do I tell MW husband about our affair now that it's over...

[goodyblue]

Your affair was as short as it was because there was a dday. You always say "my short affair " , as though it's to be commended in some way.

 

And when those who preach and profess do wrong..it IS worse. No two ways about it.

 

When a police officer commits a crime it's more frowned upon.

When a judge who prosecutes kerb crawlers does it....it's worse..he will get a heavier sentence.

When a teacher has a relationship with a 17 year old (even though the pupil in not underage) it's viewed negatively.

 

 

We naturally expect higher standards from certain people in society. Do argue otherwise... would be doing so for the sake of it.

 

In my community there was a pastor who cheated and it was viewed as worse.......because he preached about honoring your spouse all the time. He counselled those with marital issues.

He was viewed as a hypocrite. People went to him with marital problems..... because of his position.

 

I've said before that any spouse refusing intimacy... and for 12 years must be on another planet to think that's acceptable... of course it's not..... that's head in the sand stuff....... It's pure lunacy....but any man and moreso a self professed religious one..would have simply filed for D.

 

Nobody should stay in miserable loveless marriage.... it's how you exit that keeps your dignity and prevents you being viewed as the bad one.

 

As stated a hundred times over, lessons were learned. Not excusing the affair, but forgiving it as it is in the past and moving forward. Just how long do you expect us to wear the hair shirt? And to wear it so that you feel better no less? Nobody Olin our lives even cares about our affair. It is a non issue. The holidays came, we had family parties with our family and every one had a wonderful time. His clients don't care. Our friends don't care. Life goes on and people heal. We are great. You don't seem to understand that we are past it and our lives are whole. Nothing you say will change that and you trying to school me is silly.

 

By the way, even f we had followed our time line our affair would still be considered short.

 

P.S. church is where sinners go. His sin is no worse than hers.

Edited December 30, 2015 by goodyblue

[ladydesigner]

As stated a hundred times over, lessons were learned. Not excusing the affair, but forgiving it as it is in the past and moving forward. Just how long do you expect us to wear the hair shirt? And to wear it so that you feel better no less? Nobody Olin our lives even cares about our affair. It is a non issue. The holidays came, we had family parties with our family and every one had a wonderful time. His clients don't care. Our friends don't care. Life goes on and people heal. We are great. You don't seem to understand that we are past it and our lives are whole. Nothing you say will change that and you trying to school me is silly.

 

By the way, even f we had followed our time line our affair would still be considered short.

 

P.S. church is where sinners go. His sin is no worse than hers.

 

I had to giggle at the bolded because my father who is such an upstanding Christian once proceeded to get angry at another driver (in the church parking lot) and yelled out "Jesus H Christ" I couldn't believe it, I thought hmmmm doesn't seem to fit the bill of something a "Good Christian" would say

[goodyblue]

I had to giggle at the bolded because my father who is such an upstanding Christian once proceeded to get angry at another driver (in the church parking lot) and yelled out "Jesus H Christ" I couldn't believe it, I thought hmmmm doesn't seem to fit the bill of something a "Good Christian" would say

 

My dad held position in our church and he was just a regular human being like the rest of the world. We are just fumbling through and doing our best. Because he knew he was as fallable as the next person something miraculous happened. He was kind. And non judgemental and loving. Did he see the wrong in things? Of course. Did he condemn that person? Not a chance. He was and is beloved by many because of this.

[WestEndGirl]

I think most A's that transition into real relationships and M's tend to happen quickly and with a plan in place or swift actions. My parents were both M'd when they met and immediately (like months) left their spouses to be together. They have had a rocky M at times but I still see their love for each other and they are still together 43 years later.

 

I think in most cases, that's true. Sometimes ... let's just say I grew up in a small-ish town where you knew everybody's business. Couples split apart and married their APs all of the time. They just thought no one knew.

 

I was about 15 when this registered on my radar. I graduated from HS really early and was in college. I had a charismatic professor, married with four young kids (all girls) who was seeing the mother of one of my classmates. They saw each other for at least six years that I can count, possibly more. His W had their fourth child during this time. His AP got a D first, then a few years later, he did, and the two of them married each other. What slays me is that his (ex)W acted like she didn't know about this. How could she not know? I knew, my parents knew, and my other friends and their parents knew. This pair of married lovers had been seen all over town together.

 

It's really something that belongs in a novel or a movie.

[sandylee1]

CrazyN

 

When I asked what you have over him.. I wasn't having a dig ... it's just that MOST women will not leave a financially comfortable lifestyle for a lesser one.

 

Now as her H... He's supporting her.. I don't know if she works herself... but if she leaves him... you are not obliged to support her.. she won't have that immediate financial security that marriage offers or access to cash that she may have now. This and whether the marriage is as bad as she says will be critical in what she does.

 

I'm just being realistic here.....sometimes love on its own isn't enough. One BH that I worked with said he read his WWs text to her friend.. saying she loved the OM... but he wasn't financially able to look after her and the kids .... that's why she wasn't going anywhere...but was in love with him.

 

I do hope you're not in this situation this time next year.

 

It might be useful for you to distance yourself, don't be part of her masterplan (if she has one) to leave him. If she's unhappy she'll leave herself. I see you trying to be her KISA (knight in shining armour).

 

Above all..protect your heart...it's a tender thing.