westernxer Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 Originally posted by Da_1_n_OnlyN3na ok well my question is.. y would u go bak to that ex?..... I don't keep in touch with any of them. One's married, the rest are... I don't know. Looks like I'm on my own. Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 Originally posted by Curt Sometimes, gut feelings lie. Why? They are manifestations of our own physiological "love" state, in one accord with the mental images, and emotional milleu that we ascribe to a partnership. Sounds like circumstantial love - but then, perhaps even the best relationships have to start off that way. I like that quote from Psychology Today that you've included in your signature. Link to post Share on other sites
Raindrop100 Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 not necessary. Depends on circumtances. Sometimes we have to respect the other party's wishes. It can be scary sometimes if the ex keeps coming back to you when you have decided to close the relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Da_1_n_OnlyN3na Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 well my ex isnt exactly comming after me cuz he has his gf already but when i say ok i am moving on and i start nc he comes out of no where and starts talking to me again.. its like "ugh y dont u let me move on".. and ur like so frustrated and u get to the point that u start saying to ur self"leave me alone if im not meant to b with u"!!! lol Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 If you did something to force the dumper to break up with you (like you cheated, lied, wasn't attentive to them, etc etc) then you SHOULD run after them and try to make it up to them. It's actually probably what they want you to do. If they broke up with you for no good reason, then leave it alone and move on with your life. It has nothing to do with gut instincts because when you are deeply in love you will fool yourself into thinking that it's your gut telling you you two are meant to be. When in reality, the other person probably doesn't even think about you. .... Link to post Share on other sites
Tracey123 Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 My guy and I got into a huge argument that had been brewing for months 4 weeks ago and I hung up but never said I didn't "want to ever see you again." So we haven't spoke in that time and I sent him a card two days ago ....."I Thought Of You Today" and he got the card and phoned me this morning. I am going to call him back when he gets home from work and just say that I was thinking about him. I never wanted to break up but I was sooooo frustrated with him the night of the argument. A little fear happenin' here tonght........I still love him. And he never made the first contact. Link to post Share on other sites
outdated Posted June 5, 2005 Share Posted June 5, 2005 Originally posted by Tracey123 My guy and I got into a huge argument that had been brewing for months 4 weeks ago and I hung up but never said I didn't "want to ever see you again." So we haven't spoke in that time and I sent him a card two days ago ....."I Thought Of You Today" and he got the card and phoned me this morning. I am going to call him back when he gets home from work and just say that I was thinking about him. I never wanted to break up but I was sooooo frustrated with him the night of the argument. A little fear happenin' here tonght........I still love him. And he never made the first contact. You left him, there's no reason why he should have contacted you. I hope everything works out for you, I do, but you left him. He is a true man to let you come back and not be bitter about it. Maybe these are the legs of the relationship. He obviously loves you... Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted June 5, 2005 Share Posted June 5, 2005 Originally posted by saffie I read this in another thread, but it doesn't ring true to me. Guys, have you ever broken up with someone you loved (let's say there were extenuating circumstances that caused you to break up despite the fact that you cared for her) and then NOT run after her? What if she broke up with you and you loved her? Do you ALWAYS run after her? It seems to me that there are plenty of reasons why a guy who loved a gal would not run after her after a break-up. For one thing, if he reads LoveShack or subscribes to its philosophies, he might think he should do NC to forget her and move on. For another thing, he might have stuff he needs to take care of before he's ready to try to get back with her. Another possibility is that he's so depressed after being dumped that he feels "unworthy." Or he may feel that she's so upset with him that she'll just reject him again. I've never run after someone I've broken up with. Kind of defeats the purpose of breaking up. Also I don't break up unless I'm sure thats what I want. I don't play games. Link to post Share on other sites
miss-gonewest Posted June 7, 2005 Share Posted June 7, 2005 Originally posted by XNemesisX If you did something to force the dumper to break up with you (like you cheated, lied, wasn't attentive to them, etc etc) then you SHOULD run after them and try to make it up to them. It's actually probably what they want you to do. So, you are saying that if for example (or reality in my case) we were to have a really big argument that resulted in him saying "that's it, its over" and ending the relationship with me, that there is a window there for me to apologise? In his words, he loves me very much, but I p-ss him off! Would it possible be alright for me to email him with an apology? I only joined here today, but it seems the only thing people suggest is to go no contact. I can't believe that if two people love each other, they shouldn't still communicate.... Link to post Share on other sites
