A date with the Ex

[North Shore]

I have a date with the Ex on Friday.

 

I broke up with him almost a year ago b/c he had issues he needed to deal with. We talk by phone off and on and have since we broke up but we hadn't seen each other. A couple of weeks ago I spoke to him and mentioned that I was meeting a friend at this bar some of my friends work at. He said he might stop by. Now, given his track record, I would never have expected him to actually show. But in he walked.

 

We hung out for awhile and it was great. I left him a message the next week saying that it was nice to see him and maybe we could hang out sometime, just us, when there wasn't 7,562 people around. I left it that, if he was interested, to give me a call sometime.

 

Now he's called twice. 1st time I wasn't home and he left a message asking what I was doing that night. I didn't get the message until the next day. He called again last night and asked me out for Friday night. I accepted.

 

I know that I have to tell him that I still love him. I figured out awhile ago that I simply cannot be "just friends" with him. Not with him. So I need to tell him that if he just wants to be friends I can't do it and he needs to stay out of my life.

 

But I find myself hopeful that he wants to be more than friends too. Is it wrong to hope that it could work out? I really do love him. I have been doing really well on my own but he's who I want to be with. Truly, I never expected it to get this far again.

 

Is it wrong to have hope? Am I setting myself up for a BIG fall?

[agnf666]

I think he still has feelings for you. In most cases Ex's do not want to be friends. That is hard... very hard. Take it slow. Maybe go out with just him and see how it goes. Then if he still shows interest after that then make it clear that you want to be "more than friends". I would just go with the flow for right now, but I would make it clear before you get in too deep to even try it all agian. Good Luck on this!!!

[Treasa]

I would really refrain from telling him you love him, at least on Friday. You don't have to be friends exactly, but if you want a relationship again, you should take things slowly.

[North Shore]

I won't use the "L"-word, but I do think it's important to be clear that I still have feelings for him and just being friends is too difficult for me. I'm sure we'll talk about "us" at some point during the evening.

 

I find it hard to believe that he would seem to have such an avid interest in seeing me if he simply wanted to hang out as friends. And he has too many other - and easier - options if he's just looking for a booty-call. But frankly, I'll probably give it up if it heads in that direction. I find him impossible to resist in that regard.

[Treasa]

He may be interested, but if you rush, you may push him away.

[Da_1_n_OnlyN3na]

did u guys keep in touch after u guys broke up? did u guys talk often or just once in a while?

 

well if hes bak and wants 2 c u its bcuz there was sumthing strong between u guys that u shouldnt loose dis time....hes wanting to c u for a reason..he misses u and mayb feels sumthing 4 u still...dont get ur hopes up either cuz u never know sumthing can happen so dont b so into "i will be with him again, he still likes me" no..cuz den ur gonna b dissapointed..

 

just wait and c wut happens if he asks u to go out again go out and have fun..only time will tell

[blackendangel13]

Wow I am in a very similar situation! I repeatedly tried pushing my ex away and we have had minimal contact for the past year. Now we are talking very slowly and civilly. He is no longer living with his friend which was the big root of our problems. Either way, I think we are working up to actually hanging out. Which is promising. I wanted nothing to do with him because I wasn't over him. I just need to figure out why, after all this time and pain, we can't let each other go.

 

I suggest you go with the flow as well. I am sure he does have feelings for you or he wouldn't have asked you out. Take that as it is. Read his actions. Telling him you have feelings (which I am sure he knows because you accepted) will only make him run far away. Just have fun and take it for what it is.

[North Shore]

I had a great time with him last night. I hope he feels the same. It didn't feel at all like we had been apart for so long. We hung-out and eventually we talked about us and where we were at. I don't know if it will lead anywhere but it felt good just the same.

 

He still makes me feel like no one else ever has and I plan to enjoy that. I can't expect more from him than he's ready to give. All I can do is enjoy what time we do have together and wherever life takes us - with or without each other - is where we'll end up.

 

What it comes down to is that I'm not going to put pressure on him OR MYSELF and make myself nuts about the future. I love him and no matter what happens I always will. He will be the one that I remember in old age - whether he be old with me or not.

 

Now you can say that I write this in the afterglow of a wonderful night. You'd be right. But it doesn't really matter. It was a wonderful night and I'm enjoying the afterglow as much as the night itself. And now it's time to enjoy the day!

 

Thanks to all for keeping me centered beforehand. And thanks-in-advance for the support you'll give when it all goes horribly wrong.....LOL............

[upsetnhurt]

North Shore,

 

Now the true test begins. How are you going to cope with the possibilities of no phone calls over the next two weeks.....are you going to call him up screaming that he led you on? the fact that you both had a great time is irrelevant here as we know you have things in common, the reasons not to go out with him are evident and they are exactly the same reasons you both broke up being that he has not yet resolved any issues that he needs to within himself. The only person who will get additionally hurt here is you unfortunately and your mindset and health has just gone back to square one. Only time will tell and I hope it works out for you...........yet something tells me you are in for quite a long ride of ups and downs.........

[North Shore]

Actually, we both had issues to resolve. And we've both come along way with them in the time we've been apart. And we resolved alot of things between each other as well. We understand each other better than ever before.

 

I don't have the illusions I had before. I fell for him very hard the first time around and I was as much to blame as him in many ways. I don't expect him to fall all over me. I don't even know when he'll call again. But I'll enjoy the conversation when and if he does. And then the next one should it come along.

 

I'm more centered than you may believe, upsetnhurt. It takes two to work at a relationship and in the last year I've learned what I was lacking too. And, instead of blaming it all on him, I choose to accept my responsibility to him. It's not ALL about what I need, it's about what he needs as well. And we both are working hard to understand what that entails and discovering where we can find a happy medium.

 

And, LOL, as a matter of fact, he just called as I was writing this!!!!!!!!!

[upsetnhurt]

North Shore,

 

I am so happy to hear that he called. Hopefully the conversations went as smoothly as one would hope. I really want you to be happy and the only reason I tend to be on the negative is that I too have experienced the same feelings that you are going through with another. Most of these fantastic feelings became short term and my happiness lessened with each visit with the ex ending without any form btor talk of a potential reconciliation. I don't doubt that both of you have grown yet the unfotunate thing is that you will be keeping yourself from potentially meeting the man of your dreams for quite a bit longer if you put all your eggs into this basket. I am not telling you to stop following your heart, just want you to be careful on this one. i have seem it go bad too many times.