MAJOR red flags just 5 days into the relationship. Is she bipolar?

[lino]

Mate, you need to stop contacting this person.

 

Unless you love headaches, in which case, ignore what I just wrote above.

[JangMi1221]

Run. Better yet....fly like a bat out of hell.

[Teknoe]

Mate, you need to stop contacting this person.

 

Unless you love headaches, in which case, ignore what I just wrote above.

 

Yeah I admit before I sent her that email I was feeling a little nostalgic. Her actions though reminds me why I ended things with her and how doing so prevented an inevitable deeper hurt down the road had I stayed with someone so controlling and inflexible.

[dobielover]

The length of this thread given an instant-relationship of 5 days that the OP agreed to, combined with his incessant disparaging comments about her, followed up with contacting her because he felt nostalgic (over those 5 days?!!)...

 

I'm sorry, but I don't think she's the only one who needs some evaluation here. The entire focus is misplaced and ought to be refocused INWARD, OP.

[TheNextLawyer]

Oh dear... I was so rooting for you and happy that you finally found someone.

 

 

As a woman, I wouldnt even want to be her friend, much less date her as a man!! I'm sorry you picked a crazy one, maybe it's a trial-by-fire process, the next one will be better!

 

Do watch your back after you break up with her - don't prolong it any longer. Don't be a "nice guy" either, she will use your kindness as a weakness (they always do), pretend to be one of those PUA jerk-face wannabe players and do all the WRONG things so that SHE breaks up with you.

 

Then run as far as you can. Change the locks, change your facebook profile pic and go incognito. Also, prepare your work colleagues for any sightings of the loony and watch your rearview mirror at all times.

 

Be safe, and next time, don't just fall for a pretty face!

 

You need to do a LOT Of reading up on mental illness. Clearly brainwashed by third-rate dramas like the cancelled 'Stalker'.

[lollipopspot]

I didn't want to argue with her so I told her to take care. Man, it reminds me why I ended it in the first place. She switches from high to low a lot. Silly me. I should have kept it NC.

 

Re. "switching from high to low..." I mean this with respect, but just a short while ago you were afraid that she was going to kill you. And then you get to feeling nostalgic and send her a friendly message. I think you also switch from high to low pretty easily? I know you had half of the people rooting you on to think she was insane and dangerous, but this was a lot of drama followed by...a friendly message?

[TheNextLawyer]

Wow, this was intense to read.

First of all, you must be REALLY desperate to go on a date with someone and feel excited she talked about marriage. Wtf.

Five days and you've met the parents, she bought you three Christmas gifts and invited to a family party. Wtf

You gave her all your info, address, Facebook, job info. Wtf????

 

I honestly think she might have a mental issue, but YOU are such an easy prey for psychopaths. She sensed your desperation and if it weren't for this kind people on this forum who told you to run, you've probably be broke yourself or in jail, or who knows where.

 

Please, take care of yourself. Your story is highly disturbing, but not for that woman but because of your ingenuity and desperation.

 

I don't like the OP portrayal of the woman,even if its inevitably biased, but calling someone like that psychopathic is NOT 'kind'.

[TheFinalWord]

She's been on my mind lately and I decided to email her. Just wishing her well and happy new year. Maybe I shouldn't have but I did. I also shared with her that I hope one day we can be friends again. She texted me "I forgive you" followed by a good night text. I went to sleep and thought cool, maybe in time we can be pals again.

 

The next morning I wake up to several messages she texted me at 5:30 AM! "I can't forgive you. I just checked a mutual friend's Facebook and I see he didn't unfriend you yet. He said he chose me over you but I knew he lied! It's all your fault!!"

 

He ended up defriending me to placate her. I didn't want to argue with her so I told her to take care. Man, it reminds me why I ended it in the first place. She switches from high to low a lot. Silly me. I should have kept it NC.

 

Don't waste anymore time on this one friend. Do you really want someone like this in your life? Recommend no contact. Not even if its her birthday, Valentine's Day, or Armageddon.

Edited January 3, 2016 by TheFinalWord

[Teknoe]

Re. "switching from high to low..." I mean this with respect, but just a short while ago you were afraid that she was going to kill you. And then you get to feeling nostalgic and send her a friendly message. I think you also switch from high to low pretty easily? I know you had half of the people rooting you on to think she was insane and dangerous, but this was a lot of drama followed by...a friendly message?

 

I rarely lose my temper, and I am generally courteous a great majority of the time. I don't think I go from high to low and vice versa easily in those kinds of departments, but I definitely do with girls. If they contact me and are nice, it leaves me with a high. If they don't contact me or ignore me, it can leave me feeling really low.

