Just seen Him with his family :-(

[whichwayisup]

If he truly was that unhappy with his girlfriend he'd end it with her. He's not a baby, he's a grown man who can make his own decisions.

 

He treated you poorly, hurt you and chose his gf over you, so ask yourself WHY you'd want someone who doesn't want you? Cry it out and just know as time goes on things will be better.

 

Tell your friend to please stop showing you pictures and talking about him. That you don't want to know...If she doesn't stop, then take a well needed break from her and anybody else who knows her/him.

 

Keep busy, get active and do fun hobbies, meet up with different friends, anything to keep you from sitting and focusing about him.

[anika99]

I know he is many things but I do believe he is a good dad.

The guilt he felt after me and him slept together was down to thinking he betrayed his son.

He doesn't go out drinking he drinks alone in his bedroom at their home.

I'm not making excuses for him but he's life has changed massively and I know if the baby hadn't came along he would never have moved in with her.

 

Who's to say he doesn't drink because he is utterly miserable.

He did treat me awful and I think I need to work on why I still want him.

 

He isn't a bad person,I've seen his vulnerable side.

 

Really? If his gf was spending her time alone in her bedroom getting drunk would you call her a good mother?

 

He drinks because he has a an alcohol problem, period. We all go through stuff and most don't handle those times by getting drunk. Nobody is making him drink. if you think he wouldn't be a drunken cheater with you too then you are delusional.

[waterwoman]

He needs to cut the apron strings for a start. His mum is doing him no favours treating him like a precious little dumpling and making excuses for his appalling behaviour. I'd bet she'd dislike any woman he had a serious relationship with - if he left his gf and he moved on to you, you'd be in firing line.

[Lurkeraspect]

Maybe I have this wrong, but I thought you said that your girlfriend (his sister) didn't know about your romp with him. Has that changed?

 

Also, this guy is a loser. He cheats on his girlfriend who is a new mum. He's a drunk. He used you for sex, then promptly vanquished you from his life, yet here you are, wasting your time and tears over this. Is your self esteem really so low? Why in the hell would you even want this guy? Do you think if you somehow got him, he magically change into a wonderful human being? No. He'd be cheating on you in no time, and he'd still be a drunk.

 

Come on, it sounds like this is all about winning for you. And dear, he's no prize.

[Louisesarah]

There is no way he would ever leave his child.

His dad walked out when he was a baby and I know he wouldn't do that.

 

I do believe after we slept together he got scared because he knew if anyone found out he would loose his son.

 

Why would he of said everything he said if he never had any feelings at all for me.

[stillafool]

There is no way he would ever leave his child.

His dad walked out when he was a baby and I know he wouldn't do that.

 

I do believe after we slept together he got scared because he knew if anyone found out he would loose his son.

 

Why would he of said everything he said if he never had any feelings at all for me.

 

He doesn't have to stay with the mother and child to support the child. He can be in the child's life as much as he wants without living with the mother. There is NO WAY he can lose his child just because he slept with you. He is not a married man. Married men have affairs on their wives all the time and don't lose their children so how could he? He would have to be doing something physically and emotionally to the child in order to lose it.

 

No one is saying he didn't have feelings for you I imagine he does/did. His feelings for her are stronger and that's why they are now a family.

 

You will be happy again but you have to let this guy go. You can't force someone to love you and be with you.

[Gloria_Smellons]

It really doesn't matter what you did, what you think or what he said.

 

The only thing that matters now is what you know, and what you know is that he doesn't want to be with you. The how's and whys are irrelevant.

 

Time is a great healer, but time on its own isn't enough. What you do with the time is also key.

 

Notice how you are doing nothing different from previous, and you feel no different from previous. That's no coincidence.

 

You have to want to move on. Why is it that you're having trouble moving on? At this point it is because you're flat out refusing to even try. Try doing something different, like all the good suggestions that have already been made here. Once you even start to see a tiny bit of progress it becomes (slightly) easier to keep moving forward.

 

Please don't think I'm not sympathetic, no one deserves to be treated like crap and be played with, but you are going to have to woman up and start taking care of business unless you want to be stuck in this pity party forever.

 

Do something for yourself, make one change today and start your path to healing.

[Louisesarah]

He doesn't have to stay with the mother and child to support the child. He can be in the child's life as much as he wants without living with the mother. There is NO WAY he can lose his child just because he slept with you. He is not a married man. Married men have affairs on their wives all the time and don't lose their children so how could he? He would have to be doing something physically and emotionally to the child in order to lose it.

 

No one is saying he didn't have feelings for you I imagine he does/did. His feelings for her are stronger and that's why they are now a family.

 

You will be happy again but you have to let this guy go. You can't force someone to love you and be with you.

 

This is what I'm struggling with.

He has said he couldn't bare not living with his child and not waking up with him daily.

He only moved in with the gf when the baby was born..he didn't want to live with her.

They had split and then she told him she was pregnant and got back together.

He has told his mum and sister he doesn't love her anymore.

Last week he tried to sneak his son to his mums and them both stay there.

 

He was the one who always chased me,never me.

He told me his future had to be with his son but got upset and cried and asked me was I in love with him and he would hate me being with someone else.

I don't believe it was all fake.

People always say cheaters lie etc etc but I don't believe he lied to me.

He even said he needed an escape.

[Louisesarah]

He doesn't have to stay with the mother and child to support the child. He can be in the child's life as much as he wants without living with the mother. There is NO WAY he can lose his child just because he slept with you. He is not a married man. Married men have affairs on their wives all the time and don't lose their children so how could he? He would have to be doing something physically and emotionally to the child in order to lose it.

 

No one is saying he didn't have feelings for you I imagine he does/did. His feelings for her are stronger and that's why they are now a family.

 

You will be happy again but you have to let this guy go. You can't force someone to love you and be with you.

 

It really doesn't matter what you did, what you think or what he said.

 

The only thing that matters now is what you know, and what you know is that he doesn't want to be with you. The how's and whys are irrelevant.

 

Time is a great healer, but time on its own isn't enough. What you do with the time is also key.

 

Notice how you are doing nothing different from previous, and you feel no different from previous. That's no coincidence.

 

You have to want to move on. Why is it that you're having trouble moving on? At this point it is because you're flat out refusing to even try. Try doing something different, like all the good suggestions that have already been made here. Once you even start to see a tiny bit of progress it becomes (slightly) easier to keep moving forward.

 

Please don't think I'm not sympathetic, no one deserves to be treated like crap and be played with, but you are going to have to woman up and start taking care of business unless you want to be stuck in this pity party forever.

 

Do something for yourself, make one change today and start your path to healing.

 

I don't want to move on.

I just want him.

Sad as it sounds

I know we could be good together.

I hate that I feel like this but I do.

[Krashi]

There is no way he would ever leave his child.

His dad walked out when he was a baby and I know he wouldn't do that.

 

I do believe after we slept together he got scared because he knew if anyone found out he would loose his son.

 

Why would he of said everything he said if he never had any feelings at all for me.

 

Sounds like he nay be sociopath. I would run from him.

[anika99]

This is what I'm struggling with.

He has said he couldn't bare not living with his child and not waking up with him daily.

He only moved in with the gf when the baby was born..he didn't want to live with her.

They had split and then she told him she was pregnant and got back together.

He has told his mum and sister he doesn't love her anymore.

Last week he tried to sneak his son to his mums and them both stay there.

 

He was the one who always chased me,never me.

He told me his future had to be with his son but got upset and cried and asked me was I in love with him and he would hate me being with someone else.

I don't believe it was all fake.

People always say cheaters lie etc etc but I don't believe he lied to me.

He even said he needed an escape.

 

So he tried to kidnap his newborn baby away from his mother? Geez it just keeps getting better. Was he drunk when he had that brilliant idea or does he just have rocks in his head? The more you post about him the more he sounds like a pathetic loser but I guess you're just going to pine away for the bottom dweller forever because you refuse to do anything different.

[Louisesarah]

Apparently it was after he argued with the gf because he told her the whole of his family thought she was a c*nt and nobody liked her.

He was apparently hiding his vodka in a pint of milk.

[Krashi]

So he tried to kidnap his newborn baby away from his mother? Geez it just keeps getting better. Was he drunk when he had that brilliant idea or does he just have rocks in his head? The more you post about him the more he sounds like a pathetic loser but I guess you're just going to pine away for the bottom dweller forever because you refuse to do anything different.

 

What else is this guy capable of: cheating, lying, stealing the baby? Holy smokes , you need to run from this guy as fast as you can. He sounds deranged.

[anika99]

Apparently it was after he argued with the gf because he told her the whole of his family thought she was a c*nt and nobody liked her.

He was apparently hiding his vodka in a pint of milk.

 

Like I said, he's a drunken loser.

[MJJean]

I know he is many things but I do believe he is a good dad.

The guilt he felt after me and him slept together was down to thinking he betrayed his son.

He doesn't go out drinking he drinks alone in his bedroom at their home.

I'm not making excuses for him but he's life has changed massively and I know if the baby hadn't came along he would never have moved in with her.

 

Who's to say he doesn't drink because he is utterly miserable.

He did treat me awful and I think I need to work on why I still want him.

 

He isn't a bad person,I've seen his vulnerable side.

 

He is a lying, cheating, drunk who whines and comlains instead of standing up and doing something about his life. That's NOT a good parent.

 

You ARE making excuses for him.

 

He made the baby that changed his life. He knows sex makes babies. He chose to have sex in such a way that a baby could be the result. This isn't something that just happened to him. It's a well known result of his choice.

 

Is it so hard to believe he might of actually had feelings for me

 

Yes. Of course, based on your description of his behavior, it's hard to believe he cares for anyone but himself. Lord knows a man who cares for his baby or his woman or his own honor doesn't behave as this "man" has been behaving.

 

He isn't willing to change it tho just drink and moan about it

 

Because he's a true POS. He's not the man you're making him out to be. You're in love with a fantasy of your own creation.

 

There is no way he would ever leave his child.

His dad walked out when he was a baby and I know he wouldn't do that.

 

I do believe after we slept together he got scared because he knew if anyone found out he would loose his son.

 

Why would he of said everything he said if he never had any feelings at all for me.

 

You honestly don't know what he would or wouldn't do. You don't really know him at all because you're choosing to see him through rose colored glasses instead of seeing him as he is.

 

How on Earth does having sex with you put his parental rights in jeopardy? Answer: It doesn't.

 

He could have sex with the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders in groups of 3 in front of his baby momma and it would have exactly zero to do with custody and visitation.

 

If he wanted to leave Baby Momma and embark on a new relationship or just go solo, he could. All he'd have to do is go to court in order to establish custody and visitation.

 

He said what he said to you because he knew it would get him in your pants. And he was right.

[Louisesarah]

If his gf found out she would more than likely kick him out.

He wouldn't get to see his child every day and be the dad he wants to be.

It could take months and months and dealing with courts and solicitors to sort access out.

 

He wouldn't do that.

He would rather just drink and complain how his life is bad and miserable.

[Lurkeraspect]

If his gf found out she would more than likely kick him out.

He wouldn't get to see his child every day and be the dad he wants to be.

It could take months and months and dealing with courts and solicitors to sort access out.

 

He wouldn't do that.

He would rather just drink and complain how his life is bad and miserable.

 

The delusion in thick in this one.

 

If you're so sure his gf would kick him out, if you're so in lust with this guy, if you're so sure he's only a drunk because he's with this horrible woman, then why not tell her? Just out his drunken one night stand with you. Just do it. Tell the whole family while you're at it.

But know this: you know how quickly he deleted you from his life after having sex with you? Yea, prepare yourself for full on hatred from him after you blow his sorry life up.

 

I'd still tell her though. Hopefully she's young enough to dump this guy and find a real man.

Edited December 1, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
fixed quote formatting ~6

[Louisesarah]

If his gf found out she would more than likely kick him out.

He wouldn't get to see his child every day and be the dad he wants to be.

It could take months and months and dealing with courts and solicitors to sort access out.

 

He wouldn't do that.

He would rather just drink and complain how his life is bad and miserable.

 

The delusion in thick in this one.

 

If you're so sure his gf would kick him out, if you're so in lust with this guy, if you're so sure he's only a drunk because he's with this horrible woman, then why not tell her? Just out his drunken one night stand with you. Just do it. Tell the whole family while you're at it.

But know this: you know how quickly he deleted you from his life after having sex with you? Yea, prepare yourself for full on hatred from him after you blow his sorry life up.

 

I'd still tell her though. Hopefully she's young enough to dump this guy and find a real man.

 

It wasn't just a one night stand tho was it ..we had spoken and texted for 2 years and after we slept together we still spoke.

Also he wasn't drunk when we had sex.

The night he stayed over we just talked and hugged that was it no sex.

It was the day after we had sex.

And no I would never tell her.

I wouldn't want to ruin his life

Edited December 1, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
fixed quote formatting ~6

[Lurkeraspect]

 

It wasn't just a one night stand tho was it ..we had spoken and texted for 2 years and after we slept together we still spoke.

Also he wasn't drunk when we had sex.

The night he stayed over we just talked and hugged that was it no sex.

It was the day after we had sex.

And no I would never tell her.

I wouldn't want to ruin his life

 

Good lord. You're just splitting hairs now. Look, do you want to get over him? Then you have to stop the obsessing, you need to distance yourself from his family. All of them. He doesn't love you, or he'd be with you. Men who love women, don't sleep with them, then ignore them. Men also tell women anything to sleep with them. Certainly you know that fun fact.

 

He's where he wants to be, period.

He's a proven cheater, period.

He's a coward, period.

He's a crappy dad, period.

He's a drunk, period.

He used you, period.

He's not coming back, period.

One day you'll realize how lucky that makes you.

 

Please share with us what makes moan and cry over him? And please, please, please, don't say he'd be different with you, cause that's delusional.

Edited December 1, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
fixed quote formatting ~6

[ladydesigner]

(((Louisesarah))) are you seeing an IC? I highly recommend it. While I am not an OW, I have been an xMOW in my past and a BS more than once and in both roles I had problems with letting go and obsessing too much. The only thing that REALLY helped me was therapy + medication. Actually the medication really stops these thoughts dead in their tracks.

 

Take good care!

[stillafool]

 

It wasn't just a one night stand tho was it ..we had spoken and texted for 2 years and after we slept together we still spoke.

Also he wasn't drunk when we had sex.

The night he stayed over we just talked and hugged that was it no sex.

It was the day after we had sex.

And no I would never tell her.

I wouldn't want to ruin his life

 

It's clear there's nothing else we can say here because your mind is made up.

 

Just tell us; what is your plan to get him back and how do you plan to implement it?

Edited December 1, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
fixed quote formatting ~6

[privategal]

It's clear there's nothing else we can say here because your mind is made up.

 

Just tell us; what is your plan to get him back and how do you plan to implement it?

 

Exactly...so it is SO frustrating to see someone hang on and not 'get it' I empathized last gp around with your post...its HARD when you catch feelings and deeply care and really believed all the words...the heart cant except they were only just words...to admit you were used is both hard on the self esteem and so HARD to believe. But...TRUST ME...he hasn't even tried to string you along or keep you on the hook...he wants to FORGET. THE best way to earn your self esteem back is to let GO. FORGET this...its the PAST. Hes likely looked at you hanging around his Moms house as desperate and a way to hold on.

