NerdyNancy Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 So I have always been a bit different from most people I know, even when I was a kid. I prefer doing things by myself, I am very introverted and also a bit nerdy. I prefer to spend my free time hanging out with my dog, playing online games, watching anime or reading manga, or doing craft things like making soap. I don't enjoy socializing very much, I find it to be very stressful and exhausting. I don't go to parties, or out to bars, or attend any group functions. I spend time with a few close relatives now and then because I love them and because one-on-one doesn't bother me so bad. I also don't really bother with my appearance (and I am female). I have tried in the past but I always feel awkward and clueless about such things, and ultimately I find it exhausting and aggravating, so I never keep it up for more than 2 weeks at most. I prefer to eat delicious food, wear comfortable clothing (large sweats) and just have good hygiene, but that is pretty much it. So basically I can be totally content spending my life (outside of work) just sitting at home, cuddling with my dog, eating macaroni and cheese and playing online games, in my sweatpants. Whenever I try to force myself to be someone else, have more social hobbies, be more social in general, fuss over my looks, etc, again I just find it draining and irritating and never keep it up for very long. I don't even like going to the movies because of the lights, noises, smells, people everywhere. Another thing I have noticed over the years is that I have no real desire for sex. Masturbating is fine, but I have never had the desire to have sex with another person. It seems like this desire motivates a lot of people, even people like me, into getting out there and trying, but I don't even have that. Maybe if I was with the right person, but I am not sure, I can't tell in advance. But despite all of this, sometimes I do feel lonely. Sometimes I feel like it would be nice to have a guy who is like me, that would be happy to just chill at home with me, chill in our sweatpants, pass the snacks, and game together. However I'm not sure if I have a personality type or if there is something just plain wrong with me. I'm in my middle twenties and I have yet to find (even while trying online) a guy who is like me, and who would be happy to just merge our lives into being a couple. I used to think that there was this little pool of very nerdy guys, usually based off stereotypes that some people make fun of, but for me that was my pool that I was going to pick from from the start. The stereotype of the overweight, nerdy guy in sloppy clothing, playing World of Warcraft and drinking tons of Mountain Dew. Like that was my guy, in my mind, and I figured I would just find myself a guy like that once I was done with college. But the reality is that it feels like everyone in my area is just normal people. I just want to be comfortable and be myself, but it would be nice to share it with someone. Is there something wrong me with and I am just fantasizing about something unrealistic, or has anyone found something like this for themselves before? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 I like to believe there is a lid for every pot & two asexual people can make a go of it. Problem is that I'm not sure how 2 introverts who prefer to spend time alone actually get out of their comfort zones to find each other. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
FadedSign52 Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 You are some guys dream girl I am sure. But I agree the problem is going to be finding him if you don't put yourself out there more. I would think online dating would be a good way for you find someone compatible. Just make sure you come off as positive and happy in your profile. Putting some effort into your appearance would also help. Link to post Share on other sites
AspenBaldwin Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 Improve your chances by taking up a hobbie meeting new people while doing so. Get a profile on every dating site out there, even fishing sites! Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 I wouldn't normally rush straight in with this.....but as you asked if there is something wrong with you..... On top of the extreme introvertedness, I noted your comments on the sensory impact of going to the movies. This makes me wonder if you've ruled out Aspergers. There are a lot of adult aspies who missed out on a diagnosis because people weren't so aware back when they were kids. Even more so for Aspie women because they have different traits to men and are harder to pick up. There are heaps of Aspergers tests online. If you find that it may be an answer and you start reading further, make sure to find some sites where they discuss aspie women. Edited to add: I don't have a sex drive unless I have a partner. Could it be the same for you? Link to post Share on other sites
SwordofFlame Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 You probably have the best shot at fighting your guy on an online dating site or a virtual community for whatever game(s) you play. The problem with the second option is they may not live anywhere near you. Link to post Share on other sites
