I Messed Up Girl Who Wanted To Cheat With Me

[Glass Hut]

Please tell me if I'm a horrible person or not.

 

Back when I was 21, I used to see this 20 year old girl. I got her into clubs and bought her drinks even though she was underage. We used to talk about sex and made out, dry humped, you name it with clothes on. This lasted for a semester and then she invited me to her house where she was having a party as her parents were away. I went and her ex boyfriend was there. Well they disappeared and I got the message and left. Awfully traumatic for me. Never saw her again.

 

Fast forward 10 years and she's married to that ex boyfriend. She always kept in touch with me via social networks and we chatted some times. At first I was pretty cold to her (I remember a phone call where I told her I wish I had never met her and she told me she'd cherish the memories we had...) but we might have two good conversations later in that decade.

 

So a year ago I was single and lonely and going through my FB friends one night. I decided I didn't really respect this girl for what she did to me and I could say anything to her. So I asked her if she had any friends who might be interested in hooking up, no strings attached. Well yadda yadda yadda eventually it became clear that she was interested in that. She must be having sex issues in her marriage or just wants something different? Anyway by the time she was started trying to send the message, I was interested in someone else at the time and a little stressed out. I ignored her obvious interest at first but then started talking dirty to her. Then I became dominant in these texts and was kinda treating her like ****. She complained but I decided I really didn't respect this girl, she lost a ton of her attractiveness in a decade, and ultimately that I did not want to have sex with a married woman. So I continued the rampage. I would wait a long time to respond and the responses were designed to show I really did not respect her. Well she didn't like it and blocked me. She sounded pretty bummed. I check her social media sometimes (I have a second Facebook account that is not blocked) and she just really sounds unhappy lately. I wonder if I really broke her spirits by getting her excited and then just making her feel like she's stuck and worthless.

[OldRover]

What's the point?

[Glass Hut]

The point was to try to feel better about myself. Maybe actually hooking up with her would have done better, even though I still harbor bitterness toward this girl for the way she lead me on years ago. I need self esteem and I thought treating her that way was the way to go instead of hooking up with someone that screwed me over. I didn't have a firm plan or anything though.

[road]

Yes you are horrible for not leaving her in the past.

[OldRover]

Geeze.... there's absolutely NO good in trying to make someone feel bad like this. Bury it and grow up.

[basil67]

The point was to try to feel better about myself. Maybe actually hooking up with her would have done better, even though I still harbor bitterness toward this girl for the way she lead me on years ago. I need self esteem and I thought treating her that way was the way to go instead of hooking up with someone that screwed me over. I didn't have a firm plan or anything though.

 

So, you build yourself up by bringing others down?

[Glass Hut]

I don't know what the hell I'm doing actually. At the time I was dealing with another girl that was driving me crazy and I ended up giving this married girl who drove me crazy 10 years ago **** while I kissed the other girl's butt. I wasn't mean to the married girl, just used disrespectful slang and stuff when I could tell it was bothering her, for whatever reason. I know she's not that classy. Today I would probably just cheat with her. Actually I would like to but it's too late with her.

[road]

I don't know what the hell I'm doing actually. At the time I was dealing with another girl that was driving me crazy and I ended up giving this married girl who drove me crazy 10 years ago **** while I kissed the other girl's butt. I wasn't mean to the married girl, just used disrespectful slang and stuff when I could tell it was bothering her, for whatever reason. I know she's not that classy. Today I would probably just cheat with her. Actually I would like to but it's too late with her.

 

 

 

This post tells women they should stay away from men like you. Justifying your behavior and willingness to cheat.

 

 

You need IC.

[losangelena]

Well, there are plenty of people who treated me like sh*t 10 years ago, but I leave them well enough alone, I don't try and make them feel bad or verbally abuse them. Have you really benefitted from behaving in this manner? 10 years is a long time to harbor bitterness and resentment toward someone. I'd work on trying to let that go if I were you. And leave this woman alone, too. She shouldn't be trying to cheat, but you're not acting any better.

[Space Ritual]

I don't know what the hell I'm doing actually. At the time I was dealing with another girl that was driving me crazy and I ended up giving this married girl who drove me crazy 10 years ago **** while I kissed the other girl's butt. I wasn't mean to the married girl, just used disrespectful slang and stuff when I could tell it was bothering her, for whatever reason. I know she's not that classy. Today I would probably just cheat with her. Actually I would like to but it's too late with her.

