did care for you and none of that was fake. I don't believe he used you for sex. I think he got scared after it.Maybe because he felt guilty and maybe because he knew it would continue and he couldn't do a double life. He avoids talking to you so he doesn't fall back into it as he knows he will.

 

You are not scum or worthless and you weren't used though I know you feel that way. Unfortunately there is no way for the two of you to go back to being friends. I'm so sorry you are hurting.

 

This is what my MM says.

 

OP, I hope you're feeling better now it is really hard when you feel this low I completely understand but I think you need to find something to take your mind off him. For me, I'm starting a detox/diet next week. You need something else to focus on

[privategal]

(((Louisesarah))) men who cheat on their pregnant gf's or wives are the worst kind of MM.

 

Think about what kind of person does this to their SO who just had a baby?

 

That is the kind of person he is.

 

I would lose all of them if I were you, the friend, mom and him. Surround yourself with people who are looking out for YOU and your best interests.

 

This is truly great advice to lose the friend and mother.

I can't see how you can heal and move forward staying close to his family.

Since his mother knows then she can understand this is an awkward painful thing for you and that you need some space to detox and heal. Does you no good to stay in touch right now and do you really want to see the whole family together like that again anyways? How horrible.

[PinkElephants]

I hate him for what he has done to me.

He didn't do anything to you. Language like this distances you from the actions you took that resulted in your pain.

 

You chose to spend an inappropriate amount of time with him

You chose to ignore the fact that he as a gf and child

You chose to emotionally invest in a man who wasn't invested in you

You chose to take your pants off

 

Your choices led to this outcome just as much as his. To claim that this is something inflicted on you implies that you were a poor, hapless victim when you weren't. You were informed of his tendencies and his relationship and made the choice to have sex anyway; that was your choice in addition to his.

 

at the end of the day the only thing that's important is how he treated me ( like crap) he isn't with me so that's all I need to know.

At the end of the day, the only thing that matters is how you can learn from this and modify your behavior so it doesn't happen again. To continue to cry victim means you shrug off all responsibility for preventing it in the future.

 

Once you own your actions, your pain, and the responsibility to protect yourself you'll be able to take meaningful action to feel better.

 

I don't know how to get over it honestly I don't.

You're more powerful than you realize. You can confuse the heck out of him by demonstrating grace and class or you can crumble like he expects. You can blame him or you can learn from it. You can identify red flags you ignored, the lines you believed, the inappropriateness of you actions, the lack of boundaries, etc and come out confident in your ability to do better.

[Louisesarah]

I'm feeling a little better..probably because I'm in bed with flu so I haven't got the energy to think about him.

When I said I hate him for what he has done..I meant saying all those things to me to make me think he cared.

That's what hurts ..sex is sex.

It's the lying in his arms bit and how close we were and that's the hurtful part.

I've never had a man treat me like that

[Louisesarah]

This is truly great advice to lose the friend and mother.

I can't see how you can heal and move forward staying close to his family.

Since his mother knows then she can understand this is an awkward painful thing for you and that you need some space to detox and heal. Does you no good to stay in touch right now and do you really want to see the whole family together like that again anyways? How horrible.

 

It's horrible when I walk in my friends house and the 3 of them are there.

I can't explain how small and worthless I end up feeling.

[josh451]

lol maybe you shouldn't mess with guys who have girlfriends.. it's common sense

[Louisesarah]

Of course you shouldn't ..but life isn't quite that straight forward is it

[BellaLuna73]

I thought I was reading a romance novel.. perhaps watching a soap opera. I've seen this a 1000 times and most certainly you got used. He got what he wanted and he used all the right words to get it. RED FLAGS everywhere.

 

 

Some men stray when their wife is pregnant because well, their not getting any sex at home and their feeling extra horny. Pregnancy can bring out a lot of fights and feelings of abandonment and changes maybe he wasn't ready to be a dad and acted out. Who knows...only him.

 

 

If I were you I would take it as an opportunity to learn a valuable lesson, NEVER sleep with someone who is married until there is no doubt they are allowed to roam freely. Hold out on having sex for your own protection unless your just out to get yours and don't care to see them again either. I mean you have sex to soon without finding out the real facts you get your heart broken.

[Louisesarah]

It all started long before she was pregnant.

