sex life sucks and I married

[Rezanii]

Okay so I met my wife this passing summer, I moved from florida to New York and we started dating and had lots of sex, even though it wasn't the greatest sex probably not on my side either, but she said it was good and has told me i made hrer cum multiple times during that period in our life, but, regardless we had a lot of sex and I had lots of feelings for her.

 

At the end of the summer she moves back to Maine where she was living, she only came to NY to visit family, but I fell for her so bad that I saved up whatever little bit of money I had to go see her, long story short I end up moving in with her family, and sex is good but its not as much as we used to have and its dwindling.

 

At first I try not to say much but it gets to be too much and I'm feeling like she's less sexually attracted to me so I confront her, she says she's really is attracted to me but she's just exhausted all the time and there's no more excitement because we didn't live together in ny. So okay I feel like things might get better, and I forgot to mention that she's been wanting me to get her pregnant and the only time she'll have sex with me on a regular basis is when an app on her phone tells her she's ovulating.

 

So the night after this conversation she wakes me up in the middle of the night with oral sex to get me hard and we start having sex, for some reason during sex I couldn't cum and I ended sex after she came. She started crying and was upset because she said she would never get pregnant.

 

Fast forward to our next fight, I attempt multiple times to get her in the mood to have sex with me and I get denied over and over, that last time she denied me before our next fight I was upset I had the worst feeling ever and didn't want to be around her, well after she denied me sex she attempted to lay on me and I told her to get away from me because of my mood, I was horny and she only made it worse, she got upset and left, when she came back I apologized for being a jerk and I know I was, I didn't want to mention the sex part I just apologized for my actions, but she wouldn't leave it alone she kept asking why, so I told her, she said she felt like **** and that she's never felt that way since her last boyfriend who used to abuse her( beat her up, cheat on her and give her cruel punishments).

 

Well it got to the point where she threw her ring at me and told me that I can't just apologize after telling her that maybe she married the wrong guy because I have such a high sex drive and she doesn't, I had a panic attack and started beating myself in the head because she made me feel ****ty like I'm not suppose to want sex from her and now because of it I'm going to lose her this caused her to worry about me so she grabbed me and held me down and tried to make me feel better and we kinda worked things out but the issue was still there and was even worse is because I started thinking more and more about our fight and how unfair things were.

 

So she somehow gets pregnant and I'm upset because I already feel like I'm gonna end up in a sexless married which is going to leave my child in an a unhappy or broken home, we talk again and she tells me that when her back pain from being pregnant 4 weeks goes away we'll have a SEMI-NORMAL sex life........

 

So her back pain goes away and we have sex once since we found out she was pregnant and she starts spotting, she says, so the spotting stops and we have a doctors appointment soon but before than I ask her for sex and she says she wants to talk to the doctor about sex before we have sex again. We go to the doctor and doesn't ask the question at all, I'm pissed, so I hold my anger in and just drop it, when we get home out of no where she lays me down and starts kissing me and we have sex, I eat her out before we do to make sure it was a good experience for her, and then we go back to our twice a week sex life.

 

And now here I am, upset and wanting out of this marriage, what can I do to save it, am I an *******?

[d0nnivain]

If she's telling you she is exhausted you should do more to help her so she has the ability to get some rest.

 

It also sounds like you are having sex so I'm not really sure why you are annoyed.

 

The sex will get better while she's pregnant but then it will wan again immediately after the baby is born. You need to be supportive & helpful.

 

When the baby is about 1 take her on a romantic weekend. In the meantime help around the house & be an attentive husband.

[VeveCakes]

ugh, why are you bringing a child into an already unhealthy relationship.

 

The sex is not going to get better once the baby is born.

 

Counselling may help....start now before it's too late.

[Gemma1]

Were you at the doctor appointment with her? If so why didn't YOU bring up the question about sex? I'm sure it's perfectly ok for you two to have sex. If it was dangerous, the doctor would have told you to stop. Obviously you should ask anyway, but seriously no doctor would have let her leave an appointment without telling her if it was dangerous for the baby if you guys have sex.

 

You have a serious problem. Pregnancy and the time period immediately afterwards is the time when even highly sexual marriages will see a decline in their sex lives. It takes a lot of work to get things back to their normal level. And for you, even your normal level is not satisfactory to you. If she had excuses for not wanting sex before, pregnancy and childbirth will give her unlimited excuses (many of which will be valid). You need to go to counseling ASAP.

