Desperate

[Brooke42]

This is kind of long and detailed, but I will try to make it as easy as I can to follow. I have no one to talk to about this, I'm completely alone so I really do need all the help I can get.

I have been dating/talking to a guy for 5 months now.

He's a guy I've known for years, we went to college together. We were on a co-ed team together during that time, and we had similar groups of friends so we were around each other a lot. He briefly dated an aquaintance of mine but it didn't work out. I had a boyfriend at the time we went to school together, so we never dated. But I always felt like he had a little crush on me. He left the school and I ended up graduating from there.

We kept in contact for the 2 years after he left up until I finished college and moved back home. It was mostly that we snapchatted here and there, at least twice a week. We remained in contact.

When I got home this past summer after I graduated, I worked at a camp and never had time to talk. About a month after I got home he told me that he really liked me and hoped I would give him a chance. He said he could see himself being with me for a long time.

I had always liked him too, so I decided to give him this chance. He would always tell me he was in awe that I was interested in him, that he thought I was out of his league, ect. He also said he always had a huge crush on me. He was really good about keeping up good communication. He always made plans to come see me, always tried his best.

The past 5 months, I've seen him twice. The first time I saw him he was so so nervous but everything was perfect. We had so much fun and he treated me like I felt I deserve to be treated, better than anyone has.

Things were smooth sailing for a long time after that up until recently. I would say it's been about 3 weeks that I've been having this problem with him, and just the past few days that I've started to freak out.

His job is very demanding. He works in a factory, 12 hour shifts at a time, never knowing what his job will be when he goes. Most recently he started having to take the night shift which is 6pm-6am so he has had to adjust his sleeping schedule and he says it's horrible. He tells me this job is making him miserable and he's starting to hate his life and feel dead inside.

I believe him. He's become horrible at communication. I used to always get a text when he woke up. That's mostly stopped. He will never tell me goodnight anymore..maybe because he goes to sleep in the morning but still.

So last week we made plans to hang out and I ended up going to his house. He lives about an hour from me. It was his day off and he's always so tired that we just sat and watched TV which I was fine with. Actually he ended up showing me around his town a little bit.

He even introduced me to his parents while I was there and made future plans so it put all of my worries at ease. I was so happy because it felt like things were back to normal. We texted when I got home and even through the next day and then he just quit talking. For about 3 days, almost 4.

On Christmas I messaged him 'Merry Christmas babe' which he replied 'Merry Christmas;]' and said he had to work that night so he was bummed.

I was kind of upset that I hadn't heard from him at all. Other times, our messages haven't gone through so one of us will think we haven't heard from the other person, but the phone is messing up. I didn't think about that this night before I started to get depressed.

I told him that I didn't mean to bother him and I started saying a bunch of crazy things that were completely out of my character and he kept asking me why I was saying all this stuff and where it was coming from. The next afternoon he messaged me and said 'just wanted to say hey, didn't want to bother you. You haven't replied to my message so I think I'm bothering you.' Turns out it was another phone error.

And things just got weird at this point. He started saying things like 'it's just a text' what really caught me off guard is when he said 'i feel like we're drifting apart' and then when I asked what he meant he said 'i felt like you thought we were drifting apart because of the stuff you've been saying.' So I felt better. So then I'll tell you some of the other crazy things he said, this was just yesterday.

'Yeah we've been talking for 5 months and we've hung out twice.' 'Even when I can hang out I never want to do anything because I'm so worn out.' 'All this talk about you bothering me, and you talk like I don't care about you anymore.' 'I just don't want you to be with someone who's gonna be in the worst mood just about all the time cause I know you are always in a good mood no matter what or try to make the best of it.' 'No that's not good for a healthy relationship [and then my nickname] I literally need some depression pills or a new job.'

I've tried to tell him to quit but he says he can't because it's the first time his dad has been proud of him [the company is rooted in his family] I then told him how good of a person he is and how any company would love to have him and then he just replied asking me how much I truly know about him. Which he would never say.

He's said all this crazy stuff since yesterday, it's like he flipped a switch. He's always been so in awe of me and felt so lucky to have me, I'm wondering if he's trying to end things? Or did he end things? I would think if he wanted it all to be over he would say so. But then today I hadn't heard from him so I messaged him and he's been very quick to reply but he feels distant. No smiley faces or anything like I'm used to. I'm wanting to know what I should think about all this and what I should do. Is it just a bad few days? He's literally been perfect for 5 months now and I know every relationship hits hard points but is he trying to give up? I know he's depressed and I think a lot of it is coming from the stress of his job, but what am I supposed to do and think? Do you think he still loves me?

