MAJOR red flags just 5 days into the relationship. Is she bipolar?

[StBreton]

I had a normal and happy childhood. Grew up with my parents and older brother in the suburbs of America. My brother and I fought sometimes; typical sibling stuff. My parents showed us love through providing food and shelter. We never said I love you or hugged... I simply didn't grow up in that sort of environment. If I ever have a family that is one thing I would do differently.

 

Grew up with friends including a best friend. We watched Saturday morning cartoons, rented video games and played outside. We were typical boys. We loved games, being outdoors, wrestling, Godzilla, sports, you know typical stuff that boys like.

 

I don't plan to seek therapy as I honestly believe I know what I need to work on. The kind of money I would have to pay doesn't seem worth it when i know what my hang ups are. As for your offer to share some standards with me, sure why not. I appreciate your thoughtfulness and am all ears whether here or through PM.

 

Hmmm...seems normal enough. Did you have a lot of experience dating in high school/college? Something is up that you haven't dated in 11 years and got mixed up with this girl because she was the only one to say yes...then things avalanched quickly.

 

Will do with the sharing...I'll visit your threads. Therapy is helpful and I understand the $ aspect...maybe you can do some work with self-esteem/boundaries/assertiveness on your own (you did well this time with assertiveness...just a wee bit late)...those seem to be issues...and taking the bull by the horns with women (from reading a few of your threads).

 

Maybe start a thread about each issue and get some feedback. With each thread, give an example of how these play out in your life. Ask for advice on books to read/youtubes to watch.

 

I mean ... if you want some kids to relive your cartoon/Godzilla watching days and teach them about how to say I love you and all that ...ya better get goin' ...cause I'm having a ball over here with my kids. Sitting here waiting for a dirt bike to be delivered so we can hit the dunes!!

Edited December 28, 2015 by StBreton

[katiegrl]

...it's completely invalid nonsense, and I shouldn't even refer to it if I want to be taken seriously.

 

Sorry I figured somebody should finish that sentence logically.

 

Years ago, a school psychologist said to me that that movie is the absolute worst thing to happen to dating. Unfortunately, there are people who don't realize that Hollywood portrayals have little to do with reality and continue with this "bunny boiler" nonsense.

 

Yeah I know... just a movie.

 

I don't think it affected dating much....it was married men who were cheating who started shaking in their shoes....

 

But yeah the bunny boiling analogy still continues today..amazing how much of an impact a movie can have on society...

 

Anyhoo, violence against men by unstable, disturbed women does exist ....it would be foolish to deny that.

 

But not the OP.....he'll be fine...nothing to worry about.

Edited December 28, 2015 by katiegrl

[Lansing]

Been off here for a while and just came back and read through this whole thread... WOW .....

 

OP, I saw a redflag in you when I saw your other thread about the 11 year dry spell. When I started reading this thread I thought to myself "wait, isn't this the poster that posted that"...

 

 

You really need to take a step back and see why you are SO eager to jump into something with some many redflagdeals. Be more selective going forward. I take the "better to be single than to be in a bad relationship"...

 

Re: the hamster thing, weren't you suppose to meet today? What happened?

I agree with others, why do you care to get the money back? All you need to say to her was "I bought it for you as a gift. If you don't want it anymore you can return it to the pet store". You don't need to make a big deal of it..

 

 

Her asking you if you "loved her" still is a sign that she is holding on hope. SHe is hoping that if you two meet again something will happen. Really, I would avoid talking to her, meeting her, texting her, etc at all costs.

[Teknoe]

I mean ... if you want some kids to relive your cartoon/Godzilla watching days and teach them about how to say I love you and all that ...ya better get goin' ...cause I'm having a ball over here with my kids. Sitting here waiting for a dirt bike to be delivered so we can hit the dunes!!

 

Oh that would be awesome to relive my childhood days with my kids one day! Just as long as it comes with the right woman, lol.

 

Major update. The hamster has been returned and is safe and sound!

 

So she texted me today.

 

Her: "Come to my place. Pick up the hamster."

 

Me: "I'm too busy to drive to your place. But, I can meet you at the store. What time works?"

 

Her: "I am not going out today. You come here."

 

Me: "I don't need the money. It's fine. You can return the hamster tomorrow without me there."

 

Her: "Are you avoiding me? This is about you getting your money back. I want you to get your money back."