craw Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 I know someone would be perfect for you! If you were in the GTA area. I do think you would be able to meet someone through Reddit. I remember reading on here that some guy met this chick from Sweden through Dota. Not sure how that works? Like someone else said on here, you are definitely a dream girl for many guys. Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 the mixed blessing is that introverts have no dire need for company. this question probably escapes most of them. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 Online dating has your name all over it. Put up a profile and at least get cleaned up and dressed up a bit for your profile pictures and talk about playing online games and eating Mac and cheese and sitting around in sweats and you'll have a hundred nerdy guys begging to meet you. Don't worry about your missing sex drive, that is normal for socially inactive women. Women have what is known as reactive desire. Women's sex drive responds to interactions with men they find attractive. Your dog and a pot of Mac and Cheese is not going to make you horny. A guy that you find attractive will. The issue is whether a nerdy guy will be able to trip your trigger or not. Nerdy guys are often fine with dating and hooking up with nerdy chicks. But even nerdy chicks still often want a cool guy. You may end up meeting a number of nerdy guys but still not actually dig them. Link to post Share on other sites
loverboy69 Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 There's nothing wrong with being an introvert. I'm an introvert too. But relationships take effort. Whether that's finding or maintaining one it still takes effort. That may mean you'll have to take yourself out of your comfort zone a little every now and then. Don't worry about being fake or not true to yourself. That thinking is overrated and causes artificial boundaries. The perfect man for you simply won't fall from the sky into your lap. I do this everyday at work. I am an introvert but I have to play the part of the outgoing sales engineer doing presentations and speaking in front of others. 10 years ago I would of never dreamed of doing this but by putting myself out there things got easier over time. My confidence increased which coincided with a higher sex drive. Before you go looking for that guy I say go challenge yourself a bit. Little steps. Learn how to do more things beyond playing video games. Try working out or find a girly girl friend to help you jazz up your feminine side (straight men like femininity in a woman even the ones who play video games). I also suggest you join a Meet Up group of like minds. Believe me if your success rate is 0% by staying at home the odds are in your favor that by surrounding yourself with men and women like yourself you'll connect with someone at some point. Good luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 (edited) the mixed blessing is that introverts have no dire need for company. this question probably escapes most of them. So not true. We (yes I am one too) also need the feeling of bonding and friendship, it just costs us more energy than extroverts and therefore we need (depending on the person) somewhat more alone time. Quote from http://www.thebestbrainpossible.com/introvert-or-extrovert-begins-in-your-brain : In studies by researcher Michael Cohen in 2005, extroverts were found to have more active dopamine systems. Dopamine, the “reward drug,” is a neurochemical playing a crucial role in the brain circuits controlling approach (vs avoidance), reward-motivated behavior, learning, and response to novelty [...] Conversely, introverted people might be overstimulated by situations extroverts find pleasantly exciting or engaging because they have a low level of psychological arousal. The introvert tends to seek out quiet conversations, solitary pursuits, and predictable environments. Edited December 28, 2015 by Itspointless Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 In my opinion I would try on line dating BUT before you do, make sure you are in a happy space, be at one with yourself, be motivated and as stupid as this sounds, love yourself. OLD can be a positive or a negative experience depending on ones outlook and how one approaches it. Link to post Share on other sites
Xiomn Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 I'm a massive introvert and met my first girlfriend over Facebook, although the way we met was her posting on the university freshers page looking to make friends before starting university and I was one of many who added her and got talking to her, we grew a liking to each other talking for over a month or so and eventually we met up when university started and got together. Link to post Share on other sites
Akashsingh Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 I am an introvert now but earlier I was a talkative extrovert. You will find love its just going to take more time.... Link to post Share on other sites