miss-gonewest Posted June 7, 2005 Share Posted June 7, 2005 Originally posted by saffie IGuys, have you ever broken up with someone you loved (let's say there were extenuating circumstances that caused you to break up despite the fact that you cared for her) and then NOT run after her? What if she broke up with you and you loved her? Do you ALWAYS run after her? Who broke up with who in your relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
AndrewJ Posted June 7, 2005 Share Posted June 7, 2005 I always run after the one i love thta tells me where to go . It gets me nowhere, if anything it makes the situation worse. If only had enough respect for myself not to lower myself so low. I must like running myself down i guess. Link to post Share on other sites
miss-gonewest Posted June 7, 2005 Share Posted June 7, 2005 Originally posted by AndrewJ I always run after the one i love thta tells me where to go . It gets me nowhere, if anything it makes the situation worse. If only had enough respect for myself not to lower myself so low. I must like running myself down i guess. Hey AndrewJ, why so hard on yourself? You are only human and its hard to take emotional pain quietly! Its not about running yourself down at all... I've cross posted in here on this issue to several folks....I have had ex's come back to me, however this is the first time I want to go back to an ex.... and you know what, its already killing me that they broke up with me, so if I go back and tell them my feelings and get rejected, is that so much worse? If you have been the one to end a relationship, wouldn't you think that your ex was brave coming back to you telling you she loved you? Even if you had no feelings for her, you wouldn't hate her would you? I've listened to my ex's and felt flattered, and even now, ages down the track, I think of them and their courage. As I just posted on another thread, my mantra is that its better to regret something you have done, then to regret something you haven't done... Link to post Share on other sites
AndrewJ Posted June 7, 2005 Share Posted June 7, 2005 Good mornin miss gonewest, Emotional pain for me is driven by my ego being bruised, however i am working on detatching that mother. By the sounds of your situation time for u and him probably is needed. Time to assess the relationship u once had. If he really dug you then there is the possibiltity of getting back together. It does take courage to reveal ur feelings. Im not ur ex so I dont know if he would appreaciate ur courage. You fear the hate he may have for u if u open up, Im sure he wouldnt hate you don't be afraid, he probably is feeling the same. You sound as though ur courage to express ur feelings will b in vain. If you desire something go forward with gusto I say! As flea from the red hot chili peppers said "Its better to regret something u did than something u didnt do" Link to post Share on other sites
Curt Posted June 7, 2005 Moderators Share Posted June 7, 2005 Originally posted by miss-gonewest I can't believe that if two people love each other, they shouldn't still communicate.... I agree with your idea here 100%. Caution should be taken here, however, as talking and discussing issues does not necessarily mean TRUE communication is taking place. Often, when both parties get "stuck" in their respective positions, they merely keep going around and around the same points. This continuous, cyclical discussion (without adequate resolution) can cause both parties to feel progressively less and less positive about the interactions they are capable of having as a couple. It is then that the relationship hits a major roadblock. In my mind, communication almost requires a give and take mentality (concensus-building process) whereby actual resolutions to the issues facing a couple are sought after. Unless steps are actually taken to solve problems, often (if not always) the problems remain unmediated, and largely unresolved ... with both partners feeling more tired/disillusioned with the process. Curt Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted June 8, 2005 Share Posted June 8, 2005 Originally posted by miss-gonewest So, you are saying that if for example (or reality in my case) we were to have a really big argument that resulted in him saying "that's it, its over" and ending the relationship with me, that there is a window there for me to apologise? In his words, he loves me very much, but I p-ss him off! Would it possible be alright for me to email him with an apology? I only joined here today, but it seems the only thing people suggest is to go no contact. I can't believe that if two people love each other, they shouldn't still communicate.... Yes, in your case I think there is a window for an apology on your part. I don't know all of the circumstances in your situation, but if you have done something to piss him off to the point he actually said "That's it, it's over." Then he probably expects you to come back to him and apologize/try to get him back. You will read so much about this wonderful NC on LS. I think it just depends on the situation and the relationship. NC is not the answer for every situation, and in some cases I'm positive it's actually the worst idea. I think that if two people really love eachother then there is nothing to keep them apart. They will always find their way back to eachother. Try talking to him and apologizing. Some things in life are worth fighting for. If he had just fallen out of love with you, left you for someone else, etc etc then I wouldn't tell you to do this. But I think if you really want to be with him you need to show him how much he means to you and how much you are willing to make some changes for him. If this relationship means everything to you then fight for it! Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
