isabellemarss Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 ...if one of them was in a relationship? Also, given the fact that the two have been friends before one of them got into the relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 Just friendship. Platonic and day to day friend stuff that people would talk about it. If there's sexual flirting and emotions deeply involved then it's not an innocent friendship. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 Anything that is not overtly sexual & at the same pace as existed before the relationship, perhaps a little less but not more. Friends remain friends even when one of them gets a new relationship. If your communication & interaction with a same sex friend would not change because you have a relationship I see not obligation to differentiate based on gender. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author isabellemarss Posted December 27, 2015 Author Share Posted December 27, 2015 Just friendship. Platonic and day to day friend stuff that people would talk about it. If there's sexual flirting and emotions deeply involved then it's not an innocent friendship. Anything that is not overtly sexual & at the same pace as existed before the relationship, perhaps a little less but not more. Friends remain friends even when one of them gets a new relationship. If your communication & interaction with a same sex friend would not change because you have a relationship I see not obligation to differentiate based on gender. Very good points. Guess I have my answer now. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 Appropriate, in my view, would be any content the person's spouse or partner could read and feel positive about. IMO, there is no universal answer as each couple is different in their perception of content and boundaries surrounding interaction. What I usually do with female friends is include content about their spouses or relevant to their marriage in the text chains which archive because, well, they're a couple and I'm a friend of the couple whether the primary friend is the lady or the man. This style evolved over many years and due to repeated interaction, both casual and other, with MW's. The brand most helpful were those seeking out 'friendships' to address emotional intimacy issues they were dealing with in their marriages. Those interactions helped solidify the boundary of 'appropriate'. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 1) Never anything that could even remotely be construed as flirting 2) NO, EVER, late night texting. Keep it daytime. Nighttime is private time. 3) If you've ever been involved, no texting while he's attached. 4) Always say hi to his girlfriend or acknowledge her some way and if you see him, invite her too. Do not try to get him alone and cause problems. Invite her a few times and maybe she'll put her antennae down and give you some one on one time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author isabellemarss Posted December 28, 2015 Author Share Posted December 28, 2015 Appropriate, in my view, would be any content the person's spouse or partner could read and feel positive about. IMO, there is no universal answer as each couple is different in their perception of content and boundaries surrounding interaction. What I usually do with female friends is include content about their spouses or relevant to their marriage in the text chains which archive because, well, they're a couple and I'm a friend of the couple whether the primary friend is the lady or the man. This style evolved over many years and due to repeated interaction, both casual and other, with MW's. The brand most helpful were those seeking out 'friendships' to address emotional intimacy issues they were dealing with in their marriages. Those interactions helped solidify the boundary of 'appropriate'. Hmmm. When I text or talk to a guy friend we usually do talk about his girlfriend at some point but not necessarily in a bad light, mostly just casual stuff. But whenever I talk to this certain guy we never talk about his girlfriend. Ever. Even though I'm well acquainted with her. It's like an unspoken rule between us. We text each other regularly. Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 Yes, it's odd that she NEVER ever comes up in conversation. Something's off. Would he be 100% comfortable if his girlfriend read your exchanges? Then it's appropriate. If there's a need to be secretive or to hide/minimize/delete exchanges, it's inappropriate. If you find yourself questioning, chances are you're crossing or have crossed a boundary. It sounds as if this has been going on for a while. What prompted you to start the thread? Link to post Share on other sites
Author isabellemarss Posted December 29, 2015 Author Share Posted December 29, 2015 Yes, it's odd that she NEVER ever comes up in conversation. Something's off. Would he be 100% comfortable if his girlfriend read your exchanges? Then it's appropriate. If there's a need to be secretive or to hide/minimize/delete exchanges, it's inappropriate. If you find yourself questioning, chances are you're crossing or have crossed a boundary. It sounds as if this has been going on for a while. What prompted you to start the thread? Honestly she'd probably be very upset if not furious if she were to read our conversations. There are some flirty undertones in our texts and emotional undertones as well. He's the one who usually initiates it. It never gets out of hand or blatant enough, though. I made this thread for that reason. We started texting each other frequently this month. Link to post Share on other sites
guy93 Posted January 1, 2016 Share Posted January 1, 2016 Honestly she'd probably be very upset if not furious if she were to read our conversations. There are some flirty undertones in our texts and emotional undertones as well. He's the one who usually initiates it. It never gets out of hand or blatant enough, though. I made this thread for that reason. We started texting each other frequently this month. why can you not just bow out? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 1, 2016 Share Posted January 1, 2016 Honestly she'd probably be very upset if not furious if she were to read our conversations. There are some flirty undertones in our texts and emotional undertones as well. He's the one who usually initiates it. It never gets out of hand or blatant enough, though. I made this thread for that reason. We started texting each other frequently this month. Don't put all the blame on him, you KNOW he has a gf, yet you still text and allow him to flirt with you. There's absolutely no reason why you couldn't tell him stop and put boundaries in place with him. You know it's wrong and could hurt her, yet you still continue texting. Some of this is on you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 1, 2016 Share Posted January 1, 2016 Send the texts to the partner and you'll have an instant answer. It might not be the one you like! I did this many years ago with a MW. I sent her love letters to her H. One nice manila envelope full of authentic stuff. Hard to deny the handwriting, eh? That concluded our association at that time. Heh. Was that harsh? Yes. People dick around with me and I get harsh. Of course, each person handles things in their own way. Generally, and I've had a fair amount of experience with this with MW's, and the same applies to guys, what this guy is doing is feeding his id without the ego apparently paying any attention to the boundaries the superego would otherwise impose. If his partner viewed the texts, found them inappropriate, they'd have a conversation and his superego would become engaged if he wanted to retain his relationship, the ego would moderate and the id would submit and this little ostensibly innocent interaction would end. I've got one MW now banging up against the concrete with her 'brother from another mother stuff' and 'I love you'; it never ends. People push as many boundaries as they can to get what they want in life. This guy is the same. People do what they do. Up to you how to handle. In my view, truly platonic friends don't bang into boundaries like this. Hence, I'd never dream of labeling such interactions as platonic, regardless of the primary responsible party. Your interpretation may differ. Link to post Share on other sites
