Not sure I love her as much as I thought I did..

[Someday91]

Just when your in the middle of getting on with life as you do, life finds a way to make you question your own feelings you were once do sure of.

 

I will try and make this brief. I have been with my girlfriend for a year now and we have been living together for the past nine months. She is more or less everything I have wanted In a partner and I do love her very much. She wants to start trying for a baby which of course I was thrilled about however did need time to think about the situation. Now I am happy in many ways with my partner however I recently became friends with another woman who myself and her spent a bit of time together on the weekend, purely just in a friendly manner, but there is a huge catch. This woman is unbelievably good looking as she is a model but this is not what made me second guess myself, we just talked about everything and anything, got to know each other, she is kind, funny, gentle, friendly, caring and we had so much in common, foods, music, sports, hobbies, colors, outer outlook about things. Hell even wanted to move to the same place. She made me realize who I was, who I had forgotten to be, myself. The way she made me feel, nobody has ever made me quite feel like that before.

 

Now we are just friends, and this is purely innocent but I cannot help the way this woman has made me feel, and more to the fact that this has made me realize perhaps I don't love my partner as much as I thought I did, otherwise I would not be feeling this way. As of right now I'm not e turkey sure if I want to proceed with having a child as I need time to think, my current partner is unsure if she ever wants to move where I know I do, little things like this make me question weather it would work years later. I am happy with my partner, like I say I just can't help the way I feel.

 

Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated. I don't usually post like this on forums but I am actually lost as of right now.

 

Thank you in advance

[Popsicle]

My advice to you is to WEAR A CONDOM at all times you have intercourse with your girlfriend. Take responsibility for birth control now, since you are unsure and your situation is precarious. Don't doubt the idea that gf will get PG without telling you.

[minimariah]

why didn't you communicate this problem with your partner already...? sit down with her and tell her everyhing you have just told us. figure out what to do next with her -- when i was in your situation, we agreed to take some time off to figure out what is it that we both want & then make a final decision. this is not the end of the world, things like these happen every single day -- we meet other people who are a better choice for us & sometimes they help us realize that our relationship wasn't as happy as we thought it was.

 

& yeah, you should probably leave - your communication in the relationship with your girlfriend is obviously horrible & you need to work on that because it will most likely continue in your other relationships, too. COMMUNICATE. folks run from a simple confrontation and communication in relationships like from a plague or something and i'll never understand why. when in doubts, tell your partner & find a solution together. your relationship doesn't need to be horrible in order to NOT work out - sometimes we choose between good and better; not between awful and awesome. so it is possible that your partner makes you happy but someone else might make you even HAPPIER.

 

your relationship is super young - only a year - and it's easy to be happy when there are no problems, issues. now that you have a problem - the true nature and true evel of stability and happiness in your relationship comes to the surface. this is a test of sorts.

 

needless to say -- stop the child idea right away.

 

p.s. if the number in your nick is the year of your birth - you are way too young for a baby, IMHO.

Edited December 24, 2015 by minimariah

[privategal]

One year...in love and cohabitating and a friendly model comes around and makes you question everything?

Its called lust and flattery and many would feel it for a highly attactive person oozing attention on us.

A long term partner doesn't always do that anymore necessarily but it doesn't mean the love isn't strong.

Id lock down your boundaries and make SURE your relationship is affair proof before bringing a baby into the world.

Scary how one weekend with a pretty girl made you question everything.

Wait until she has gained 30 lbs, is exhausted and run down, money is tighter and you've got a screaming baby.

You seem to have all the makings of someone who will stray for an ego stroke.

Do not get married or have children until you are SURE sewing your wild oats and all the temptation is out of your system.

Your ready to hurt 2 women and yourself badly.

It is not too late to break up if its what is right for you. You aren't locked in or trapped. Yes it will hurt your gf but it might be what you need to do.

If your gonna stray...end it first.

Dont be that guy.

[Someday91]

I asked for advice, not statements and allegations to be made towards how I communicate. It's true perhaps I should communicate better. The reason this has not been brought up to my partner is because this has just happened literally a couple of days ago. Like I said I need time to think to myself but I don't want to upset my partner by spilling everything if I don't need to especially if I do want to continue after thinking everything through.

 

I was merely asking for advice that was all

 

Nevertheless thank you regardless

[Someday91]

Like I stated previously it actually has nothing to do with how good looking this woman is, it was the chemistry, the way I felt interacting with her, like we had known each other years, that is not something I chose, I had no idea I would feel this way. But again thank you for the advice. You'd right a child is not ready for this relationship yet.