 

Me: "Sorry I'm busy right now. I'm out."

 

Her: "With another girl?"

 

Me: "No. I already told you, I'm taking a break from dating to work on myself first. I'm out with friends."

 

Her: "If you don't pick the hamster up, then it will probably die with me."

 

Me: "Meet me tonight at the store at _____."

 

Her: "Fine. Let me ask you one last thing. Are we done?"

 

Me: "Yes."

 

Her: "So tonight is the last time I'll see you, correct?"

 

Me: "Yes."

 

Her: "That is hurtful. OK, see you tonight."

 

 

Later that night, I arrived at the store right before closing time. Waiting for her. She texts me that it's almost closing time. I go yeah, where are you? No response. I text again "?" and no answer. Finally, I call her. It goes to voicemail and I noticed that she changed her voice mail. Before, you can hear her voice saying to leave a message. Now the new greeting is nothing. I thought it was peculiar. I started to get slightly paranoid following that, wondering if she was waiting in the parking lot with a gun (hey, you go through worst case scenarios in situations such as these). Why isn't she answering, why hasn't she picked up... what's going on?

 

Finally, with 3 minutes before closing time, I hear her coming in with a shopping cart. She's got everything -- the hamster, the cage, the food, the bedding and so forth. I say "hey" and she goes "it's all there." She grabs her purse which was resting in the cart and walks away. I said thanks as she was already halfway out the door. I watched as she waddled out of my life (hopefully forever) and said a silent prayer for her that she'll find peace and a purpose in life (she constantly talked about how she is useless to this world and displayed suicidal tendencies). I stood there for a moment to kind of reflect on everything. Finally I went up to the register and met a young man roughly my age. I noticed that he noticed the exchange I had with her.

 

"Reason for return?"

 

I looked at him and simply said "Women." I said it as a joke, of course.

 

He chuckled and shook his head in a "I gotcha" sort of way.

 

"Say no more, right?" I joked.

 

"Say no more," he laughed.

 

We go through the return procedure and it turns out she didn't bring the receipt. How ironic. She was harping on how this was about me getting my money back. She mentioned that several times. That it was about me getting my money back. And now, no receipt. Just great. Thankfully, she sent me a pic of the receipt the other day. I showed it to the clerk and he approved. I got all my money back and the hamster is back safe and sound.

 

As he was looking at the picture of the receipt on my phone, in the next line over two women were fighting.

 

"Hey, stop rushing me out of the line. I'm about to leave."

 

"I'm not rushing you."

 

"YES YOU ARE. You practically dropped all your crap on the counter and booted me out."

 

"Whatever."

 

"You (multiple curse words)"

 

The woman walked off and everyone in line behind them was like "oh snap!"

 

I looked back at the clerk who had my phone and I circled back to my joke "Women..." and he laughed. It was a funny little moment. Then I joked "Man, I was about to grab my phone back and record that." He smiled, and added, "Yeah I was about to do that myself!"

 

Funny guy. Funny exchange.

 

And then that was that. I walked out of the pet store and surveyed the parking lot. She had long left, and wasn't hanging around. I walked to my car and hoped that this would be it. Hopefully I never hear from her again and hopefully she finds some peace and happiness in her life. I couldn't provide that for her nor should I (have). Everyone is responsible for their own happiness. It's too much pressure putting that on a partner to bring you peace and joy. But as crazy as the week has been, I honestly don't regret a thing. Every experience, good and bad, shapes you. And I learned a lot from this. I hope one day, in a perfect world, she and I can sit down for lunch in a group setting, when both of us are in a better place both in life and mentally/emotionally. But for now, it needs to be a clean break.

 

I won't block her but I won't be contacting her. I don't think she'll contact me as she received her closure tonight, I hope.

 

Thanks again everyone for your insights and feedback. This was one heck of a thread, wasn't it? I look forward to the final week of 2015. Man, what a year it has been, lol.

Edited December 28, 2015 by Teknoe

[Snakechammah]

Thank goodness the hamster is safe!!!

 

That's all I want to know.

 

Oh and you too. Glad you're still in one piece.

 

Please keep watching your back. You'd never know!

 

Happy soon-to-be 2016!

[Teknoe]

Please keep watching your back. You'd never know!