We had liked each other for years but as I was his sisters best friend nothing could ever happen.

I've just accepted the situation now.

Il never know if he had the tiniest of feelings for me so what's the point in obsessing.

I'm trying to move on.

Still have sad days but it is what it is

[Louisesarah]

It's been nearly 2 months with no contact with him I miss him,I miss talking to him.

It's all so complicated it's my best friends brother.

He has a young baby and we both knew it was wrong.

We've text and talked for years,we decided that it couldn't be sexual or it would get us in trouble.

Then stupidly after a 18 months we slept together.

We had a great 2 days together..he confided in me and I thought he had real feelings for me.

He told me his future had to be with his son but on the other hand the thought of me with someone else hurt him.

I felt a connection between us.

I know he felt guilty after and was terrified his gf would find out and take his son away.

He has told his family he doesn't love the gf anymore but he won't leave.

He told me not to contact him again ..it's been 2 month and I haven't.

 

He was always the one contacting me,he chased me.

The last two weeks he has re activated his Facebook and never added me ( he has added everyone we know ,his gf isn't on Facebook tho)

He will be seeing me commenting on people's status and see when I tag my friend etc so he knows I'm still on .

I feel so awful ,how can he be so cruel to cut me off like this.

How he could he just stop contact.

[Lurkeraspect]

It's been nearly 2 months with no contact with him I miss him,I miss talking to him.

It's all so complicated it's my best friends brother.

He has a young baby and we both knew it was wrong.

We've text and talked for years,we decided that it couldn't be sexual or it would get us in trouble.

Then stupidly after a 18 months we slept together.

We had a great 2 days together..he confided in me and I thought he had real feelings for me.

He told me his future had to be with his son but on the other hand the thought of me with someone else hurt him.

I felt a connection between us.

I know he felt guilty after and was terrified his gf would find out and take his son away.

He has told his family he doesn't love the gf anymore but he won't leave.

He told me not to contact him again ..it's been 2 month and I haven't.

 

He was always the one contacting me,he chased me.

The last two weeks he has re activated his Facebook and never added me ( he has added everyone we know ,his gf isn't on Facebook tho)

He will be seeing me commenting on people's status and see when I tag my friend etc so he knows I'm still on .

I feel so awful ,how can he be so cruel to cut me off like this.

How he could he just stop contact.

 

I'm so sorry that you're hurting and stuck.

 

I went back and read your previous threads and I'm really unsure how you can possibly believe this guy is all that. You've known him for a long time, there have been periods when he was single, yet he never dated you properly, right? Then he gets his gf pregnant, she has the baby, and not 3 months later, he's having sex with you, once. He then suddenly finds his conscience, tells you it's a bad idea to continue, and dumps you.

 

Honey, you need to get mad, and quit crying over this guy. HE USED YOU. He's not some wonderful man, he's a manipulative cheater. There is absolutely no future here. So whatever you've built him up to be, you need to let that go.

 

I saw in one of your previous threads where you'd started a list of all his negative qualities. I'd keep doing that until it sticks and you realize you're crying over a loser.

[ladydesigner]

you'd started a list of all his negative qualities. I'd keep doing that until it sticks and you realize you're crying over a loser.

 

Keep focusing on this until you get to indifference. Try to allow yourself to feel sad about it only for a certain amount of time and then let it go and focus on YOU! Stop focusing on him, he is not worth the amount of power you are letting him have over you. Start detaching. You will get there, it takes time (sometimes a long time, but you will get there).

 

I have felt the pain on both sides of this being an xmow and a BS over and over again. Both are just as bad and take a while to process.

 

Give yourself a chance to grieve and accept.

 

(((Louisesarah)))

[Louisesarah]

I just can't seem to get my head around everything he said.

I'm not a stupid woman it seemed so genuine.

He cut me off before and didn't speak for 7 weeks ( before sex) deleted me from Facebook,deleted my number then text me wishing happy valentines day.

I still feel so worthless.

I don't know how he can be cruel.

It's humiliating how he has added everyone to Facebook and not me.

After we had sex he was talking about seeing me again then a few days later asking if I was going to tell people about it.

So he was scared in case I dropped him in it

Could it not be the fear of being caught why he stopped?

