Why would a girl admit to seeing others way after the fact??

[oregon0011]

I Was seeing a girl for 4 months.

 

It progressed and she was talking about being together, future, marriage but in a joking way. Started sleeping over etc. We had sex quickly, but never were spending nights together previously. Chemistry was amazing on both of our sides. Laughing, non stop sex, hugging. Etc

 

From day one it was fireworks. On both parts. She pursued me more than I pursued her. Then there was a patch of her flaking, odd excuses etc which we got past. This entire time she always told me "I have no interest in anyone else. I am not dating. I am not seeing anyone else." But at the same time she wasn't "ready for a relationship"

 

So one morning I just asked. "How many people have you been with since we met?" She said 2. I was floored. I asked who, when etc and she wouldn't say anything. i looked through our old texts and never really was there more than a day or two we didn't talk. We saw each other pretty often. So at this point I just can't see her the same.

 

She said it was at the beginning and meant nothing. (But I have her texts where she would tell me she was never with anyone since we met)

 

I guess I wonder WHY she would choose to tell me now? She really thought it was no big deal? Wanted to break up? Relieve guilt? Forgot she already lied? Makes little sense to me. I would have taken that to my grave.

 

Now she is sending me merry Christmas Eve. Merry Christmas. And I am not responding. Just don't understand her mindset.

Edited December 26, 2015 by oregon0011

[11012015]

She said it was at the beginning and meant nothing.

 

It always means something. Never believe "it meant nothing."

[ExpatInItaly]

She told you because you asked. She probably didn't want to carry on lying about it and perhaps she thinks it isn't a big deal at this point.

 

I don't think seeing other people early on is necessarily the problem. The problem is that she was clearly dishonest about it. That would make me take a big step back, so I understand where you're coming from there. Did you point out that she'd previously stated she wasn't seeing anyone else?

[smackie9]

I can't stress this enough.....never "assume" you are the only one they are seeing or having sex with. It's possible she duped you, or she is used to multi dating she just figured this is how to play it out.

 

As the say if it's seems too good to be true....

[oregon0011]

She told you because you asked. She probably didn't want to carry on lying about it and perhaps she thinks it isn't a big deal at this point.

 

I don't think seeing other people early on is necessarily the problem. The problem is that she was clearly dishonest about it. That would make me take a big step back, so I understand where you're coming from there. Did you point out that she'd previously stated she wasn't seeing anyone else?

 

Yes. She told me she just wanted "to be honest". I told her she has always told me she hasn't been seeing anyone else and even sent her the texts she sent me before.

 

She then (now this is funny) said "I haven't been seeing or dating anyone else. That was one date. One date is not dating or seeing someone!"

 

She then played the victim a bit about how she doesn't know how to have a relationship, she wasn't sure how I felt, said she has been used for sex before etc etc.

 

She then texted how she has dreams of me , where I meet her parents etc

[central]

Were you explicitly exclusive at the time she was with the others? If not, at the time she owed you no information. Now that you're getting serious - and presumably exclusive - she wants to be honest.

 

So, unless you were exclusive, you have no cause to judge her, IMO. Whether you can get over this or not, I don't know - but if you don't very quickly and set things right, you'll lose her. Maybe that's what you want, though, but next time, set boundaries and expectations from the start.

[oregon0011]

Were you explicitly exclusive at the time she was with the others? If not, at the time she owed you no information. Now that you're getting serious - and presumably exclusive - she wants to be honest.

 

So, unless you were exclusive, you have no cause to judge her, IMO. Whether you can get over this or not, I don't know - but if you don't very quickly and set things right, you'll lose her. Maybe that's what you want, though, but next time, set boundaries and expectations from the start.

 

That's an interesting take on things.

 

A few times she did flake and I sensed something was wrong or off. That's when she would reassure me "don't worry, I really am sick. I have no interest in anyone else. I'm not seeing anyone else". She was coming on really strong at the time.

 

So yes. I was wondering what is true and what wasn't at the time. Turns out she was lying those times. Hard to now trust her going forward if that were to happen again.

 

Hard to believe I would have to ask a girl I am dating daily if they had sex with anyone every single day. Because if I say "are you seeing or dating anyone else" they can say no and not be lying.

Edited December 26, 2015 by oregon0011

[Space Ritual]

I Was seeing a girl for 4 months.

