An unacceptable email from boss? Some people think so

[Dear Lady Disdain]

Hi there, would appreciate some advice from the knowledgeable bods on Loveshack ( as I feel like I don't have a clue lol ) - some people I've shown the below email to though, were shocked by it

I am currently being picked on by my boss and logging events, was picked on when I joined a cliquey team from the beginning and had an agency staff member as an ally in that team at first because we were picked on together and yes, we did end up whispering a bit and joking etc - yes poor form on my part!

But would you see the email below as acceptable which was sent to me and him at the time? I beat myself up thinking I deserved it but on the other hand I am being picked on for sure and treated differently to the rest of the team - and there was no inappropriate banter from me! I now feel furious about it but at the time felt so worn out with it all that I just accepted it, shortly after it all sorts of things happened designed to sabotage my promotion and I only got through it by standing up for myself

 

I found it very shaming and I'm considering showing it to my Union Rep who has agreed to represent me and help me if I wish to raise a grievance - I am angry at her implication people were talking in the office

The agency worker was bipolar and the boss told him somebody did complain about his behaviour when he started but I just find the whole thing demeaning now and haven't yet shown it to the Union Rep, am I overreacting?

The agency worker's contract ended but I was put onto an informal behaviour plan for six months just for being friendly with him? My behaviour is impeccable in the office, I am on time, hardly ever off sick, didn't seem fair

 

Email below!

 

Entitled " behaviours in the office "

 

Hi both - I have been meaning to write this email for a couple of weeks - while I realise you have both had stressful times recently moving homes etc and I also realise you are quite close colleagues the inappropriate banter and whispering in the office between you both needs to stop now

We do all appreciate some light heartedness as we do a stressful job, but in an open plan office - and in close proximity to your own team colleagues - if conversation can't be spoken in a normal voice for everyone to hear - then it is obviously not appropriate and should not be spoken at all

I have not got an intention to limit conversations to " work only " subjects, but the above needs to be adhered to in a sensible and professional manner as I believe I should be able to expect from both of you?

And I certainly don't want this to escalate and lead to others on the 2nd floor commenting again as has happened before......................

Thanking you in advance for your co-operation in this matter

Edited December 26, 2015 by Dear Lady Disdain

[GemmaUK]

I don't think it's unacceptable.

Whispering in the office is and IMO is like playground behaviour.

It's perfectly easy to go to lunch with a colleague or have a chat in a break if you have a need to vent but if you are whispering about colleagues whilst around them then I can understand the reason the mail was sent.

[angel.eyes]

Behave in a professional manner at work!

[Dear Lady Disdain]

LOL well yes, I'm glad I've got your opinions on this! I was not being professional I admit it, I tried but was too easily influenced, glad I posted on here now as I did want to hear what people thought.....good or bad :-)

Mind you, I paid the price for a looooooong time for above...

[GemmaUK]

LOL well yes, I'm glad I've got your opinions on this! I was not being professional I admit it, I tried but was too easily influenced, glad I posted on here now as I did want to hear what people thought.....good or bad :-)

Mind you, I paid the price for a looooooong time for above...

 

As long as you stay there it's possible you will always pay the price I'm afraid.

There's certain folk at work who I just do not trust, nor have respect for simply due to behaviours which I saw which had nothing to do with me.

I will not treat them differently but I am much more aware that it's better to not get involved with them in any work context unless I absolutely have to.

[CarrieT]

Yep - if you are acting like a second grader, then your boss needs to treat you like one. You acknowledge that you have been cliquey and doing what he is describing.

 

What he should have done, however, is not put it in an email, but discussed it with you directly. Now there is documentation to the grievance which does not bode well for you; it means you could eventually be sacked and he may be laying the groundwork for doing just that.

 

Watch your step, become the model employee, and stop "being influenced" by those who may cost you your job.

[Mrin]

Perfectly acceptable email. I agree with the above that your boss should have handled it in person although I suspect he/she used email to have it documented.

[anika99]

I don't see a problem with the email either. When coworkers huddle up together and whisper and laugh it gives the impression that they are saying mean things about other people in the office and laughing at them which is exactly what it sounds like you were doing. That behaviour is unprofessional and poisonous to the workplace and it's perfectly acceptable that your boss asked you to cut it out.

 

If you feel that you are being unfairly targeted now than maybe bring that concern to your union rep but as someone else already said, it may be difficult to ever really overcome the impression you made early on. Discuss everything that happened with your rep and maybe they will know how to handle it.

[d0nnivain]

If the boss wants whispering & gossip in the office to stop, a grammatically correct e-mail should have been sent on a company wide distribution.

