Still Hurts Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 Hi. This is my first post here. I've read a rew things and for some reason I decided to post. I have been separated from my wife for almost 2 1/2 years. She ended things because she said she loves me but is not in love with me. We were together 11 years total. We have two children aged 4 and 5. We also fought a lot after our 2nd child was born. there were also issues of an ex boyfriend contacting her on FB. I was jealous and untrusting. She said she needed to close things. I freaked out. She said she had felt this way for a while and that incident was the catalyst to the end. She said I am her best friend and anyone else coming into her life would need to understand that. When we ended it, I slept in the basement for 7 months before moving out. I lived in my own place, until the money and credit ran out. Now I live at my mother's house. We have joint custody and I see my kids often. During the last 2 1/2 years, we've continued a sexual relationship, maybe once or twice a month. I spent this Christmas Eve and the morning with her and and the kids. We had a nice time. Cuddling, holding hands, being intimate. The problem is, aside from the separation, is that she has just started dating. She tells me they aren't sleeping together, but I know she will soon if they keep hanging out together. I am devistated. Destroyed. I keep running things in my mind. Playing shoulda, woulda, coulda. I know that doesnt do me any good. My heart wants her back. I have told her this a few times over the past month. Basically since I found out she has been talking to other men. I have been there for her since the separation. I helped her move twice, helped her with her depression, which surfaced after we sold our house. I spend lots of time at her place, with the kids and her. We have a legal agreement and she has paid for half of the divorce. I am too broke to pay for my half. I want her back, but I am not holding on to hope cuz I dont want to get hurt again. I've been thinking about NC as much as I can, except for stuff about the kids. I hope that she would think about us during this time, but I need to do it more for myself. Not sure if Im looking for advice or just a place to vent. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 H I want her back, but I am not holding on to hope cuz I dont want to get hurt again. And yet you're doing everything you can to subject yourself to maximum pain. Your thread is titled "Trying to move on" but how does hanging in this part-time marriage with a semi-wife, nose pressed against the glass while she dates and sleeps with other men, serve that purpose? Still Hurts, it might be helpful to look at things this way - your wife obviously doesn't love you, respect you or even really care bout you. No one who cared would take advantage of some one as she has you, using you as a moving, babysitting, counseling and stud service while she plans her getaway. She knows you still love her and is cold and calculating enough to use that emotion to her maximum advantage. Her maneuvering has left you broke, desperate and living with your parents while she embarks on a new relationship and a new life. Some "best friend". Sorry for the tough love but you've been your own worst enemy. Someone in this situation has to look out for Still Hurts, I think it should start being you. Good luck and keep posting... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Akashsingh Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 she is horny and wants sex outside of marriage. Dump her. You deserve better. Focus on yourself and your kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Clavel Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 The problem is, aside from the separation, is that she has just started dating. She tells me they aren't sleeping together, but I know she will soon if they keep hanging out together. the problem is that you are trying to move on before letting to. this will not work. moving on will be much easier if you lighten the load and to that end, stop having sex, let her GO. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Still Hurts Posted December 29, 2015 Author Share Posted December 29, 2015 As of Dec 26 I have started minimal contact and unfriended her from facebook. I hope this will help me find peace. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 It's certainly a step in the right direction. Stay busy, focus on your kids and move on with your life... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
GingerVixen Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 You cant file for divorce and then keep having sex with your wife and then getting mad when she starts dating and then wanting her back again and etc. See the many contradictions there? That will never work It is over for a reason. Dont try to make it work if it is over. It is over for a reason - keep that reason in mind and move on Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts