Author Louisesarah Posted October 28, 2015 Author Share Posted October 28, 2015 The only time I go to his mums house is when I'm meeting my friend ( who still lives there) before we go out and she has invited me over. Most of the time he isn't there thank god. I don't just randomly knock on the door. It is hard to accept that he just used me when we were talking for years. The way he did it was just so abrupt. That's what I've found hard to accept. I don't know how he could be so cruel to me after I allowed Him in my home and bed. I am trying to move on. I'm going out with friends etc but I still think of him for most of the day. I know that sounds sad but I can't help it. It's hard to deal with the fact he never cared for me at all. I thought he did and it's hurtful Link to post Share on other sites
Dancewithme Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 Do you have any other friends you can hang out with? Being with the sister friend is triggering you, maybe you need some distance from her and her family for a while. Since you've confided in her, and she knows the whole messy story, if she's your friend, hopefully she'll understand. Distract yourself with other friends, hobbies, etc. It sounds like the volunteer work is helpful. Anything constructive to keep you busy, and your mind off those people. If I may ask, how old are you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted October 28, 2015 Author Share Posted October 28, 2015 I am 28. It isn't practical to stay away as I drive his mum to physio every week and she relys on me as she's pretty much housebound. Also my best friend is like my sister and she has recently been quite ill and she's even said she couldn't cope without our friendship and neither could I. It's such a mess isn't it. I should of kept well away from him. What a sorry messed up situation it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Faust Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 I think the best thing to do in this situation is move on. And not move on to someone else in the hopes of making him jealous, for reals move on. This guy has cheated throughout his relationship, and has blatantly disrespected you, do you think that even if he left his wife for you he'll stop his wandering ways? Be realistic here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
warshaw Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 I am 28. It isn't practical to stay away as I drive his mum to physio every week and she relys on me as she's pretty much housebound. Tell him he's got to make other arrangements for his mum. She's not your responsibility anymore. He can drive her or hire someone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted October 28, 2015 Author Share Posted October 28, 2015 I have a date Saturday night with a man who seems quite nice, Going for food and drinks so hopefully that will be fun. The guy who I had this thing with well his best friend asked me out but I said no as I think that would just look like I'm trying to make him jealous or get a reaction. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted October 28, 2015 Author Share Posted October 28, 2015 Tell him he's got to make other arrangements for his mum. She's not your responsibility anymore. He can drive her or hire someone. It's my best friend ( his sister ) who asked me to drive her not him..don't think he even knows about it. Link to post Share on other sites
josh451 Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 (edited) lol how are people so gullible to get themselves into situations like this ... not only that, but to even get emotionally attached to someone that has a girlfriend is unheard of lol, i wouldn't be okay with hooking up with a chick that has a dude.. that's genuinely stupid. Edited October 30, 2015 by josh451 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted November 3, 2015 Author Share Posted November 3, 2015 Basically 8 weeks ago he told me not to text him again. I haven't and I'm proud of myself for that. I haven't been tempted either,I miss talking to him but I would not give him the satisfaction of chasing him ...no way I do have so self respect left. The thing that's bugging me is he is my best friends brother. Now he in the last 5 weeks opened his Facebook again. He hasn't added me,everybody we know he has added. Except me that hurts. We were friends before anything even happened between us so why can't he add me as a friend and we put it behind us. We should of stayed just friends who occasionally flirt. I feel embarrassed that he hasn't added me. I haven't done anything wrong. Last time we were together he told me he loved me but couldn't leave his child. We lay in each other's arms for hours and opened up yet he can't even be my friend on Facebook. I don't get it. Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 Well honestly, it just sounds like he is trying to put it behind him and move on. Maybe try to work on his marriage, maybe he found another OW, who knows. I know it is tough, when you lose someone you love it is really hard, but look at it as an opportunity. This gives you the chance to make life better for yourself and have healthier relationships. Let his wife deal with the mess that he is and you realize you dodged a bullet. If he can go that long without you l then he was not serious enough anyway. You deserve better. Hang in there, screw his stupid social media, and get on with enjoying your life. I hope you feel better soon. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Faust Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 My dear, you have got to stop focusing on what he said the last time. You are digging yourself into a pit of despair. He slept around before you, and in the 8 weeks you all have been no contact he has probably slept with more OW. Who knows why he said the things he did, but imagine all the crap he has said to other women that he slept with, including his wife. They are probably all lies, and why would you be different? I really think this is a case of he enjoyed the chase more than the catch, and he has moved on to new prey. If he wants to hook up, he will probably be in contact again, but it seems like his feelings for you don't quite match what you feel for him. Do you have hobbies? A social life? Do you stay active? Are there things that you can do that can help you keep busy and move on? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted November 3, 2015 Author Share Posted November 3, 2015 Yes I do have hobbies and a social life but I still can't get him off my mind. I've been out every night last week..cinema/meals/bowling /night out/shopping yet I still can't stop thinking about what I did wrong. Why I'm such a insignificant person he can't even be friends with. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 He's trying to recommit to his relationship and IF he has feelings for you, then NC is the best way. You'll only start reading meaning into any contact, including adding you on FB. If you were his GF, would you be happy that he was friend (all be it on FB) with a girl he cheated with? You feel hurt that he hasn't added you as a friend...Imagine how you'd feel if it was your BF and he'd slept with another woman while you were busy with an infant. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted November 3, 2015 Author Share Posted November 3, 2015 About 7 months ago we were on Facebook and he deleted me and I asked why and he said It's the only way to get you out of my head then 6 weeks later he started up speaking again. This time it's been 2 months and I won't ever text him again. I might wallow and get upset but as far as he is concerned I'm all happy and getting on with things. Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Faust Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 Remember, you said he also said this to you: Thinking back to when we were lay on the sofa ..he said " if we have sex it would spoil all of this " And you said he is a serial cheater, verbally abusive to his girlfriend, and a drunk. He really does not sound worth all this angst. I hope you feel better, he really did you wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted November 3, 2015 Author Share Posted November 3, 2015 Remember, you said he also said this to you: And you said he is a serial cheater, verbally abusive to his girlfriend, and a drunk. He really does not sound worth all this angst. I hope you feel better, he really did you wrong. I know I still don't know what he meant by "if we have sex it would spoil all of this " I've also took myself off Facebook to stop looking at his page and trying to distance myself from his sister too. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 I know I still don't know what he meant by "if we have sex it would spoil all of this " I've also took myself off Facebook to stop looking at his page and trying to distance myself from his sister too. He probably said that because he knew that if he had sex with you it would end the friendship. He apparently doesn't want to be friends with the women he's cheated with once he beds them. Maybe because he thinks it's to risky or maybe because he only enjoys women during the build up phase, the chase. Once he conquers a woman sexually he is done with her. I don't know why you're still pining for this guy. He sounds like a creep. Link to post Share on other sites
EmbraceTheChange Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 But you did something wrong - you slept with a guy who had a girlfriend and a newborn baby at home. I don't know if his girlfriend found something out or if the guy freaked out after he slept with you, but at the end of the day, he is putting things in place not to have any contact with you anymore, by telling you he doesn't want you to text him and by not adding you to his Facebook friends list. And you being a friend that flirt sometimes is definitely not acceptable to him anymore. Because look where it landed him? He cheated on his girlfriend and now fears that if the truth comes out he's going to lose the chance of being a full-time dad in the process. You probably went from being a fun thing on the side to being his worst idea in the world. Sorry for being blunt, but I did it, and the smack I got in the face did hurt for a long time. So I can totally understand the guy pov. Best thing you can do is to see where you went wrong and learn from it. And promise to yourself that you will never put yourself in a situation like this anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted November 3, 2015 Author Share Posted November 3, 2015 You would think he would want to incase it went the opposite way and I ended up telling the gf. I think I find it hard to get over it as his sister keeps talking about him..how he is drinking himself stupid blah blah. I wish i could escape it. I find it hard hearing about him. Could it not be the guilt stopping him from being a friend? If he pretends I don't exist then he did nothing wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted November 3, 2015 Author Share Posted November 3, 2015 But you did something wrong - you slept with a guy who had a girlfriend