 

It progressed and she was talking about being together, future, marriage but in a joking way. Started sleeping over etc. We had sex quickly, but never were spending nights together previously. Chemistry was amazing on both of our sides. Laughing, non stop sex, hugging. Etc

 

From day one it was fireworks. On both parts. She pursued me more than I pursued her. Then there was a patch of her flaking, odd excuses etc which we got past. This entire time she always told me "I have no interest in anyone else. I am not dating. I am not seeing anyone else." But at the same time she wasn't "ready for a relationship"

 

So one morning I just asked. "How many people have you been with since we met?" She said 2. I was floored. I asked who, when etc and she wouldn't say anything. i looked through our old texts and never really was there more than a day or two we didn't talk. We saw each other pretty often. So at this point I just can't see her the same.

 

She said it was at the beginning and meant nothing. (But I have her texts where she would tell me she was never with anyone since we met)

 

I guess I wonder WHY she would choose to tell me now? She really thought it was no big deal? Wanted to break up? Relieve guilt? Forgot she already lied? Makes little sense to me. I would have taken that to my grave.

 

Now she is sending me merry Christmas Eve. Merry Christmas. And I am not responding. Just don't understand her mindset.

 

 

Who knows, maybe she is afraid that someone else was going to say something to you? Perhaps one of the people she had been with who may have had more of an expectation of her than she was willing to give?

 

Maybe she figured it was better to answer your question than have somebody come out of the blue and stir up some drama.

 

But all that is mere speculation.

 

If anyone was probably spot on, it would be Smackie. Really never assume anyone is telling you the truth and accept nothing at face value in love or anything else. That way is you don't have a lot of high expectations you'll never be disappointed.

[oregon0011]

Who knows, maybe she is afraid that someone else was going to say something to you? Perhaps one of the people she had been with who may have had more of an expectation of her than she was willing to give?

 

Maybe she figured it was better to answer your question than have somebody come out of the blue and stir up some drama.

 

But all that is mere speculation.

 

If anyone was probably spot on, it would be Smackie. Really never assume anyone is telling you the truth and accept nothing at face value in love or anything else. That way is you don't have a lot of high expectations you'll never be disappointed.

 

Well I wasn't assuming. I mean the girl always told me she has a busy and stressful life and no interest in seeing anyone else. If she would have said she was seeing other I would have been cool with it, or made my own decision if I want to invest more time. Are we saying this is an acceptable lie? Or is this a major red flag? And there is no way I would have found out.

[Space Ritual]

I can't stress this enough.....never "assume" you are the only one they are seeing or having sex with. It's possible she duped you, or she is used to multi dating she just figured this is how to play it out.

 

As the say if it's seems too good to be true....

 

 

Far and away you give the best advice of any female on this entire site. Always have since You came here.

 

As the resident Cretin, I could not pay anyone else on Loveshack a higher compliment. lol

[stillafool]

She more than likely had 2 FWBs when you met her. No she was not dating or seeing someone in the dating sense. She was just having sex. Maybe she didn't think you needed details when you just started dating. BTW, was she seeing these 2 guys at the beginning of your dating her or after you began the relationship? That's pretty much the point here.

[Space Ritual]

Well I wasn't assuming. I mean the girl always told me she has a busy and stressful life and no interest in seeing anyone else. If she would have said she was seeing other I would have been cool with it, or made my own decision if I want to invest more time. Are we saying this is an acceptable lie? Or is this a major red flag? And there is no way I would have found out.

 

Bro,

 

Release her to her destiny. This is about as good as it's gonna get. at least you found out after only 4 months that you two have differing opinions about such matters. Some poor saps don't find out for years and get a drunken confession years after marriage that they were not as honest about their activities as they led someone to believe. It happens with both genders so its not exclusive to either. But the die is cast. It's all downhill from here.

 

End it this weekend.

[smackie9]

Whatever it looks like, it's a deal breaker to you, so ditch the bich.

[oregon0011]

Whatever it looks like, it's a deal breaker to you, so ditch the bich.

 

I would also say, on her part, there was no strong effort to convince me that it was a mistake, or she is really sorry, or a "lets talk about this" etc..

 

If the tables were turned, and I lied, and I hurt her, I would be doing all I could to convince her to forgive me.. Instead she just sends me texts as if nothing happened..

[Keke1]

Far and away you give the best advice of any female on this entire site. Always have since You came here.

 

As the resident Cretin, I could not pay anyone else on Loveshack a higher compliment. lol

 

This is true. WWSD ?

[Keke1]

That's an interesting take on things.

 

A few times she did flake and I sensed something was wrong or off. That's when she would reassure me "don't worry, I really am sick. I have no interest in anyone else. I'm not seeing anyone else". She was coming on really strong at the time.

 

So yes. I was wondering what is true and what wasn't at the time. Turns out she was lying those times. Hard to now trust her going forward if that were to happen again.

 

Hard to believe I would have to ask a girl I am dating daily if they had sex with anyone every single day. Because if I say "are you seeing or dating anyone else" they can say no and not be lying.

