Just seen Him with his family :-(

[Lurkeraspect]

I don't believe that's all it was.

What was his excuse before the screaming baby then?

 

Then this is your reality. No matter what anyone tells you here, you're still going to believe that he is a prince of a man, even though all the evidence proves otherwise.

 

He used you for sex.

He cheated on his girlfriend.

He has deleted you from his life.

He wants nothing to do with you.

He's staying with his girlfriend and his child.

 

How long do you plan to stay stuck?

[Louisesarah]

I just don't believe it was all for sex.

Who's to say he didn't cut me out because he is scared that his gf will find out and he will loose his son.

He didn't stop contact straight away ..he was the one still texting me and even mentioned next time.

Why tell me he would be jealous when I met someone

It doesn't make sense

[Dancewithme]

You can try to analyze this guy's feelings and intentions all day until you are blue in the face. All you know for SURE, is what he is telling you through his actions. Sure, his actions towards you in the beginning of your relationship were ambiguous, but right now, his actions are speaking louder than words. And his actions say, " our time together was a mistake, I want to be committed to my son and Girlfriend, I want to keep my distance from you".

 

It may work out between him and his GF, then again, maybe it won't. It seems that no matter what, he doesn't see you in his present or future. I think he honestly cared for you as a friend, and a friend of his family, had a moment of weakness, and took advantage of your feelings. I think he is now trying to do the right thing. I think you, as a friend to these folks, should help him do the right thing by keeping your distance, and not trying to see more to this than there is.

 

I am sorry that you want more from him, and that you want to see that he wants you. I don't think he does. I think you are whipping your self into a frenzy trying to see what is not there. I think he has become a bit of an obsession to you, and that is not helping you put him behind you. I think time, distance and distractions can start you on your way. You seem very loving and caring, you could be best served by loving and caring for someone who can reciprocate.

[Louisesarah]

He said to me he seen me as more than a friend tho.

He was in my house for 10 minutes and started kissing me.

In two years he always text me first,he chased me I never let him know I cared either way.

If he hadn't even entertained the idea of us being together why keep it going for so long ..why say we would be a amazing couple.

That's what messes with my head.

One minute I think it was for sex then I think of everything he said.

Do you really spend hours lying in bed with someone talking and hugging if you see them as a family friend?

Why did he cry and get upset when he said he couldn't leave his son then ask if I loved him.

His messed me right up

[ladydesigner]

I think he has become a bit of an obsession to you, and that is not helping you put him behind you. I think time, distance and distractions can start you on your way.

 

I would have to agree with the above. I think you are struggling with rejection. It is the one feeling I have struggled with when I was a MOW and now as a BS.

I usually obsess too. I actually needed to get on medication to help me calm the constant thoughts.

 

Hang in there!

[Louisesarah]

It just makes me angry that after years of him bombarding me with texts /phone calls .filling my head with words I agree to him coming over ..we have a great night ( so I thought ) then he has the cheek to tell me not to text him.

 

It should of been me telling him not to text me..I'm angry at myself.

How dare he..it's always been him chasing me and I never once told him not to text me.

I think he has some nerve.

I feel embarrassed and stupid tbh.

[Louisesarah]

I don't know how he can be so heartless.

He must realise he has hurt me.

He could of said sorry.

He chose to be cruel and a coward.

It's not right to hurt me to make himself feel like a better man.

I feel like il never get over this.

My depression is worse than ever..I'm taking tablets to sleep to function.

I wasn't strong enough to have any dealings with him ..I'm angry that I've allowed myself to invest emotionally in this mess.

I feel sick when I think of me lying in bed with him..it makes me feel like a total fool.

[Louisesarah]

I just keep thinking why was I never good enough to be his girlfriend? Only good enough to text on the sly and come over and keep it a secret.

Won't even acknowledge me as a friend on Facebook.

I don't get what's wrong with me ??

[Ms. Faust]

He love bombed you because the chase and yearning are fun.

He got you, now the fun is gone and the mystery is over.

 

I guarantee if he knew how much you are obsessing he would be one of those MM who accuse the OW of being crazy.