He is the nicest guy I have ever known. So patient, loving and understanding. We have the same values. He has such a love for others that I truly value, he would do anything for anyone in need. I don't want to lose a person like him. I truly love him and I felt like all this was perfect timing and it seemed so meant to be. It was a coincidence that we lived in close proximity to each other [which I found out only after we began talking]. He came back into my life despite all odds, it would kill me to lose him.

Edited December 28, 2015 by Brooke42

[Qboro90]

You're not in a relationship. You guys text and snapchat and have hung out 1-2 times in 5 months. Does that sound like the ideal relationship for you? Clearly his job is affecting him right now and he's not thrilled about it. Then he has to deal with you over thinking his messages and lack of emoji use after a 12 hr shift so I'm sure that's getting old.

 

If he says he likes you and wants to be with you then trust him and don't send crazy texts because you're insecure. When people work long hours especially at night, the relationship is goin to suffer because you're still treating it like he's on the same schedule you are and should be talking to you that way. He's not. When he's asleep, you're awake. The communication is polar opposite and your getting upset and making issues out of nothing.

 

If you don't see each other then what is there to break up? Why don't you go see him? How far apart do you live? Why don't you see each other on his days off? Do you talk on the phone or strictly text/snapchat?

 

You can't tell him to quit his job or expect him to do that. Do you have a job? People can't just quit without having another job lined up. Bills and responsibilities don't take time off.

[Qboro90]

Is this the same guy that you had been dealing with in your older threads? You guys live an hour away from each other. You should be able to visit back and forth more than once every 5 months. Why you haven't done so yet is beyond me

[Brooke42]

It is the same guy. And we haven't because right after the first time we saw each other, he started these horrible hours. He literally wakes up a few hours before I go to sleep. I work in the morning up until the time he's just waking up. I know this past week he worked everyday except maybe 2 days off. He's just been drained physically. The months following up to our first time meeting we were just getting to know each other a little more, I didn't think much of that. I started a new job and wanted to get used to my schedule as well.

I do want to see him in person and talk this out. That's why I'm trying to figure out what's going on with him.

Like I messaged him today because I hadn't heard from him but I do want to see him in person to tell him how I feel. I was going to do this when I saw him last week but he was going to work and we had such a great time that I didn't want to stress him out more.

I guess the big thing I'm asking is why is he doing all of this. It makes me worried that even if I wanted to see him and talk, he wouldn't want me to. Just by the way he's been acting yesterday and today. It's like he did a 180, these things would never normally be said by him. Do i leave him alone or do I try to keep this relationship flowing with the communication it always has? I'm worried if I leave him alone it will create more distance, if I don't, I'm worried I'll be annoying, which he said yesterday I wasn't. But out of all those crazy things he said yesterday, I just can't figure this out.

[Brooke42]

I know we aren't in a relationship, but that's what we have been working towards. Why would he say the things he's been saying if he's worked so hard to get me? That's why I'm trying to figure out if I should actually be worried or if I'm overthinking it.

[ExpatInItaly]

This guy is not into you anymore.

 

He's hoping you'll take the hint, but you haven't. He obviously doesn't want to be rude to you but you're in serious denial.

 

Save whatever dignity you still have and move on with your life. There is not relationship to keep going, no break-up necessary. Just stop wasting your time.

[Shadowburn]

I know we aren't in a relationship, but that's what we have been working towards. Why would he say the things he's been saying if he's worked so hard to get me? That's why I'm trying to figure out if I should actually be worried or if I'm overthinking it.

 

This is imaginary relationship with nothing substantial. Two meetings over 5 months, and you live only an hour away from each other?

He is pulling away and hopes you'll get the hint. Please move on, there is nothing to save here, do't send him any "crazy" texts at all, just stop.

[Brooke42]

Pure circumstance has made this relationship be what it is. It came with challenges from the beginning. I think it's just a different kind of relationship, instead of a non relationship.

When we began talking, it was okay for us to communicate via text, because we always knew we would see each other enough that texting would be sustainable.