[minimariah]

The reason this has not been brought up to my partner is because this has just happened literally a couple of days ago. Like I said I need time to think to myself but I don't want to upset my partner by spilling everything if I don't need to especially if I do want to continue after thinking everything through.

 

communicate - trust me, i've been in that situation. sit down with her (you don't have to tell her about the other woman) & tell her that you have DOUBTS and that you need some time. you don't have to break up -- just back off a little. take a little break of sorts and see what your life is like without your girlfriend in the picture. it would be good to remove the other woman from your life for some time, too.

 

when on my break - i realized i don't miss my partner at all. it was a really good sign of how much we aren't connected even though our relationship seemed almost perfect on the surface. it's good that you recognized all of this soon - ACT soon.

 

the bold statement - that's conflict avoiding... don't do that. it's better to upset your partner NOW than later when you're in a full blown affair and she's at home, hoping for a baby.

 

you can choose to either move from the other woman completely and try to forget about her or continue the friendship - the first way probably won't work and the second will end up in an affair and you'll become the guy who cheats -- don't.

 

you have a chance to make things right so i don't see why not do them. it's never the easy thing to be open and honest about your feelings, especially in uncomfortable moments like these... but that's what makes your relationship a good one or a bad one. if you're scared to talk about your troubles or doubts out of fear to upset your girlfriend - you don't have a good relationship. TRUST ME - those are the small cracks that eventually become huge holes when deeper troubles come along... if you can't communicate now about these smaller issues, how will you when there are much bigger ones? communicating and overcoming things like these either makes you or breaks you - no relationship is smooth sailing so use this to either make your relationship more firm and better with open and honest communication (it will connect you more maybe) OR use it to get out on time.

Edited December 24, 2015 by minimariah

[Someday91]

This makes much more sense. I think it is best that perhaps I just take a bit of time to myself, just to see where I am with everything. Don't worry I'm not gonna cheat on my partner, I would leave before then.

 

Thanks again

[minimariah]

This makes much more sense. I think it is best that perhaps I just take a bit of time to myself, just to see where I am with everything. Don't worry I'm not gonna cheat on my partner, I would leave before then.

 

yes, it's a good idea - think about everything. it's totally normal to meet someone who is making you happier. it's also totally normal to leave one relationship and try it out with the other person - that's what dating is all about.

 

so i don't think you should feel bad. it happens a lot that we don't quite know we're a little unhappy until someone else comes along - and then we see what's missing. so this is all NORMAL. it's normal to have doubts. like i said, it's not comfortable - but don't hesitate to talk about it. it's not easy and i understand that you don't want to ruin your relationship for something that might turns into nothing at the end... but it is what it is. this can make your current relationship better if you use it the right way.

 

i'd also suggest you read around this forum a little - very useful, especially reading posts from those who were in the same situation; in happy relationships or marriages and BOOM... someone else appears.

 

the thing you said about this new woman reminding you who you were resonated with me - it was like that for me, too. i was happy in my relationship - but forgot what was i really about until that person reminded me.

[Someday91]

Exactly, like you stated you don't realize where you are unhappy until you see how things are suppose to be. Nobody has ever done that, or had that kind of effect on me, now I'm happy to just be friends with this woman, only I can't get her out of my mind. And I would be flat out lying if I said I only wanted to be just friends with her. But like I said, il take some time to think, see how things go, and make a decision on where to go with this. I just didn't want to hurt my partner especially if there is no need to

[whichwayisup]

Exactly, like you stated you don't realize where you are unhappy until you see how things are suppose to be. Nobody has ever done that, or had that kind of effect on me, now I'm happy to just be friends with this woman, only I can't get her out of my mind. And I would be flat out lying if I said I only wanted to be just friends with her. But like I said, il take some time to think, see how things go, and make a decision on where to go with this. I just didn't want to hurt my partner especially if there is no need to

 

Because you feel a connection to her, there's no way you should continue to 'get to know her' and spend time with her, all that's going to do is make your feelings grow stronger for her. Distance yourself from her and do some deep soul searching...Then talk to your girlfriend. This is all about choices! And what I mean is, if you feel you'd be happier alone, then end it with your gf. Don't end things with her for this new 'friend'. Let's say that doesn't work out and the 'friend' has a serious boyfriend and isn't willing to end it either or she doesn't like you in the same way, would you be okay now losing your gf and making a decision to end it? hope this makes sense.

[Someday91]

Like I stated, I will take some time to think, see how things go and proceed from their. But I'm not gonna cheat on my partner, yet I do feel guilty about having this other woman on my mind and can't help but think about how I felt.

 

I need to clear my head first