Second chance is actually working.

[planb1973]

I dated this woman for about 4 months. I really liked her, but she got scared and ran the day after she told me she loved me. I didn't chase, just let her run, but I was heart broken.

 

Fast forward a year, and very little contact, she gets a hold of me randomly. I had spent the last year being "that guy." I had always taken dating way too serious and would go years between girlfriends. The decision was made to just have as much fun as I could. During this year I had been with a dozen women, including one of her co-workers, and did settle with one for a number of months. But settling was all it was. I never forgot about the one who ran from me. So I broke things off with the one I settled with. And go figure, as though she knew I was suddenly single, she calls within hours of me ending things with my then current GF.

 

She on the other hand, the one who never took relationships serious, had spent the last year single and doing a lot of soul searching. A life partner was what she wanted, and I was the #1 candidate. Taking a huge risk she called and asked me out for dinner. Dinner was to see if I was single, apologize, and tell me she made a big mistake in letting me go.

 

I was flattered, forgave her, and gave her another chance. On one condition. We go nice and slow this time.

 

So here we are at the 6 month mark. The first few months were touch and go. We had some big arguments as I awaited her running again, but this time she didn't. And as of now things could not be better between us. We communicate aspects of the relationship openly, give each other proper amounts of space when needed, and genuinely are having a great time together, without putting too much pressure on "us."

 

The conclusion. Can second chances work? Yes. But both parties need to change, and change on their own, not in hopes of the relationship but for themselves. And the relationship must be new. Old baggage from before must be forgiven and forgotten. With emphasis on trust, forgiveness, openness, honesty, and patience, second chances can turn into something far more powerful than ever imagined.

[fiskadoro]

That's great, congratulations. I like it that you took it slow, and survived some rough arguments in the beginning.

 

 

How much contact was there, and who initiated it? Was she aware (even peripherally) about your dating and breaking up with her coworker?

 

 

Finally, did you have any social media in common?

 

 

I don't want to get my hopes up based on your story, and I begged a few times, so there is little parallel between our stories. However, have you guys discussed the future yet, or is that strictly forbidden?

[planb1973]

There was very little contact during the year apart. We remained friends on FB, but any contact was initiated by her and I would respond politely. I think during that year we maybe spoke or had happy hour 4 times.

 

She knew about the GF. A month before I broke up with the GF I had ran into her at a party were she asked about the current GF and I told her it was approaching an end. She did tell me later that she would not have asked me out if I was still in a relationship. Interesting though how she asked me out for dinner literally an hour after I had broken up.

 

Talk about the future is just starting to take place. We both agree that no talk of marriage or moving in till the 1 year mark. But do talk about how we picture it. And that my house needs a woman's touch.

 

Just really taking it day by day and being in the present.

[Erik30]

Congrats! Nice story. I think it worked out because you weren't planning on getting her back, figuring out some strategy you could use. You moved on and dated other girls. She realized on her own that she wanted you back.