FleshNBones Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 I recommend getting out of the house. You have a dog so you can try hiking. You can hike alone or with a group of people. This is assuming there are decent trails where you live. You can also check out museums, zoos, and aquariums. Those make great dating locations. Arboretums and public gardens also work. If you go to a museum with a meteorite exhibit with actual meteorites, you can use a cell phone magnetometer to study the magnetic fields formed around the iron/cobalt/nickel meteors. There may be a nearby zoo with some live animal presentations such as one where a sloth circles barely over the heads of the audience. You may even get to pet an armadillo. When all else fails, there is always the comic convention. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 I could probably live a happy life just sitting at home gaming or working on some tech project in all my spare time, maybe sneaking out occasionally to see a movie by myself. But honestly Nancy having someone you can be intimate with, both physically and emotionally, who you connect with is a higher level of happiness. I get the vibe you've never had that before so that's probably the main reason you find it so tolerable. I would suggest focusing less on finding a guy who does exactly what you do and more on someone you connect with. You have to be able to put yourself out there to the point of engaging in conversation sometimes though. Or you don't even have a chance of finding him. Like it seems like you just made this thread and aren't engaging with anyone who replied to you, if you're even still checking at all, which might be a habit you need to work on. So in a way you do have to change yourself a little and be flexible, but at the end of the day it's worth it. You'll understand what I'm talking about when it happens to you for the first time. I watched Gone with the Wind, a three hour movie I never would have watched by myself last weekend with my girlfriend and I had a great time. A lot of that probably having to do with the fact it was with her. You have fun with whatever you do when it's the right person. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
deckard11 Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 To answer your question, no. Link to post Share on other sites
MGX Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 Maybe you can find some nearby guys who like playing your favorite specific online games. I've heard that some couples have met through video games and MMOs. Maybe join a gamer's club in your town or area. Link to post Share on other sites
ExtraSpice Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 Going in line with what everyone else said, there is nothing wrong with you and there are a ton of guys who would be more than happy with a girl like yourself. The problems, as everyone has mentioned, is actually meeting these guys. I myself am an introvert and much rather have close interactions with people as opposed to going to a bar every weekend. I enjoy company of small groups. But what I do realize is while I like being alone and doing things alone, I don't fancy being lonely. I would like to at least have the option of going out with people and such but you can't have your cake and eat it too. So you are going to have to step out of your comfort zone, do something that may feel exhausting and it won't net a reward in a week or two. It is something you have to keep doing and somewhere in that effort you are bound to get successful. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 i am introverted can almost at times be a recluse......i have had long term relationships with extroverted guys.....i would often stay home while they went out....preferring too...just because you are introverted doesnt mean that you cant find someone.....it does take effort though and sometimes going out of your comfort zone...another poster said a hobby might be a good idea and i agree ...there are conventions for manga and anime and its quite possible you would meet someone similar to you who likes what you like and appreciates your lifestyle...i do feel however ....that its good to have balance in your life...and however alien it feels getting out and socializing is imperative for personal growth.....we as people arent meant to be physically and emotionally alone all the time......and its good to mix it up........deb Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 Folks, the drive-by logged out 15 minutes after posting this and never returned so consider them gone but feel free to discuss the general topic of introverted nerds finding love. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 Problem is that I'm not sure how 2 introverts who prefer to spend time alone actually get out of their comfort zones to find each other. Oh, you'd be surprised. Introverts still go to school or work, and many have hobbies that involve talking to other people - gaming, sci fi, comics, etc can all involve meeting people if you want it to. The number of people you meet isn't all that matters - extroverted folks might get more dates, sure, but that doesn't necessarily equate to finding a compatible partner. Introverts can bond very deeply with like-minded people, which arguably might be a strong point in seeking LTRs. At least, I've never found my introversion to significantly hamper my relationships or my ability to find them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted January 12, 2016 Share Posted January 12, 2016 I'm very much like you: -very introverted, like to do stuff by myself -nerdy, spend my 20s in super nerdy environment of primarily scientists (literally