 

I know, right?! I feel like if it's all calm and quiet for the next month, I should be in the clear. I mean, if she's gonna try anything crazy, it's gotta be in the next week or two, right? I'm definitely on my guard, lol.

 

As for my 11 year drought, it probably comes down to these factors:

 

-I'm a homebody, so I don't meet a great deal of (new) people in any given year

 

-I don't really have a social circle that I consistently hang out with. I have a ton of acquaintances, but moreso in the sense that we'll hang out once in a great while, not like every week or even every other week.

 

-I've asked out plenty of girls since 2005, but they all said they just see me as a friend or something along those lines

 

-A few girls have wanted to date me, but I didn't find them attractive

 

-I'm not the greatest looking guy. I mean, family members have called me "handsome" before, but they're my family, lol. I've been called "cute" by girls but "cute" is friend material it would seem in my experience, and not BF material.

 

-I don't make a lot of money compared to my peers, so currently I'm living at home. This probably hurts me more than any other factor. I definitely need to move out sometime in 2016. I'm looking to change jobs within the same field and receive double my current income. If I can do that, and it's very much feasible, then I'll definitely get my own place.

 

-Of course, all those reasons above and plain ol' luck hasn't been too kind to me. A lot of times yes, you put yourself in a position to meet the right person. But a lot of times it also comes down to timing and luck. For whatever reason, my time hasn't come yet.

[Under The Radar]

I'm pretty sure after all the hamster has been through there is a strong possibility it's going to get wasted on New Years.

 

I can imagine it thinking in between shots of tequila "Thank the gods I made it to 2016"

[Snakechammah]

Don't worry, Tekkie, there are male versions of your "ex gf" too. Just read up on some of the threads here.

 

Everything is a lesson learned.

 

Now that the ordeal is over, and you've not been kidnapped, and the hamster will be drinking tequila for New Year's, it's time to re-evaluate your dating plans for 2016.

 

First and foremost, work out on your self esteem. Don't settle for 'any hot chicks' even when they display glaring neon-red warning signs.

 

Just be assured that you're not the only one with dating woes and drought here, look around in LS, we are all around! That's the reason why we congregate right? To seek solace in one another (and eat popcorn while reading other people's posts - like yours!)

 

We await your next update about the next girl! Keep going!

[Els]

Oh. Wow. Ummm... glad the hamster is okay...

[Teknoe]

Don't worry, Tekkie, there are male versions of your "ex gf" too. Just read up on some of the threads here.

 

Everything is a lesson learned.

 

Now that the ordeal is over, and you've not been kidnapped, and the hamster will be drinking tequila for New Year's, it's time to re-evaluate your dating plans for 2016.

 

First and foremost, work out on your self esteem. Don't settle for 'any hot chicks' even when they display glaring neon-red warning signs.

 

Just be assured that you're not the only one with dating woes and drought here, look around in LS, we are all around! That's the reason why we congregate right? To seek solace in one another (and eat popcorn while reading other people's posts - like yours!)

 

We await your next update about the next girl! Keep going!

 

Haha thanks. I think I'll take a brief break. Recollect my thoughts. Reevaluate some things and move forward from there.

 

Hopefully the next girl will be more of a success story

 

And yes, we do congregate here because we're mostly all in the same boat. If not in the same boat, then certainly in the same ocean. That's the picture I like to visualize whenever I come to LoveShack

 

 

Well done Tel. Glad the hamster is back on the playground wheel safe and sound. Ya know, you could continue dating and keep us all entertained ...eventually selling the rights to your dating life story. You're quite the writer ...probably the best grammar I've seen in a while.

 

Happy new year:)

 

 

Aw! Thank you for the compliments. I enjoy writing and have had many people tell me over the years that I am quite the little writer. That's very nice of you to say. Happy new year to you too!

 

 

I believe he's a teacher! That's why!

 

Indeed I am. I also am a play director in certain seasons. I have personal 5 star reviews on Yelp about my teaching practices. I'm very beloved by students and parents alike. I often joke that my problem is I've beloved by females... but specifically only by the cougars and my girl students. How about a nice single, sane woman roughly around my age sometime, eh, God?

Edited December 28, 2015 by Teknoe

[Poutrew]

 

I often joke that my problem is I've beloved by females... but specifically only by the cougars and my girl students. How about a nice single, sane woman roughly around my age sometime, eh, God?

 

 

That thought, friend, is what we all say ...

