sickofmymother Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 (edited) So I've gone through a huge breakthrough with shedding my codependency and enmeshment issues (on my side at least) with my mother. I"m working, saving lots of money and will be out of her home in one month. So she 2 weeks ago cries at me how she's running out of money. another guilt trip where she cannot just outright ask me to give her some money, she has to lay guilt on. She's gotta be in some sort of denial on top of this because she bought 3 new large rugs and a bathrobe. She's obese and has enough money to buy cookies. I'm not stupid, I'm onto it now. So today, Christmas morning, she tries to hand me a couple hundred dollars to buy something for myself. I shut that down fast, politely mind you. I said no thank you, you should keep that since you said you were running out of money. She looked down and walked away. No guilting this time. I think maybe she got the fact that her last guilt trip screwed herself in the long run. She would only hold that money over my head and expect me to do something, her gifts are advanced payment for abuse in disguise. I think I'm getting it. It's sad because we are in the same house but in different rooms because it's too uncomfortable to be around someone who messes with your head. I don't even like her now that I see who she really is. I just had to get this out of me. If you have a response I'd love to hear it. No one got me anything (thoughtful) for Christmas, yet I just gave myself the best Christmas gift ever. Freedom from my mothers BS. 1 month and I'm gone! Edited December 25, 2015 by sickofmymother 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mlpony Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 So I've gone through a huge breakthrough with shedding my codependency and enmeshment issues (on my side at least) with my mother. I"m working, saving lots of money and will be out of her home in one month. So she 2 weeks ago cries at me how she's running out of money. another guilt trip where she cannot just outright ask me to give her some money, she has to lay guilt on. She's gotta be in some sort of denial on top of this because she bought 3 new large rugs and a bathrobe. She's obese and has enough money to buy cookies. I'm not stupid, I'm onto it now. So today, Christmas morning, she tries to hand me a couple hundred dollars to buy something for myself. I shut that down fast, politely mind you. I said no thank you, you should keep that since you said you were running out of money. She looked down and walked away. No guilting this time. I think maybe she got the fact that her last guilt trip screwed herself in the long run. She would only hold that money over my head and expect me to do something, her gifts are advanced payment for abuse in disguise. I think I'm getting it. It's sad because we are in the same house but in different rooms because it's too uncomfortable to be around someone who messes with your head. I don't even like her now that I see who she really is. I just had to get this out of me. If you have a response I'd love to hear it. No one got me anything (thoughtful) for Christmas, yet I just gave myself the best Christmas gift ever. Freedom from my mothers BS. 1 month and I'm gone! I think you are doing the right thing. Keep going in this direction and don't let yourself be manipulated! In the long run when you are on your own feet you can meet her as equals and hopefully have a healthy relationship. All the best! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sickofmymother Posted December 26, 2015 Author Share Posted December 26, 2015 Thank you! I agree. And she's being cool still and making dinner. You teach people how to treat you. I think she's learning. Happy holidays thank you for replying 1 Link to post Share on other sites
VirtualHope Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 I’m sorry for your family situation and the hurt you’ve experienced. Sometimes our parents’ personal experiences growing up can impact how they raise their children and even how they treat them as adults. Unfortunately, these experiences left unresolved can severely affect relationships between parents and children and potentially cause a flood of negative feelings and behaviors to develop later on in life. These feelings can be hard to let go of, but it’s possible to do with some healthy separation and willingness to mend fences. At times individual or family counseling can be helpful as well. I hope that one day you will be able to forgive your mother. It may be hard for her to change but I hope that she will begin to see things differently and treat you with greater respect, showing genuine love as a mother would towards her daughter. As you move forward with your own life, I also pray that you would also do the same for her. Praying for your healing and wishing you all the best in 2016. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 I agree with all the above posters' comments. I don't know how old you are, but if you are in your late teens or early 20s, just be aware that it is normal to break away and assert independence around that age and also that for some mothers who have put everything else on hold to raise their kids and have little else to prop them up, this can be a depressing and scary situation for them. Because as you are aware, the codependence is a very real thing, going both ways. Good luck. Like a poster above wished, I too think your relationship will be better once you are independent and the dust settles. I know my relationship with my mother got better by my late 20s after much turmoil (though when she got really old, she kind of reverted back to some of her ways). Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 Reading your past posts, I see you're in your 40's and needed your mother's financial help in order to start a new business. But in your other thread, you say she moved in with YOU to split the cost of living bills. But in this thread, you're saying you moved into HER house, so I'm confused. In either event, if you're in your 40's and still need your mother's financial help in order to start a business, a little HUMILITY and GRATITUDE is in order, no matter how much of a pain in the ass she is. The bottom line is that you wouldn't have been able to save up all this money you mentioned you've been able to save without her help. So take your attitude down a few notches and be grateful that she made this happen for you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 In either event, if you're in your 40's and still need your mother's financial help in order to start a business, a little HUMILITY and GRATITUDE is in order, no matter how much of a pain in the ass she is. The bottom line is that you wouldn't have been able to save up all this money you mentioned you've been able to save without her help. So take your attitude down a few notches and be grateful that she made this happen for you. Bravo! well said. This is a two way street and the advisal is fair to each side. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 I, too, am confused. What's the actual living situation? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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