do I tell MW husband about our affair now that it's over...

[goodyblue]

I know this was said in sarcasm but.... it beats me....it really does.

 

A strong motivator is the kids. Many a BS have said post dday that they'd fake it until the kids were old enough to tell the courts who they wish to live with. Especially the women.

 

With the men... they don't want another man seeing their kids more than they do... so they also fake it. There's a fear of the new BF/step dad molesting their kids.. so they stick with the cheating wife anyway.

 

While you're being deceived and before there's a dday.. you have no idea you are married to a seasoned liar. Someone living a double life with a mistress or OM on the side. When you trust your spouse ... why would you think they'd betray you.. especially in a happy marriage.

 

That's why they say 'take the prize of the lying cheat'

 

It was said with a little sarcasm because I find it interesting that BS's have such harsh things to say about a ws with whom they stay.

 

But the honest truth is... I don't get it either. My h never lied to me, he lied to his ex to protect himself while he prepared to leave by omission, and it was wrong and we both know it. In our therapy sessions that was part of it, if we were able to trust. But the answer was yes. I had and have no problem with that, probably because my circumstances were much different from many of the A's we read about here. We got together, we had a plan, he left, we are together. No games.

If he ever lied to me about stuff I would not abide it.

[JamesM]

If he ever lied to me about stuff I would not abide it.

 

I think every spouse would agree with this statement and that includes every BS out there.

 

The problem is not that they would not abide by it. The problem is that often they do not know he or she is lying.

 

Then the "fun" begins. Love has a weird way of putting itself into such statement and adding "well, maybe this time but never again!"

 

Until we walk a mile in the shoes of someone else, we can never know how we truly would react.

[goodyblue]

I think every spouse would agree with this statement and that includes every BS out there.

 

The problem is not that they would not abide by it. The problem is that often they do not know he or she is lying.

 

Then the "fun" begins. Love has a weird way of putting itself into such statement and adding "well, maybe this time but never again!"

 

Until we walk a mile in the shoes of someone else, we can never know how we truly would react.

 

Well, I will have to disagree. I am old now, and as you age you just put up with less shut.

[ladydesigner]

Well, I will have to disagree. I am old now, and as you age you just put up with less shut.

 

I think if I took this approach I would no longer be in the situation I am in. Wish I had more strength to leave on some days. I totally understand your point Goody after going through life and all it's tribulations you become less tolerant of things.

[JamesM]

I would like to think I would too. From what I read many who are in second or third marriages stay for the reason that they don't want to fail again. Many of us who are getting older don't want to start over again and put up with the few problems to keep the good.

 

I know what you mean goody, but I am not sure if I were faced with a cheating wife that I would leave immediately. More than likely I would try to reconcile if she asked. It may not be the best choice but probably the choice taken due to kids at home and all.

[goodyblue]

I would like to think I would too. From what I read many who are in second or third marriages stay for the reason that they don't want to fail again. Many of us who are getting older don't want to start over again and put up with the few problems to keep the good.

 

I know what you mean goody, but I am not sure if I were faced with a cheating wife that I would leave immediately. More than likely I would try to reconcile if she asked. It may not be the best choice but probably the choice taken due to kids at home and all.

 

I see your point. It would be difficult to leave if faced with my h cheating but I just know that for myself it would be over. Life is short and I don't intend to waste a day.

[dreamingoftigers]

Of course she'd say that... I could easily have predicted it.

 

She won't tell him about the A. If she did.. she'd minimise it...say it was nothing..just a couple of times.. blah blah blah.. you know the drill.

 

Has your A been over for a while now or just recently?

So have you decided what to do?

 

She's been minimizing her marriage. Of course she is going to minimize her affair.

[dreamingoftigers]

I know this was said in sarcasm but.... it beats me....it really does.

 

A strong motivator is the kids. Many a BS have said post dday that they'd fake it until the kids were old enough to tell the courts who they wish to live with. Especially the women.

 

With the men... they don't want another man seeing their kids more than they do... so they also fake it. There's a fear of the new BF/step dad molesting their kids.. so they stick with the cheating wife anyway.

 

While you're being deceived and before there's a dday.. you have no idea you are married to a seasoned liar. Someone living a double life with a mistress or OM on the side. When you trust your spouse ... why would you think they'd betray you.. especially in a happy marriage.

 

That's why they say 'take the prize of the lying cheat'

 

As well, that's kind of the point of the thread.

 

A lot of people DON'T want tone in a relationship with someone like that, and be played a constant fool by a spouse that is robbing them of having an authentic life.

 

God, who would truly WANT a relationship that messed up?

 

We didn't knowingly marry cheaters! That's the whole point.

 

Then a whole bunch of cowards cover for them. Lame.

[Crazyninja]

Yes I told her as soon as I seen it I messaged her and told her don't bother wasting my time thanks for lying.....

 

But at this very moment I haven't done anything we are still talking.... Still I love yous and I miss yous and "I've chosen you".

Also I asked about kissing and such and apparently that was the first one in a long time, his fault.... And she's been shutting him down because of me because apparently she wants me and divorce is on the cards pretty quickly?

 

So after all the comments back and forth I'm trying to pick holes in everything she has said, trying to work out if she's genuine about going and if her husband is a nice guy or a douche... Which I would not of thought of if it wasn't for this thread.

 

To be honest I've put myself in her shoes and I guess it's anything for an easy life.... If you had a choice of keeping someone u seen randomly happy all of the time or the person you see 80% of the time who would you chose for an easy life?

 

As messed up as it sounds and I know I can hear you all say "your an idiot" but if it truely is a case of waiting for an exit then I'll stick around. Im not an unfinished business guy and what ifs will really plague me.

 

And yes I can hear your all say "why would you want a woman like that" but it's apparently her first affair so if it is and its for the reason of leaving him if it works great if not then so be it. And if I end up in his position in year to come then I would hope I would find out, and would also have nobody else to blame.

 

But I'm giving myself a time limit and if nothing has been put into place so if she has no proof of solicitors or divorce or any of that then I will exit.

 

And depending on what I find out about husband if he is a complete ******* then I may just leave him to it because after all if he then I guess they deserve each other.

 

But so that I'm not keeping there relationship afloat because she's getting what ever is missing from me I think I'll distance myself and perhaps work out what she wants from me and keep that at a distance?

 

 

So I think I'm going to find out contact info for him, do my research into this whole thing and go from there?

 

That is unless anyone has any suggestions. Or comments on what I've said

 

Again thank you all for your amazing advice!!!

[sandylee1]

It was said with a little sarcasm because I find it interesting that BS's have such harsh things to say about a ws with whom they stay.

 

But the honest truth is... I don't get it either. My h never lied to me, he lied to his ex to protect himself while he prepared to leave by omission, and it was wrong and we both know it. In our therapy sessions that was part of it, if we were able to trust. But the answer was yes. I had and have no problem with that, probably because my circumstances were much different from many of the A's we read about here. We got together, we had a plan, he left, we are together. No games.

If he ever lied to me about stuff I would not abide it.

 

 

I think it becomes a love hate thing.

They love who they used to be...but hate what they did to them.

 

Plus some will actually stay when they get older.. because :

 

They feel they can't do any better

Or they can't manage financially.. especially women who have been SAHM forever.

 

****************Age can make you stay put **********

One BW (63) who's husband had decided he wanted as much sex as possible before he died... from as many women as possible she'd said she'd leave if she was younger. But she said who wants an old woman. It's an ok for an old rich man.. and her H was wealthy can pay any younger woman or entice her with cash.

 

 

Goody you talk like he just left ... but you have previously said she found out and then he left. There's a difference in the two.

When your burner phone is found in your gym bag.. your busted!

[ladydesigner]

Yes I told her as soon as I seen it I messaged her and told her don't bother wasting my time thanks for lying.....

 

But at this very moment I haven't done anything we are still talking.... Still I love yous and I miss yous and "I've chosen you".

Also I asked about kissing and such and apparently that was the first one in a long time, his fault.... And she's been shutting him down because of me because apparently she wants me and divorce is on the cards pretty quickly?

 

So after all the comments back and forth I'm trying to pick holes in everything she has said, trying to work out if she's genuine about going and if her husband is a nice guy or a douche... Which I would not of thought of if it wasn't for this thread.

 

To be honest I've put myself in her shoes and I guess it's anything for an easy life.... If you had a choice of keeping someone u seen randomly happy all of the time or the person you see 80% of the time who would you chose for an easy life?

 

As messed up as it sounds and I know I can hear you all say "your an idiot" but if it truely is a case of waiting for an exit then I'll stick around. Im not an unfinished business guy and what ifs will really plague me.

 

And yes I can hear your all say "why would you want a woman like that" but it's apparently her first affair so if it is and its for the reason of leaving him if it works great if not then so be it. And if I end up in his position in year to come then I would hope I would find out, and would also have nobody else to blame.

 

But I'm giving myself a time limit and if nothing has been put into place so if she has no proof of solicitors or divorce or any of that then I will exit.

 

And depending on what I find out about husband if he is a complete ******* then I may just leave him to it because after all if he then I guess they deserve each other.

 

But so that I'm not keeping there relationship afloat because she's getting what ever is missing from me I think I'll distance myself and perhaps work out what she wants from me and keep that at a distance?

 

 

So I think I'm going to find out contact info for him, do my research into this whole thing and go from there?

 

That is unless anyone has any suggestions. Or comments on what I've said

 

Again thank you all for your amazing advice!!!

 

Crazyninja if you are in this for the long haul I would suggest to you to watch her actions more than her words.

[sandylee1]

 

Goody you talk like he just left ... but you have previously said she found out and then he left. There's a difference in the two.

When your burner phone is found in your gym bag.. your busted!

 

^^^^^^^ I guess this expedited the plan to exit.

[sandylee1]

Giving a time limit is a good idea if you insist on staying there. The thing is that you'll do what you want and believe what you want... because you have the love bug. If you stick with her further down the line you'd be wise to have regular std tests.

 

That public display of affection was genuine. It wasn't for show. .. nobody was watching them... even if he instigated it.. then he certainly has feelings for her and isn't likely to be the big bad wolf she's made him out to be.

 

The question is... can you keep her in the lifestyle she's accustomed to?

If not.. then I don't fancy your chances.

 

What have you got over him? Looks? Age?

 

Because if by chance I was going to leave my H.... The man would have to be loaded and very generous and he'd have to pretty much worship me... being good in the sack alone won't do it.

 

She'd need to leave for A LOT better than she's got right now.... think about it.

[goodyblue]

I think it becomes a love hate thing.

They love who they used to be...but hate what they did to them.

 

Plus some will actually stay when they get older.. because :

 

They feel they can't do any better

Or they can't manage financially.. especially women who have been SAHM forever.

 

****************Age can make you stay put **********

One BW (63) who's husband had decided he wanted as much sex as possible before he died... from as many women as possible she'd said she'd leave if she was younger. But she said who wants an old woman. It's an ok for an old rich man.. and her H was wealthy can pay any younger woman or entice her with cash.

 

 

Goody you talk like he just left ... but you have previously said she found out and then he left. There's a difference in the two.

When your burner phone is found in your gym bag.. your busted!

 

 

Haha! Yes yes, t absolutely is true that she found his bat phone. However, he and I had a plan in place. WE were preparing, had a date set etc. And it sounds cold, it was a terrible thing to do. WE both wish it hadn't happened that way. At the time we made bad decisions for sure. But... The minute she found that phone, instead of lying, minimizing, throwing me under the bus, he admitted everything. He then talked about his reasons, and left that day. She really was blind sided and I know that most people here don't really believes that we are sorry but we do regret that part of it. It was stupid and cruel. He should have just left.

 

On the other side, he could have lied, tried to minimize... But he didnt. He owned his choices.

[ShatteredLady]

The first time I ever heard of adultery I was a teenager. My uncle became 'friends' with a work colleagues wife.

 

I heard him telling my parents that he really liked her but she was married. The next weekend he said that they had told each other how they feel & they kissed.

 

He didn't come to our house the next weekend because she turned-up on his doorstep with her bags packed (& her daughter) they've been married for about 30 years.

 

That's how I thought it worked! How can 2 people be in love & one of them stay with someone else?

 

I've obviously grown-up & lived a lot of life since then....to be honest, deep down, why is it more complicated than my aunt & uncle? I know I'm deliberately being innocent but really??? If someone's that miserable & you're giving them a way out why aren't they taking it??

[sandylee1]

Haha! Yes yes, t absolutely is true that she found his bat phone. However, he and I had a plan in place. WE were preparing, had a date set etc. And it sounds cold, it was a terrible thing to do. WE both wish it hadn't happened that way. At the time we made bad decisions for sure. But... The minute she found that phone, instead of lying, minimizing, throwing me under the bus, he admitted everything. He then talked about his reasons, and left that day. She really was blind sided and I know that most people here don't really believes that we are sorry but we do regret that part of it. It was stupid and cruel. He should have just left.

 

On the other side, he could have lied, tried to minimize... But he didnt. He owned his choices.

 

If you guys had a plan.....then him lying would have been pointless. I mean they went on vacation 2 months before he left.. that's a very cruel way to treat another human . talk less of the mother of your child. How I'd explain to my kids the reason for treating their dad so awfully would plague me..... and add to the fact that he was a deacon. I find it scary.....that a so called religious person to that extent would be so calculated...... but stranger things have and will happened. .... you just need to watch the FBI files.

 

I'm glad you realise you were part of how badly she was treated though.

 

I work on the basic principle of treating others as I'd like to be treated..and then I think how would I feel, if my own daughter was ever treated in such a way.

 

I'm not a saint, but people's feelings matter to me even if I don't know them.

 

Anyway, you can't undo the past. I hope his ex wife is happy now wherever she is.

 

Life's a bitch and then some at times.

[Marc878]

The truth always matters

[sandylee1]

 

If someone's that miserable & you're giving them a way out why aren't they taking it??

 

I don't think she's that miserable and she has a good lifestyle with a wealthy man. Unless the OP matches up to that and she REALLY doesn't want to be with her husband.. she ain't going anywhere.

 

The problem is not knowing if you're getting the truth from someone you know is capable of lying so well. To go to counselling as engouraged by the OP if she has no intention of leaving her H would make her really awful.

[beatcuff]

steering this back (or at least trying):

 

And since she's lied and played both of us I think it's only fair that he knows.

 

lying is not an issue, you knew that from day 1. if you expose you will no longer have control. it will accelerate 'something': maybe D (but if she is not ready she may direct her anger at you), maybe R, maybe A goes underground. i see no way you 'win' this. more importantly it could go very wrong: BS attempts to make your life miserable - tells your family/friends, tries to get you fired.

 

married AP at times need to keep up 'appearances' maybe that is all this is. time will tell.

Edited December 30, 2015 by beatcuff
grammar

[Crazyninja]

I guess it's all a case of behind closed doors.. And if only I could see though walls!

 

For all I know we are both played for idiots or she's genuine, time and actions will tell. But I've got a plan and a time limit and if I see no movement or actions within that 6 month period then I'm out of it.

 

Is it reasonable to see some sort of action in 6 months and what would I be expecting to see?

 

I'm thinking her setting aside money to leave and finding the correct lawyer atleast and at the other end tell him that it's not working and make the whole thing platonic?

 

 

And hopefully in that time I would have got more info on the husband. And how the marriage is actually working and if the letter is required or not.

 

After all she could be completely unhappy or just love attention... Who knows time will tell.

 

Talk is Cheap and actions speak louder than words!

 

I'm distancing myself and will be std checking and such as advised. And I guess just play it by ear and if I'm stuck come and ask for advice

 

And someone asked what I have over the other person I'm hoping that it's not a case of pros and cons but just incase

I'm just average I have enough to make me a good candidate I guess. I wasn't raised in upper middle and nor am I a brain surgeon, but I have worked hard and squired enough wealth to not have to work and I get to live a life style I want I still work hard if not harder than I was when I was employed but I'm happier.

I'm younger, I would hope nicer than her H and we have a great relationship/friendship and a lot in common.

So maybe it's enough, maybe not but at the end of the day it will be her loss not mine I am in no way deceiving myself that it's true love or soulmates but if it works it works if it doesn't then it wasn't meant to be.

 

I think if alot of other OM OW sat down and thought clearly and rationally they would come to my sort of thinking? Or am I still completely delusional?

[purplesorrow]

I guess it's all a case of behind closed doors.. And if only I could see though walls!

 

For all I know we are both played for idiots or she's genuine, time and actions will tell. But I've got a plan and a time limit and if I see no movement or actions within that 6 month period then I'm out of it.

 

Is it reasonable to see some sort of action in 6 months and what would I be expecting to see?

 

I'm thinking her setting aside money to leave and finding the correct lawyer atleast and at the other end tell him that it's not working and make the whole thing platonic?

 

 

And hopefully in that time I would have got more info on the husband. And how the marriage is actually working and if the letter is required or not.

 

After all she could be completely unhappy or just love attention... Who knows time will tell.

 

Talk is Cheap and actions speak louder than words!