[JGirl83]

And then she finds the next victim.

 

Im sorry about your experience but i think this was quite a callous thing to say. You are not a helpless little child she manipulated into a relationship. She was -by the sound of things- very much "what you see is what you get". And despite of all of the questionable things you carried on spending time with her.

Anyway, I have read the whole thread and i know it is all done and dusted now but here is my two cents:

I think it is sad and worrying how easily some people throw around medical terms here and even more worrying when people use bipolar and psychopath interchangably. I am not going to quote now but several people used the term psychopath. Psychopaths or sociopaths are nothing like the women described in this thread.

There is a lot of stigma around mental health issues. Branding people psychos is really not helpful.

I know someone who is bipolar. He is mostly a danger to himself.

2. The dad in the ER thing is only worrying for us who have been lucky enough to have a loving caring father. But not everyone has the same family dynamics.

3. Your list of red flags is incredibly long.Given that you were only together for 5 days these things had to be pretty much one after the other. Im amazed you didnt walk away after the first day.

You are not the first to be caught up in a whirlwind romance but still..the fact that she spoke to a waitress incredibly rudely should have been enough. Anyways, i know you are already aware of your own issues.

Better luck next time.

Edited December 28, 2015 by JGirl83

[Teknoe]

Im sorry about your experience but i think this was quite a callous thing to say. You are not a helpless little child she manipulated into a relationship. She was -by the sound of things- very much "what you see is what you get". And despite of all of the questionable things you carried on spending time with her.

Anyway, I have read the whole thread and i know it is all done and dusted now but here is my two cents:

I think it is sad and worrying how easily some people throw around medical terms here and even more worrying when people use bipolar and psychopath interchangably. I am not going to quote now but several people used the term psychopath. Psychopaths or sociopaths are nothing like the women described in this thread.

There is a lot of stigma around mental health issues. Branding people psychos is really not helpful.

I know someone who is bipolar. He is mostly a danger to himself.

2. The dad in the ER thing is only worrying for us who have been lucky enough to have a loving caring father. But not everyone has the same family dynamics.

3. Your list of red flags is incredibly long.Given that you were only together for 5 days these things had to be pretty much one after the other. Im amazed you didnt walk away after the first day.

You are not the first to be caught up in a whirlwind romance but still..the fact that she spoke to a waitress incredibly rudely should have been enough. Anyways, i know you are already aware of your own issues.

Better luck next time.

 

In hindsight, "victim" was an inappropriate word to use. But, according to a mutual friend of ours, he texted me that she is already on the prowl to find someone to replace me. I'm not surprised.

 

Anyway, I agree that people with mental illness should not necessarily be interchangeable with the word psychopath. She was/is unstable, but not a psycho, per se.

[The Way I Am]

he texted me that she is already on the prowl to find someone to replace me.

 

Why are you still disparaging her even while you admit that your disparagement was harsh?

 

"On the prowl". You mean out looking for dates like you and most of the people on this forum?

 

She didn't do anything to you. Why do you keep talking about her like she's some evil predator?

[Rejected Rosebud]

In hindsight, "victim" was an inappropriate word to use. But, according to a mutual friend of ours,

How can you have a mutual friend with a stranger that you met off a dating site and knew for 5 days though? :confused: I confused!!

[Teknoe]

Why are you still disparaging her even while you admit that your disparagement was harsh?

 

"On the prowl". You mean out looking for dates like you and most of the people on this forum?

 

She didn't do anything to you. Why do you keep talking about her like she's some evil predator?

 

To clarify I was quoting the verbiage my friend used. As for how we have a mutual friend five days in, a detail I didn't share was our meeting Fridsy night involved another guy. He and I got along well so we all became friends that evening. He was off a meet up group she was meeting for the very first time. Yes it is an unusual situation.

[mattelipstick]

Maybe stop discussing her with a guy you've known for less than a week (who doesn't know her very well himself). It's over. Let it go.

[JGirl83]

In hindsight, "victim" was an inappropriate word to use. But, according to a mutual friend of ours, he texted me that she is already on the prowl to find someone to replace me.

 

I dont understand your reasoning. It is like you are trying to say that the word victim is after all not so inappropriate because she is dating again?

Why wouldnt she?

If she spent the next 2 months crying about this failed romance then that would be another thing to add to the long list.

She is doing what we all do, trying to find love.

