Worst feeling ever and it's partially my fault.

[JamesMRC2]

I'll make this short...

 

I fell for a girl who was in a relationship. Before you laugh, hear me out. I've never been the type to get with girls who are dating others. But we were coworkers and we hit it off fast. Just casually talking, laughing, etc. I had no idea she developed feelings until she told me one day. I told her I had feelings too but we said it would never get past that. Unfortunately it did and the feelings got stronger. One day we kissed, and soon later we ended up having sex. We were in a "what are we doing" kinda situation. She was dating this kid for 4 years. I came along during a point in their relationship where things were kinda rocky and we both let our guards down.

 

Fast forward and we're still hanging out all the time. The few people who knew about us said we brought out the absolute best in one another. This went beyond cheating, this was almost a year long affair. We tried stopping multiple times but we always miss one another too much and snap back into it. A recent time we stopped and we were both wrecks and came back to one another. When I say stop, I mean the messaging secretly, saying "I love you", etc. But it barely lasts when we stop. We kiss but we've only had sex a couple times.

 

I realized after a while it was never about the sex, I was truly falling in love with her and I couldn't stop myself. We connect in ways I've never connected with a girl in 25 years. She's said in the past she hopes her boyfriend ****s up, although who knows if she really meant it. Her friends have told me I bring out the best in her and they're worried she's gonna settle. We'll literally have the best time together and then she goes home to him and I go home to no one. It really only bothers me on holidays when I see her upload pictures of them two on social media. She always says things like I'm the perfect guy, she loves me, if she met me 5 years ago we would have been the best couple. Things I hear girls say all the time in these situations.

 

A couple months ago I heard rumors she was gonna get engaged. So I moved on and found a great girl. She got engaged and for a week or two we barely talked but then we both snapped back into it again. My girlfriend was great but I broke up with her simply because it wasn't fair. I couldn't have my heart in two places. Now months later the first girl and I still hang out and talk all the time, still say I love you to one another, etc.

 

But I don't know, I truly believe deep down she realizes her and I are best together. But she's scared to break up with him because her heart isn't fully in it. He's a good guy, and I feel like a piece of **** for allowing things to get this far. I always tell myself I need to cut connections with her but it's hard because I do love her, and she really was the girl I always dreamed about as a little kid.

 

I don't know what to do, and I hate that it's eating away at me for so long. I know he's gonna end up finding out one day, since there's too much evidence and some people know, and that's NOT the way I wanna start dating her. I just... I don't know. I need your guys' help. Thanks!

[JamesMRC2]

I know I'll be fine, and one day I'll meet another girl and fall in love with her. It's just... my girlfriend was so great to me, but it wasn't fair. And we didn't connected like me and this girl did and it sucks. I've never connected with a girl this way. She's with him on this Christmas day (and family) but still saying she misses and loves me. It's not fair and I hate it.

[Space Ritual]

Sorry,

 

You won't get any sympathy from me. I walked in on my fiance in bed with my best friend 3 weeks before I was to be married. What transpired upon discovery cost me 4 years in prison. So if I don't have a lot of compassion for you, then you'll certainly excuse my lack of it.

 

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

 

Merry Christmas

[JamesMRC2]

Sorry,

 

You won't get any sympathy from me. I walked in on my fiance in bed with my best friend 3 weeks before I was to be married. What transpired upon discovery cost me 4 years in prison. So if I don't have a lot of compassion for you, then you'll certainly excuse my lack of it.

 

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

 

Merry Christmas

 

 

Glad you found out she wasn't the one for you.

 

Merry Christmas

[lolablue17]

You should cut all contact with her. Leave for a moment the moral reasons. Let's talk about your interests.

 

She have a Bf and then she met you and fell for you. Not very moral, but I can understand... she couldn't control her attraction and her feelings for you. After a short time of confusion, she should have been breaking up with him or cut all contact with you. But she didn't... She has continue to dance both parties, which says a lot about her. It didn't just happen with you, out of control which I can understand. It means she was fully aware of what she's doing, be she chose to cheat. This is no red flag, this is a red canvas sheet.

 

But the worst is after she's doing it, he's getting engaged and then cheat again with you? It means she's a real cheater b#tch. It means she will cheat on you if you both happen to be together. Her moral standards are low and wrong, and it will effect you in the long term. Imagine yourself - instead of breaking up with your Gf because it wasn't fair, imagine yourself asking her to marry you while continuously cheating on her - That's exactly what she's doing. UUGGGHH!

 

I could never be with this kind of a girl even if i had feelings for her. Run!

[JamesMRC2]

You should cut all contact with her. Leave for a moment the moral reasons. Let's talk about your interests.

 

She have a Bf and then she met you and fell for you. Not very moral, but I can understand... she couldn't control her attraction and her feelings for you. After a short time of confusion, she should have been breaking up with him or cut all contact with you. But she didn't... She has continue to dance both parties, which says a lot about her. It didn't just happen with you, out of control which I can understand. It means she was fully aware of what she's doing, be she chose to cheat. This is no red flag, this is a red canvas sheet.