 

I'm distancing myself and will be std checking and such as advised. And I guess just play it by ear and if I'm stuck come and ask for advice

 

And someone asked what I have over the other person I'm hoping that it's not a case of pros and cons but just incase

I'm just average I have enough to make me a good candidate I guess. I wasn't raised in upper middle and nor am I a brain surgeon, but I have worked hard and squired enough wealth to not have to work and I get to live a life style I want I still work hard if not harder than I was when I was employed but I'm happier.

I'm younger, I would hope nicer than her H and we have a great relationship/friendship and a lot in common.

So maybe it's enough, maybe not but at the end of the day it will be her loss not mine I am in no way deceiving myself that it's true love or soulmates but if it works it works if it doesn't then it wasn't meant to be.

 

I think if alot of other OM OW sat down and thought clearly and rationally they would come to my sort of thinking? Or am I still completely delusional?

 

Why are you planning to spend so much of your life trying to figure out theirs? And please don't forget that you have helped her make a fool of him. The difference between you and him is that your eyes are wide open. Get your own life. Let her find you if she divorces.

[goodyblue]

If you guys had a plan.....then him lying would have been pointless. I mean they went on vacation 2 months before he left.. that's a very cruel way to treat another human . talk less of the mother of your child. How I'd explain to my kids the reason for treating their dad so awfully would plague me..... and add to the fact that he was a deacon. I find it scary.....that a so called religious person to that extent would be so calculated...... but stranger things have and will happened. .... you just need to watch the FBI files.

 

I'm glad you realise you were part of how badly she was treated though.

 

I work on the basic principle of treating others as I'd like to be treated..and then I think how would I feel, if my own daughter was ever treated in such a way.

 

I'm not a saint, but people's feelings matter to me even if I don't know them.

 

Anyway, you can't undo the past. I hope his ex wife is happy now wherever she is.

 

Life's a bitch and then some at times.

 

A actually he could have lied and rug swept. Our timeline end was still several months away. He could have easily gone on until we were ready, but chose not to. He came clean right away. Our affair was pretty short. Add to this the fact that he had been pushed away both emotionally and physically for 12 years and it made his guilt a little less severe as he no longer had an emotional connection to his ex.

 

The deacon thing... that scares you? Why? Because religious people are held to a higher standard of morals than those who are not religious? Let me just share something with you: his ex thought she had him locked in. Once he became a deacon any little intimacy they had stopped. She used to tease him that he could never leave. Not that he wouldn't but that now he couldn't. And the way he did it was wrong. We agree. But what she did in breaking her promises was just as bad. What happens when someone does not love, honor, cherish? Those vows are swept away and the only one that matters is forsaking all others? She tried to force him to live the rest of his life without LOVE. She was just as bad and she knew it.

 

My h is honest, loving, caring, kind, a wonderful provider and a really good man. One hiccup in his life does not define him. If you once stole a loaf of bread does that make you a thief forever?

 

I believe in love. I believe in learning a lesson and I believe in forgiveness. And I believe in the lessons my h and I have learned. You speak of him as tho he were a subpar human being. You are mistaken in this assumption. He is a wonderful man who made a mistake.

 

His ex wife will make her own way. I hope she doesn't try to corral anyone else into a life of loneliness. I hope she gets help to discover why she is so unhappy. Judging from her refusal to accept treatment for her alcoholism and her refusal to go to marriage or individual counseling, it looks pretty shaky but one can always hope.

 

As for my h and me, we are not broken. We are living a wonderful life. When I think of life without him I can't even breathe.

 

And no, you certainly are not a saint, nobody is. We are just human beings trying to be happy.

 

Enjoy your day

Edited December 30, 2015 by goodyblue

[WestEndGirl]

If someone's that miserable & you're giving them a way out why aren't they taking it??

 

$$$ is involved. Usually a lot of it.

 

Ocham's Razor.

[ladydesigner]

A actually he could have lied and rug swept. Our timeline end was still several months away. He could have easily gone on until we were ready, but chose not to. He came clean right away. Our affair was pretty short. Add to this the fact that he had been pushed away both emotionally and physically for 12 years and it made his guilt a little less severe as he no longer had an emotional connection to his ex.

