I gave him a very nice watch for his college graduation. He told me he sold it. What?

[Polar965]

I have an ex bf I miss very much. As many couples do, we starting talking again over the holidays. I'm seeing someone and told him, but would consider getting back together with him. I noticed he didn't have on a watch, and I gave him a very nice watch for his college graduation. He told me he sold it. I was shocked, saddened...felt it diminished the meaning of our relationship. He had rent due, but still. I don't know. I've not sold off gifts because I needed money.

[d0nnivain]

Once you give somebody a gift, it's theirs to do whatever they like with it. He needed to pay rent & you were not his GF at the time. It was probably a smart solution to a temporary financial problem & alleviated him from having to deal with the emotional pain from staring at a gift from you.

 

 

Since you are still dating somebody else, some vague promise about possibly getting back together, not accompanied by action (you breaking up with your current BF) or any acknowledgment that you two have addressed the issues that broke you apart doesn't make the most sense either.

[Wewon]

I have an ex bf I miss very much. As many couples do, we starting talking again over the holidays. I'm seeing someone and told him, but would consider getting back together with him. I noticed he didn't have on a watch, and I gave him a very nice watch for his college graduation. He told me he sold it. I was shocked, saddened...felt it diminished the meaning of our relationship. He had rent due, but still. I don't know. I've not sold off gifts because I needed money.

 

Is this out of character for him?

 

Is he normally sentimental about gifts and mementos?

[carhill]

The gift of a timepiece evolved into a gift of continued roof over his head. Thanks for your generosity.

 

Move on.

[Simon Phoenix]

It's his property, so it's up to him whether or want he wants to keep it, sell it, or just give it away. Not your place to judge.

[Els]

Just let it go, it's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. Who initiated the breakup, what was the reason?

[cupcakebunny]

I have an ex bf I miss very much. As many couples do, we starting talking again over the holidays. I'm seeing someone and told him, but would consider getting back together with him. I noticed he didn't have on a watch, and I gave him a very nice watch for his college graduation. He told me he sold it. I was shocked, saddened...felt it diminished the meaning of our relationship. He had rent due, but still. I don't know. I've not sold off gifts because I needed money.

 

 

No matter the nature of the relationship, the point of a gift is "no strings attached". Period. That's just etiquette. I know it stings and it is a bit rude but it seems like he really did need the money and it's kind of his whatever he wants to do with it...it's a gift. I wouldn't beat yourself up over it. If you guys get back together, it's going to be a blip in the grand scheme of things.

[Kevin_D]

I would never do something like that. I've kept every little stupid note my exes have written to me. Without history, I would be a soulless, empty shell. And everything I've experienced - and every gift someone has given me - is a part of my history.

 

Selling off gifts is selling off a piece of your history, and basically, selling a piece of your soul.

 

Now, I know that the vast majority of the people in world today are sad, narcissistic, empty shells who keep talking about how they "live in the present" and "never look back". But you should be proud that you're not one of them. You should be proud that you value the gifts you recieve, because you realise that it's about the act of giving, not the gift itself.

 

My current girlfriend is just like your ex. If she recieves a gift that is of no apparent use of her, she thinks of it as a waste of space and money. She has no sentimentality in this aspect. A gift to her is basically just transfer of ownership. It makes me miss my ex even more, who always kept her gifts on her nightstand and handled them in a way women handle babies.

[Polar965]

I would never do something like that. I've kept every little stupid note my exes have written to me. Without history, I would be a soulless, empty shell. And everything I've experienced - and every gift someone has given me - is a part of my history.

 

Selling off gifts is selling off a piece of your history, and basically, selling a piece of your soul.

 

Now, I know that the vast majority of the people in world today are sad, narcissistic, empty shells who keep talking about how they "live in the present" and "never look back". But you should be proud that you're not one of them. You should be proud that you value the gifts you recieve, because you realise that it's about the act of giving, not the gift itself.

 

My current girlfriend is just like your ex. If she recieves a gift that is of no apparent use of her, she thinks of it as a waste of space and money. She has no sentimentality in this aspect. A gift to her is basically just transfer of ownership. It makes me miss my ex even more, who always kept her gifts on her nightstand and handled them in a way women handle babies.

 

This.

 

I've been very broke before and I've not sold off sentimental stuff. He is far from destitute. I was engaged for a period, and when we broke off the engagement, I gave him back the ring. I didn't hock it. He continued to pursue me knowing I was seeing someone else, and knowing I needed time. He sold off the watch (I scraped together paychecks for because it was a big birthday) knowing we might reconsider in the future. Whatever. People are correct in saying a gift means it is his. It is his to do with what he desires. I just thought it was in poor taste, and certainly extinguished any flicker of hope I'd had in possibly getting back together in the future.

[Mr. Lucky]

I just thought it was in poor taste, and certainly extinguished any flicker of hope I'd had in possibly getting back together in the future.

 

Poor taste is giving an ex a nice gift with strings attached while you're seeing someone else...

 

Mr. Lucky

Edited December 29, 2015 by Mr. Lucky

[Polar965]

Is this out of character for him?

 

Is he normally sentimental about gifts and mementos?

 

Yes. Or at least sentimental in our relationship.

[Polar965]

Poor taste is giving an ex a nice gift with strings attached while you're seeing someone else...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

All parties are fully aware of each other and "the deal." He has been dating others as well. Sometimes this happens in relationships. You take breaks, see others. Relationships follow different paths. The gift wasn't given while I was dating someone else, but as a symbol of how proud I was that he went back to college late in life and made it through. It was a watch that looked like one of his dad's he always loved. I asked him where it was and if he no longer wore it. He told me he sold it. I didn't reprimand him or ask for it back. I came here to process my disappointment and confusion. Poor taste are not two words usually applied to me.

[stillafool]

I

 

Selling off gifts is selling off a piece of your history, and basically, selling a piece of your soul.

 

 

 

You are a very sentimental person and I can understand your point. However most people, including me, don't view gifts as a piece of their soul but just material objects that now have no meaning because that person is no longer in your life. If the gift of a past lover can be used to make life better then it is still a gift.

[Wewon]

Yes. Or at least sentimental in our relationship.

 

Maybe it was a kind of dig, not that he sold it, but that he felt the need to tell you he did.

[Mr. Lucky]

All parties are fully aware of each other and "the deal."

 

So you told the person you're seeing that you "scraped together paychecks" for an expensive gift for Ex in the hope that you'd be "possibly getting back together in the future" ???

 

Mr. Lucky

[Wewon]

Poor taste is giving an ex a nice gift with strings attached while you're seeing someone else...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I don't think that this is an example of a gift having strings attached, meaning some kind of quid-pro-quo arrangement for the watch.

 

It seems more like a disappointment that her ex either did something out of character or was not as attached as she had previously thought he was.

 

I think that we all have a "markers" that we gauge how we impacted others, some may have more pragmatic ways than others. But the OP didn't sound like she was trying to get anything from him.

[Polar965]

So you told the person you're seeing that you "scraped together paychecks" for an expensive gift for Ex in the hope that you'd be "possibly getting back together in the future" ???

 

Mr. Lucky

 

 

No, I was seeing only him at the time and I didn't TELL him how difficult it was to afford a nice gift, he knew because he knows I work two jobs and also have rent to come up with. I am responsible with my money, but when someone has a big event, I do try to give as generously as I can. Thats all.