 

Yes, the majority of posters here were urging me to cut her off and some even suggested she might inflict harm onto me. I kind of let that vision run... because I started picturing her in the worst light (i.e. she would stab me or whatever). My imagination can run away at times. And that whole breakup decision time was definitely one of those times. But when she came to the pet store, I saw she didn't have a gun. Or a knife. She just looked sad, and angry at me for dumping her and not giving her a prolonged chance. Although I largely felt relief at the time that it was over and that she didn't come to hurt me... now looking back there's a small part of me that wonders if time and communication and boundaries couldn't have made things work?

 

But another part of me says to wise up and that that's just who she is, and she'll never change drastically from what I saw. If anything, the behavior will only worsen as the honeymoon period wears off. I mean, if I saw her less than desirable behavior only 5 days in, what would I see 5 months or 5 years in?

 

So I'm a bit torn I guess you could say, and conflicted. Also, this is combined with the fact that I recently joined Coffee Meets Bagel. I've been swiping "Like" on 90% of my matches and so far no one has liked me back. It's kind of put a dent in my ego (even if I know I shouldn't let it). It also makes me wonder "Hey, I had something with that one girl. Sure, she wasn't mentally the healthiest girl around... but we did enjoy each other's company, no?"

 

The logic in me says run.

The other part of me thinks what if I didn't sensationalize everything and handled the breakup more smoothly... or just differently... i.e. slow dating and trying to know each other before making any sort of commitment. Another part of me just wants to be friends and help her wherever I can.

 

I'm pulling myself in different directions.

 

Tomorrow I head back to work and the gym. I think getting back into that routine will be good for me. I've had 2 weeks off work and gym now that I'm starting to go a little stir crazy, lol.

[mattelipstick]

She's been on my mind lately and I decided to email her. Just wishing her well and happy new year. Maybe I shouldn't have but I did. I also shared with her that I hope one day we can be friends again. She texted me "I forgive you" followed by a good night text. I went to sleep and thought cool, maybe in time we can be pals again.

 

The next morning I wake up to several messages she texted me at 5:30 AM! "I can't forgive you. I just checked a mutual friend's Facebook and I see he didn't unfriend you yet. He said he chose me over you but I knew he lied! It's all your fault!!"

 

He ended up defriending me to placate her. I didn't want to argue with her so I told her to take care. Man, it reminds me why I ended it in the first place. She switches from high to low a lot. Silly me. I should have kept it NC.

 

A week ago you were diagnosing her with BPD and considering a police escort to pick up a damn hamster for fear she might turn violent. Now you're sending messages in hopes of rekindling -- what? A one-week "friendship"?

 

Frankly, the two of you sound like two peas in an unstable pod.

[Teknoe]

A week ago you were diagnosing her with BPD and considering a police escort to pick up a damn hamster for fear she might turn violent. Now you're sending messages in hopes of rekindling -- what? A one-week "friendship"?

 

Frankly, the two of you sound like two peas in an unstable pod.

 

Well like I said I ran with the extreme sensationalism of it all. In hindsight she's just struggling in life like most of us (though perhaps a bit more than some of us). Too unstable to be a girlfriend but I still wouldn't mind being pals.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Too unstable to be a girlfriend but I still wouldn't mind being pals.

Why don't you go back and re-read this thread and all the awful horrible things you've written about a girl who you barely even knew?? What you called a "relationship" was pretend. But you have raked her over the coals. She doesn't need a friend like you, nobody does, and from what you've written you surely don't need a friend like her.

 

Sorry if I'm being harsh but this whole thing has really made me kind of ill. :sick: I really hope you will re-read it and think about your own behavior through it all.

[TheFinalWord]

Too unstable to be a girlfriend but I still wouldn't mind being pals.

 

With friends like her, who needs enemies.

 

You're a nice guy Teknoe, but you're acting desperate to contact her and to even consider being friends with her. You don't sound like you even like her, you're just lonely and a girl has paid you a bit of attention. You're operating out of fear.

 

I'm failing to see any friendship qualities in this person. What value does she add to your life? What do you add to her's? She demands people de-friend on facebook because of a couple of dates. What's crazy is your other friend complied. She must be a 10 in the looks dept to have grown men defriending each other on facebook. I would literally laugh if a girl told me to do that.

 

But if you are going to try to be friends with this person, I just hope that is all you are wanting. Right now you are starting to sound like a white knight that is going to win her with over with your brave and loyal heart. That only happens in movies. Your setting yourself up to get hurt.