[Redfisher]

Dates a girl for five days and thinks she's going to bring a gun and shoot him cause he broke it off. Yeah some chicks can be crazy but get over yourself dude.

Edited January 3, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[The Way I Am]

To clarify I was quoting the verbiage my friend used.

 

Before repeating someone else, you should think about how what you're saying will reflect on you.

 

As for how we have a mutual friend five days in, a detail I didn't share was our meeting Fridsy night involved another guy. He and I got along well so we all became friends that evening. He was off a meet up group she was meeting for the very first time. Yes it is an unusual situation.

 

So this guy she also barely knows likes to mock her for no reason too. I'm starting to think she might have had good reason to get upset about the two of you joining up to teaser her over text.

[serial muse]

I said thanks as she was already halfway out the door. I watched as she waddled out of my life (hopefully forever) and said a silent prayer for her that she'll find peace and a purpose in life

 

I found the bolded to be revealing. So much for finding her attractive or even really wishing her well, I guess. Not much point in reading a word of any of that pulpy life-guru stuff that you wrote after "waddled".

 

Meh. Well, I hope you learned something from this beyond "hey I've got a story". The number one lesson you could take away here is that five days /= knowing a person well enough to discuss marriage.

[Teknoe]

I found the bolded to be revealing. So much for finding her attractive or even really wishing her well, I guess. Not much point in reading a word of any of that pulpy life-guru stuff that you wrote after "waddled".

 

Meh. Well, I hope you learned something from this beyond "hey I've got a story". The number one lesson you could take away here is that five days /= knowing a person well enough to discuss marriage.

 

I never mentioned this before but she has a foot issue that forces her to sort of waddle. I did find her attractive so please don't make claims out of thin air. I used the word waddled because that's what she did and I try to be descriptive in my accounts to paint a more vivid picture.

 

She texted me yesterday to say "you ended our relationship but don't take my one friend away. Out of respect to me, I asked him to end all communication with you. So now he has to choose you or me."

 

I didn't reply. Really, her giving that ultimatum to her friend says it all. If you can't feel comfortable ever saying no to a friend then it really isn't a friendship.

[Tabby32]

I was in a relationship with a guy who I very soon realised had schizophrenia. His behaviour became more and more strange and he was very abusive towards me. I stuck around because I wanted to help him and because I knew that most of what he was doing was out of his control. I felt sorry for him. This was a big mistake. I spent 2 years walking on eggshells and afraid to leave him because of what he might do. It ended up damaging me as a person and I realised that I was not the right person to help him. Don't feel guilty that you can't help her, pull away now while you have the chance. A volatile relationship (which is what it would inevitably become) would not be healthy or good for either of you, so you are doing her a favour by walking away. Good luck.

[Teknoe]

I was in a relationship with a guy who I very soon realised had schizophrenia. His behaviour became more and more strange and he was very abusive towards me. I stuck around because I wanted to help him and because I knew that most of what he was doing was out of his control. I felt sorry for him. This was a big mistake. I spent 2 years walking on eggshells and afraid to leave him because of what he might do. It ended up damaging me as a person and I realised that I was not the right person to help him. Don't feel guilty that you can't help her, pull away now while you have the chance. A volatile relationship (which is what it would inevitably become) would not be healthy or good for either of you, so you are doing her a favour by walking away. Good luck.

 

Yup I have read many stories like yours. If the person seeks therapy it's possible to have a successful relationship with someone who has some kind of illness. When the person refuses help though it becomes nearly impossible.

 

Anyway, I haven't heard from her in two days now. Hope she finds true happiness and come to love herself. Happy new year!

[Teknoe]

She's been on my mind lately and I decided to email her. Just wishing her well and happy new year. Maybe I shouldn't have but I did. I also shared with her that I hope one day we can be friends again. She texted me "I forgive you" followed by a good night text. I went to sleep and thought cool, maybe in time we can be pals again.

 

The next morning I wake up to several messages she texted me at 5:30 AM! "I can't forgive you. I just checked a mutual friend's Facebook and I see he didn't unfriend you yet. He said he chose me over you but I knew he lied! It's all your fault!!"

 

He ended up defriending me to placate her. I didn't want to argue with her so I told her to take care. Man, it reminds me why I ended it in the first place. She switches from high to low a lot. Silly me. I should have kept it NC.