Trying to come out but getting difficult

[HeartWillGoOn]

Hi,

Thanks for reading this post.

 

I'm the other man fell in love in married woman. Our affair started at a party and we instantly connected. We work in the same city, so we started meeting for lunch and weekends for shoppings. We continued this very secretly and became physical. She has kids as well. I knew what we were doing was wrong and have been telling her that we should stop. But everytime she cries asking to stay for few more days and it went on like for 6 years. I told her that i cannot marry her because of kids and other people involved in relationship.

 

I had enough of meeting secretly and told her that i will be moving on. Last few months, we roamed wherever possible across country in the name of work and atlast my last week came. Now she became very sick thinking that she is going to lose me and asking me to take her desperately. Everytime she asks, i tried to explain her the complexity of divorce, kids and other issues. She doesn't seem to care. She started blackmailing emotionally with suicide. I tried to stay away by moving out state but she does call and chat with me every now and then, asking me to take her.

 

I know what i did was wrong. I should not have done this. Now she is blaming me that i ruined everything in her life and i'm responsible for this. I do not know what to do now. I dont want to lose her but when i think about future and career, i dont see anything but arguements/fights/pains. I dont see happiness in near future.

 

Now please tell me what should I do . Should i say absolute no and move on or should i take the risk of taking her asking her to divorce and take in all pains. How do I explain her all these

[privategal]

6 years she had the chance to divorce and make a solid plan to be with you. I say cut your losses. She is not YOUR responsibility she is her husband's and her OWN. Emotional blackmailing is not love, its desperation. 6 YEARS you gave a woman who did not leave so she used a husband for financial stability and supporting her and the kids and you for sex and emotional support.

She needs to rely on herself for all of the above if she is unhappy and not rely on nor blame the men in her life for her crappy decisions. She's looking for a savior not a love of her life. Next thing you know if you take her and her children in as your responsibility then she won't be happy with you either and will be looking for a new savior.

I know you feel bad for her but shes married and manipulating you AND her husband.

[whatatangledweb]

Tell her no. Then block every way she has to contact you. People who love you don't blackmail you. Plus she has had six years to leave her husband.

[HeartWillGoOn]

Yes, we had six years. but i was pushing against explaining the problems and pains when she asked me twice. She was okay then. Now things have escalated and she desperately want me to take her.

 

I am looking like an evil person now . Am i over thinking. Is making her divorce and leaver her husband/kids not that difficult? Is it very difficult to convince family about this.

[bathtub-row]

In my book, anyone who threatens suicide if I leave them just hit the mother load of all deal breakers. Stop the chats and just end it.

[privategal]

You have spent the past 6 years courting another mans wife. Its time for her to take responsibility for her own happiness.

You dont need to explain ANYTHING to her.

She is a skilled liar to be able to pull of hiding an affair for 6 years.

She is a skilled manipulator tp tell you that you ruined her life and is threatening suicide.

Let her HUSBAND help her recover.

[FusionCutter]

She is not a good person. She's manipulative to you and her husband. After 6 years you must be exhausted. Don't you deserve more than this? You do.

[HeartWillGoOn]

Thank you all for the replies.

 

Keeping her aside, is leaving her the correct option? The amount of guilt is killing me internally and I hate to see her getting sick because of me.

[still_an_Angel]

People who have chosen to be in affairs must accept the madness of being in such a complicated relationship. So must she, she is now desperate to have you but has actually done nothing to make it happen. It's the person's lookout to find "happiness" in themselves with or without the A partner anyway. She has to learn to accept the consequences of swimming in 2 lakes and now one lake has dried up.

 

The respsonble thing for you to do is explain your reasons and walk away. The decision will benefit both of you in the long run.

 

There are available help in the community for people who are not coping, let her know that you will be contacting the proper medical and social departments if she continues to threaten suicide and is making herself intentionally ill.

 

I really wish relationships like this end well, but they hardly do. Best of luck to you.

[sandylee1]

Leaving her is the right thing to do. 6 years spent in this secret relationship is crazy.

 

If she was so unhappy ... she'd leave. She wants you as a side piece for life.. so you never get to have your own family.

 

Block her every which way and be done. She's just selfish and trying to make you feel guilty. She's the one who should feel guilty and ashamed of having a 6 year affair.

 

Does she want to get divorced and have you take care of her and the kids?

[Ruffian1]

I dont want to lose her but when i think about future and career, i dont see anything but arguements/fights/pains. I dont see happiness in near future.

 

If you are done with her and don't see a future. . . just tell her you are done and to leave you alone. And don't have anymore contact with her AT ALL.

[HeartWillGoOn]

My life is all messed up. Like judgement day, she sent about our affair to my friends and parents. They are completely shocked and devastated. It was me who was pushing against it. She took revenge by sending to all. Now she says she dont want to stay with me and she just wanted the world to know how bad i am.

 

With all the things i did till now, she showered her love like this. My mental state is sooo messed up that i dont know what i'll do myself now. I cannot explain myself to anybody. I lost all the desire to live in this world. Its a lesson for anyone who gets into affair. It will pull you into grave.

[anika99]

What??!! She outed you??!! Wow! I'm not usually one for revenge but in this case I'd sure be tempted to return the favor and out her to her friends, family and HUSBAND.