 

He played you.

Edited October 21, 2015 by Ms. Faust

[Grapesofwrath]

I just keep thinking why was I never good enough to be his girlfriend? Only good enough to text on the sly and come over and keep it a secret.

Won't even acknowledge me as a friend on Facebook.

I don't get what's wrong with me ??

 

You're looking for the answer in the wrong place. It's not what's wrong with you...it's what's wrong with him. This experience falls squarely on his shoulders. Learn from the experience, in terms of how you select people to invite into your life. Otherwise, the rest is on him.

[ladydesigner]

I'm angry that I've allowed myself to invest emotionally in this mess.

 

Anger is good. Hold onto that but do not turn it in on yourself. I keep reading a lot of self blame. It comes from rejected feelings. You are not to blame, he is. He is the fool who spent countless hours reeling you in while his gf/wife? was pregnant. If this incident was exposed to his family he would not look like such a good person.

 

You were vulnerable and fell for his advances, not stupid. You may have been having an EA for much longer before it turned physical which would be why you feel emotionally invested.

 

With time you will start to feel better. I promise I thought I would never get over my xAP or my WH's betrayals, but I have and I will. You can too!

[Louisesarah]

Anger is good. Hold onto that but do not turn it in on yourself. I keep reading a lot of self blame. It comes from rejected feelings. You are not to blame, he is. He is the fool who spent countless hours reeling you in while his gf/wife? was pregnant. If this incident was exposed to his family he would not look like such a good person.

 

You were vulnerable and fell for his advances, not stupid. You may have been having an EA for much longer before it turned physical which would be why you feel emotionally invested.

 

With time you will start to feel better. I promise I thought I would never get over my xAP or my WH's betrayals, but I have and I will. You can too!

 

I guess if he can cheat on his gf when their child is a few weeks old what did I expect.

I'm annoyed that for years he picked me up and threw me to one side whenever he felt like it yet I still have sex with him the first time he came to mine.

Now for him to say it was a mistake is such a cop out because he knew exactly what he was doing.

It wasn't a heat of the moment decision he wanted it for years.

 

I think I built him up in my head to be something he isn't.

[Louisesarah]

You're looking for the answer in the wrong place. It's not what's wrong with you...it's what's wrong with him. This experience falls squarely on his shoulders. Learn from the experience, in terms of how you select people to invite into your life. Otherwise, the rest is on him.

 

I really don't think I'm a bad person.

I clearly have no radar for when people are playing me tho.

I'm just really embarrassed and I know il bump into him eventually and I don't know how I will show my face.

He must think I'm so pathetic and a idiot.

[Louisesarah]

Makes me wonder if he ever liked me at all.

He told me a story about another serious relationship he was in when he was in the navy and he was friends with another girl and they shared a bed naked..he said they never slept together but he loved her and I had became the new her ..maybe it's a pattern he repeats.

Edited October 22, 2015 by Louisesarah
Forgot to add details

[Poppy47]

If he can do what he has done.... he can tell you anything or do anything.

 

As long as you accept it and allow him to get around you, he will.

 

Poppy

[PinkElephants]

I don't believe that's all it was.

I don't know anymore.

All I know is it always seemed like he had feelings but was scared to act on them. I have so many unanswered questions.

I don't get it

I just don't believe it was all for sex.

It doesn't make sense

 

Louisesarah, you keep insisting that you don't understand. I think it's because what you want to believe and your reality are in direct opposition to each other. You want to believe that he cared, the night was special, he's scared, and he has feelings for you. Your reality is that he used you, he said what he needed to get what he wanted, and he chose another woman.

 

You seem unable to find evidence to support what you want to believe and are unwilling to accept your reality. Therefore, you feel confused because you can't make the story play out the way you want.

 

I've known men to be scared of things, the biggest man I know was petrified of "The Grudge", but being with the woman they love is never one of them. Men in true love stop at nothing to be with the one they love. They move, leave their jobs, leave their homes and loved ones behind, they put in effort. If a man loves you nothing will keep him away; if he doesn't then nothing can make him stay. Certainly a girlfriend he doesn't like wouldn't keep a man away from real love. The only conclusion is that he doesn't feel like you do.

