angel.eyes Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 You got your closure. She's not leaving her husband for you. What exactly would meeting again accomplish? How do any further meetings benefit you? Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 Ahh if only you'd asked her the question years ago... You could have saved yourself the pain. So don't do what you did in your marriage and drag it on any longer than it needs to. You've already wasted so much of your life on the wrong relationships. You could be in a healthy committed relationship all this time... And not inserting yourself into someone else's marriage. Remember, her MO at this point to keep you in a relationship where you sacrifice and she gets to continue eating cake. She will attempt to keep you on the hook. The only question is whether you allow it. I hope you've learnt why you choose to hook your star to the wrong women. Good luck to you. I hope you can heal. Link to post Share on other sites
lemondrop21 Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 My update. It’s been almost 2 months since my last post. We finally had “the talk” today. I expressed my opinion that being the OM is very painful. She said I am committed to staying in my marriage so it is “up to me” and that she will understand whatever I choose (i.e. leave the A or accept that she is married and it can’t be more). So I told her I love you but it’s too painful being the OM and we should plan on an end date. She shed a few tears, we said goodbye but planned to meet tomorrow to talk some more. This is really hard, harder than I thought it was going to be. I am still madly in love with this woman. Is this really the end? It is the end, as long as you are not okay with being the OM (and it sounds like you aren't). But, if you are willing to change your mind and accept your "status" indefinitely, then it's not the end. In that case, the end will come on her DDay, will be a sudden cutoff and will feel infinitely worse. This is a very odd feeling that I went through a little over a month ago. When they look at you and say they've made their decision and are staying in the marriage and you KNOW that you can no longer be the Other. You feel in shock for a time because there is no turning back; what's been said has been said. You're both standing in broad daylight now, fully aware of how the other feels. You can't turn around and go back into the darkness even if you want to. Best of luck and buckle in, you're in for a rough month ahead but as they say, the only way out is through. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 Move on. Stop meeting up. This is how A keep on going. One more meeting, one more text, etc. Go NC. If you read enough of these stories you'll notice a pattern. Affairs rarely end on good terms or NC first time around. Link to post Share on other sites
imsosad Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 Going nc isnt easy,but it is the only way to go. You are not happy being the OM. You seem to be a man who is genuinely interested in a full time, loving, committed relationship. Your ap was loud and clear. An affair is all she is offering. She has made her choice to remain in her marriage. Now you must make your choice. Dont prolong the break up. Its just anxiety of letting go. When i ended my A and went nc,i did it over the phone. My ex ap begged to meet one last time, to talk things over, to say goodbye. I refused. I knew it would just lead to more conversations,more contact. You eant a proper R, she want an A. Nothing more to say. Nc is painful at first but eventually your mind clears, you gain perspective. You can not come out of affair fog while still carrying on the A. The way you see her now is still under the heavy blur of the fog. If this was the one and only true love of a lifetime,she would have left her M ages ago. I know it hurts. I know you want her badly. You will feel better after a while,and as you are a single man, you can fall in love again with a woman who will want to have the Real Deal with you. Much bettet future for you without her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 Thanks, I needed to hear that. I put this woman on a pedestal and think I'm making excuses for her. While she doesn't want the A to end, ultimately our R is an easier sacrifice than her M. I'm a little miffed that she making it sound like I'm choosing to end the A rather than her choosing to stay in the M but at the end of the day I guess its irrelevant. It is TOTALLY irrelevant. At the end of the day, neither if you are getting what you want, so so be it. Link to post Share on other sites
brothers343 Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 Welcome to the board brother.....I have a great stat for you.....It's harder for you to get the first bullet in a russian rullette game than your affair to work. And really, the people that look at statistics usually already know the answer to there own questions thats including myself. Good luck buddy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JacksBack Posted February 17, 2016 Author Share Posted February 17, 2016 That's it. I did see her today, but it is now over. My AP helped me a lot with my divorce and I learned a lot about love and about myself from the experience. I am glad I had the time I did with her, there were more positives than there were negatives, but now it is over and it is time to heal and then move on. I will for sure go NC. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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