I had no friends that were not nerdy scientists ) -content with masturbation (I've had very kinky mind and high libido, but haha, it took me years to clarify to myself the need of a real 2nd person) At 27 I went for an internship and met much older super extroverted guy, we were actually sharing an apartment... And in 2 weeks we were dating and having crazy sex. He was not a match but had tons of fun with him for 1-2 years, intermitted. Then I decided to do OLD, I was already 28.5 and... pretty much 7/10 guys that I met wanted relationship with me. I had one 6 months long, broke up, and 6 weeks after started my current relationship, we're starting our 11 month together. All said - absolutely NO problem finding interested men after I pushed myself out there to date, NO problems with sex too, I tried pretty much everything in the past few years (I'm 31 now). BUT let me give you one advice: try to date extroverts... The dynamics 2 introverts is awkward. Let them lead, extroverts enjoy introducing us introverts to "life" ALSO - one difference between us, even before starting to date, at 24-27ish, I learned to dress femininely and elegantly, and to apply make up well. I suggest you do the same - not only for dating purposes, but put together looks increase also your chances for professional success (especially for people like us who are not naturally the soul of the party/conference) Good luck So I have always been a bit different from most people I know, even when I was a kid. I prefer doing things by myself, I am very introverted and also a bit nerdy. I prefer to spend my free time hanging out with my dog, playing online games, watching anime or reading manga, or doing craft things like making soap. I don't enjoy socializing very much, I find it to be very stressful and exhausting. I don't go to parties, or out to bars, or attend any group functions. I spend time with a few close relatives now and then because I love them and because one-on-one doesn't bother me so bad. I also don't really bother with my appearance (and I am female). I have tried in the past but I always feel awkward and clueless about such things, and ultimately I find it exhausting and aggravating, so I never keep it up for more than 2 weeks at most. I prefer to eat delicious food, wear comfortable clothing (large sweats) and just have good hygiene, but that is pretty much it. So basically I can be totally content spending my life (outside of work) just sitting at home, cuddling with my dog, eating macaroni and cheese and playing online games, in my sweatpants. Whenever I try to force myself to be someone else, have more social hobbies, be more social in general, fuss over my looks, etc, again I just find it draining and irritating and never keep it up for very long. I don't even like going to the movies because of the lights, noises, smells, people everywhere. Another thing I have noticed over the years is that I have no real desire for sex. Masturbating is fine, but I have never had the desire to have sex with another person. It seems like this desire motivates a lot of people, even people like me, into getting out there and trying, but I don't even have that. Maybe if I was with the right person, but I am not sure, I can't tell in advance. But despite all of this, sometimes I do feel lonely. Sometimes I feel like it would be nice to have a guy who is like me, that would be happy to just chill at home with me, chill in our sweatpants, pass the snacks, and game together. However I'm not sure if I have a personality type or if there is something just plain wrong with me. I'm in my middle twenties and I have yet to find (even while trying online) a guy who is like me, and who would be happy to just merge our lives into being a couple. I used to think that there was this little pool of very nerdy guys, usually based off stereotypes that some people make fun of, but for me that was my pool that I was going to pick from from the start. The stereotype of the overweight, nerdy guy in sloppy clothing, playing World of Warcraft and drinking tons of Mountain Dew. Like that was my guy, in my mind, and I figured I would just find myself a guy like that once I was done with college. But the reality is that it feels like everyone in my area is just normal people. I just want to be comfortable and be myself, but it would be nice to share it with someone. Is there something wrong me with and I am just fantasizing about something unrealistic, or has anyone found something like this for themselves before? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted January 12, 2016 Share Posted January 12, 2016 (edited) Let them lead, extroverts enjoy introducing us introverts to "life" Yeah, that works if you are a woman. For men it is a bit different. Edited January 12, 2016 by Itspointless Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted January 12, 2016 Share Posted January 12, 2016 Yeah works better for women-introverts (OP is a woman). However, I've seen the reverse too: e.g. my ex roommate was madly in love with a super introverted guy (also living in our house ), in his late 30s and inexperienced ... She'd do anything possible to get him out on a date. Yeah, that works if you are a woman. For men it is a bit different. Link to post Share on other sites
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