The Way I Am Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 (edited) He expects you to believe that he's not having sex with his wife and yet he's still turning you down regularly - but not always. I doubt that it's because he's so devout. If that were true, he wouldn't have had sex with your ever or even kissed you. I think it's more likely that he's getting enough elsewhere. Or maybe he gets off on the control. Maybe both. I think it's time to change churches. You've already given up a lot of the things you used to do (and enjoy?) in the church because you can't handle them anymore. A new church would mean you don't have to see him anymore and give you the chance to do those activities again which would help keep your mind off him. You can work on renewing your commitment to your faith and becoming a person you can face in the mirror again. Edited December 27, 2015 by The Way I Am typos 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LimeBlue Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 This is my greatest point of hurt and pain - that my MM is still having sex with his wife even though he tells me his marriage is over. I know he is lying to me about it because he knows how much it hurts me. The reason I know they are having sex is because of certain things he says without thinking which allows me to fill in the gaps. It is the most painful of all. Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 This is my greatest point of hurt and pain - that my MM is still having sex with his wife even though he tells me his marriage is over. I know he is lying to me about it because he knows how much it hurts me. The reason I know they are having sex is because of certain things he says without thinking which allows me to fill in the gaps. It is the most painful of all. A husband having sex with his WIFE should not hurt you. Its what married people do with their spouse. The mistress is extra sex on the side but they do not stop the intimacy at home. Sure, thats the story many AP's are given, but its just not feasible to ask a married man to be monogamous to you and shut out his wife. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
The Way I Am Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 A husband having sex with his WIFE should not hurt you. No, the idea of a person you have feelings for having sex with someone else absolutely should hurt. And you should focus on that hurt and use it as motivation until you no longer have those feelings that make you care what he's doing with his wife. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 Last post. The thought of him having sex at home kills me. I haven't in ages. I cannot love two men. I cannot be sexual with two men. It breaks my heart to see some tell me he indeed is. Then to tell me he isn't and that I am the woman he loves. Ugh. This will help me move on. Daisy, The posters here have NO CLUE that your MM is having sex with his wife. We just don't know that and there are some that ARE monogamous with their AP. However, you're going in a positive direction and need to continue... getting out of the affair will help. And then you need to decide how to handle your marriage. Fix it or end it. We don't know if it can be fixed. It does show some promise of fix, but his drinking will be the biggest issue. And he needs to WANT to fix it. Let us know what you're doing and how it's working. You CAN improve yourself and your situation a lot. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Daisy2013 Posted December 27, 2015 Author Share Posted December 27, 2015 Daisy, The posters here have NO CLUE that your MM is having sex with his wife. We just don't know that and there are some that ARE monogamous with their AP. However, you're going in a positive direction and need to continue... getting out of the affair will help. And then you need to decide how to handle your marriage. Fix it or end it. We don't know if it can be fixed. It does show some promise of fix, but his drinking will be the biggest issue. And he needs to WANT to fix it. Let us know what you're doing and how it's working. You CAN improve yourself and your situation a lot. Thank you. I will update as some changes are made. A post by Horton really got to me as it's truth, and I'm running from truth and choosing the darkness. That's it in a nutshell despite how I feel as a human. And I don't know why because I have always tried to live as the Word instructs. And now have done a 180 with no regard for Him or anyone. My phone remains blocked as he calls me every weekday morning on his way to work. Tomorrow is Monday. I need to leave my church. Did good this morning but he found me and came over to say "Hello [insert nickname], love you," wearing his silly grin that I've only ever seen when he smiles at me. It's this cute natural lopsided smile with sparkly eyes and it cannot be manufactured, it just happens when it happens for a split moment. I just went on and didn't hang to talk. But I keep seeing it. Last night I didn't sleep as I realize the depth of this situation. These responses to my post keep playing in my mind and I feel like such a fool for behaving as I have even though I take responsibility 100%. I miss my friends lost because of this, friends who were indeed a blessing from the One I've turned against. If I can walk away from God, walking away from him should be a piece of cake, but all I can do is cry....it is a good thing I am by myself most of the time here at home. Silly.... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 I miss my friends lost because of this, friends who were indeed a blessing from the One I've turned against. If I can walk away from God, walking away from him should be a piece of cake, but all I can do is cry....it is a good thing I am by myself most of the time here at home. Silly.... Make amends with those friends you lost. They love you and cared a lot about you, which is why they couldn't enable and support you with your choices anymore. I'm sure they miss you and are hurting not having you in their lives. BUT, with that said, you HAVE to be DONE with MM for good. They won't tolerate you continuing to make poor choices that involve the A and the MM. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
The Way I Am Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 I miss my friends lost because of this, friends who were indeed a blessing from the One I've turned against. Reach out to your friends who gave up on you. Tell them that you know you were wrong and ask them to help you back on the right path. You can use all the support you can get. The people who chose to step away rather than enable you can be a strong ally. Link to post Share on other sites
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