We didn't plan to never see each other, it's just happened that way.

He started the new job a month after we were talking, and just recently he's started these odd hours which drain him.

I have a job during the day. I wake up to work as he goes to sleep. There is no time in the day to have a telephone conversation unless it's his day off. He only has one or two a week. On the off days we've planned to meet up, but it's been hard to do that with the holidays recently. On my off days, he is almost always working. I have my weekends off, he works on the weekends. Sometimes it will rotate which is why I saw him last weekend. If I want to see him on his off day, most likely I would have to drive right after work to his place, which would get me home around 1am or later. I wake up at 6 for work. I am perfectly willing to drive on his days off. I know he thinks it's hard on me to do that, he's said it before.

As much as it sounds crazy, this thing [or whatever you want to call it] with him is very real to me. Even though I haven't seen him as much as I would like, I have seen him and we established what we are. In the beginning, we started off knowing that we wouldn't see each other as much as we liked but what mattered is that we know we would be in the same place eventually. That was always the goal and it was something we've talked about frequently.

So I agree with a lot of what you all are saying. A part of this relationship is very imaginary just because of the lack of phone calls and the fact that we haven't spent a lot of time together. But I've always felt close to him, even when I didn't hear his voice.

Things are different with us than they are with most couples. I don't think phone calls are as important as long as you spend valuable time together. I would like for him to make more of an effort to spend time with me, but I have to get past what's going on right now first.

He's always made such an effort to be in my life. For months now. He always felt unworthy to have me, so why has he started to act this way? I know that all relationships reach a difficult point, and I've read that guys withdraw for many reasons. My problem is, do I leave it alone and give him space or do I try further to fix this? If I leave it alone, I'm afraid he will think I don't care. If I try, it could smother him and push him further. I want to talk to him in person, but I have to get to the point of him agreeing to which would mean that he would have to want to talk to me and it seems like right now he doesn't. I haven't heard from him yet today.

His job is depressing him to the core, and I know that but he's always been able to let me in except for now. It just all came out of nowhere. Nothing has changed or been different before all this happened. In fact, it was better because he introduced me to his parents right before all this. It's even harder because it's not like he can run into me and be reminded to not forget about me. I have to GO see him.

I would think after 5 months if he wanted it to be over, he would say so. But all those crazy things he said to me the other day have honestly freaked me out. Especially 'I don't want you to be with someone who's going to be in the worst mood all the time.' He didn't say it was over, and that's honestly the worst thing he's ever said to me.

So what should I do and think? Has he ended things and just not told me, or is he going through a bad few days? I can't imagine him wanting to give up a girl he's been crushing on for years. It just doesn't make any sense. I know he's depresseed and hates his life right now but I would think that would make him want to see me more, because I've always been able to make his day better. Everything he's doing is out of his character. The way he's acting to me is not who he is, and I don't even know when he will contact me again. I acted a little crazy the other night telling him I was bothering him ad that he hated x about me.[yeah, completely out of my character too] And I'm sure that threw him off because I've never acted that way, that's why I'm scared if I leave this alone he will think I don't care. But it's not like he was acting normal before I went kinda crazy, he hadn't talked to me in almost 3 days.

I just don't know what to think. I'm at a loss and I don't want to lose him.

[ExpatInItaly]

Yes, I think he's trying to end this ongoing hope you have. You have built it up to be far more than it is, and he knows it. What is he supposed to say is over, precisely? He can't say he's breaking up with you, because you're not together. He can't say he doesn't want to be a couple with you anymore, because you aren't a couple now. I don't think he'd outright tell you to bugger off, but his actions are saying it.

 

It's time for you to ask yourself what exactly you're hanging on to. You're not his girlfriend. He makes zero time to see you. He has stopped initiating contact. Read between the lines, girl.

Edited December 29, 2015 by ExpatInItaly

[Brooke42]

Maybe I need to clarify some things. I've only been saying what I have been doing, not what he has.

 

He is the one who wanted to see me last weekend. I was working on giving him some space

He introduced me to his parents. BOTH of them. He didn't have to. He could have easily said 'hey let's go eat somewhere' and then avoided the whole thing all together. He's only met one of my parents.

He showed me around his town, all the places that are important to him now ad the places he grew up.

He has told me point blank he is not pursuing anyone else. We have been taking things slow because there is so much to still get to know about each other. I think it's more that we are trying to be careful, instead of trying to commit.

Honestly, I'm not too much for labels until I know for sure we can get through any problem so it doesn't matter if we are 'officially' together in my opinion. A lot of people I know have talked to guys for months, and then once they knew they were absolutely sure they could stand through the hard times, they became a couple. It's been more cautious instead of labeling this to make society ok with what we're doing.

Either way, whether he's officially my boyfriend or not he is in some type of relationship with me.

I don't think that because we aren't official, he just all the sudden doesn't care. He's always cared about me without us ever being a legit couple.

The night all of this happened, he was upset he hadn't heard back from me, and he was also upset that I had been talking as if he didn't care about me anymore.

His job drains him of everything. It's not just me he doesn't see, it's everyone. His days off he literally sits at home, watches TV and sleeps off and on. Every male in my life I've asked about this, and they all say they would be miserable if they had the job he has with his hours.

Most of the replies back are statements about how the relationship isn't real, ect. It is what it is. I was happy in it regardless and now I'm trying to figure out what to do to salvage it. I need help with the situation at hand, not in figuring out what my relationship is because I can figure that out later. The most important thing to me in all this is him.

He loved me first, and I loved him back. It wasn't immediate for me but it grew the more I began to trust him. I have never been worried that he would drop me. He always has made sure that I know he cares, in whatever way he can.

This behavior from him is not normal, and it's alarming to me. That's why I've reached out for help. He is always so honest, that's why I would think he would tell me if it was over. But the things he said are confusing me. Also, he has gone without talking to me before this because we had made plans and he didn't feel well but he didn't want to dissapoint me and he didn't know how to tell me. We then had a discussion and I told him as long as I know things are good between us, I'm not clingy about the frequency in which we talk, but the quality of the conversations. I know that after a while it gets tiring for guys to to keep up a convo every second of every day. It gets old. There's excitement in talking again after a while. We've gone a couple days without talking before and everything has been fine. I wouldn't be worried about him not speaking to me right now, if he hadn't said all those crazy things 2 nights ago.

Maybe this all seems insane to everyone. I think differently. I've watched friends of mine jump into things too quickly. They've had to stay in constant contact with a guy. If he didn't text back it was like their life was on pause until he got back to them. They dropped their lives to be with them constantly. I never wanted to be that way. A lot of my friends are miserable. They never gave their partner breathing room, the only life they created for themselves was with them and they wouldn't know what to do with themselves if their relationship fell apart. I've watched it happen and i always swore that would never be me.

If I have to give him space, it won't kill me. What would upset me is losing him. Because no I don't need him to breathe, but my life has become so much better with him in it, and I think that's a healthy place to be. We both have always wanted the most healthy relationship possible. I was abused for years by a partner, so this guy wanting a healthy relationship with me has been something I have truly admired in him.

I love him for the person he is, I don't need a relationship to survive. All of the talks of the future, the planning, the moves. Those have been him. In return I've grown to share my hopes for the future and returned the love he's shown me.

But this cold attitude he's been having toward me is not normal. If someone is not exhibiting normal behavior it means there is something wrong. That's leading to my confusion. I don't know what could be wrong. I've been here for him just like I always have and it's like he turned a switch overnight. What am I supposed to do. Can anyone speak from experience with something like this and maybe what his behavior could mean? Does everyone honestly think he would call all of this off without even a word to me? I just don't understand. What can I do to heal this, or am I just overreacting to a bad few days that he will snap out of?

[ExpatInItaly]

All of what you just wrote was more or less already clear from your previous posts. You've basically just repeated the same things in different words.

 

Don't contact him. He knows how to get in touch with you if he wants to talk to you. But don't waste time waiting around for him and worrying. It's not worth it. And no, I can't speak from experience because I would never have put myself in a situation like this to begin with. I have expectations with partners and I don't sacrifice those. Seeing someone twice in 5 months would be sorely insufficient for me to characterize it as anything beyond a friendship.

 

In the meantime, carry on with your life. Decide where your boundaries are because at the moment, you don't appear to have any. And that isn't healthy.

Edited December 29, 2015 by ExpatInItaly

[LilMama1097]

I've dealt with this before. He is depressed! He's answering all of your questions, you're just not listening!

