blueowl32 Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 If your boyfriend did this, is it acceptable in you opinion? He: 1) Asked for a girl (not even a proper friend of his but his ex's good friend)'s number on facebook. She ignored him. 2. Sent a snapchat video to her (of him smoking a joint and asking her to join) THREE TIMES within a month. Is this an indicator of his intention to cheat? I mean if the girl had said yes, he would have made more moves right? He also: 3. Told you all men cheat. 4. Changed his facebook status to single while still being with you for the reason that 'you are being clingy'. 5. Suggested an open relationship for the reason that he cant give you the time and attention you need and dont wanna see you in pain, so suggested you to see other guys. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 If your boyfriend did this, is it acceptable in you opinion? He: 1) Asked for a girl (not even a proper friend of his but his ex's good friend)'s number on facebook. She ignored him. 2. Sent a snapchat video to her (of him smoking a joint and asking her to join) THREE TIMES within a month. Is this an indicator of his intention to cheat? I mean if the girl had said yes, he would have made more moves right? He also: 3. Told you all men cheat. 4. Changed his facebook status to single while still being with you for the reason that 'you are being clingy'. 5. Suggested an open relationship for the reason that he cant give you the time and attention you need and dont wanna see you in pain, so suggested you to see other guys. These are signs that you need IC because you have get affirmation before you will dump this cheating bum excuse of a man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author blueowl32 Posted December 27, 2015 Author Share Posted December 27, 2015 P.s. our relationship ended. I just wanted some comments regarding the stuff he did/ said and to see if my thoughts about him are unreasonable. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 P.s. our relationship ended. I just wanted some comments regarding the stuff he did/ said and to see if my thoughts about him are unreasonable. Yes your thoughts were unreasonable. For you took to long to dump him and for having the slightest doubt and for needing us to tell you that you were right. By the way you were right and not unreasonable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blueowl32 Posted December 27, 2015 Author Share Posted December 27, 2015 Omg i am so angry at him i want to message him and tell him what a jerk he is. Someone please calm me down. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 Omg i am so angry at him i want to message him and tell him what a jerk he is. Someone please calm me down. No need to be angry. And you are better going NC, no contact with him for life. You are young and got a good life lesson. Dating is the job interview for marriage and he failed. Be happy you got smart and dumped him. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 Are you crazy? There is need to be angry, this guy is a little prick. Not all anger is bad. Call him a jerk if it makes you feel better and guess what? He's still a jerk so even if calling him one doesn't make you feel better it's like calling a duck a duck, nothing wrong with it. Only slimey people ask for a member of the opposite sex's number whilst in a relationship. They definitely also won't say "everyone of my gender does 'insert negative thing'". They likewise have no business snapchatting with members of the opposite sex unless it is literally for business(as in work related). Be angry, just reading your post made me kinda want to punch your ex in the face. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 This guys sounds like a megadouche. Be glad you're rid of him. If some did any one of those things to me I'd be out of there. Don't put up with that ish in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blueowl32 Posted December 27, 2015 Author Share Posted December 27, 2015 Thanks everyone!! I need more of such comments and support to help me get over him! I kept blaming myself for his bad behaviour (because honestly I have been clingy since we went long distance and he turned cold and said I pushed him away). I know clingy is bad but it doesnt warrant such douchy treatment right!?! I am so glad to find some source of support and strength on this forum! please tell me hes bad and i need to get over him! (he was very loving and sweet to me before we went long distance and i never imagined he would become such a cruel, massive jerk, which makes me it harder for me to let go Link to post Share on other sites
Author blueowl32 Posted December 27, 2015 Author Share Posted December 27, 2015 I need to add he also said: - if you want this (now long distance) relationship to work, you better do it my way otherwise i will love you less and less and less - (when he was high probably) if a white girl (yes he has a thing for white, he is non-white) likes me and wanna sleep with me, I will - when i asked him about the girl whom he's been snapchatting, he said, yea she's the kind of girls that any men would want/ love to fXXk OMG Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 OP, I mean this as serious question: How is your self-esteem? Why did you stay with him after the first hint of trouble? From you are posting, he essentially told you he would cheat. Did you not believe him? The better way to spend your time now is understanding why you were attracted to him enough to stay after he started showing his true colours. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 please tell me hes bad and i need to get over him! (he was very loving and sweet to me before we went long distance and i never imagined he would become such a cruel, massive jerk, which makes me it harder for me to let go "He's bad and you need to get over him." How's that? Seriously, girl, you don't need us to tell you that. You're gonna need to find that deep within yourself somewhere. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blueowl32 Posted December 27, 2015 Author Share Posted December 27, 2015 OP, I mean this as serious question: How is your self-esteem? Why did you stay with him after the first hint of trouble? From you are posting, he essentially told you he would cheat. Did you not believe him? The better way to spend your time now is understanding why you were attracted to him enough to stay after he started showing his true colours. Hi, Expat in Italy - always nice to see your comments. - I have low self-esteem, I dont deny - But the reason why I find it difficult to let go also lies in the fact that he was my first bf and he was absolutely loving, caring and sweet before we went long distance. He became busy and I became very clingy - calling him a lot, not understanding his stress, accusing him of cheating (before any signs that he did so). So I kept thinking I was the person to blame and causing him to exhibit such behaviours (because he might be thinking, since she didnt trust me anyway, i might as well cheat). Link to post Share on other sites