 

 

If you were the only person who received such an e-mail & if you were the only person put on a behavior plan for 6 months, I too would ask why you were singled out. However since you were eventually given a promotion what harm have you suffered as a result of the e-mail?

 

 

When you spoke to the Union Rep, what did that person say was the basis for a grievance? As long as individualized treatment is not based on a protected classification it's not illegal, although it's not particularly conducive to a smooth running office.

[fiatflux]

I just love the way everyone's jumping down your throat without having any balanced view of things. I have been in enough toxic environments to know that if someone has decided they "have it in for you," you may get singled out for minor things that are overlooked in others. If you feel like you're in this kind of a situation, then unfortunately your best solution is to find another job before you get fired. I don't think approaching the union rep will have any useful results. In fact it may speed up the process of getting you fired. Your best bet is to lay low and try to avoid making any waves while you diligently apply for jobs.

Edited December 26, 2015 by fiatflux

[Dear Lady Disdain]

I'd like to thank you for all these replies, though some of them I found a bit harsh but I guess you don't know the back story because I didn't explain, I almost had a nervous breakdown in fact over all of this stuff...

 

After the email above, the acting manager at the time ( who has now been demoted back to my level ) took the agency worker outside the office for an unofficial meeting with him for an hour leaving myself and another worker there while the boss who sent that email above was on holiday

The agency worker then moved his desk away from me which felt pretty humiliating and he told me that during this unofficial meeting the manager grilled him about me and asked all sorts of questions, he said I'd better watch out on my probation. When I complained to the boss about this it turned out they one of them was lying, he said she had called the meeting and she said he had called it, they then ganged up against me together, laughing when I spoke etc and if I ever spoke once to this man the manager began slamming things around and acted furious

 

Originally he sat next to me and I couldn't set a boundary with him, he did whisper and mess about but I knew he was bipolar and I guess I took him under my wing and became close to him and believe that I faced hostility because of this from my all-female team

 

Anyway I first saw the Union Rep after the meeting above which seemed designed to sabotage my promotion

 

The agency worker I believe tried to make it look like I was the cause of the bad behaviour and us having been sent that email by moving his desk away and also badmouthing me and treating me horribly in front of other staff members

 

I saw the Union Guy again when I ended up covering all the time for the team who were granted endless sick leave and I'd have to cover for them, none of it seemed to be officially logged. The agency worker had left by then, his contract ended. Then I saw the Union Rep because the boss yelled at me over tiny things in front of the whole team which reduced me to tears as she has never done it to anybody else in the team

I then had a supervision with the new manager and raised the issues and he even agreed with me that the boss treats me differently to anybody else and there is favouritism within the team, I was new when I joined but the others had been there a long time

 

And I also know that the man I replaced had a nervous breakdown and disappeared off the face of the earth one day, though the team kept contacting him he wouldn't get in touch with any of them, so I think the team is dysfunctional

 

Anyway I didn't show the Union Rep the email as I was ashamed at the team, I was demoralised and was just wondering, if I should now? I may have given the wrong impression with no background explanation :-) thx all

[losangelena]

Why couldn't your boss have pulled you aside and told you in person?

 

I don't think they're out of bounds wanting to quash unprofessional office behavior, but I think it may have gone over better by having a conversation with you about it in person.

 

Maybe try following up about face to face? When everyone's back in the office after holidays, go into their office and see if you can talk about it. That way you're both on the same page, you come off as mature and maybe you can assert yourself a bit.

 

Office reputations can be hard to shake. I went through an awful period of anxiety and panic attacks and wound up being seen as very flakey at work. Also, my original supervisor, who I'd gotten on great with, had left and my new supervisor and I didn't get along as well. She had an impression of me that I didn't want to be there or that I wasn't happy. And that had nothing to do with the quality of my work, but I think she had a hard time because I was never outwardly bubbly. It didn't really matter what I did, I could not shake that reputation.

 

Good luck!

 

Edited to say I wrote this before seeing your long reply.

[Space Ritual]

I just love the way everyone's jumping down your throat without having any balanced view of things. I have been in enough toxic environments to know that if someone has decided they "have it in for you," you may get singled out for minor things that are overlooked in others. If you feel like you're in this kind of a situation, then unfortunately your best solution is to find another job before you get fired. I don't think approaching the union rep will have any useful results. In fact it may speed up the process of getting you fired. Your best bet is to lay low and try to avoid making any waves while you diligently apply for jobs.

 

Excellent post!!!

