Girl from high school wants to see me again - Should I?

[DaPriz]

I am a 36 year old never married male not currently in a relationship and was recently friended on Facebook by Lisa, a girl I knew in high school 20 years ago and haven't seen since. It turns out she's divorced with no kids, a personal trainer, and wants to get together because she's going to be in town to run a marathon.

 

My hesitation to see her comes from what happened between us all those years ago. Lisa was an athlete and I was sort of a nerd. There were times when she was nice to me and other times when she made fun of me and my friends for being geeks. I never thought of dating her for these reasons and she only dated other athletes.

 

One night when her parents were gone, she had a pool party at her house and for some reason, me and some of my friends were invited. I didn't want to go, but I let my friends talk me into it, but I brought my own car so I could leave whenever I wanted. The party wasn't bad and even though the jocks were there, they and lisa didn't hassle me, they were actually nicer than they were at school. Later during the party, I felt sick to my stomach and had to use the bathroom. Apparently something I ate didn't agree with me so I wsa in there awhile. After I was done, I went back out and found everyone had left and saw that Lisa was in the pool yet seemed a little upset. I got in and asked what was wrong and she told me she heard her boyfriend, who was a football player and I thought he was a jerk because he gave me and some of my other friends a bad time, was sneaking around on her with a cheerleader. I asked if she was sure and she didn't know, and I told her she didn't have to take that from him and there were plenty of other guys out there who would be interested in her. She told me that if a girl breaks up with an athlete at our school, many of the other athletes won't date her, so I told her there are plenty of great guys who aren't athletes who would treat her right out there if she'd just give them a chance. She hugged me then we kissed and it was wonderful. We fooled around in the pool for a little while, then she took me to her bedroom and we had sex. It was my first time and it was great. She wanted to take a shower after because of the pool chlorine and I joined her. After that, I helped her clean up after the party and while we were doing that, we talked more and really hit it off and I thought there might be a connection between us. After the clean up was done, we kissed goodnight, I told her I'd call the next day, then went home.

 

The next day, I called her, and was going to ask her out but before I could, she immediately got angry with me and said if I told anyone what happened, she'd say I raped her and she'd tell her football player boyfriend who would beat me so bad I'd end up in the hospital. I was really hurt by this and wanted to know why, but she wouldn't answer. For the rest of the school year, when she talked to me, it was often to put me down like she had in the past. A rumor got spread around school that I'd slept with her, which I denied and her boyfriend threatened me several times and even threw me into lockers and demanded to know if I slept with her, and I denied it. I was actually afraid during that time that he and some of his jock buddies would attack me or she'd accuse me of rape and I'd end up getting arrested.

 

Lucky for me toward the end of the school year, my father announced he'd gotten his company to transfer him back to our home town, which they made him leave 10 yeas before, and we'd be moving over the summer. It was only around 150 miles way, but far enough to get away from the drama. Once I was in our hometown again and our new school, I did fine and never heard from any of the people from my previous school until now.

 

I know it has been 20 years, and most people grow up after high school, but there are some things you just do at any age, and that includes accusing someone of rape. The fact she did this all those years ago still bothers me because of the fear she and her boyfriend put into me and I don't know what would have happened if I'd stayed at that school 2 more years. She could have dropped the bomb at any time and my life would have been destoyed, and she might be able to do that again now. Should I meet her or make an excuse not to? I may have had some feelings for her in the past but after what she did, I let them go and moved on with my life.

[erklat]

She can't do you any harm. No one has power over you.

When you were afraid of her jock friends, she wasn't

doing that - you were doing that.

 

Long time has passed. She is either very bored or she

thinks she is getting old and now probes men who did

her right in the past to see if there will be chemistry.

[HurtOfGlass]

20 years ago you both were 16. Thats about enough age when core psychological structure of a human develops to its fullest. So people never really change after that. They just become more good at hiding their core traits and pretend to be something they are not. IMO the girl has never really changed. I mean she slept with you willingly but she threatened to accuse of rape if her own doing came to light. Can you realise how sick and twisted this? She knew she had the power as a women to turn a sexual liaison into an assault and she used that to scare you and shut your mouth. In my opinion she is a liar, manipulator and overall horrible person (think about how she treated you after the sex, never forget that). I believe she is still using her womanly guiles and trying to lure you back for her own advantage. She knows you are a nice guy and you will believe her. Did you ask her why she is divorced? Don't fall into her trap

[Marc878]

Hmmmmm bad experience and now she's divorced.

 

Sounds like she's looking for someone to keep her.

 

Your call. If you do meet up keep your wits about you.

 

You're not that young kid so you should have more wisdom and life experience to deal with it.

[Erik30]

Up to you but I wouldn't do it.

May have happened a long time ago, but I can imagine that can be pretty traumatic.

Did she even ever apologize?

 

She's probably lonely and remembered you were really nice to her back then

[Radu]

She probably wants a catch up / semi booty call.

I would meet her, but in a public place where everyone can see you.

Depending on the laws of your country/state, i would also record the conversation.

 

If she starts talking about what happened, and admits to having said that, i would keep the recording (either way i would do it).

 

Ppl don't change that much from HS, and there is not that much magical 'growing up' and it never was 'long ago' enough .... actually i would cathegorize the replies that say this as .... wishfull thinking.

[Glynda]

I personally would not do it. Based on what you have said, she was something of a bully to you and when I've been contacted by past bullies I've dealt with, I tell them I'm fine and to go have a nice life. These people didn't think I was worthy of decent treatment then, why should now be different?

 

She may have wanted something with you, but she chose to bow to social pressure and treat you like dirt. She basically played with your feelings, being open to you one moment, then shunning you the next.

 

The fact she made those threats against you probably doesn't help much either. Hearing from her again is a reminder of the fear you had back then because of her boyfriend roughing you up a few times and her threatening you with rape allegations. It's sad but all it takes is to be accused and a person's life and even the lives of their family can be messed up for a long time, possibly permanently even if the charges are found to be false.

 

In a similar vein, I learned taking an ex back one time after a break up makes them think that even if there is a second break up, they can keep coming back. I've posted about an guy I broke up with in high school for cheating whom I gave a second chance to a few years later when I was in college and he turned out to be the same as before and I had to break up with him again. However, he tried getting me back 2 years later and then a couple of times after that and even recently, 20 years after the breakup, he tried to get back with me through Facebook even though I'm happily married now.

 

If I were in your shoes, I'd politely decline her request, not mention the past or anything like that, and go on with life. If she attempts to contact you again, just ignore her and block her if you feel the need.

 

Good luck.

 

Glynda