Author isabellemarss Posted January 8, 2016 Author Share Posted January 8, 2016 why can you not just bow out? He'd probably take it as a sign that I'm distancing myself from the friendship, which I don't want. I don't want to do anything that can be misconstrued as being cold or mean. Send the texts to the partner and you'll have an instant answer. It might not be the one you like! I did this many years ago with a MW. I sent her love letters to her H. One nice manila envelope full of authentic stuff. Hard to deny the handwriting, eh? That concluded our association at that time. Heh. Was that harsh? Yes. People dick around with me and I get harsh. Of course, each person handles things in their own way. Generally, and I've had a fair amount of experience with this with MW's, and the same applies to guys, what this guy is doing is feeding his id without the ego apparently paying any attention to the boundaries the superego would otherwise impose. If his partner viewed the texts, found them inappropriate, they'd have a conversation and his superego would become engaged if he wanted to retain his relationship, the ego would moderate and the id would submit and this little ostensibly innocent interaction would end. I've got one MW now banging up against the concrete with her 'brother from another mother stuff' and 'I love you'; it never ends. People push as many boundaries as they can to get what they want in life. This guy is the same. People do what they do. Up to you how to handle. In my view, truly platonic friends don't bang into boundaries like this. Hence, I'd never dream of labeling such interactions as platonic, regardless of the primary responsible party. Your interpretation may differ. I don't think I'd ever do this because it would cause too much trouble that I'm not looking for :/ Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 ...if one of them was in a relationship? Also, given the fact that the two have been friends before one of them got into the relationship. anything you can say in front of the SO is ok. Anything you would be uncomfortable saying in front of thier SO is a nono. Link to post Share on other sites
pro100pk2 Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 I think just friends Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 He'd probably take it as a sign that I'm distancing myself from the friendship, which I don't want. I don't want to do anything that can be misconstrued as being cold or mean. Then tell him the flirting and crossing the lines has to stop since he has a girlfriend. It seems maybe you're enjoying him a bit too much and it's become a selfish friendship. Are you into him? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TunaCat Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 About 2.5 years ago, I had a group of friends, including a couple. I was friends with both of them. The woman worked at night and her guy and I would talk about sports mostly but also other random things. I never was attracted to him. Not at all. Then one day (or night actually) he sent me a d*ck pic. He very quickly apologized and told me he meant to send it to his girlfriend. Never mind that my name starts with an A & her starts with an S. I immediately was suspicious. Since his girlfriend was at work, I texted her what happened because she needed to know and I knew she wouldn't be able to talk on the phone. Of course she didn't believe me. I immediately backed out of the friendship with both of them, but I know she thought her guy & I were messing around behind her back. Before that night, we had NEVER had a discussion that the girlfriend would not have been able to see. Totally 100% platonic. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 It's just inappropriate behavior to text so much with someone who has a partner. I'm sure if you had a boyfriend you wouldn't like it if he was constantly texting another girl and never having the chance to meet her and spend time with her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author isabellemarss Posted January 26, 2016 Author Share Posted January 26, 2016 Then tell him the flirting and crossing the lines has to stop since he has a girlfriend. It seems maybe you're enjoying him a bit too much and it's become a selfish friendship. Are you into him? I honestly don't know how I feel about him. Update: Well now I definitely know we're not just friends in the strictest sense anymore. The other day, on the car ride home he put his hand on my thigh the whole time (I was wearing a skirt) and I couldn't say no :/ Link to post Share on other sites
LeoneCool Posted February 2, 2016 Share Posted February 2, 2016 ya it's better not to cross the line and don't be flirty or anything. Link to post Share on other sites
JustGettingBy Posted February 2, 2016 Share Posted February 2, 2016 It comes down to whatever the SO of the person in a relationship deems acceptable. If they think flirting/night texting is okay, then feel free. If someone is unsure, play it safe and don't go there. Link to post Share on other sites
Gershwin Posted February 2, 2016 Share Posted February 2, 2016 I honestly don't know how I feel about him. Update: Well now I definitely know we're not just friends in the strictest sense anymore. The other day, on the car ride home he put his hand on my thigh the whole time (I was wearing a skirt) and I couldn't say no :/ You could have said no. You just didn't. He is testing your boundaries to see how much he could get away with under the guise of friendship. You may be conflicted on how you feel about him right now but I hope you realise you lose em the same way you get em. Better back off now & forget about the friendship. He already did! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bigbaby Posted February 2, 2016 Share Posted February 2, 2016 Participating in cheating behind someone's back is slimy behavior and I really don't even like hearing about it. About the original question, I think that in real life most significant others aren't crazy about their partner having opposite sex friends and the person themselves usually isn't that interested in opposite sex friends once they have someone special they care about. It usually just ends when people pair off. Link to post Share on other sites
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