Author Louisesarah Posted October 20, 2015 Author Share Posted October 20, 2015 Where we live he has always been the popular one and I have just been the quiet girl who didn't have lots of friends and I think he was embarrassed. He even said my cousin thinks your quiet and calls you strange if only he seen this side of you and knew what you were really like and he was embarrassed that I was his younger sisters friend. I have moments when I think what are you doing woman you deserve to he someone's everything not just a cowards scraps. I was so flattered that someone like him was showing me so much attention. Link to post Share on other sites
Lurkeraspect Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 Where we live he has always been the popular one and I have just been the quiet girl who didn't have lots of friends and I think he was embarrassed. He even said my cousin thinks your quiet and calls you strange if only he seen this side of you and knew what you were really like and he was embarrassed that I was his younger sisters friend. I have moments when I think what are you doing woman you deserve to he someone's everything not just a cowards scraps. I was so flattered that someone like him was showing me so much attention. i think you need to aim higher. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted October 20, 2015 Author Share Posted October 20, 2015 I know it's destroying myself but I keep thinking back to him saying ...my mum loves you my sister loves you ..you should be in my family it should be you. All things like that made me believe he was real. Then his sis saying he has ran away from his feelings. I went on a date last week and my heart just wasn't in it. Link to post Share on other sites
Lurkeraspect Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 I know it's destroying myself but I keep thinking back to him saying ...my mum loves you my sister loves you ..you should be in my family it should be you. All things like that made me believe he was real. Then his sis saying he has ran away from his feelings. I went on a date last week and my heart just wasn't in it. Come on Louise, these are just words. His actions are what matter. His actions showed you that he has no issue having sex with you, but his place (for now) are with his gf. And of course your heart isn't in to dating right now. You're hung up on this fantasy. The most wonderful man could present himself to you, and you'd pass him by because you're stuck with this cowardly dude who treated you like crap. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted October 20, 2015 Author Share Posted October 20, 2015 I know ..I don't want to feel like this. I'm trying to move on I am. I keep thinking even if any of it was genuine how he has treated me outweighs any " feelings " he may have. I would of preferred if he had just said it shouldn't of happened it can't happen again,can we be friends . Not the cutting me off totally and the nasty way he said don't text me. If he can call his gf fat and ugly I guess he can do anything. Link to post Share on other sites
whatatangledweb Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 Tell his sister that you do not want to hear things about him. You are holding onto hope that he will come to you. Those things are what holds you back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted October 20, 2015 Author Share Posted October 20, 2015 I guess I thought if he genuinely had feelings he would one day apologise for how he treated me. I don't know how you can speak to someone for years and get close to them then just cut them off like that. I can't. Link to post Share on other sites
Lurkeraspect Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 Let me offer the apology you'll likely never get from him. Dear LouiseSarah, We've been acquaintances for many years, and I have valued your friendship over the years. I did a horrible thing to you. I took your friendship (and trust) and ruined it by leading you on when I was in no position to offer you anything. You see, I made the decision to have unprotected sex with a girl that fell pregnant and we now have a beautiful child together. While my feelings for her aren't all I'd hoped for, she is the mum of my child and I want to create a long lasting family with them. I was weak and cowardly for leading you on, and for having sex with you. I immediately realized that was a mistake. I confided things to you that I shouldn't have. This is why I have asked you to not contact me, why I've deleted you from social media. We cannot be friends, I will not be contacting you again. I'm so sorry for the confusion and pain that my stupidity has caused you, and I realize that I used you in a moment of weakness and ruined our friendship. Please move on with your life as I will do the same. Sincerely, Cowardly boyfriend to another 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NewLeaf512 Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 I agree, he has messed up your head, and you're continuing to give him all your power. She didn't fall pregnant on her own. He got her pregnant. They have a family, he's made it clear, he's staying with her, and all of what you're hearing are nothing but rumors. Please tell me, what is so appealing about him? He used you for sex then turned you out, running back to his girlfriend. A long as you keep checking Facebook, listening to rumors, you will continue to stay messed up and stuck. Your heads all turned around. Keep coming here and don't contact him Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted October 20, 2015 Author Share Posted October 20, 2015 I don't think he has the brains to put together a apology. I will never contact him