[Mr. Lucky]

And now here I am, upset and wanting out of this marriage, what can I do to save it, am I an *******?

 

I have a friend who's a financial adviser. told me the other day about a 62 yr-old man who came to see him with $2500, wanted to plan for his retirement.

 

Obviously, this man has done things in the wrong order and started with too little too late.

 

Rezanii, you have put yourself in roughly the same position. These are the issues you figure out before you marry someone and start a family. And this is why you don't rush into things with someone you met "this passing summer". End of rant.

 

If you want to save things, back off. This is no longer about you and your immediate sexual needs and your relationship can't go into crisis mode every time those needs aren't met. Be considerate and supportive (for the next 18 years or so :-), things will improve in time.

 

Right now you have a short-term approach to a long-term problem...

 

Mr. Lucky

[healingsoul]

Let me start off by saying, "Congratualtions on the upcoming new child and your basically new marriage." That might sound as an add way to begin my comment but I really felt you needed to be reminded of what big new changes have taken place in your life recently. Marriage and loving another person is about so much more than sex. While usually for men sex is much more important, the desire for sex greatly reduces for woman when they are tired and she is really being honest in telling you that sex life can be so very different once you are living together versus if you have sex earlier in a relationship.

 

 

If you have sex in the beginning stages of being together and before you have made a long term commitment sex can be driven by an excitement of doing "what you are not suppose to be doing." For some people they can have a thrill or enticement bought about by adrenaline. From talking with my gynocologist, he says it is so very common for women to have a strong sexual drive before marriage, and then when she wants to get pregnant but to struggle with a sexual desire simply during marriage.

 

Now that your wife is pregnant this will not be the best time to work on your sexual relationship unless she feels like it is important right now. Realize that you may have to wait until after the child has come and even after the first 6 months or so. I woman usually is highly charged with hormones and pregnancy can be draining on her body.

 

The key is to focus on your wife as a person and for you to think about ways that you can learn more about her and take care of her. Believe it or not this will help build her appreciation of you and it will make her desire you more physically. A woman wants to be loved for who she is and to know that you love her regardless of sex. She wants to feel cherish and appreciated.

 

There are so many things you both can do to develop a deeper leveled relationship that has nothing to do with sex but it will help you have the important ingredients that will build a lasting relationship. So many people don't realize how many things influence a sexual life, and that sex can change so much during the different stages of life. While sexual compatibility is very important, stay committed to your wife and recognize that you both can work on it through the years.

 

 

Now is definitely time for you to focus on your wife and your upcoming child. You will have to learn how to put your need for sex beneath your need to be a loving husband and supportive father. I say this knowing that you are probably not ready to hear this and you both probably need to go to marriage counseling for support.

There are so many resources to help you. I hope you can see this struggle, disappointment and frustration as a time to grow and see marriage/relational satisfaction can be in a variety of areas.

 

 

Just be encouraged! Don't give up. A good sex life can be developed.

[RecentChange]

Wow, you're screwed.

 

I will never understand why some rush so hastily to make permanent, life changing decisions.

[ShatteredLady]

Are you still living with her family? Id find that a bit of a libido killer. You say that you had very little money. That's a lot of stress.

 

The doc didn't say 'Dont have sex" so she jumped on you when you got home (or did I read that wrong?). She says she's exhausted, she's pregnant & you're having sex a couple of times a week & you react violently when denied.

 

I agree that you could both benefit from MC. This doesn't sound healthy & you've got a baby coming! That should be a FANTASTIC thing. I've had 2 kids & it does crazy things sometimes. My desire was a roller coaster.