Author blueowl32 Posted December 27, 2015 Author Share Posted December 27, 2015 dear losangelena, thanks for telling me to come to my senses. He is a jerk, no doubt. But I am concerned as to why I seem so attached and unable to let go. I miss him terribly and I still wish he cared for me :S What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 dear losangelena, thanks for telling me to come to my senses. He is a jerk, no doubt. But I am concerned as to why I seem so attached and unable to let go. I miss him terribly and I still wish he cared for me :S What should I do? Delete him and block him from all forms of social media and any avenues of contact. Including emails and phone numbers. Make him insignificant as soon as possible. If you don't, as fragile of a state as you are in right now, it will not be alleviated especially if you go creeping on his FB or Twitter accounts. I know it is easier said than done, but it is really something you must try to do as soon as possible. No contact equals no new hurts. That being said, I want you to understand something. You did NOTHING wrong here. I know you feel like you are desperately still in love, and I get that. It is only human. Right now the best thing I can suggest is that you actually do allow yourself to grieve. Make sure you are eating something and drinking water, because crying is terribly dehydrating. Right now surround yourself with family and friends. They are your best allies. Finally it really is true that TIME will be a key factor. Give yourself enough of it. Also plea realize that the goal of cutting all contact is to eventually reach a point of total indifference toward this guy. It will take time, of course. And keep posting here. I think for many persons with recent breakups it is important to be able to get one's feelings out in the open. Some people here are good at leading a compassionate ear around these parts. I'm not one of them admittedly as I'd never be confused as being a Diplomat, but they do exist here, I assure you. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 I can't believe you had to ask.......he must have gaslighted the sh it out of ya. Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 If your boyfriend did this, is it acceptable in you opinion? He: 1) Asked for a girl (not even a proper friend of his but his ex's good friend)'s number on facebook. She ignored him. 2. Sent a snapchat video to her (of him smoking a joint and asking her to join) THREE TIMES within a month. Is this an indicator of his intention to cheat? I mean if the girl had said yes, he would have made more moves right? He also: 3. Told you all men cheat. 4. Changed his facebook status to single while still being with you for the reason that 'you are being clingy'. 5. Suggested an open relationship for the reason that he cant give you the time and attention you need and dont wanna see you in pain, so suggested you to see other guys. Okay, this is a checklist for you to..... - Start seeing a therapist - Get out of relationships until you are no longer a doormat - Realise that your boyfriend isn't a partner, he's your abuser You are a walking victim and at the moment seem to be attracting abusive individuals. Get help now before you spend too many decades in bad relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 If your boyfriend did this, is it acceptable in you opinion? He: 1) Asked for a girl (not even a proper friend of his but his ex's good friend)'s number on facebook. She ignored him. 2. Sent a snapchat video to her (of him smoking a joint and asking her to join) THREE TIMES within a month. Is this an indicator of his intention to cheat? I mean if the girl had said yes, he would have made more moves right? He also: 3. Told you all men cheat. 4. Changed his facebook status to single while still being with you for the reason that 'you are being clingy'. 5. Suggested an open relationship for the reason that he cant give you the time and attention you need and dont wanna see you in pain, so suggested you to see other guys. This is a trick question, because a sleaze ball like this wouldn't BE my boyfriend. He'd have been booted to the curb so damned fast I'd have to FedEx his shadow to him the next day. Link to post Share on other sites
offroader Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 You will be glad you got rid of him shortly. Take time to make yourself happy, go hang with your friends, do not let your mind sit idle, you will go crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 ZERO chance this would have ever been good for you. Everything you wrote indicates he was a terrible partner to you. Be glad it's done. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blueowl32 Posted December 28, 2015 Author Share Posted December 28, 2015 That's the thing - he was the complete opposite of what I wrote about him before the relationship went long distance! He was the sweetest, most loving, accommodating guy ever and if anything I was the one in power and he was always the one to please me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blueowl32 Posted December 28, 2015 Author Share Posted December 28, 2015 Hi Buddhist, the thing is he treated me like a princess for as long as I know - until the relationship went long distance - he became busy, and I became clingy (which he said pushed him away). I called him a lot, that got him pissed, and he started being disrespectful. I keep thinking this is my fault. And so I was staying in the relationship (one he no longer cared, but not completely - he gave me hope saying he still loved me a bit otherwise he wouldnt have answered my calls) with the hopes that I could make things right and back to before. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 (edited) P.s. our relationship ended. I just wanted some comments regarding the stuff he did/ said and to see if my thoughts about him are unreasonable. He's not BF material..good job it's over. Just don't tolerate the crap for so long next time with other guys. Rsise your standards. Edited December 28, 2015 by sandylee1 hit send in error Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 That's the thing - he was the complete opposite of what I wrote about him before the relationship went long distance! He was the sweetest, most loving, accommodating guy ever and if anything I was the one in power and he was always the one to please me. Long distance isn't for everyone, because it's takes a lot of trust and way more effort to keep the interest going. Obviously he wasn't cut out for it. Link to post Share on other sites
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