 

 

Come on man,

 

You holding a grudge over a decade would be one thing if you were put in jail or your life was destroyed. But some chick who you knew was a cocktease already who went off at her own house party with her eventual husband and you want to make her pay for disrespecting you all those years ago? And sleeping with her would be the payback?

 

Are you 31 or 13?

 

LOL I need some damned popcorn.

[Glass Hut]

I don't feel I did the right thing, and got nothing out of it. At the time this happened, late spring/summer when I started texting crude things to her, I was going down another dead end with a different girl, didn't get any affection from her at all, it was all emotional and I was stressed out. I've finally cut ties with her. But I've been single the whole time and didn't cheat with a married woman, so at least I have that going for me right?

 

So if you asked me why I regret being a jerk to her? I'm not talking to anyone really right now and I'm lonely with the holidays. If I was honest I would say I regret it because I could really use the sex right now. Yes she is married, but my chief concern is my sex life on life support and lack of self esteem. I would just hit it right now. I'd leave it up to her to consider her marriage as I am single and sex-less.

[Space Ritual]

I don't feel I did the right thing, and got nothing out of it. At the time this happened, late spring/summer when I started texting crude things to her, I was going down another dead end with a different girl, didn't get any affection from her at all, it was all emotional and I was stressed out. I've finally cut ties with her. But I've been single the whole time and didn't cheat with a married woman, so at least I have that going for me right?

 

So if you asked me why I regret being a jerk to her? I'm not talking to anyone really right now and I'm lonely with the holidays. If I was honest I would say I regret it because I could really use the sex right now. Yes she is married, but my chief concern is my sex life on life support and lack of self esteem. I would just hit it right now. I'd leave it up to her to consider her marriage as I am single and sex-less.

 

Well I appreciate your honesty.

 

Now that you have explained more I certainly can be a little more understanding of your being upset. So I apologize for having a bit of a knee jerk reaction.

 

That being said, I am sure the Holidays have had some effect on you overall. seeing people acting like they are all happy over the season can exacerbate loneliness.

 

I will take a different tack on this and ask you a few questions rather than heap some unnecessary abuse on you, which again I apologize for doing so previously.

 

What steps are you currently taking? Are you getting any type of counseling? Are you doing anything social at all and trying to put yourself out there? Or have you kind of started to give up and receded into a silent and solitary lifestyle with FB being the sole social outlet you have?

 

If the last one is the case, I really suggest you limit your activity there. People on social media, especially on FB and Twitter, attempt to portray themselves as something they are totally the opposite of. Most of those people who are posting constantly about how wonderful they and their lives are more than likely about as mundane as they could possibly get. So don't take a lot of stock in somebody on FB.

 

As far as this girl, she may have seen you as simply a vehicle to with which to get some excitement or validation, because she has poor coping skills with her own life. You should be commended that you did not see a physical cheating episode through. You should actually feel some self respect about that.

 

Are you even putting yourself out there in the dating scene recently or has the whole exercise scared you off. At 31 you are are in the prime of your appeal to women I would imagine.

 

So if you feel comfortable enough and could answer any of those questions perhaps we might be able to give you some better answers than what you originally got.

[StBreton]

I don't feel I did the right thing, and got nothing out of it. At the time this happened, late spring/summer when I started texting crude things to her, I was going down another dead end with a different girl, didn't get any affection from her at all, it was all emotional and I was stressed out. I've finally cut ties with her. But I've been single the whole time and didn't cheat with a married woman, so at least I have that going for me right?

 

So if you asked me why I regret being a jerk to her? I'm not talking to anyone really right now and I'm lonely with the holidays. If I was honest I would say I regret it because I could really use the sex right now. Yes she is married, but my chief concern is my sex life on life support and lack of self esteem. I would just hit it right now. I'd leave it up to her to consider her marriage as I am single and sex-less.

 

You got something out of it ...else you wouldn't have done it. At least be honest with yourself.

 

If you had "hit it" ...even as a single person ...it's still called adultery. How's that going to help your self-esteem?

 

How about working on your humility OP? I've read your threads/posts. You have a lot of growing up to do. Maybe work on things that truly raise your self-esteem ...like helping others. Lots of girls volunteer at animal shelters and food banks ...go work there, do some good for society ...that's a self-esteem and humility raiser. AND you might meet a nice single girl along the way. Stop taking the path of least resistance/lazy way.

 

Did anyone teach you proper values/morals growing up?