[Rezanii]

The thing is though is that I treat this woman like old and I live her a lot but sometimes I just get the feeling of being taken advantage of. There are always time when I eat her out and she tries to deny me sex and now that she's pregnant I always try to give her what she needs whenever, cooking cleaning massages, whatever she wants, and then on top of it she recently told me that she only used to have sex with me whnever because she thought I would leave her but I guess now that I'm in nowheresville all the way out in Maine she couldnt couldn't care less. And even still to this day I rarely show my feelings when I'm mad, today we got into it because she slap me with end of the mop and then got mad at me for getting mad. I honestly love her to death and a lot of times I case my feelings aside to keep things okay and whenever I say something it never gets solved. I also feel like she's lying to me more to avoid having me ask for sex too. My wife is a huge baby if something is wrong you'll know, but shell be looking at me with a smile telling MW she feels like ****, then go to the bank and come home do some cleaning, go to work come home and not a peep about how she feels like ****, she says stuff at the most convenient time to stop me from asking for sex. Its as if she feels guilty because she knows the real reason she won't have sex with me.

[dichotomy]

Okay so I met my wife this passing summer, I moved from Florida to New York long story short I end up moving in with her family, and sex is good but its not as much as we used to have and its dwindling.

 

At first I try not to say much but it gets to be too much and I'm feeling like she's less sexually attracted to me so I confront her, she says she's really is attracted to me but she's just exhausted all the time and there's no more excitement because we didn't live together in ny.

 

 

Ya I could understand why a woman might not feel so excited for her man - when he moves from his own place in NY - into her parents house in Maine.

 

However I suspect this maybe something not so usual for certain cultures, but its not going to drive a woman mad with passion.

[TigerCub]

I don't get this, you were with a woman that only wants to have sex with you when she's ovulating and so after you knock her up, now you're complaining about how the situation is wrong and you're unhappy and want more sex.

 

What did you think would happen when she got pregnant?

She clearly just wanted to have a baby and didn't want to have sex with you for the fun of it - why would you think the situation would drastically change.

 

I'm sorry but you got yourself into this mess.

[VeveCakes]

It doesn't sound like she cares about your needs at all, or maybe even you for that matter.

 

Time for counselling, a serious talk, and if that goes no where, I would move on.

[stillafool]

Why did you marry this woman and get her pregnant? So sorry for you because your sex life will go way down hill from here.

[Ms. Faust]

I am having trouble rousing sympathy for you when you really dropped the ball on this one. You got married in a haste, had a baby just as quickly, moved in with her parents all while surrounded with financial issues and all because of that fleeting "I love her" feeling.

 

All of our advice comes from personal experience. My own personal experience is that I met my husband, we got an apartment together, we loved and travelled for few years, worked on building our assets, and THEN we had a baby.

 

My husband and I had frequent, regular sex up until I gave birth, and then we started up again 4 weeks postpartum. We did so because we are sexually compatible.

 

You and your wife do not have the same goals, barely know each other, are not financially stable, and are not on the same page in regards to sex. To put it bluntly: you probably were not meant to be together, and you most definitely should not have made a baby together.

 

Now that that ship has sailed you have to work with it: fix your life, fix your finances, fix your relationship and THEN you can address the sex. You have too many other things going on to zero in on just sex.

[Miss Clavel]

 

 

Now is definitely time for you to focus on your wife and your upcoming child. You will have to learn how to put your need for sex beneath your need to be a loving husband and supportive father. I say this knowing that you are probably not ready to hear this and you both probably need to go to marriage counseling for support.

There are so many resources to help you. I hope you can see this struggle, disappointment and frustration as a time to grow and see marriage/relational satisfaction can be in a variety of areas.

 

 

Just be encouraged! Don't give up. A good sex life can be developed.

or, he can get a hooker, wifi and some porn. i feel for you buddy. find some sex on the lie or get a divorce. either way, it's gonna cost you.

Edited December 30, 2015 by Miss Clavel

[BettyDraper]

Wow, you're screwed.

 

I will never understand why some rush so hastily to make permanent, life changing decisions.

 

This. For some reason, I have seen so many rushed marriage situations on this forum. This is the third time I have seen a thread where a couple married after barely knowing each other.

 

OP, weren't you scared to move in with a family that you didn't know? They could have been axe murderers for all you knew. It sounds like your wife only wanted a husband as a sperm donor; that's why she drew you in with great sex and then refused regular sex after marriage unless she was ovulating.

 

From what I have read and heard from women, pregnancy and babies can temporarily derail the sex life of a couple. You will likely have many months of sexual frustration ahead of you. I know this is difficult for you but you need to be patient with your wife during this time. Marrying so quickly and impregnating your wife were both poor choices but you made your bed.