[whatatangledweb]

It doesn't mean he was trying to be cruel though it feels that way to you. I think he felt guilty afterwards and realized what he would lose (his GF and baby). So he cut all contact so he wouldn't continue it. He could not be friends after that. There was no going back.

 

I am so sorry you are hurting.

[Louisesarah]

It's awful because we have known each other since we were kids.

I know deep down he isn't a bad person.

He has told his family he doesn't love his gf anymore ( I know none of my business) and I honestly think if she hadn't of got pregnant he wouldn't be with her now( he didn't live with her and said it was out of habit)

I stupidly believed he cared about me.

I thought it was real.

My friend ( I know again none of my business) tells me he is drinking himself stupid and turning up at his mums drunk saying he doesn't want to go home.

I don't believe he is happy( well he cried and told me that night)

 

His dad left Him when he was a baby and he doesn't know his dad and I know he wouldn't be a scum person like that and hurt his lovely boy.

He asked me what I wanted in a boyfriend and did I want kids.

He has messed my head up.

My friend has said she keeps giving him advice that he can still be a dad to his son but he said he can't not go to sleep without him in the same house.

I keep getting info about him and i can't move on.

[Louisesarah]

He told my friend ( his sister ) he couldn't stand his gf meeting someone and him being a dad to his son and not him

[Lurkeraspect]

It's awful because we have known each other since we were kids.

I know deep down he isn't a bad person.

He has told his family he doesn't love his gf anymore ( I know none of my business) and I honestly think if she hadn't of got pregnant he wouldn't be with her now( he didn't live with her and said it was out of habit)

I stupidly believed he cared about me.

I thought it was real.

My friend ( I know again none of my business) tells me he is drinking himself stupid and turning up at his mums drunk saying he doesn't want to go home.

I don't believe he is happy( well he cried and told me that night)

 

His dad left Him when he was a baby and he doesn't know his dad and I know he wouldn't be a scum person like that and hurt his lovely boy.

He asked me what I wanted in a boyfriend and did I want kids.

He has messed my head up.

My friend has said she keeps giving him advice that he can still be a dad to his son but he said he can't not go to sleep without him in the same house.

I keep getting info about him and i can't move on.

 

I agree, he has messed up your head, and you're continuing to give him all your power. She didn't fall pregnant on her own. He got her pregnant. They have a family, he's made it clear, he's staying with her, and all of what you're hearing are nothing but rumors. Please tell me, what is so appealing about him? He used you for sex then turned you out, running back to his girlfriend. A long as you keep checking Facebook, listening to rumors, you will continue to stay messed up and stuck.

[Louisesarah]

They are hardly rumours they are things he has said to his sister and she's hardly going to lie.

If I knew if any of the feelings were real I could move on .

I know he won't leave her he told me his future was with his son.

[Lurkeraspect]

They are hardly rumours they are things he has said to his sister and she's hardly going to lie.

If I knew if any of the feelings were real I could move on .

I know he won't leave her he told me his future was with his son.

 

Whose feelings? His?

 

And, isn't the bold all you need to know?

[Louisesarah]

If I knew if any of his feelings were genuine I wouldn't feel so dirty about the whole thing.

Otherwise I'm basically a whore.

If he had feelings for me it wouldn't feel so bad.

Who's to say in 4 years he realises him and her won't work and leave.

[Lurkeraspect]

If I knew if any of his feelings were genuine I wouldn't feel so dirty about the whole thing.

Otherwise I'm basically a whore.

If he had feelings for me it wouldn't feel so bad.

Who's to say in 4 years he realises him and her won't work and leave.

 

Okay, stop with the self shaming, whore talk. Whatever his feelings were or were not are (at this point) irrelevant. He may have feelings for you, he may have just used you for sex. You may never know for sure, because he's made his choice to stay with the gf and their child. And really, isn't that all you need to know?

 

And you're right, who's to say in four years he'll leave her. Are you really going to sit and wait on that giant maybe? I believe you said that he (prior to this gf) had periods of being single, and he didn't date you. Why in the world would you even consider wasting time waiting on a guy who has never chosen you?

[Lovemesomehim]

He's caught between his love for his child and his happiness. When he realizes that his gf cannot take his child away from him, his fear of losing him will deminish and he then can concentrate on his future happiness. Until then, you have a choice to make regarding your life and happiness.