Ag4244 Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 So my wife decided she wanted to leave me because we got into an argument and I left for a few days to cool off. I basically wanted to scare her into getting some counseling because of some really irrational behavior lately that seems to be getting worse. I know now my leaving was a bad move. She has now moved out. The confusion is that she still wants to continue hugging kissing rubbing me and having sex. Someone looking at us would think we are happily married. She keeps saying damn me for leaving her and that now she has to do this because I broke her. I don't know how to proceed. Do I keep giving her the love she wants from me or do I cut ties to let her deal with the issue she has. Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 (edited) So my wife decided she wanted to leave me because we got into an argument and I left for a few days to cool off. Good for you OP...you cooled off instead of escalating things. Discuss things later when both have a cooler head. However, did you leave when you have kids at home? Did you contact her after one day? A few days even with contact may have caused too much anxiety that your wife is still reeling from. I basically wanted to scare her into getting some counseling because of some really irrational behavior lately that seems to be getting worse. Explain "irrational behavior" Also...setting a boundary is ok and when it's crossed the other person has to have some consequence...that is what I learned in counseling (after a long marriage). My counselor said that "words" are not enough for some people...I didn't know this. I know now my leaving was a bad move. I don't agree...but it depends on the circumstances and if there was some contact. She has now moved out. The confusion is that she still wants to continue hugging kissing rubbing me and having sex. Why do you allow this? Your wife is cutting you off at the knees for you delivering a consequence! And now you're giving her all the comfort she needs?! What about your comfort...like her getting counseling for "irrational behavior". Someone looking at us would think we are happily married. She keeps saying damn me for leaving her and that now she has to do this because I broke her. Wait...you mean because you set a boundary...a line in the sand. Good for you!!! I don't know how to proceed. Do I keep giving her the love she wants from me or do I cut ties to let her deal with the issue she has. See bold above^^^ OP...you moved out because you wanted to affect a change...and you've retreated! Please find the strength to reaffirm what it is you want...for your wife to go to counseling for the issue at hand. Your integrity is at hand here. Please tell what it is you feel is "irrational behavior" ... as every person has their own frame of reference. Edited December 23, 2015 by StBreton Link to post Share on other sites
Akashsingh Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 You never threaten anybody. chances are you will follow on your threat. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ag4244 Posted December 30, 2015 Author Share Posted December 30, 2015 Sorry for the delay responding. Still learning how to navigate this site. What I mean by irrational behavior is: one day we came home and my 18 yr old daughter from another marriage cleaned the whole house spotless. My wife runs a daycare from home so the toy room was also cleaned by my daughter. My wife was furious! She said my daughter purposely put all of the toys in the wrong place just to upset her. She said she was very sneaky and has a demon in her and does things just to make my wife mad. My daughter had just moved in with us about a month prior and had now idea there was a specific spot for each toy amongst the many toy boxes piled full with toys. She was simply trying to do a nice thing for us. I tried to explain this to my wife and she said I am just sticking up for her. Another instance was my daughter sat on our couch and it broke and she basically fell through onto the floor beneath. This was repaired under warranty from the furniture company because it was defective and broke where there was a knot in the wood. My wife was mad because she said that my daughter is breaking everything we own because she don't want us to have nice things. She also said that when she broke the couch, she was going to lie and say she didn't do it. I said why, what did she say? She said, she didn't day anything. I could just tell by her face that she was going to deny doing it and I was sitting right there so she couldn't. I said, hun, you can't say someone was going to deny something just because they make a certain face, maybe her face was a scared or surprised face because she had just fell through the couch. My wife then got mad at me because I was just sticking up for my little princess again. The clenched that caused me to leave is that she likes to drink a bottle of wine a few times a week. The wine has to be 15% or more alc content. Problem is, many times when she is coming down from her drunk state she will start pestering me about stupid things until we start fighting. I will lay in bed trying to sleep and she will literally crawl all over me try to keep me awake and arguing. This can happen till 3am