and a newborn baby at home. I don't know if his girlfriend found something out or if the guy freaked out after he slept with you, but at the end of the day, he is putting things in place not to have any contact with you anymore, by telling you he doesn't want you to text him and by not adding you to his Facebook friends list. And you being a friend that flirt sometimes is definitely not acceptable to him anymore. Because look where it landed him? He cheated on his girlfriend and now fears that if the truth comes out he's going to lose the chance of being a full-time dad in the process. You probably went from being a fun thing on the side to being his worst idea in the world. Sorry for being blunt, but I did it, and the smack I got in the face did hurt for a long time. So I can totally understand the guy pov. Best thing you can do is to see where you went wrong and learn from it. And promise to yourself that you will never put yourself in a situation like this anymore. She deffo doesn't know anything. He did freak out after it happened. In the months leading up to it he went from saying he wanted me to saying we shouldn't as it would cause a massive mess. Then back to wanting me again. Even the night he said we shouldn't be doing this and I honestly think he got scared. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted November 3, 2015 Author Share Posted November 3, 2015 She deffo doesn't know anything. He did freak out after it happened. In the months leading up to it he went from saying he wanted me to saying we shouldn't as it would cause a massive mess. Then back to wanting me again. Even the night he said we shouldn't be doing this and I honestly think he got scared. He isn't happy with his gf tho. His mum has told me he doesn't love her anymore. Yet he still won't change his situation. He drinks himself stupid and goes to his mums house to sleep the night. Tells his mum he doesn't want to go back. I know he isn't happy but I know it's none of my business. Maybe if it wasn't for the baby things might of born different. Link to post Share on other sites
OneLov Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 I can relate to how at times no contact can feel like punishment especially in these situations. You feel like a pariah. As hard as it may seem at times, you must begin to accept things between the both of you have forever changed. It sucks. But it is not personal; it is part of the healing process. Since Facebook is contact by the definition of the word- Contact: communicate with (someone), typically in order to give or receive specific information. Communicate: share or exchange information, news, or ideas. try to understand denying your friend request is part of applying NC. Trust me, he is doing you a favor despite the fact it may feel like he is not. Until he ends his primary relationship, he is best out-of-sight and out-of-mind. The only control you have is the choice to move on. As hard as it may seem now, if you truly go NC, it will become a lot easier. I wish you the best and to stay strong, OneLov Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted November 3, 2015 Author Share Posted November 3, 2015 I can relate to how at times no contact can feel like punishment especially in these situations. You feel like a pariah. As hard as it may seem at times, you must begin to accept things between the both of you have forever changed. It sucks. But it is not personal; it is part of the healing process. Since Facebook is contact by the definition of the word- Contact: communicate with (someone), typically in order to give or receive specific information. Communicate: share or exchange information, news, or ideas. try to understand denying your friend request is part of applying NC. Trust me, he is doing you a favor despite the fact it may feel like he is not. Until he ends his primary relationship, he is best out-of-sight and out-of-mind. The only control you have is the choice to move on. As hard as it may seem now, if you truly go NC, it will become a lot easier. I wish you the best and to stay strong, OneLov I never sent him a request I wouldn't let him see ( apparently I have no morals as I slept with a taken man but have a little pride) I have days where i feel good then days where I'm sad but I know it will get easier. Hopefully il meet someone single. Talking to people on here helps me so so much even tho I must be very annoying keep talking about it. In a way I think if it wasn't for people on here I would of text him weeks ago. Thankyou for all your advice I really really appreciate it :-) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Faust Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 He isn't happy with his gf tho. His mum has told me he doesn't love her anymore. Yet he still won't change his situation. He drinks himself stupid and goes to his mums house to sleep the night. Tells his mum he doesn't want to go back. I know he isn't happy but I know it's none of my business. Maybe if it wasn't for the baby things might of born different. Considering that you said he has cheated on every girlfriend he has had, he is not happy with anyone. And if he was with you he would still be unhappy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted November 3, 2015 Author Share Posted November 3, 2015 Considering that you said he has cheated on every girlfriend he has had, he is not happy with anyone. And if he was with you he would still be unhappy. I totally agree. Nothing or no one person can make him happy. Link to post Share on other sites
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