Relationships are good times and bad. He's in a bad place right now mentally and emotionally being in a job he hates, feeling pressured to stay, trying to adjust his body to horrible sleeping patterns and trying to keep you happy at the same time. If you can't love and support him through this and be his breath of fresh air when everything else in his life is ****ty, then you will become another stressful, ****ty thing in his life and he will end up letting you go. So......

Either accept and support

Or

Leave the poor guy alone and move on

[Brooke42]

Yeah I totally get what you're saying I've told him I'm here for him, tried my best to get him to talk to me and most of the time he does. But it's like the past few days he's a completely different person. I was trying to give him space but he texted me that crazy night and was wondering why he hadn't heard from me. And now I'm the one who hasn't heard from him since yesterday.

Plus he's said all those out of character things. The night he was acting so cold [2 nights ago] i told him i was always here for him and it's like he didn't even care that I was saying it. I said something along the lines of 'im here for you through anything, I love you' and it was a long message. Probably 5 pages. He hardly acknowledged any of it and said smart remarks which he would never do. In fact his response was 'i don't want you to be with someone who's always in the worst mood' It's just made me more confused because I thought always having me to go to would make him feel better. And that's why I was worried he ended things, because that was a very breakupish thing to say. But guys say crazy things like that sometimes when they're just in a mood, right? Can anybody testify that guys say things that cause girls to freak out when they actually mean something entirely different, or should I be worried?We're now on day 3 of him acting like a completely different person, cold and distant.

[ExpatInItaly]

Brooke. Is this the same man you were talking about in your previous threads? I think you said it was.

 

Let. It. Go.

 

Seriously. You are doing yourself a major disservice by continuing to engage with this person.

 

To answer your question, no. I have never once had a man tell me those things when he meant the complete opposite.

[Brooke42]

I had one other guy I had talked about in previous threads, awhile back. This isn't him:)

It's hard to just give up like this out of nowhere after things were so good for months. None of this feels right, but i don't know what else to do.

[Brooke42]

Is it not safe to say that every relationship hits a rough patch? I'm just surprised after months of talking to someone you care for deeply, that the best course of action is just to give up on them.

[ExpatInItaly]

Is it not safe to say that every relationship hits a rough patch? I'm just surprised after months of talking to someone you care for deeply, that the best course of action is just to give up on them.

 

Yes, but that doesn't apply here because you are not in a relationship with him.

[ExpatInItaly]

I had one other guy I had talked about in previous threads, awhile back. This isn't him

It's hard to just give up like this out of nowhere after things were so good for months. None of this feels right, but i don't know what else to do.

 

Then who were you referring to in response to Qboro90's inquiry, in the first page of this thread?

 

He asked if it's the same guy. You said it is.

[Brooke42]

The last post I made, yes that was about him. All the other ones further back were about a different guy.

Because we aren't official I should give up in him altogether? I think you can love someone and not be with them, maybe we have different opinions on that

[VeveCakes]

The last post I made, yes that was about him. All the other ones further back were about a different guy.

Because we aren't official I should give up in him altogether? I think you can love someone and not be with them, maybe we have different opinions on that

 

You don't really know this man though. Seeing him twice in 5 months is not a relationship.

 

I work 9-5 and have a horse farm I take care of myself. My boyfriend works 9-5 and usually from 8-12 at night (he owns his own business so works a lot).

 

I stay up late. We get up early. We see each other in between.

 

Your guys work hours are NOT that restricting. 1 hr drive is NOTHING. Doesn't he get days off? I'm sorry, but he is just not that into you.

[Miss Peach]

When I read the story I thought you guys were across country or something. An hour away if he was really that into you he would have made more time to see you in person IMO.

 

I know you like this guy and I'm not saying you need to stop contacting him or that you don't care. But what you posted isn't a relationship and I would continue seeing other guys IRL. It sounds like you are living off his crumbs or are wanting more. In either case you need to pull back enough to get your feelings in order for what you are getting out of this relationship and continue working on your life without him.

[Brooke42]

Thanks for the advice.

I'm going to try and not contact him until he contacts me. I know it's not a typical relationship and we both knew we had a lot to work on.

Would I be wrong in asking him to meet up and kind of re-group? Only if he contacts me will I ask this.

I think he knows I'll always be around so he's probably ok with having his space. If we meet up I plan to tell him that I'm not playing games and if he's not going to try at this then he's gonna lose me forever.