if I let it but usually when it won't stop I will leave and go to corner store and cool off and give her time to fall asleep before returning home. The last couple times she tried chasing me while drunk and about ran into the side of my car when I pulled over to ask her to please not drink and drive and to go home. She just laughs and always denies that she is drunk. The night I finally left. She got drunk and was crawling all over me keeping me awake. I begged her for two hours to please stop and let me sleep. Well long story short. She ended up leaving mad. I watched for her for about an hour scared to death that she would wreck and kill herself or someone else. Finally she returned and when pulling in driveway about went in ditch instead. Of course this upset me even more so when she came in I yelled at her and told her she had no right driving drunk like that and if it happened again. I would personally call the police on her. She then starting arguing with me some more and telling me that I just wanted to get rid of her so I could have my little princess share a room with me. That upset me terribly and I was just so sickened by the drinking and accusations that I left. I left for what ended up being about ten days. I wanted to come back after about two but she continued to argue with me and accuse the whole time I was gone. I hoped every day that she would just want me home and our marriage to work enough to wanna get help. She never did. All she had done is turn it around and completely blame me for everything because I left her. She says I never should have left her and this is my fault. She has since moved out about two weeks ago but she still comes here for her daycare. She is in the process of getting new home approved through the state and then will be moving daycare to the new house. That is expected to be around the 10th of January. In the mean time she is here every day for daycare. When here she wants to cuddle kiss hug rub me or have me touch her in some way. Even if its just to put my hand on her leg. After daycare she is all about having sex and then she goes home but acts so sad and says why did you have to leave. She cries on and off throughout the day because she says she is so sad and messed up. She keeps saying I just wish you never would have left. I truly don't know how to take her. She seems genuinely sad over this but I do notice this is when nobody is around. If someone is around she tries to keep her distance or act like just friends. She seems to be all about telling the world that we are divorcing but when with me alone she acts like all is perfect and that we are so in love. We do not have kids together. She has 17 yr old son living here and my 18 yr old daughter moved in with me when her mother's home burned down. My daughter now goes to college full time but my wife thinks she is a leech because she lives here for free. I know allot of what I say points to my wife being jeoulus of my daughter. I think most of our issues have been about my daughter recently but the irrational stuff is in everything with her. Them were just the most recent issues leading to my leaving. The drinking and her beleif that both my kids are possessed by demons and are trying to ruin our marriage have been an issue than has recently been getting worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 Paragraphs are your friend Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 Sorry for the delay responding. Still learning how to navigate this site. What I mean by irrational behavior is: one day we came home and my 18 yr old daughter from another marriage cleaned the whole house spotless. My wife runs a daycare from home so the toy room was also cleaned by my daughter. My wife was furious! She said my daughter purposely put all of the toys in the wrong place just to upset her. She said she was very sneaky and has a demon in her and does things just to make my wife mad. My daughter had just moved in with us about a month prior and had now idea there was a specific spot for each toy amongst the many toy boxes piled full with toys. She was simply trying to do a nice thing for us. I tried to explain this to my wife and she said I am just sticking up for her. Another instance was my daughter sat on our couch and it broke and she basically fell through onto the floor beneath. This was repaired under warranty from the furniture company because it was defective and broke where there was a knot in the wood. My wife was mad because she said that my daughter is breaking everything we own because she don't want us to have nice things. She also said that when she broke the couch, she was going to lie and say she didn't do it. I said why, what did she say? She said, she didn't day anything. I could just tell by her face that she was going to deny doing it and I was sitting right there so she couldn't. I said, hun, you can't say someone was going to deny something just because they make a certain face, maybe her face was a scared or surprised face because she had just fell through the couch. My wife then got mad at me because I was just sticking up for my little princess again. The clenched that caused me to leave is that she likes to drink a bottle of wine a few times a week. The wine has to be 15% or more alc content. Problem