BLF04 Posted June 8, 2005 Share Posted June 8, 2005 This is a very interesting subject. Me and my ex just broke up a month ago for the 2nd time in 3.5 yrs. She breaking it off both times but the 2nd time was pretty much mutual (we needed a break). She made it clear that she wanted to stay in touch and not say it was over. She has told me since the breakup that she still loves me (i still love her too). i bought concert tickets for both of us months ago when we were together. A day ago i told her we should go NC and that i cant take her to the concert. I did this bc i found out shes hangin w/ another dude who she tells me is nothing. I dont really believe her. My problem is i want us to work. is this the best strategy? should i ask her to goto the concert again w/ little/ or NC until the concert? Link to post Share on other sites
Da_1_n_OnlyN3na Posted June 10, 2005 Share Posted June 10, 2005 u know sumtimes its better if the one u love doesnt come bak...well to me..... i havent been online for a couple of days and i havent talked to my ex.. dont talke to him he ims me and so i dont wanna b rude and not reply bak ( i just said a huge lie..lol).. naw actualy i reply bak bcuz i miss him and i like talking to him.. but 4 that matter i decided not to b online so i wouldnt have to hear from him althought im dying to know how he is. but.. i know hes fine.. happy since he has hos gurl.. ...and well yesterday he asked my friend for me.. and i was like y should he even ask.. he shouldnt it shouldnt matter to him where i am or not.. hes happy i dont need to b there.. and well the truth is i want him out of my life i want him to 4get i exist so then i can 4get about him... i dont wanna miss him i dont wanna love him no more.. it would b great if i never heard nething from him ever again... i just wanna know y did he come in to my life stole my heart and left.. if he was gonna do that y did i meet him in the first place.. y did god give him to me and then take him away from me..... .. i hope i 4get about him.. i hope he 4gets who i am.. that way i will move on in peace.... Link to post Share on other sites
Curt Posted June 11, 2005 Moderators Share Posted June 11, 2005 Originally posted by Da_1_n_OnlyN3na ... it shouldnt matter to him where i am or not.. hes happy i dont need to b there.. and well the truth is i want him out of my life i want him to 4get i exist so then i can 4get about him... i dont wanna miss him i dont wanna love him no more.. it would b great if i never heard nething from him ever again... i just wanna know y did he come in to my life stole my heart and left.. if he was gonna do that y did i meet him in the first place.. y did god give him to me and then take him away from me..... .. i hope i 4get about him.. i hope he 4gets who i am.. that way i will move on in peace.... You will miss him for a while, hunn. It's normal, natural, and it's a part of the process of loving to accept loss when it comes. Try to think on the good parts from your relationship with him, and think of how much you learned about love while you were with him. Use these lessons to find the love of a guy that can be into you completely, and love you the way every good, deserving person deserves to be loved. Try not to let your heart harden. In my humble opinion, I believe people God sends people into our lives for various reasons. We may not see why losing somebody so loved can ever be a good thing. However, have faith that, as hard as it is to see it in this way, by loving him you learned many lessons that you can now use to build a new foundation with someone who loves you as deeply as you love them. Don't forget what you meant to each other, as that would be the same as forgetting those people who helped make you into an even stronger, more confident, loving person than you were previous to their coming into your life. Take time, reflect on how much you learned from being with him, let the hurt go, and then move on to find new love. Take care. Curt Link to post Share on other sites
Da_1_n_OnlyN3na Posted June 11, 2005 Share Posted June 11, 2005 i did learn alot from him.. and u know we had a long distance relationship i saw him every weekend and i would have wished that i would spend mre rime with him.. but it didnt matter how short or long we were toguether it didnt matter cuz to me it was enough.. as long as i saw him and hugged him and feel protected...the thing is... ..well one time my fried saw me sad and well she was joking about the whole break up thing and she said.." did u think u were actually going to marry him cindy?..(she laughed).. u shouldnt b sad u never loved him u just think u did but no u were just desperate....." wut she said at the same time she hurt me and she made me think....look im only 16 but...wut i found in him was all that i wanted.. i wanted to b with him for my whole life.. the distance thing didnt matter to me.. we live in the same state but different cities.. it didnt matter to me as long as i thought that i belonged to him and he belonged to me... he once told me the same thing.. and..he was all that i needed.. its been a while and i still cry at nites bcuz i miss him..... ....he was the one who made me go on every day.. he was the one who always put a smile in me.... .... it was like the celine dion song "because you loved me"......... You were my strength when I was weak You were my voice when I couldn't speak You were my eyes when I couldn't see You saw the best there was in me Lifted me up when I couldn't reach You gave me faith 'coz you believed I'm everything I am Because you loved me thats wut i felt.. i didnt need any more than i had with him.. i was fyne with wut i had....but .. ugh.. this feels so bad... i dont like this.. i wish i had never met him that way i wouldnt b in this situation.... Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted June 11, 2005 Share Posted June 11, 2005 If I did the breaking up then obviously I won't run after her, otherwise I wouldn't have broken up in the first place. If she did the breaking up then I wouldn't chase either, that would be pathetic. Link to post Share on other sites
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