 

Ok the sentence where you said it'll be hard to trust her going forward tells everything. It's only been 4 months. Leave her because the trust has been shaken. You don't need that on your mind. Trust me on that. You don't want to be wondering if she's with another while she's not with you. It's already in your head. Start over with someone new and lay out the ground rules early. If she's ok with them then proceed.

[Spectre]

Were you explicitly exclusive at the time she was with the others? If not, at the time she owed you no information. Now that you're getting serious - and presumably exclusive - she wants to be honest.

 

So, unless you were exclusive, you have no cause to judge her, IMO. Whether you can get over this or not, I don't know - but if you don't very quickly and set things right, you'll lose her. Maybe that's what you want, though, but next time, set boundaries and expectations from the start.

 

I'm sorry but no, if she was sleeping with him while banging other dudes she absolutely owes him that information. If for no other reason then health reasons. Just seriously, wtf? I just find this odd. Why is it her right to put him at risk because hey girls just wanna have fun? Nope.

 

I swear so many very wrong people think that screwing others is a thing they have the right to stay silent about if they happen to also be screwing a specific person at the time. Instead of tossing out all these cliches about how people shouldn't assume, how about grown ass adults just be honest about the crap they are up to? When I say be honest about it I also do not mean being honest..but only weeks/months after the fact.

Edited December 27, 2015 by Spectre

[oregon0011]

I'm sorry but no, if she was sleeping with him while banging other dudes she absolutely owes him that information. If for no other reason then health reasons. Just seriously, wtf? I just find this odd. Why is it her right to put him at risk because hey girls just wanna have fun? Nope.

 

I swear so many very wrong people think that screwing others is a thing they have the right to stay silent about if they happen to also be screwing a specific person at the time. Instead of tossing out all these cliches about how people shouldn't assume, how about grown ass adults just be honest about the crap they are up to? When I say be honest about it I also do not mean being honest..but only weeks/months after the fact.

 

Not only diseases... One month she thought she was pregnant...

 

At the end of the day I have no respect for women who open their legs for multiple guys at once..

[Scarlett.O'hara]

If I was in your situation I would feel disgusted by this new information. The trust would be gone forever.

[sandylee1]

Some people see sex as no big deal...... if I were a guy.. that's not the kind of woman I'd want to be with. She's pretty free and easy about who she sleeps with and I just hope you guys used protection.. otherwise the risk of Std's is high.

 

Her attitude to sex is very carefree... she knew you wouldn't like it and she's now playing words like "dating" and "seeing". She's the female version of a player IMO.

 

I'd advise you to move on and look for a girl who only sleeps with one guy at a time.. preferably you. Have the exclusive (as in no sex with others) talk from the time you become sexual.. so you are both clear what's acceptable.

[smackie9]

If it's too good to be true, then it is.

[sandylee1]

Not only diseases... One month she thought she was pregnant...

 

At the end of the day I have no respect for women who open their legs for multiple guys at once..

 

And she wouldn't have known who the father is would she.

She deceived you..otherwise she should have said at that time it's a third chance the kid is yours.

 

I understand you not having respect for such a woman..that opens up her V to multiple guys at once.

 

yourself a favour and end it ..... she's a bit of a loose woman.

[Spectre]

Yep so again it is quite literally insane for people to ever say "hey if you're banging one dude but also other dudes behind his back you don't owe him that information unless you have had a specific talk about not boinking others".

 

People need to grow up and realize "we never specifically talked about not banging others" is never a valid excuse unless we've entered the Twilight Zone and/or Bizarro World. It's a thing shady people use to hide behind so they can continue to act shady.

Edited December 29, 2015 by Spectre

[Spectre]

Not only diseases... One month she thought she was pregnant...

 

At the end of the day I have no respect for women who open their legs for multiple guys at once..

 

Yep, if a woman can't keep her legs shut to everyone but her boyfriend there is an issue.

 

But tell me you have at least taken this trashy female out of your life?

 

Dump her, maybe with a line like "your new years resolution should be to bang less dudes" or something. Some will find that mean though so you can just dump her and not say anything. Be prepared she will most definitely spill some crocodile tears. She'll claim she loves you, that it was a mistake, and all that lovely BS cheaters spout upon being dumped.

 

I always like when a cheater says the sex meant nothing. No, it meant at the very least her getting some guy off, some guy who wasn't her boyfriend. So it sure as hell meant something to the guys she porked, even if all it meant was some momentary pleasure. They carry the memories of nailing her for the rest of their lives. She carries those memories as well. So no, a woman giving some guy who isn't her boyfriend an orgasm is never ever nothing.

Edited December 29, 2015 by Spectre