again,I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. As far as he is concerned I'm fine. I still wish me and him were together. I guess that night I got a feel of how great it would be. The whole day without the sex was lovely he even said he had a great day. He seemed so happy and content. We were both so easy in each other's company. I'm upset. Why am I never the first choice Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 Folks, due to a report (thank you!) about multiple threads on a similar topic, moderation merged three threads for context and the discussion on this issue can continue here. Also, please refrain from, in general, using language such as 'whore' or other pejorative names in any post for any reason. I'll leave prior posts unedited for continuity but moving forward members will be sanctioned per our announcement at the top of this forum. Thanks and please continue! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PinkElephants Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 It's the lying in his arms bit and how close we were and that's the hurtful part. I've never had a man treat me like that This is incredibly sad to me. I don't mean that in a condescending sense at all; it breaks my heart to read things like this and it's so unfortunate that your life experience has caused you to settle for so little with this guy. It's horrible when I walk in my friends house and the 3 of them are there. I can't explain how small and worthless I end up feeling. At the minute it's the realisation that he used me and I'm worthless and I'm a nothing. I never wanted to be a nothing to him. I don't want to be here feeling like this anymore I'm in so much pain and nobody cares about me. I was insignificant. I left feeling like a nothing,someone used and worthless. I cried and cried and cried. Seeing them together kills me...I felt so worthless and stupid. I was thinking back to lying in bed with his arms around me holding my hand and kissing my forehead and here I am so worthless he can't acknowledge me. He cut me off before and didn't speak for 7 weeks ( before sex) deleted me from Facebook,deleted my number then text me wishing happy valentines day. I still feel so worthless. Why am I never the first choice This is just a selection of the times you said you were worthless. You keep mentioning his family but where's yours? Where's your dad? Were you his first choice? Have you ever had a man look at you with pride and worth? Are you stuck on this guy because you thought he saw value in you and you clung to it because you'd never had that before? The thing is, you're not even getting scraps because he won't acknowledge you. You're clinging to the memory of scraps and hoping for future scraps. Why do you see yourself as worth so little? You're seriously aspiring to be with a guy who: calls his gf fat calls her ugly cheats calls you a mistake used you for sex ignores you And you REALLY want him? It's appalling and shameful. The very simple reality is that if he wanted to be with you he would be. He doesn't and he isn't. There's nothing else that matters. His feelings towards you don't matter. If he cares then you'll cling to the idea that he loves you and is trapped. If he doesn't care then you'll cling to the question "why not?" You've spent 3 months obsessing without progress. Do you even want to get better or are you purposely staying in pain because that's the only connection you have to him and pain is better than nothing? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted October 21, 2015 Author Share Posted October 21, 2015 The only family I have is my dad but he has never shown me affection. My mum died when I was 13 and that was the last time I felt truly loved. I've had guys treat me bad in the past. My ex used me,told me he loved me then one day he just stopped calling me and I found out he got back with his ex and not to contact him again. My friends brother is the first man I have slept with and opened up to since. I believed everything because I wanted someone to want me like that..I believed him when he said I deserved something special and how amazing I was and he said I won't use you. I felt like finally someone cares. I've felt Lonely for so many years. Was it too much to believe some one might actually have feelings for me? Why not? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted October 21, 2015 Author Share Posted October 21, 2015 I do want to feel better. I hate myself for wanting someone who could treat me like this. My friend says he hurts every woman. The gf now he dumped and wouldn't explain,then he got with someone else and only got back with her cos the other girl dumped Him. Once again at this time i wasn't good enough to date officially but I was ok for secret texts and fantasy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted October 21, 2015 Author Share Posted October 21, 2015 On the night he said to me it isn't all about sex. In the past we arranged for him to come over and his backed away saying we could get in trouble. So if it was just that surely he would of jumped at the chance. Last August ( I think or sept ) he started ringing me and spoke for hours he told me he was single ( bull ) and was talking about if we became a couple and I believed he was thinking about it and then a few days later he stopped contacting me again. It's like he thought about the idea but never did anything about making it real. Link to post Share on other sites
trailrunner1975 Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Where we live he has always been the popular one and I have just been the quiet girl who didn't have lots of friends and I think he was embarrassed. He even said my cousin thinks your quiet and calls you strange if only he seen this side of you and knew what you were really like and he was embarrassed that I was his younger sisters friend. I have moments when I think what are you doing woman you deserve to he someone's everything not just a cowards scraps. I was so flattered that someone like him was showing me so much attention. Get him off that pedestal. Dude sounds like a royal a-hole to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted October 21, 2015 Author Share Posted October 21, 2015 I just wish I knew if he was genuine that night. If he meant anything he said. I hate not knowing Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 The only family I have is my dad but he has never shown me affection. My mum died when I was 13 and that was the last time I felt truly loved. I've had guys treat me bad in the past. My ex used me,told me he loved me then one day he just stopped calling me and I found out he got back with his ex and not to contact him again. My friends brother is the first man I have slept with and opened up to since. I believed everything because I wanted someone to want me like that..I believed him when he said I deserved something special and how amazing I was and he said I won't use you. I felt like finally someone cares. I've felt Lonely for so many years. Was it too much to believe some one might actually have feelings for me? Why not? (((Louisesarah))) you need to LOVE yourself the most. More than any man. I am a BS and I have been hurt by every man I have ever had in my life including my WH. I have learned to love myself more than my WH. My father was cold too and I have had loads of therapy for this and other things. The relationship you have with your father plays a lot into your relationships. Many times we are looking to change the situation we had in our childhood. You are looking for the same approval and love in your MM. I have done this in EVERY one of my relationships. My therapist says that I am hoping to change the outcome of my childhood by making it right in my relationships with men, but I keep picking men that are not emotionally capable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted October 21, 2015 Author Share Posted October 21, 2015 It's like history repeating itself with me. I always want the ones who can't or won't give me what I need. I hate that he knows I obviously have feelings for Him He must think I'm so pathetic Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 It's like history repeating itself with me. I always want the ones who can't or won't give me what I need. I hate that he knows I obviously have feelings for Him He must think I'm so pathetic You are not pathetic. He is. Try and remember that All you did was develop feelings and that is okay, that is normal. What he did is not. Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 I just wish I knew if he was genuine that night. If he meant anything he said. I hate not knowing That night is gone. His girlfriend had a baby who was screaming night and day as newborns do...he was lacking sleep and sex and needed a fix and came to the one who was ok with a secret and would provide it. Hes full of guilt, your showing up right and left and he fears interacting will give you expectations for more. Hes past it. Hes over it. It was nothing. The cuddling and affection were to get to the sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted October 21, 2015 Author Share Posted October 21, 2015 I don't believe that's all it was. What was his excuse before the screaming baby then? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted October 21, 2015 Author Share Posted October 21, 2015 That night is gone. His girlfriend had a baby who was screaming night and day as newborns do...he was lacking sleep and sex and needed a fix and came to the one who was ok with a secret and would provide it. Hes full of guilt, your showing up right and left and he fears interacting will give you expectations for more. Hes past it. Hes over it. It was nothing. The cuddling and affection were to get to the sex. I can feel someone being genuine and not and that was genuine. If it was he must be a good actor then. Link to post Share on other sites
whatatangledweb Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 I can feel someone being genuine and not and that was genuine. If it was he must be a good actor then. You wrote above this one that you wanted to know if he was being genuine so you do know the answer to it. What is it you are really hoping for? That he dumps his GF or that he goes back to just being an emotional affair. That is what you were having before. I have many close male friends and we do not talk to each other the way you two were talking. When you are friends with men you don't cross the line and talk about being a couple. Maybe him and his GF won't work out, but that could take years. Are you willing to wait and hope that he turns to you if that happens? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted October 21, 2015 Author Share Posted October 21, 2015 I don't know anymore. All I know is it always seemed like he had feelings but was scared to act on them. That night he let his guard down and opened up. I've known Him since we were kids and I do believe some of it was real. I know in my heart that he is not leaving her and his son he told me he has to stay with him. I miss talking to him. He told me he didn't just want me as the other woman a year ago yet still never did anything about it. I have so many unanswered questions. Why tell his mum he liked me..I wasn't there I couldn't hear it. Why wish me happy valentines day why spend all of Christmas talking to me if he felt nothing. I don't get it Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts