Just seen Him with his family :-(

[Louisesarah]

Was he with this girl 2 years ago?

Why has he never asked you out when he's been single?

 

Sometimes people are just too close to get into relationships with... I mean the fact that he's your BFFs brother. This causes her to be piggy in the middle if you argue..she's torn between her brother and BFF . Too close for comfort TBH.

 

I've known girls date their BFFs brothers and when they split up....a huge rift is created and the friendship is never the same again. You guys haven't even hada relationship and your friendship is being affected.

 

Don't keep being miserable.......like he is. You only get one life...you need to make the most of it. He's not the only datable guy around.

 

He asked me out about 6 years ago and I said no as I was really shy back then and I wasn't as attracted to him as I became lately.

We also kissed about 10 years ago when we were young.

I know he is embarrassed by me as he has always been popular and I'm really really not.

I'm sick of being miserable.

I need to stop

[MJJean]

This is a little o/t, and I think I know what you meant, but good parents absolutely do (and should) take off overnight to have a few drinks and enjoy some private time and intimacy together without the kids.

 

Absolutely, parents should go out for the occasional overnight sans kiddies. I raised my sister and brother after my mom passed and I had three kids of my own. I get it.

 

The difference is that this guy is engaged to and , iirc he's also living with, the mother of said baby. So, he took off on his fiancee and his infant child to get ridiculously drunk and have sex with the OP. In no universe is that ok.

 

 

I think it's because we have known each since we were kids.

10 years ago he was in the army,so respectable and a decent bloke.

He used to walk me home.

Have fun with him,I don't recognise the person he has become.

Never in a million years 10 years ago would he have done what he has.

 

When I was 13-17 years old,my closest friend was a guy named M. We were like siblings. He lived across the street, our families were close, and we were partners in crime and always had each others back.

 

My family moved, we kept in touch, but we didn't see each other but a few times a year or so.

 

By the time we were in our late 30, he'd been in and out of the military, married and divorced twice, had been a swinger during his first marriage and a cheater in his second, became an alcoholic, got a DUI or few, became a cocaine user, became a pill user, lost two union jobs in steel mills despite both having sent him to drug treatment for free before firing him, and got genital warts.

 

M is clearly NOT the same person I knew and trusted and was close to in our teens and early 20's.

 

He asked me out about 6 years ago and I said no as I was really shy back then and I wasn't as attracted to him as I became lately.

We also kissed about 10 years ago when we were young.

I know he is embarrassed by me as he has always been popular and I'm really really not.

I'm sick of being miserable.

I need to stop

 

I don't know why you stopped taking your meds, but I really do think that once the OCD and depression/anxiety are under control you will see this "man" very differently and be able to move on.

[whichwayisup]

I think it's because we have known each since we were kids.

10 years ago he was in the army,so respectable and a decent bloke.

He used to walk me home.

Have fun with him,I don't recognise the person he has become.

Never in a million years 10 years ago would he have done what he has.

 

Okay have you been in his daily life since you two were 10 years old? Yes you knew him growing up but has he truly BEEN in your life and a part of your life since you were a kid? People change and things happen, who knows maybe his experiences in the Army has changed him in not a good way.

[Louisesarah]

I have my good and bad days,re started my medication yesterday so hopefully I will be feeling back to "normal soon"

Having a good day today,in a good mood.

Thought screw him he's a looser(hope it lasts)

Friends booked us a spa weekend for my birthday and a shopping trip.

So I do have nice people in my life..deleted my Facebook too.

 

Oh and no he wasn't in my life for the full 10 years

Tbh he hasn't got many friends left

They've all kind of dropped him.

[Popsicle]

Hi Louisesarah. You have come a long way and I am glad. You seem to be in a better place now. This guy was no Forrest Gump!

[MJJean]

I have my good and bad days,re started my medication yesterday so hopefully I will be feeling back to "normal soon"

Having a good day today,in a good mood.

Thought screw him he's a looser(hope it lasts)

Friends booked us a spa weekend for my birthday and a shopping trip.

So I do have nice people in my life..deleted my Facebook too.

 

Oh and no he wasn't in my life for the full 10 years

Tbh he hasn't got many friends left

They've all kind of dropped him.

 

I'm happy to hear you're back on your meds and feeling more optimistic!

 

Regarding the part I bolded, there is a reason the majority of his friends dropped him...

[Louisesarah]

I honestly can't explain how much better I feel.

I feel like me again before I let that toxic man in my head.

It's so strange today I bumped into one of my late mums friends and she knew me and I didn't know her and she said how proud my mum would be of me.

I felt so nice about myself.

A few words can just change how you think about yourself.

I just feel so much better about myself.

I hope it stays this way.

Even silly things like putting some fake tan on and painting my nails things I couldn't be bothered to do for thinking of him.

Mad.

[privategal]

There is a post in marriage and life partnerships boards here titled "not sure if I want to propose"

I feel like the poster might be your 'friend'?

Edited December 19, 2015 by privategal

[Louisesarah]

I'm having a bit of a down day today maybe it's because it's my birthday tomorrow and nearly Christmas.

Normally this time of year we would be talking a lot.

 

I'm feeling stronger than I was but still so many unanswered questions.

If he had all these feelings for me why wasn't I ever good enough to be his gf?

Was it because he was unsure as I was his sisters best friend or embarrassed by me.

He was the one coming to me.

At one point when we were talking on the phone he said if we become a couple and I get you pregnant you will have to do all the morning feeds.

This made me think is he going to finally choose me.

 

Then his gf got pregnant and after the baby was born he moved in.

Tells his family how unhappy he is with her etc.

 

After years of emotional stuff we spend the night together and he opens up.

Has a cry.

Treats me like he has serious feelings for me.

Asks if I love him.

Asks what I want in a partner and do I want children.

Tells me I should be part of his family etc and then tells me his future has to be with his child.

I still can not make sense of why he did all of this.

Why was I never good enough to be the girlfriend.

 

Then after he gets scared im going to tell his gf and she will take his son away so he tells me not to contact him again.

This is after years.

No reasons no explanation

Left me without knowing why he did this.

I have no answers.

[Ms. Faust]

Louise, you are glossing over some key things:

 

After years of emotional stuff he gets drunk, opens up, pukes, has sex with you, pukes again, then lays in bed and says he wishes he could lay like that forever.

 

Maybe he didn't have all these feelings for you? You see and hear the way he treats the mother of his child why would he treat you better?

[Louisesarah]

I'm one of these people who needs proper closure.

I just can't get passed the way he went no contact with me.

After years he was like my drug.

Texting me all the time,talking about everything and then gone.

I don't understand why he did what he did.

I don't think I ever will.

[Bittersweetie]

I'm one of these people who needs proper closure.

I just can't get passed the way he went no contact with me.

After years he was like my drug.

Texting me all the time,talking about everything and then gone.

I don't understand why he did what he did.

I don't think I ever will.

 

You're right, you probably never will. You need to start accepting that you will probably never get closure.

 

I realized in the past few years that there are some questions I am never going to have the answer to. Yes it stinks, but that is life.

 

I wasted years of my life waiting for an answer to one question regarding a close friend's hurtful actions. I kept thinking, I'll figure it out. In reality? I never did and never will. And I've let it go and feel so much better regarding that aspect of my life.

 

It's time to stop dwelling on the whys and focus on the how you're going to move forward. Good luck.

[Louisesarah]

I've just seen him coming from his mums with his gf,child and her child from previous relationship.

It feels so awful.

I can't do anything about it I live opposite his mums house.

 

I do know he has been drinking himself into oblivion all weekend and telling his family how miserable he is.

That makes me feel better knowing it isn't so hunky dory.

 

Christmas will be awful.

We have had no contact for 4 months yet here I am still pining for him.

I miss talking to him so badly.

 

A little part of me is clinging to hope he will wish me a happy Christmas

I'm a pathetic woman.

[BeautifulIdiot]

You're not pathetic or if you are, so am I.