[road]

I don't feel I did the right thing, and got nothing out of it. At the time this happened, late spring/summer when I started texting crude things to her, I was going down another dead end with a different girl, didn't get any affection from her at all, it was all emotional and I was stressed out. I've finally cut ties with her. But I've been single the whole time and didn't cheat with a married woman, so at least I have that going for me right?

 

So if you asked me why I regret being a jerk to her? I'm not talking to anyone really right now and I'm lonely with the holidays. If I was honest I would say I regret it because I could really use the sex right now. Yes she is married, but my chief concern is my sex life on life support and lack of self esteem. I would just hit it right now. I'd leave it up to her to consider her marriage as I am single and sex-less.

 

 

 

 

No, because you were trying to bang a married woman. The way you think, act, behave, are indicators as to why you are not getting laid.

[Glass Hut]

No, because you were trying to bang a married woman. The way you think, act, behave, are indicators as to why you are not getting laid.

 

I wasn't trying to bang her. I did not. I'm saying I'd consider doing it now, but she will never talk to me again so it's out of the question at this point.

 

I know, I should've ignored her hints and changed the subject or stop talking to her. But I've stayed on the honorable path for so long and it hasn't gotten me anywhere either.

[Glass Hut]

You got something out of it ...else you wouldn't have done it. At least be honest with yourself.

 

If you had "hit it" ...even as a single person ...it's still called adultery. How's that going to help your self-esteem?

 

How about working on your humility OP? I've read your threads/posts. You have a lot of growing up to do. Maybe work on things that truly raise your self-esteem ...like helping others. Lots of girls volunteer at animal shelters and food banks ...go work there, do some good for society ...that's a self-esteem and humility raiser. AND you might meet a nice single girl along the way. Stop taking the path of least resistance/lazy way.

 

Did anyone teach you proper values/morals growing up?

 

Literally I got nothing out of it. The moral thing is to stay friendly with girls who tease and use me right? Always take the high road??

 

Look I am a person that hates to hurt anyone. I rarely show interest in anyone because I don't want to disappoint people. I can't use anyone. I even feel bad about the way I treated this married girl even though she wasn't a good person to me and still isn't to her husband. I'm just a little tired of being used. Yet, I'm not about to find a nice girl to mess with her head to make me feel good. That's much worse and that kind of thing is done all the time. I feel pretty good about my track record yet my needs are not being met and I'd like to meet a nice girl but I feel I'm too messed up for them right now. Will I be able to stay loyal? I'm not sure, I feel like I need some conquests yet I can't be the confident person that gets them. I don't know what to do.

[Glass Hut]

Well I appreciate your honesty.

 

Now that you have explained more I certainly can be a little more understanding of your being upset. So I apologize for having a bit of a knee jerk reaction.

 

That being said, I am sure the Holidays have had some effect on you overall. seeing people acting like they are all happy over the season can exacerbate loneliness.

 

I will take a different tack on this and ask you a few questions rather than heap some unnecessary abuse on you, which again I apologize for doing so previously.

 

What steps are you currently taking? Are you getting any type of counseling? Are you doing anything social at all and trying to put yourself out there? Or have you kind of started to give up and receded into a silent and solitary lifestyle with FB being the sole social outlet you have?

 

If the last one is the case, I really suggest you limit your activity there. People on social media, especially on FB and Twitter, attempt to portray themselves as something they are totally the opposite of. Most of those people who are posting constantly about how wonderful they and their lives are more than likely about as mundane as they could possibly get. So don't take a lot of stock in somebody on FB.

 

As far as this girl, she may have seen you as simply a vehicle to with which to get some excitement or validation, because she has poor coping skills with her own life. You should be commended that you did not see a physical cheating episode through. You should actually feel some self respect about that.

 

Are you even putting yourself out there in the dating scene recently or has the whole exercise scared you off. At 31 you are are in the prime of your appeal to women I would imagine.

 

So if you feel comfortable enough and could answer any of those questions perhaps we might be able to give you some better answers than what you originally got.

 

I was online dating this summer/early fall, trying to forget the emotional mess this last girl left me in. It didn't work out very well and lately I've been in a real funk avoiding it all. I went back on match.com on Christmas Eve and have been sending messages left and right. But mainly I've been staying in, depressing myself on Facebook, all that stuff. I'm not getting counseling but I've had poor experiences there. Of course I was closed off then. Now I'm an open book as you can see from this thread. I'm glad people are interested in reading the nonsense my life has become. But yes, I am still doing all the wrong things right now. It's Saturday night and I have no plans, just withdrawn, thinking of all the negative experiences I've had that I didn't deserve.