Would you like to spend all of 2016 hung up om a guy who slept with you and dropped you?

Cause in case you haven't read here the classic affair guys who wanna keep it going still find ways to text,call, visit, fb message...he has not done any because he never wanted anything more than a quick lay. Sounds harsh but its TRUE.

This prison your in is self imposed...you wanna hang on and not accept the TRUTH.

He isnt a nice guy, he isnt trapped there...he was selfish and made his life and is adjusting to it. Doesnt mean one thing about you...doesn't mean hes truly unhappy...his gf is healing from childbirth. You dont know he drinks in his room...I tell my Mom very little to not invite more input...even SHE doesn't have apl the facts but the point is...your life is tied to a dead end. Get over this. He isnt a friend or he would've said Happy Thanksgiving. Your over. Its a new day. You need new music, tje gym, new dreams, a new job, to date, new friends...you gotta stop. Its done. Hes got a new baby is living with the Mother of his baby, hes moved ON. YOU need to as well.

[Louisesarah]

I just can't understand why he spent 2 years texting and telling me how he felt,there was times he would text me hundreds of times a day.

What was that for,1 night of sex.

He's a good looking man he could get any woman.

He told me on many occasion he didn't want me as just the other woman..

He even planned after we slept together about coming over next time.

So in his head he did have the feeling to see me again..what changed guilt?

[Louisesarah]

I don't know if I have mentioned but I suffer from depression/anxiety/OCD and have done for a few years now.

Stopped my medication a while ago and I know that could be what's making me so low about this situation.

 

I just think he is a vile rat to turn around and say it was a mistake,**** happens.

He knew exactly what he was doing and has known for years..so for him to say that is a bit of a kop out

[m4p]

I just can't understand why he spent 2 years texting and telling me how he felt,there was times he would text me hundreds of times a day.

What was that for,1 night of sex.

He's a good looking man he could get any woman.

He told me on many occasion he didn't want me as just the other woman..

He even planned after we slept together about coming over next time.

So in his head he did have the feeling to see me again..what changed guilt?

 

It's not that hard to understand.

Because it's free.

Because it doesn't cost him anything except for a sore thumb.

Because it's an escape from his mundane life.

Because WHY NOT.

 

It's a fantasy for him to survive being a loser day by day ("what if I give up everything just to be with Louisesarah, would I be happier? Nah.. I am not gonna do anything because she's happy to give me attention with zero effort on my part.")

 

Fast forward a few years has passed and an opportunity presented itself so he goes... WHY NOT? again. And then he freaks out. How does that sounds ok to you? It sounds like someone made a huge mistake and is trying to backtrack. He regrets it even if you feel otherwise. Why would you want someone who makes you feel this way? Even his mom is telling you that you deserve a decent boyfriend. She's asking you to go away for the sake of her son's young family. HIS OWN MOM.

 

What are YOU getting out of this?

Anxiety, sadness, pain of being with someone who is committed. Is it worth it?

 

 

Choose between:

 

1) Cut it off, heal yourself, date someone normal (plenty out there) who can give you 100% love and commitment. Lead a fulfilling life knowing that you dodged a bullet. You are still young.

 

or

 

2) By some miracle you get your wish and he grows a backbone and leaves his wife AND NEWBORN BABY and gets custody/visitation of his son.

You start your life with a cheater and as a stepmom of a kid. Put up with his drinking. Pop out a kid or two.

Then maybe one fine day, find out that when you're at home taking care of a crying baby and a toddler, he's out there texting another woman hundreds time a day, have sex with her, then cries and say that he can't leave his kids. Rinse and repeat.

 

OP- why do this to yourself????

Edited December 1, 2015 by m4p