 

I'm also 4 months and thought I was doing better till my birthday happened on Saturday and now it's Christmas.

 

We'll get through this.

 

*hugs*

[Louisesarah]

I had a few weeks where I felt great and now feel down again.

He's walked away so easy.

Thought I meant something to him..clearly not.

[Ms. Faust]

He's been drinking himself into oblivion since you started telling us about him. If he was with you he would be drinking himself into oblivion. He's an abusive alcoholic. You are pining for a mentally and emotionally abusive alcoholic. Are you still on your medication? This is not healthy.

[Louisesarah]

Yes I am.

I just can't help my feelings for him.

I'm trying I just can't seem to move forward.

I can't help but feel for Him pathetic as it may sound.

He's a total mess.

My friend will be talking on the phone to me and throw in he still can't forget what happened and his miserable,he keeps bringing you up.

It's a total head f***

[anika99]

He is clearly an alcoholic and many alcoholics make poor decisions while in the grips of their addiction. I think his choice to have sex with you was alcohol fueled and were it not for his addiction he would have never had sex with you in the first place.

 

Your friend tells you he can't forget what happened? I thought your friend didn't know what happened. In any case, he drinks because he is an alcoholic, not because he is unhappy with his gf. He is a miserable drunk and he'd still be a miserable drunk even if he were with you. Every time you listen to what your friend has to say about him you are pain shopping. Stop talking to her about him. When she brings him up, change the subject and if that doesn't work then take a break from your friend.

[Louisesarah]

He came to my house sober and made the decision sober.

I don't believe he is a alcoholic as he manages to hold down a job and only drinks when he wants.

[Louisesarah]

I meant made the decision to come to mine sober also we had text and spoken on the phone whilst he was sober so I don't believe it was the alcohol.

Also the morning we had sex he wasn't drunk.

[anika99]

You should read up on alcoholism. Most are not winos living in the street. One doesn't have to be drunk everyday in order to an alcoholic. Also many can function normally while under the influence. I had a friend who only occasionally became sloppy drunk but was usually somewhat buzzed by steady drinking throughout the day and nobody knew it because he did not appear drunk or inebriated in any way. My grandma was a weekend alcoholic who vehemently denied that she had a problem because she was sober 80% of the time and she had a job. However once she started drinking she couldn't stop until she was embarrassingly sloppy drunk and she got that way every single weekend.

 

Even when alcoholics are sober their decision making abilities are often foggy and irrational. Usually they are unhappy and depressed and this causes them to make self destructive decisions. Alcoholism manifests itself in a variety of different ways and simply holding a job and not being drunk all the time doesn't necessarily prove one doesn't have a serious drinking problem. Your usual description of this guy is that he is miserable and drinking so it is highly likely he has an addiction to alcohol.

[Tayla]

get well soon!

 

Sincerely hope you find it in you to carry emotional distance. He sure has.

 

I feel bad for this gent. We got internet diagnosis without ever meeting him. Amazing!

 

Enjoy your holiday, we each decide how we feel.

[Bittersweetie]

He came to my house sober and made the decision sober.

I don't believe he is a alcoholic as he manages to hold down a job and only drinks when he wants.

 

I meant made the decision to come to mine sober also we had text and spoken on the phone whilst he was sober so I don't believe it was the alcohol.

Also the morning we had sex he wasn't drunk.

 

Stop making excuses for him.

 

I think you have this idea that if he was with you he'd be sober, happy, and a wonderful man. But since he's not with you, he's miserable and drunk.

 

From what you described, it seems this guy would be miserable and drunk regardless of who he was with, what he was doing. He is not your problem. Stop making him your problem.

[Louisesarah]

I never thought I would miss talking to him like I am.

I wish we could go back to being friends.

Anything is better than nothing.

[Ms. Faust]

He came to my house sober and made the decision sober.

I don't believe he is a alcoholic as he manages to hold down a job and only drinks when he wants.

 

You said in a previous post he came over drunk, talked you into having sex (you didn't want to because you were on your period) then he threw up before and after from too much alcohol.