jonwashington Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 so i have been talking to alot of girls lately just to lay down a foundation to be friends and become familar again. im not trying to be a player or whatever you may call it..half of the reason i am doing this is help myself become more comfortable with people since i broke up with my girlfriend a while ago. its basically light hearted fun..hellos, convos just basic stuff. i approached a certain girl that has been giving me eye contact. i just asked her how her night is and how she likes work and i said i will see you sometime.the next day she approached me and we joked a little and she was smiling and really nice. now im not a hound. i dont follow girls around and bother them and go out of my way esp if i dont really know the person because thats just weird. you have to start out as friends first because if your not friends first your going to look WEIRD. so i havent really talked to her in a while. if i happen to cross paths with her ill say hi and maybe make a joke or something. i know who i am and i am comfortable with myself i dont want to look like i need something from anyone esp to rush anything. im not going to follow a girl around like a puppy and look like a total sap. or make anyone feel uncomfortable..but since i havent talk to her in a while she acts really annoyed when i see her..how can a girl go from being really nice to just beiing annoyed esp if i dont even bother her.. is it because i dont talk to her all the time? i made contact with her then stopped like a jerk?like a "who does he think he is".. or was she just being polite from the beginning? Link to post Share on other sites
Heracles Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 Look, she can be like that for a plethora of reason. Don't take offense to that. Keep doing your thing When she feels like talking to you, she will come around. In my experience, people have all sorts of worries or personal problems. Sometimes they can be cold; not necessarily because you did something to them. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 What you are doing sounds good, in that you are not pestering anyone or, like you say, being a sap who follows her around. I have been trying to think how I would feel if I were the girl you'd talked to and then who you didn't see or talk to for a while. I think if I was interested in a guy, I would like him to 'happen' to be around a bit more often and for it to be a steady progression from saying hello to getting to know each other better. If there is a big gap or he doesn't seem all that bothered, then I'd think he wasn't interested. If I had shown interest in him and he disappeared for a while and didn't seem all that chatty when we met, then I'd feel a bit silly. I don't think I'd feel angry, but I would be wary of putting myself out there if he seemed to be just playing around with women and not taking anyone seriously. How would I know he was interested in me? If I don't know, I won't take the risk of flirting or encouraging him. Confidence (security) with each other makes people feel safer to express themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 What you are doing sounds good, in that you are not pestering anyone or, like you say, being a sap who follows her around. I have been trying to think how I would feel if I were the girl you'd talked to and then who you didn't see or talk to for a while. I think if I was interested in a guy, I would like him to 'happen' to be around a bit more often and for it to be a steady progression from saying hello to getting to know each other better. If there is a big gap or he doesn't seem all that bothered, then I'd think he wasn't interested. If I had shown interest in him and he disappeared for a while and didn't seem all that chatty when we met, then I'd feel a bit silly. I don't think I'd feel angry, but I would be wary of putting myself out there if he seemed to be just playing around with women and not taking anyone seriously. How would I know he was interested in me? If I don't know, I won't take the risk of flirting or encouraging him. Confidence (security) with each other makes people feel safer to express themselves. I agree. OP I think this girl was sending you some clear signals that she was interested in you and you sort of rejected her. I get what you are saying about not wanting to follow her around or act needy, but if you're interested in her why act aloof and disinterested? I agree that it's good to take things slow and get to get to know someone but I don't think this girl wanted you to follow her around like a puppy and act like a sap, I think she wanted you to ask her out. If you have no romantic interest in her and no intention of dating her that's fine, but it's also fine if she is looking for a romantic partner and not interested in cultivating a light friendship with someone she is attracted to. Link to post Share on other sites
GingerVixen Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 so i have been talking to alot of girls lately just to lay down a foundation to be friends and become familar again. im not trying to be a player or whatever you may call it..half of the reason i am doing this is help myself become more comfortable with people since i broke up with my girlfriend a while ago. its basically light hearted fun..hellos, convos just basic stuff. i approached a certain girl that has been giving me eye contact. i just asked her how her night is and how she likes work and i said i will see you sometime.the next day she approached me and we joked a little and she was smiling and really nice. now im not a hound. i dont follow girls around and bother them and go out of my way esp if i dont really know the person because thats just weird. you have to start out as friends first because if your not friends first your going to look WEIRD. so i havent really talked to her in a while. if i happen to cross paths with her ill say hi and maybe make a joke or something. i know who i am and i am comfortable with myself i dont want to look like i need something from anyone esp to rush anything. im not going to follow a girl around like a puppy and look like a total sap. or make anyone feel uncomfortable..but since i havent talk to her in a while she acts really annoyed when i see her..how can a girl go from being really nice to just beiing annoyed esp if i dont even bother her.. is it because i dont talk to her all the time? i made contact with her then stopped like a jerk?like a "who does he think he is".. or was she just being polite from the beginning? Yeah, some girls are not mature enough to understand that it's not because a guy initiates a conversation with you that he automatically must fall in love with you and chase you like a horndog. Some girls just EXPECT men to chase them. That is immature and childish but that how some girls think. Honestly I HATE it when a guy tries too hard. I am usually creeped out by this kind of attitude. I like to take things slowly but most girls don't. They like to be chased all the time. So yes you acted naturally and I think you're right for trying to be friends first. It shows you're a true man, not a horndog or a player. But some girls may think "Damn he showed interest, pulled back and now he is trying to talk again?? Who does he think I am, his puppet??" Don't worry, there are many girls who are mature enough to handle well your attitude. Don't change. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jonwashington Posted January 14, 2016 Author Share Posted January 14, 2016 Wow thank you guys for the excellent feedback. It reassures me and everything you said is how i feel. It sucks that every girl is different and there isnt a right or a wrong way. Some girls feel guys should be aggressive. But nother girl may be turned off by that. Some girls look at you wll the time and its quite clear what they want. Some glance at you and like you but dont want you to know. Some dont even look at you at all and then you hear around tht she likes you. I think what im doing is okay though. Link to post Share on other sites
loverboy69 Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 Hey Jon: You sound like a good guy. Life is all about learning and when it comes to love sometimes the more we know the more questions that arise. I've had my share of experiences where I'd initially show interest but then play super cool afterwards waiting for that person to reciprocate only to find out later that the other person thinks I hate them for not following up and pursuing. The hot and cold thing is okay to use in moderation but like anything you can take it too far and if the other party mistakes your cool behavior for rejection it can ruin everything. None of us are mind readers and as humans we all seek validation in some form or another. Lesson learned: When you are interested in someone that person needs to know you are not after some platonic friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
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