Edited January 4, 2016 by TheFinalWord

[mattelipstick]

Well like I said I ran with the extreme sensationalism of it all. In hindsight she's just struggling in life like most of us (though perhaps a bit more than some of us). Too unstable to be a girlfriend but I still wouldn't mind being pals.

 

You don't even know this person. Why are you so pressed to be "pals" with her? Desperation? Loneliness?

[luvkitties]

She's been on my mind lately and I decided to email her. Just wishing her well and happy new year. Maybe I shouldn't have but I did. I also shared with her that I hope one day we can be friends again. She texted me "I forgive you" followed by a good night text. I went to sleep and thought cool, maybe in time we can be pals again.

 

The next morning I wake up to several messages she texted me at 5:30 AM! "I can't forgive you. I just checked a mutual friend's Facebook and I see he didn't unfriend you yet. He said he chose me over you but I knew he lied! It's all your fault!!"

 

He ended up defriending me to placate her. I didn't want to argue with her so I told her to take care. Man, it reminds me why I ended it in the first place. She switches from high to low a lot. Silly me. I should have kept it NC.

 

Seriously, I just want to slap some sense into you! WTF, dude?!?

[thecrucible]

Hi Teknoe,

 

I apologise if anything of this patronising because it really isn't meant to be. I read earlier in the thread (correct me if I'm wrong) that this is/was your first girlfriend so I can understand why you feel duty bound to be her friend after this break-up and think that it's the decent thing to do. If I were you, I'd stop talking to her. You will not be a bad person for this. Plenty of people opt of being friends with their exes and it's okay and the best for both parties. I also think with regards to this lady, that she isn't going to be able to enter into much conversation with you without it turning into a big drama. Every time you talk to her it opens a big can of worms. It's best to take a step back at this time. In my earlier relationships, I also tried the "let's stay friends" thing but soon discovered how naive I was about that.

[Teknoe]

Hi Teknoe,

 

I apologise if anything of this patronising because it really isn't meant to be. I read earlier in the thread (correct me if I'm wrong) that this is/was your first girlfriend so I can understand why you feel duty bound to be her friend after this break-up and think that it's the decent thing to do. If I were you, I'd stop talking to her. You will not be a bad person for this. Plenty of people opt of being friends with their exes and it's okay and the best for both parties. I also think with regards to this lady, that she isn't going to be able to enter into much conversation with you without it turning into a big drama. Every time you talk to her it opens a big can of worms. It's best to take a step back at this time. In my earlier relationships, I also tried the "let's stay friends" thing but soon discovered how naive I was about that.

 

 

She's my second girlfriend (if you can call it that). My first was in May-December 2004 and we were "on and off" for early 2005 before she eventually met her future husband.

 

As for why I contacted her, I guess yeah, I'm lonely and miss the companionship. Just someone to talk with on a "deeper" level. I have acquaintances and friends, but a lot of times it's very casual how are you type talks. With her we talked about deeper stuff. Anyway, I just slapped some sense into myself and will be resuming NC.

 

She texted me earlier today to tell me she found a new guy, and that he is "non-judgmental." She also said she's doing "everything differently" with him than she did with me and that she "pays her half." (Even though she's in debt and I wanted to be the gentleman during the brief time we dated). I told her that I was happy she found a good match and she came back with "No you are not. Being with you was a waste of time. I couldn't get my late class work done because you didn't know how to be better to me."

 

1. I was good to her... until the breakup. I'd argue ending it ASAP was another example of me being "good" to her. I could have strung her along but I'm not that kind of person. But of course anytime you get dumped it's going to be hard to view that person with an unbiased filter.

 

2. She blames me (i.e. external factors) for her lack of success. I've noticed that she has a victim's mentality. There were many times where I urged her to do her work but she insisted we go eat and go see this and go do that.

 

Anyway, she's moved on. And I realize I need to as well. Forget friendship. She's way too bitter and irrational right now to be a healthy friend.

 

In other news, I just had two girls message me on a dating website earlier tonight. Moving on!

Edited January 4, 2016 by Teknoe

[TheFinalWord]

She texted me earlier today to tell me she found a new guy, and that he is "non-judgmental." She also said she's doing "everything differently" with him than she did with me and that she "pays her half." (Even though she's in debt and I wanted to be the gentleman during the brief time we dated). I told her that I was happy she found a good match and she came back with "No you are not. Being with you was a waste of time. I couldn't get my late class work done because you didn't know how to be better to me."

