Gf having doubts

[Mikeb83]

Hi, I'm new to this but will tell my story lol.

 

My gf called time on our relationship back in August, she stated she loved and cared for me but didn't have the right feelings for a relationship, i moved out and found my own place. I was convinced she was cheating as she had been texting another guy she works with, I'm not proud of what I did but I checked her phone and the texts were innocent but borderline flirty. Anyway, in October she wanted to meet up for a chat, she burst into tears saying she still has feelings for me and couldn't believe a person could love her the way I did. We agreed to start over again and take each day at a time.

 

Things haven't been perfect and we have had similar problems regarding this male work colleague, I trust her but feel she does text and see him more than a friend should. A week before Christmas her family had a massive go at her and the promotion at work fell through for her, since then she has told me she is unsure about us and needs space and time to evaluate things in her life including us, I have gave her space and time she texts and phones daily including initiating contact.

 

I love her and want us to work but feel in the dark about things regarding how she feels, when I say can we speak about us she states she needs time. We haven't seen each other for nearly a week now although we do speak via text and phone. It almost always ends in her getting annoyed at me.

 

Please any advice would be great.

[kiki2015]

There is a book on Amazon called 'I love you but I'm not in Love with you' by Andrew Marshall. I suggest going NC and reading it over the holidays and seeing if any of it rings true for you.

[greenleaves54]

I think you need to show some backbone here. You probably should have confronted her about her male friend earlier, but we all made that mistake once.

 

What you really shouldn't do though is accepting that she's keeping you as a reserve while trying out that other guy, which is likely what is happening now.

 

I think you should tell that she needs to make a decision or you're out. It's a hard thing to do, but you need to set some boundaries and show her what kind of behaviour you don't accept.

 

Remember that she's just a normal girl by the way, she's not that goddess on a pedestal your brain sometimes makes her out to be. You will do fine with or without her.

[Captivating]

Hi, I'm new to this but will tell my story lol.

 

My gf called time on our relationship back in August, she stated she loved and cared for me but didn't have the right feelings for a relationship, i moved out and found my own place. I was convinced she was cheating as she had been texting another guy she works with, I'm not proud of what I did but I checked her phone and the texts were innocent but borderline flirty. Anyway, in October she wanted to meet up for a chat, she burst into tears saying she still has feelings for me and couldn't believe a person could love her the way I did. We agreed to start over again and take each day at a time.

 

Things haven't been perfect and we have had similar problems regarding this male work colleague, I trust her but feel she does text and see him more than a friend should. A week before Christmas her family had a massive go at her and the promotion at work fell through for her, since then she has told me she is unsure about us and needs space and time to evaluate things in her life including us, I have gave her space and time she texts and phones daily including initiating contact.

 

I love her and want us to work but feel in the dark about things regarding how she feels, when I say can we speak about us she states she needs time. We haven't seen each other for nearly a week now although we do speak via text and phone. It almost always ends in her getting annoyed at me.

 

Please any advice would be great.

 

Would you try pulling away from her ? Next time she contacts you let her no that you want her to give you space so you can move on, then write "Please stop contacting me" Her jaw will drop, because it is so unexpected from you. It shows that you value yourself and not going to put up with her hot-cold/annoyed behavior. Why is she annoyed? You can't let her play with your emotions and pull you out of a drawer when it is convenient for her. She is taking you granted. Now it's your turn. If she keeps contacting you, don't answer, this will shake her up. She needs to feel that you stepped back.

[Ic1]

Would you elaborate more on two things you mention briefly?

 

...a chat, she burst into tears saying she still has feelings for me and couldn't believe a person could love her the way I did.

 

As in; you were phenomenal at loving her, or she couldn't believe you treated her so poorly? What events brought this around in October? I get a sense that it wasn't just her new 'friend' at work.

 

A week before Christmas her family had a massive go at her

 

I'm lost. They were pressuring her? Put this in focus please.

[Mikeb83]

She has had a lot of history of being miss treated including from her birth family, she has always had a sense of someone not loving her, her ex cheated on her which didn't help despite saying he loved her. She couldn't comprehend how much I actually loved her.

 

Think the break up in October was a number of things including me becoming miserable due to hating my job and separating myself away from friends and family. Think this added to us breaking up.

 

Her family wasn't happy as I checked her phone and they classed that as a big mistrust in me, they had ago at her as we attended her daughters dance show and they classed it as gf pushing them out for me. I get along with the sisters but gf mum is very controlling of her daughters lives.

 

I can't just nc as have kids together I'm a step parent to gf daughter and we have a son.

 

I have spoke to her about this male friend she is more open and honest when she is messaging and seeing him which is helping, she has maintained nothing has happened and she doesn't like him in this way, apparently he is a good friend.

 

Not sure if all this is in my head as I have also been cheated on by my ex gf.

[11012015]

Hi, I'm new to this but will tell my story lol.

 

My gf called time on our relationship back in August, she stated she loved and cared for me but didn't have the right feelings for a relationship, i moved out and found my own place. I was convinced she was cheating as she had been texting another guy she works with, I'm not proud of what I did but I checked her phone and the texts were innocent but borderline flirty. Anyway, in October she wanted to meet up for a chat, she burst into tears saying she still has feelings for me and couldn't believe a person could love her the way I did. We agreed to start over again and take each day at a time.

 

Things haven't been perfect and we have had similar problems regarding this male work colleague, I trust her but feel she does text and see him more than a friend should. A week before Christmas her family had a massive go at her and the promotion at work fell through for her, since then she has told me she is unsure about us and needs space and time to evaluate things in her life including us, I have gave her space and time she texts and phones daily including initiating contact.

 

I love her and want us to work but feel in the dark about things regarding how she feels, when I say can we speak about us she states she needs time. We haven't seen each other for nearly a week now although we do speak via text and phone. It almost always ends in her getting annoyed at me.

 

Please any advice would be great.

 

Next time she asks for 'space' tell her no more spaces or think about things. Next time you are asking for a break, it is going to be a full break-up. The reason she is taking time to go test the waters with another guy is because she knows you will be there when/if she comes back. Show some backbone. Tell her you had enough (twice already) and if she is going to pull that again, you are out. And you should feel that way and mean it.

[11012015]

, she has maintained nothing has happened and she doesn't like him in this way, apparently he is a good friend.

 

That is BS. If you don't believe me (or your guts) go read real-life stories in the cheating section. Those are pretty much the same excuses given before the cheating starts. So, it is not in your head. If you don't man up, it will be come reality, if it hasn't already.