 

 

Look you don't owe this woman anything. You have no obligation to provide her with anything. Your relationship with her didn't work out and it's over. Relationships end every day and people accept it and get on with their lives. You have ruined anything, you have simply ended a relationship that is no longer working for you. At this point it seems that your MOW wants to leave her marriage and she was expecting you to catch her fall. She's not upset because she loves you, she's upset because she is expecting you to help her get out of her marriage but that's not your responsibility, at all. She is free to leave her marriage anytime she wishes. Thousands of women have ended their unhappy marriages without having another man to use as their soft landing. You owe this woman nothing.

[anika99]

For six years she ran around behind her husband's back, cheating and lying and being dishonest with her family and kids and now she's outed the affair to your people because she wants everyone to know you're bad? LMAO...she sounds downright delusional. As if anyone is going to think more highly of her than they will of you. She's crazy.

 

 

Don't let this crazy woman mess up your life anymore. Cut her out and work on getting yourself through this. Seek professional help if you need to but don't this MOW take any more from you. She is not worth it.

[bathtub-row]

This girl is a real piece of work. I'll promise you this -- she WILL contact you again. I know that you're certain she won't but she will. Even if you don't believe it, please prepare yourself for it, for her to beg you to come back and all that rot. And I hope you will ignore her like you would a fly on the wall.

 

I really can't fathom what you see in her. She sounds like a manipulative, mentally deranged, vengeful child. I hope you will wake up soon and see her for who she really is. I know the ending to these relationships can knock you sideways but please keep in mind that many of us have been where you are and, not only have we survived, we're happy to be out of those hurtful relationships. You will feel that way someday. I promise. Stay strong and don't let anyone bring you down about what you did or why you did it. If they don't approve, they can keep it to themselves.

[Poppy47]

She's getting sick because of herself and her actions... not you.

 

Get the Hell out of her daylights.

 

Poppy.

[Akashsingh]

She loves you , marry her. You have not explained why you can't marry her. She is willing to leave her life for you.

[Running Man]

Both of you are F@#ked up individuals for being in this adulterous relationship to begin with. You play you pay. Now your whining because your dealing with the consequences for your actions and only NOW your rooting for her husband to pick up the pieces. Karma. Man up and take it. Your pain doesn't even come close to what her Husband is feeling now.

[privategal]

Hey, Bill Clintons affair was exposed on national television while he was president and had a wife and daughter.

Just be clear with your friends and family that its true you made a bad choice, that she is crazy, and that you had tried to end it multiple times and were manipulated and felt bad for her.

You are both equally to blame.

Print your emails and send a certified letter to her husband so she can equally share the exposure and the blame.

She is a nut case, just be glad its done.

[alwayslookup]

So I have to admit...

I can maybe speak for where she is coming from. First, get out and ruuuuuun. You are a toy, a host. You are an emotional dump for her, nothing more. She does not love you, she is incapable of love. You were her "host", her host seemed to want to move on, she panicked. When a sociopath or psychopaths "host" starts to disappear...anything will be said and done to keep it. She knows she never loved you. She just simply wants you to hurt because she knows you will. She can cry, be "devastated", but it was never about losing you, it was about losing her supply. So when you started to catch onto her manipulation, she freaked more. Probably played more innocent, more I love you more than anythings....threatened suicide as she "can't live without you". The reason she outed you is because she DOES NOT CARE about you. She never did. She probably would have done it even sooner if she hadn't been afraid of what would happen on her end. This is a game for her.

I left out the most important part.

This is a game for her.....and you were an incredibly easy target.

Edited December 29, 2015 by alwayslookup

[Miss Clavel]

My life is all messed up. Like judgement day, she sent about our affair to my friends and parents. They are completely shocked and devastated. It was me who was pushing against it. She took revenge by sending to all. Now she says she dont want to stay with me and she just wanted the world to know how bad i am.

 

oh goody, she told everyone in YOUR life? now return the favor. tell her husband, confess. show remorse. then, if she tries to off herself it's his lookout.

 

you will have to repair the damage in your relationships with your family and friends, if they have the nerve to ask you about it, which it is really none of their business, just tell them, "i'm not proud of what i've done, and i really just cannot talk about it".

 

imo, she is married. i hold the married person to a higher standard than the cheating dogs they lie down with. it's her bed, she's gonna have to lie in it, without you. make that clear to her and then NO Contact.

[Babs22]

My life is all messed up. Like judgement day, she sent about our affair to my friends and parents. They are completely shocked and devastated. It was me who was pushing against it. She took revenge by sending to all. Now she says she dont want to stay with me and she just wanted the world to know how bad i am.

 

With all the things i did till now, she showered her love like this. My mental state is sooo messed up that i dont know what i'll do myself now. I cannot explain myself to anybody. I lost all the desire to live in this world. Its a lesson for anyone who gets into affair. It will pull you into grave.

 

HeartWollGoOn, I am sorry that you are going through this. I would consider yourself lucky to be rid of this person. She was obviously mental and needs help. I am sorry she contacted your family and friends. They will get over it and forgive. No one is perfect and we all make mistakes. Please let us know that you are doing ok. Although it may seem like it now, this is not the end of the world. She obviously never loved you or she would not have done this to you. Again, she seems like an emotionally unstable person. Be happy you are free of such a toxic person. please let us know how you are doing.