 

Bro, please block her number. Don't let this girl play mind games with you.

She is just plain mean. Who writes just to say I found someone better than you and you were a waste of time. So juvenile.

[veggirl]

Not surprised she already has a new bf. Crazy girls usually do. But the part about how she's "doing everything differently" is a straight up lie. If she respected her new man she wouldn't be talking to the guy who broke up with her a week ago.

[clia]

She's my second girlfriend (if you can call it that). My first was in May-December 2004 and we were "on and off" for early 2005 before she eventually met her future husband.

 

As for why I contacted her, I guess yeah, I'm lonely and miss the companionship. Just someone to talk with on a "deeper" level. I have acquaintances and friends, but a lot of times it's very casual how are you type talks. With her we talked about deeper stuff. Anyway, I just slapped some sense into myself and will be resuming NC.

 

She texted me earlier today to tell me she found a new guy, and that he is "non-judgmental." She also said she's doing "everything differently" with him than she did with me and that she "pays her half." (Even though she's in debt and I wanted to be the gentleman during the brief time we dated). I told her that I was happy she found a good match and she came back with "No you are not. Being with you was a waste of time. I couldn't get my late class work done because you didn't know how to be better to me."

 

1. I was good to her... until the breakup. I'd argue ending it ASAP was another example of me being "good" to her. I could have strung her along but I'm not that kind of person. But of course anytime you get dumped it's going to be hard to view that person with an unbiased filter.

 

2. She blames me (i.e. external factors) for her lack of success. I've noticed that she has a victim's mentality. There were many times where I urged her to do her work but she insisted we go eat and go see this and go do that.

 

Anyway, she's moved on. And I realize I need to as well. Forget friendship. She's way too bitter and irrational right now to be a healthy friend.

 

In other news, I just had two girls message me on a dating website earlier tonight. Moving on!

 

You dated this girl for less than a week!

 

Honestly, the things you are saying above -- when read in that context -- sound a little crazy. You didn't even know this girl, much less have a full blown relationship with her.

[luvkitties]

She's my second girlfriend (if you can call it that). My first was in May-December 2004 and we were "on and off" for early 2005 before she eventually met her future husband.

 

As for why I contacted her, I guess yeah, I'm lonely and miss the companionship. Just someone to talk with on a "deeper" level. I have acquaintances and friends, but a lot of times it's very casual how are you type talks. With her we talked about deeper stuff. Anyway, I just slapped some sense into myself and will be resuming NC.

 

She texted me earlier today to tell me she found a new guy, and that he is "non-judgmental." She also said she's doing "everything differently" with him than she did with me and that she "pays her half." (Even though she's in debt and I wanted to be the gentleman during the brief time we dated). I told her that I was happy she found a good match and she came back with "No you are not. Being with you was a waste of time. I couldn't get my late class work done because you didn't know how to be better to me."

 

1. I was good to her... until the breakup. I'd argue ending it ASAP was another example of me being "good" to her. I could have strung her along but I'm not that kind of person. But of course anytime you get dumped it's going to be hard to view that person with an unbiased filter.

 

2. She blames me (i.e. external factors) for her lack of success. I've noticed that she has a victim's mentality. There were many times where I urged her to do her work but she insisted we go eat and go see this and go do that.

 

Anyway, she's moved on. And I realize I need to as well. Forget friendship. She's way too bitter and irrational right now to be a healthy friend.

 

In other news, I just had two girls message me on a dating website earlier tonight. Moving on!

 

I wouldn't believe a word she says. My hunch is that she just told you that she found someone else to manipulate you into feeling badly; when you didn't react the way that she had hoped for, then her true colors came out. Even if she has "moved on", if the guy has two brain cells to rub together, he won't be with her for very long. I am glad that you are committed to NC and that you are moving past this experience. I sincerely hope that your next experience is awesome!

[Teknoe]

I wouldn't believe a word she says. My hunch is that she just told you that she found someone else to manipulate you into feeling badly; when you didn't react the way that she had hoped for, then her true colors came out. Even if she has "moved on", if the guy has two brain cells to rub together, he won't be with her for very long. I am glad that you are committed to NC and that you are moving past this experience. I sincerely hope that your next experience is awesome!

 

Thanks. Today I returned to work and the gym. It felt good to get back to the ole routine. I don't think she is lying about finding a new guy but I agree it's bound to be short lived. She told me her longest relationship was 8 months long.

[Els]

Teknoe.... I really think you should let this one go. We're over-analyzing a week-long "relationship" a bit much, don't you think?