I didn't think all this meant he didn't care. Some times that we haven't met up it's been because I had things to do. It's on both of us. Like, the first 3 months that we were talking I didn't have a car. He came to see me and then we planned to always just meet up because there's a town mid way to both of us that we really like. I didn't have a car and that's why we didn't see each other for so long. Also whenever he offered I was too insecure so I made excuses. Some of this is my fault. I should have said they from the beginning. I only got a car a few weeks ago so obviously I've been wanting to meet up & it just hasn't worked out except for once.

Sorry I missed some crucial details.

[ExpatInItaly]

Thanks for the advice.

I'm going to try and not contact him until he contacts me. I know it's not a typical relationship and we both knew we had a lot to work on.

Would I be wrong in asking him to meet up and kind of re-group? Only if he contacts me will I ask this.

I think he knows I'll always be around so he's probably ok with having his space. If we meet up I plan to tell him that I'm not playing games and if he's not going to try at this then he's gonna lose me forever.

I didn't think all this meant he didn't care. Some times that we haven't met up it's been because I had things to do. It's on both of us. Like, the first 3 months that we were talking I didn't have a car. He came to see me and then we planned to always just meet up because there's a town mid way to both of us that we really like. I didn't have a car and that's why we didn't see each other for so long. Also whenever he offered I was too insecure so I made excuses. Some of this is my fault. I should have said they from the beginning. I only got a car a few weeks ago so obviously I've been wanting to meet up & it just hasn't worked out except for once.

Sorry I missed some crucial details.

 

This doesn't make sense. Insecure about what?

 

If you were dodging him, he very started losing interest. Most guys won't keep trying if the girl keeps avoiding them. If you're that insecure, you are not really ready for a true relationship.

 

Just leave him be. If he gets in touch, I suppose you could ask him to meet up and talk. But I rather suspect it won't bring the results you want.

[Miss Clavel]

Thanks for the advice.

I only got a car a few weeks ago so obviously I've been wanting to meet up & it just hasn't worked out except for once.

Sorry I missed some crucial details.

 

 

congrats on getting a car. now, let me ask you, does the device you send texts on have a feature where you can actually speak to the person instead of sending them a note?

 

CALL him and speak to him. no more texts.

 

we all need to hear the other person's voice in order to understand what they are "saying".

 

good luck

[Brooke42]

Sorry I should have given more of a background to all this than I did.

For 3 years, I was with someone that abused me. I'll call him Chris. Chris went to the same college as I did and he was on the same team with me and this guy I've been talking to now. They knew each other pretty well. They weren't really friends or anything. They got along, but just teammates.

I don't know if this guy is aware that Chris abused me. I tried to hide it as much as i could. I was planning on telling him, but i didn't want to bring up something that serious so soon.

A lot of my insecurity with this new guy came from that. I know now that Chris was just insecure in himself and that's why i was abused but i still don't feel like im good enough or worthy of anyone. My self esteem is probably the worst it could be for a person.

I had an eating disorder and started starving myself from the time i was 9 up until my 2nd year of school. The new guy knows this, because ive had bad days and wasn't able to hide it. I've gotten over it pretty well though. I've told him that i have a lot of self hate but I've never told him I think he's too good for me, which is honestly what I think. It may have come out once but only when he told me the same thing.

I pushed him away from coming to see me in the beginning because I was insecure about my appearance. I felt like he was too attractive for me and that I wasn't pretty enough for him. Plus in my recovery I kind of gained a little weight and it made me self conscious. I lost it before the first time we ever met up. I pushed him away from seeing me at first because I was nervous I wouldn't be good enough. I finally got over it enough to let him see me but now that he's giving me the cold shoulder it just makes me think I'm not pretty enough for him. He always told me I was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen and I believed him, until he started acting this way.

That's a little background. I really did get over my insecurities enough to spend time with him and I got trusting. Now I'm just worried that my insecurities were valid.

I suppose I will try to call if he doesn't contact me, but if I did that I would already know he didn't care about me.

I just don't get why you would have a crush on a girl for years, work so hard to get her and then do a complete 180 within days. Enough to not even speak to her. It's unreal to me because I would never do that and I can't wrap my head around it. I want to believe it's just a stressful time and he will come around when he feels better but who knows if that's even true? This has me on my toes about everything.