 

Keep in mind that not everyone will get along in an office environment, but I have been in enough of those environments to know that if there is one single person that has taken a particular dislike for another co worker they will use any opportunity they can to make like bad for them.

 

The reason OP received the Email is so that there is a paper trail to go into a file in the event something else happens and someone feels like they have to narc her off to HR.

 

The point is that office environments foment this type of internal strife in order to get a few uber loyal employees. You know the type, the ones the rest of the employees would like to see mugged and stuffed in a dumpster outside the corporate Christmas party? lol.

 

OP your best course of action would keep your head down and when you do show it to your union rep, make sure the only ones that know you are going to the rep are you and the rep. Trust nobody in an office. Ever.

[preraph]

Nothing wrong with that. Obviously whatever you and the friend are doing is causing people to get angry and complain, so just stop. Don't take an attitude and it doesn't rise to the level of union complaint or even nearly.

[privategal]

Find a new job asap as this environment sounds toxic.

Your actions may have been childish but the way it's being handled is as well.

I found the email to be CRAZY.

A manager should address things directly.

The acting manager pulling your coworker aside to grill him about you is crazy too and you don't know if he didn't say things about you to defer blame.

In the meantime, start dressing better, tuck in your shirt.

Greet the team politely but other than that keep your head down and work.

Just do your job ONLY.

Nothing more, no social interaction.

Your mental health is important.

Learn from any ways you may have messed up and change them for your next job.

But I would both file a greivance AND find a new job.

[katiegrl]

On one hand, I think the email was perfectly acceptable and perhaps warranted....as I have been witness to whispering and gossip (which the whispering suggests) in the office and it presents a very tense and uncomfortable environment for the rest of your co-workers.

 

My guess is some of your co-workers complained to your boss about it....hence the email.

 

However, on the other hand, I think a better way to handle it would have been for your boss to send out a firm-wide email to all employees reminding them of appropriate office behavior -- which obviously does not include private whispering and gossiping among one or a group of co-workers -- so no one feels singled out.

 

I don't think the email rises to the level of a formal grievance though.... and you also run the risk of having your behavior/actions/performance scrutinized further, so I would not suggest doing that.

 

I am curious though.... in what other ways to you feel your boss "has it out for you"?

 

Have you received good performance evaluations? Or do you often get written up and if so, is there any validity to those write-ups?

 

I can't figure out if you are actually being singled out here (which is possible)....OR if you are looked upon as somewhat of a problem employee.

 

Not accusing you of anything... I promise. Just curious cause there is not much to go on here.... other than you admit you were guilty of the whispering/gossip and you were reprimanded for it in an email.

 

Can you clarify further and provide more info?

 

Edited to Add: I read your post number 11 and I am still a bit confused by all this... it just seems like a very haphazard and toxic environment for everyone, would looking for a new job be an option for you?

 

I have learned it's very hard to shake someone's perception of you once it's formed. One wrong move or mistake....and from then on, you are seen as a problem employee.... no matter how well you perform or behave going forward....and often times the only thing to do is to leave, find something else and start over from scratch someplace else.

Edited December 30, 2015 by katiegrl

[NewLeaf512]

Yep - if you are acting like a second grader, then your boss needs to treat you like one. You acknowledge that you have been cliquey and doing what he is describing.

 

What he should have done, however, is not put it in an email, but discussed it with you directly. Now there is documentation to the grievance which does not bode well for you; it means you could eventually be sacked and he may be laying the groundwork for doing just that.

 

Watch your step, become the model employee, and stop "being influenced" by those who may cost you your job.

 

I believe it's likely that it was put in writing to form the foundation of a formal reprimand to adhere to employment law/ trade union standards. CarrieT I completely concur.

[privategal]

On the other hand, these other employees also should be focused enough on their job to not notice every little gossip and whisper.

I used to work in an office environment and it was sort of open high cubes and there would be whispering of sorts just due to not having loud conversations that the whole office had to hear.

I'd be more concerned as a boss, was the employee performing, arriving on time, respectful of deadlines?

Furthermore as a boss if an employee came to me to tattle that person x is hanging out with so in so whispering I'd first ask if they had discussed it directly with person x, but I'd also be wondering why they are paying attention to co-workers instead of focused on their own work.

I believe if everyone minded their own business it would be less of an issue.

Lastly, a manager is paid not to babysit or micromanage the office gossip but rather to direct a team overall.

It's polite housekeeping to bring it up in annual meetings or performance reviews to request ALL show respect, but we don't go to work as adults worrying about our feelings getting hurt or getting singled out, we go to WORK.