 

I just keep thinking why was I never good enough to be his girlfriend? Only good enough to text on the sly and come over and keep it a secret.

You've already answered this question.

 

for years he picked me up and threw me to one side whenever he felt like it.

Now for him to say it was a mistake is such a cop out because he knew exactly what he was doing.

THIS is why. We teach people how to treat us and we get treated the way we present ourselves. He picked you up, dropped you, said some pretty words and got his attention fix. Wash, rinse, repeat. You let him back in every time he treated you like crap. You taught him that you won't enforce boundaries and he can do whatever he wants because you'll always be his back-up plan. You presented yourself as easy prey.

 

You're absolutely right that he knew what he was doing. He did said what you wanted to hear to get your heart and legs to pop open. I bet he'll come back when he needs some more attention too; history has shown you'll take him back with no effort. Grow a backbone, stat! Blow his mind by handling yourself with dignity and not taking his crap.

[PinkElephants]

If I have any advice for you it's this: forget him and get happy. All unhappiness in the world is caused by unhappy people. Examples:

-Most cheating married men claim to be unhappy in their marriages so they seek out, impose upon, and use women who become deeply unhappy OW

-Some OW are unhappy, damaged creatures who seek to gain self-esteem from wreaking havoc on and creating unhappiness in marriages. If they fought over her then she was worth something, right?

-Statistically, most criminals grew up in poverty in single parent households with absent fathers. They may feel entitled to happiness or seeking revenge upon society or others by raping, stealing and murdering unhappiness into others' lives.

 

You see where this is going. The guy you're stuck on is an unhappy person who caused unhappiness in you. You're an unhappy person who potentially created unhappiness in his gf and their son. The solution? Get over him and get happy.

 

As long as you're in this condition you'll continue to be vulnerable to men just like him. A strong woman would tell him to kick rocks. Additionally, rejection from guys like him will sting less. This seems like a massive blow to your self-esteem but it may not be to a woman who has other sources of self-worth.

 

Furthermore, his rejection doesn't mean that you're worthless. Worth is subjective. Over the course of my life some men have found me unworthy of a phone call and others have considered me worth an engagement ring. I'm the same girl, just the time and guy changed.

 

Get your life together, know your worth and find a guy who understands it too. This guy isn't it so it's time to move on.

 

So what's going right in your life? Job? School? Friends? Hobbies?

[Sassy Girl]

Enough alread wth obsessing about him. Time to focus on you.

 

So what if he used you for sex- you allowed it.

 

You knew he had a girlfriend and a three week old baby. You went there anyways.

 

Work on why YOU did that. Enough with the pity party and focusing on his actions. You are a grown woman and you made bad choices. He didn't do anything to you that you didn't consent to. You're sounding an awful lot like a victim, and you aren't:

 

Make sure you never do it again. Work on you. Worry about you.

[Louisesarah]

I know I can't change things now but I wish I was the woman who said no go to your girlfriend,I can't be used sorry.

I know I can't change that now but I guess I can be happy and meet someone decent.

I know that I shouldn't let someone like him make me this pathetic mess.

My best friend(his sister) said something to me and it hit home..she said he is a looser,he has always been a looser,he cheats on every girlfriend and makes them unhappy and hurts every woman..I'm pleased he isn't single because he would break you,he enjoys making people feel worthless to make him feel better.

I love him he is my brother but why any woman gets involved with him is a mystery.

 

I keep re reading that.

I don't want a partner who's eyes wander and cheat.

Even tho I slept with him when he has a gf and I am ashamed I want to be somebody's everything,I think I deserve more than a cheat.

[Louisesarah]

If I have any advice for you it's this: forget him and get happy. All unhappiness in the world is caused by unhappy people. Examples:

-Most cheating married men claim to be unhappy in their marriages so they seek out, impose upon, and use women who become deeply unhappy OW

-Some OW are unhappy, damaged creatures who seek to gain self-esteem from wreaking havoc on and creating unhappiness in marriages. If they fought over her then she was worth something, right?