 

The deacon thing... that scares you? Why? Because religious people are held to a higher standard of morals than those who are not religious? Let me just share something with you: his ex thought she had him locked in. Once he became a deacon any little intimacy they had stopped. She used to tease him that he could never leave. Not that he wouldn't but that now he couldn't. And the way he did it was wrong. We agree. But what she did in breaking her promises was just as bad. What happens when someone does not love, honor, cherish? Those vows are swept away and the only one that matters is forsaking all others? She tried to force him to live the rest of his life without LOVE. She was just as bad and she knew it.

 

My h is honest, loving, caring, kind, a wonderful provider and a really good man. One hiccup in his life does not define him. If you once stole a loaf of bread does that make you a thief forever?

 

I believe in love. I believe in learning a lesson and I believe in forgiveness. And I believe in the lessons my h and I have learned. You speak of him as tho he were a subpar human being. You are mistaken in this assumption. He is a wonderful man who made a mistake.

 

His ex wife will make her own way. I hope she doesn't try to corral anyone else into a life of loneliness. I hope she gets help to discover why she is so unhappy. Judging from her refusal to accept treatment for her alcoholism and her refusal to go to marriage or individual counseling, it looks pretty shaky but one can always hope.

 

As for my h and me, we are not broken. We are living a wonderful life. When I think of life without him I can't even breathe.

 

And no, you certainly are not a saint, nobody is. We are just human beings trying to be happy.

 

Enjoy your day

 

I think most A's that transition into real relationships and M's tend to happen quickly and with a plan in place or swift actions. My parents were both M'd when they met and immediately (like months) left their spouses to be together. They have had a rocky M at times but I still see their love for each other and they are still together 43 years later.

[sandylee1]

A actually he could have lied and rug swept. Our timeline end was still several months away. He could have easily gone on until we were ready, but chose not to. He came clean right away. Our affair was pretty short. Add to this the fact that he had been pushed away both emotionally and physically for 12 years and it made his guilt a little less severe as he no longer had an emotional connection to his ex.

 

The deacon thing... that scares you? Why? Because religious people are held to a higher standard of morals than those who are not religious? Let me just share something with you: his ex thought she had him locked in. Once he became a deacon any little intimacy they had stopped. She used to tease him that he could never leave. Not that he wouldn't but that now he couldn't. And the way he did it was wrong. We agree. But what she did in breaking her promises was just as bad. What happens when someone does not love, honor, cherish? Those vows are swept away and the only one that matters is forsaking all others? She tried to force him to live the rest of his life without LOVE. She was just as bad and she knew it.

 

My h is honest, loving, caring, kind, a wonderful provider and a really good man. One hiccup in his life does not define him. If you once stole a loaf of bread does that make you a thief forever?

 

I believe in love. I believe in learning a lesson and I believe in forgiveness. And I believe in the lessons my h and I have learned. You speak of him as tho he were a subpar human being. You are mistaken in this assumption. He is a wonderful man who made a mistake.

 

His ex wife will make her own way. I hope she doesn't try to corral anyone else into a life of loneliness. I hope she gets help to discover why she is so unhappy. Judging from her refusal to accept treatment for her alcoholism and her refusal to go to marriage or individual counseling, it looks pretty shaky but one can always hope.

 

As for my h and me, we are not broken. We are living a wonderful life. When I think of life without him I can't even breathe.

 

And no, you certainly are not a saint, nobody is. We are just human beings trying to be happy.

 

Enjoy your day

 

Your affair was as short as it was because there was a dday. You always say "my short affair " , as though it's to be commended in some way.

 

And when those who preach and profess do wrong..it IS worse. No two ways about it.

 

When a police officer commits a crime it's more frowned upon.

When a judge who prosecutes kerb crawlers does it....it's worse..he will get a heavier sentence.

When a teacher has a relationship with a 17 year old (even though the pupil in not underage) it's viewed negatively.

 

 

We naturally expect higher standards from certain people in society. Do argue otherwise... would be doing so for the sake of it.

 

In my community there was a pastor who cheated and it was viewed as worse.......because he preached about honoring your spouse all the time. He counselled those with marital issues.

He was viewed as a hypocrite. People went to him with marital problems..... because of his position.

 

I've said before that any spouse refusing intimacy... and for 12 years must be on another planet to think that's acceptable... of course it's not..... that's head in the sand stuff....... It's pure lunacy....but any man and moreso a self professed religious one..would have simply filed for D.

 

Nobody should stay in miserable loveless marriage.... it's how you exit that keeps your dignity and prevents you being viewed as the bad one.