TIRED of hearing so many grown adults looking for every little thing people do to offend them. "Man" up and focus on your own role, then you won't notice petty things like whispering. Who carrreess!

[Art_Critic]

Your boss didn't tell you both in person because he wants the behavior to stop and by documenting it in email he is on the path to get ride of the drama that is causing a stir in the workplace, both of you.

 

Pay attention to this warning, that is exactly what it is, fix the behavior or you will find yourself without a job.

 

Stay away from the people you gossip with, give it some time and it will all go away providing you start acting more professional in the office. in 6 months nobody will even give it a second look...

[turnera]

You seem to think you have justification for being offended when, in reality, it seems that you two ARE part of the problem. My advice: go to work and do your job and prove yourself with your work. Send an email back to the boss, saying "I acknowledge your concerns." And just stay at an arm's length with everyone.

[anika99]

OP I read your additional information and I agree that this is a toxic work environment. Not so much because of the email, I still don't see a big problem with that although I agree with the poster who said it would have been more tactful for the boss to send a general email to everyone reminding them of the need to be professional and refrain for whispering and gossiping, however the behavior of the acting manager that has since be demoted, the behavior of your boss yelling at you and demeaning you in front of your coworker and the behaviour of the coworker who initially dragged you into this is all toxic.

 

I would not be able to tolerate a boss yelling at me under any circumstance but definitely not in front of coworkers. That is a poison work environment. You could file a grievance but I dont' know if that would help or harm you. Definitely just focus on doing your work and consider maybe looking for a new job.

[Wewon]

Do you realize that in most work places that the boss is on the hook for people feeling harassed, even when between to other parties in his or her charge? If you were the boss and Bobby told a sexist, racist, homophobic, mean-spirited joke that was overheard by another employee that it would be extremely easy to implicate you as well, especially if it was later mentioned that you were informed of the sexist, racist homophobic, mean-spirited joke. As the boss, you would be expected to take some kind of action to remedy the situation.

 

Most likely someone said something to your boss. Your boss was then on the hook to take action to avoid a second, third or forth complaint and eventually have to answer for harboring a "hostile work environment". Being a supervisor is more like being a baby sitter in a lot of cases, not being a feudal lord ruling over a fiefdom. They're on a much shorter leash than you are, just ask his/her union rep...oh yeah, they probably don't have that kind of representation.

 

Don't take the email personally, I actually doubt that it was sent to you out of spite, so much as the politics of self preservation in today's work place.

[privategal]

Harrasment type scenarios are to be escalated to HR and that is not the type of situation the op is describing.

You are correct a manager would need to be responsible and take action in that scenario and involve hr and also would not be addressed over email.

He was describing immature conduct and the tattle tales in the department should either have approached him directly instead of running to his manager, or minded their own business and focused on their job, not his conduct, especially when their complaints were minor and petty.

[Wewon]

Harrasment type scenarios are to be escalated to HR and that is not the type of situation the op is describing.

You are correct a manager would need to be responsible and take action in that scenario and involve hr and also would not be addressed over email.

He was describing immature conduct and the tattle tales in the department should either have approached him directly instead of running to his manager, or minded their own business and focused on their job, not his conduct, especially when their complaints were minor and petty.

 

Actually most harassment type scenarios could easily be described as acts of immaturity and general foolishness.

 

Unfortunately, what constitutes harassment could very easily include snickering and giggling, a joke that wasn't well received, or even a look (this was all explained to me by HR personnel themselves).

 

Its part of what makes the manager's job all the more difficult. An email is the start of a paper trail for the manager to cover his/her backside. He has to show that he was taking action. unfortunately these situations are not standardized and open to interpretation by the offended party.

[acrosstheuniverse]

The e-mail seemed fine to me. I agree that the boss sent it so that she or he has an irrefutable paper trail. If things don't get better sharpish, she or he has evidence that they did warn you about your behaviour.

 

I wouldn't take it as hard as you have, though. To be pulled up on your conduct can be humiliating and a shock but it's probably something your boss will gladly forget about asap as long as things get better. Reply acknowledging your bosses concerns, thank them for bringing it to your attention and say that you've taken it on board. That's all that's necessary, and then sort yourself out at work stat.

 

No need to take it to union I don't think, the boss has handled it perfectly. Paper trail, they addressed the concerns, they've kept it quite light and friendly, if you'd literally done absolutely nothing that you could see would warrant this e-mail then that's a problem but you acknowledge yourself you know exactly why you got this e-mail: act on it, before you find yourself out of a job. Be the model employee.