-Statistically, most criminals grew up in poverty in single parent households with absent fathers. They may feel entitled to happiness or seeking revenge upon society or others by raping, stealing and murdering unhappiness into others' lives.

 

You see where this is going. The guy you're stuck on is an unhappy person who caused unhappiness in you. You're an unhappy person who potentially created unhappiness in his gf and their son. The solution? Get over him and get happy.

 

As long as you're in this condition you'll continue to be vulnerable to men just like him. A strong woman would tell him to kick rocks. Additionally, rejection from guys like him will sting less. This seems like a massive blow to your self-esteem but it may not be to a woman who has other sources of self-worth.

 

Furthermore, his rejection doesn't mean that you're worthless. Worth is subjective. Over the course of my life some men have found me unworthy of a phone call and others have considered me worth an engagement ring. I'm the same girl, just the time and guy changed.

 

Get your life together, know your worth and find a guy who understands it too. This guy isn't it so it's time to move on.

 

So what's going right in your life? Job? School? Friends? Hobbies?

 

I am currently volunteering at a dementia centre with the elderly which is hard work but I love it.

I have a few close friends and we have lots of things planned in the next few weeks ( nights out,fancy dress party,we are going to a concert and a meal )

And end of November me and my best friend are going to Paris for Christmas shopping and sightseeing.

I'm trying to think of all the nice things in my life.

I've got my own apartment and when I don't obsess over him I'm actually happy.

I think I'm a fun person( I get told I am ) so I guess nothing stopping me meeting someone nice.

[Louisesarah]

And do I really want a man who drinks all the time.

Falls over drunk and lies in bed drinking beer on a morning.

Causes trouble between his family and then claims he doesn't remember or he never did it.

[Louisesarah]

So I guess you could say we were having a "emotional affair" I'm not sure what that even means.

We would text etc.

I knew he had a girlfriend then she was pregnant.

Yet I still continued.

Then we would talk sexual sometimes just general chat.

He said he had feelings for me and I couldn't stop.

 

After a year we has sex

What was I thinking?

Why was I so stupid?

Do you think he thinks I'm pathetic now?

I deserve a man who's just my own so why did I settle for scraps?

[Patrice]

First question .... what happened in your life, to lower your self esteem enough to let him in?

[Louisesarah]

Lots of things have happened in my life but nothing I could use as a excuse.

I should of said no and if you like me like you say be with me or leave me alone.

It's only taken me realising he was using me for me to see sense.

[privategal]

So I guess you could say we were having a "emotional affair" I'm not sure what that even means.

We would text etc.

I knew he had a girlfriend then she was pregnant.

Yet I still continued.

Then we would talk sexual sometimes just general chat.

He said he had feelings for me and I couldn't stop.

 

After a year we has sex

What was I thinking?

Why was I so stupid?

Do you think he thinks I'm pathetic now?

I deserve a man who's just my own so why did I settle for scraps?

 

One thing that makes you look pathetic is to keep showing up at his family home. It makes it look as though your clinging to ties and wont let go of that connection to his life.

You ruined any chance of normalcy or friendship Im so sorry, I know it sounds harsh but you made this bed.

You need to begin to move on.

He DID use you, its hard to accept that...your mind is working overtime to think the feelings were true.

He isnt a god, hes a man. I had a 10 year friendship turned suddenly into an EA and it was STRONG and I would've SWORN on my entire existence it was TRUE love..turns out hus wife at the time was 4 months pregnant. I had no idea and went back 20 times for more ego strokes getting suckered back in....why? Because my heart REFUSED to acknowledge it wasn't love at all but I was a sexual outlet for a man too selfish to not get his sexual needs met while his poor loving wife was exhausted carrying his baby.

I was used, many of us were used, we gotta accept the truth and get strong enough to move ON and take a lesson that we were WILLING to be used and equally took part in the deception.

Get super real with yourself. It wasn't love, it wasn't deep, it was getting off. Once he got off...he took off...to care for his family. He has chosen to move on and you arent.

Your choosing to stay stuck and wallow and try and analyze.

Im sorry but you need to accept it to heal and go forward.