 

But the worst is after she's doing it, he's getting engaged and then cheat again with you? It means she's a real cheater b#tch. It means she will cheat on you if you both happen to be together. Her moral standards are low and wrong, and it will effect you in the long term. Imagine yourself - instead of breaking up with your Gf because it wasn't fair, imagine yourself asking her to marry you while continuously cheating on her - That's exactly what she's doing. UUGGGHH!

 

I could never be with this kind of a girl even if i had feelings for her. Run!

 

Thanks for the respectful reply

 

I agree with you. And it's hard. I really felt like she was about to break up with him and then he proposed. I think she's scared.

 

Her friend came up to me and pull me aside and said she vented to her before about all of this. That she's never done this with any other guy ever but she fell for me hard and couldn't control it. I know there's a chance she would do it to me too. I just currently don't have as much strength as I thought to cut contact. But I'm trying, I promise.

 

I regret getting into this situation. I've never done this before. But I fell super hard. And I feel like a bad person every single day. But I truly do love her and I wish falling out of love was easy.

[bubbaganoosh]

If she has no problem carrying on with you, having sex with you while in a relationship, what makes you think she isn't capable of doing the same thing to you by meting some guy while you think everything is going great.

 

It's called untrustworthy where I come from. She's showing her true colors to you but your color blind.

[JamesMRC2]

If she has no problem carrying on with you, having sex with you while in a relationship, what makes you think she isn't capable of doing the same thing to you by meting some guy while you think everything is going great.

 

It's called untrustworthy where I come from. She's showing her true colors to you but your color blind.

 

You're right. Like I said I think about that stuff all the time. It's just incredibly difficult for me to fall out of love. I will though. It's just gonna take time. But I appreciate everybody's advice.

 

Am I a bad person for thinking that I kinda want her boyfriend to find out? I mean, he doesn't deserve this.

[preraph]

You have to boil it down and take a unglazed look at it. She is cheating bigtime on her bf, now fiance. That's who she is. She seems to love you, but apparently she loves him more. The more likely scenario is she just likes a lot of attention for herself and may not even be capable of deep love. You are in love with someone who cheats on men. She would eventually do the same to you. She may just be a thrill seeker. There may not be any real substance there. If she left him and married you, you'd be worried every time she left the house. So think about that.

[Space Ritual]

Am I a bad person for thinking that I kinda want her boyfriend to find out? I mean, he doesn't deserve this.

 

You can do him a service by telling him yourself.

 

Had I known what was going on beforehand instead of walking in on it I probably would have made a better choice than stomping the **** out of 2 people I loved. It was my choice to do it and I have paid for it every day now for 30 years. There is not a day that goes by that I have not regretted it and wished I would have just walked out and away. But I didn't and I have to live with what I did for the rest of my life. I cannot blame anyone else but myself, and never have.

 

In your case it's just a guy you may or may not know. In my case it was my best friend since childhood and my fiancee whom I had also known since childhood. The betrayal of that is something most people cannot imagine

 

I would have been devastated of course knowing what was going on beforehand of but I would have had a little more forethought as to how to proceed instead of making such a rash and violent decision and been able to keep my dignity intact

 

Let me ask you, if the tables were reversed would you want to know what type of person you were about to marry and not find out by coincidence 10 years down the road when you had a couple of kids and a mortgage?

 

 

You can actually do something and attempt to show some sort of humanity here. You really have a chance to do something good for somebody else and prove to yourself you are not as gutless as you appear

 

You are not a bad person, neither am I. You simply are party to committing a terrible act that may have lifelong repercussions for somebody that doesn't know it. That's a lot to have on your conscience.

[smackie9]

All this bs has caused you to not find the one that is truly right for you. You wasted your time. YOU thought she was the one for you, but she never was....most of it was just your imagination making you live in a fantasy.

Stay out of it, stop dwelling on it, and move the f uck on.

[NewPerspective93]

That's a huge red flag; you've been doing stuff together behind this guy's back, yet she is still with him?

 

For one, she doesn't have the honesty to end things with her "boyfriend" and has been leading him on. For all we know, this guy genuinely believes they're both in love whereas she is screwing and kissing another guy.

 

That really should tell you something about this girl. This girl only cares about herself and disregards someone who will get hurt.

 

Walk away. This won't end well.

Edited December 26, 2015 by NewPerspective93

[ExpatInItaly]

So the girl you've always dreamed about is a lying, cheating one? One who likes to have her cake and eat it too? A girl who has zero respect relationships, or the sanctity of marriage?

 

Wow, what a catch.

 

Look OP, I know you're in deep. I know you've got her on a pedestal at the moment. But the reality is that you are the side-piece. Something is clearly keeping her with her fiance. There is a reason she hasn't broken up with him to be with you. If she loved you as much as she says, she'd be yours by now. But she isn't. She puts her own needs and desires first. Your feelings just aren't all that important to her.

 

Don't allow yourself to be the back-up plan any longer. Cut ties with her. If she really wants to be with you, she will be. But don't let her play these games anymore. It's no joke and I can't even begin to describe to you the pain that cheating causes.

[sandylee1]

Tell her BF anonymously..but DO NOT have a relationship with her. Get another job, cut contact with her and her friends and don't look back.

 

She's not a good person and I'd hate my brother or son or male friend to be with a woman like her.. save her fiancé the heartache of a cheating wife....

 

Why not just date casually to shake her off your mind.