is, many times when she is coming down from her drunk state she will start pestering me about stupid things until we start fighting. I will lay in bed trying to sleep and she will literally crawl all over me try to keep me awake and arguing. This can happen till 3am if I let it but usually when it won't stop I will leave and go to corner store and cool off and give her time to fall asleep before returning home. The last couple times she tried chasing me while drunk and about ran into the side of my car when I pulled over to ask her to please not drink and drive and to go home. She just laughs and always denies that she is drunk. The night I finally left. She got drunk and was crawling all over me keeping me awake. I begged her for two hours to please stop and let me sleep. Well long story short. She ended up leaving mad. I watched for her for about an hour scared to death that she would wreck and kill herself or someone else. Finally she returned and when pulling in driveway about went in ditch instead. Of course this upset me even more so when she came in I yelled at her and told her she had no right driving drunk like that and if it happened again. I would personally call the police on her. She then starting arguing with me some more and telling me that I just wanted to get rid of her so I could have my little princess share a room with me. That upset me terribly and I was just so sickened by the drinking and accusations that I left. I left for what ended up being about ten days. I wanted to come back after about two but she continued to argue with me and accuse the whole time I was gone. I hoped every day that she would just want me home and our marriage to work enough to wanna get help. She never did. All she had done is turn it around and completely blame me for everything because I left her. She says I never should have left her and this is my fault. She has since moved out about two weeks ago but she still comes here for her daycare. She is in the process of getting new home approved through the state and then will be moving daycare to the new house. That is expected to be around the 10th of January. In the mean time she is here every day for daycare. When here she wants to cuddle kiss hug rub me or have me touch her in some way. Even if its just to put my hand on her leg. After daycare she is all about having sex and then she goes home but acts so sad and says why did you have to leave. She cries on and off throughout the day because she says she is so sad and messed up. She keeps saying I just wish you never would have left. I truly don't know how to take her. She seems genuinely sad over this but I do notice this is when nobody is around. If someone is around she tries to keep her distance or act like just friends. She seems to be all about telling the world that we are divorcing but when with me alone she acts like all is perfect and that we are so in love. We do not have kids together. She has 17 yr old son living here and my 18 yr old daughter moved in with me when her mother's home burned down. My daughter now goes to college full time but my wife thinks she is a leech because she lives here for free. I know allot of what I say points to my wife being jeoulus of my daughter. I think most of our issues have been about my daughter recently but the irrational stuff is in everything with her. Them were just the most recent issues leading to my leaving. The drinking and her beleif that both my kids are possessed by demons and are trying to ruin our marriage have been an issue than has recently been getting worse. Tried to make your post more legible though I stopped reading when your wife claimed your "kids are possessed by demons". Your duty is to provide a safe haven and healthy atmosphere for your children, something not currently in place. Enough with the drama... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ag4244 Posted December 30, 2015 Author Share Posted December 30, 2015 Thank you Mr. Lucky for taking the time to organise my mess in to paragraphs. Much appreciated! Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 She sounds seriously unstable and emotionally abusive. Also, I would maybe refrain from referring to your daughter as "your little princess". Shes 18, shes an adult, not a princess. I wonder if that is the type of thing that has your wife jealous. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ag4244 Posted December 30, 2015 Author Share Posted December 30, 2015 Sorry I wasn't more clear. That is not how I refer to my daughter. That is what my wife says. In fact, because of all my wife's complaining, I sort of distanced myself from my daughter in an attempt to help my wife see that she (wife) is my princess. No one else. Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 Your wife calls her that? Well that changes things...that is really rude Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 There is NEVER a choice between your child and another. NEVER. Any woman who has a problem with me and my daughter will get renamed X in a heartbeat. Calling your daughter a demon? WTF. You are in the wrong for not correcting this the firat time it happened. Let her go. There is no compromise. Link to post Share on other sites
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