broken guy Posted June 2, 2005 Share Posted June 2, 2005 That is what I was on the receiving end of and was just wondering if you then went on to ask your ex to still be friends even though you dumped him for the new BF. It was a long term and serious relationship that HAD gone through a bad patch but nothing that couldnt have been sorted. If you did ask to be friends still, why? That is what I am wondering and am still unsure of what to do after 2 weeks of NC from me. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 2, 2005 Share Posted June 2, 2005 I've done that a couple of times (yeah, yeah... I was bad, really bad). Why ask to be friends? It is pure selfishness. There were good qualities I liked about the person and didn't want to stop benefiting from those good qualities. In addition, in some warped way I thought that he wouldn't dislike or resent me as much if I was still in the picture in some way: even minimally. Not ONCE did I really have the dumpees best interests in mind. The ex would generally agree to be 'friends' but even they had a fairly selfish agenda: a 'friendship' which was really just 'keeping a foot in the door' in an effort to 'get back together'. In other words, 'fake friendship'. Here's what I know now: fake friendships like that SUCK. They are unfair to both people. Absolutely no reason to 'be friends' with the ex when there are still unresolved romantic issues on one or both sides. After the feelings are resolved on both ends, and both partners have moved on and there is 0% romantic or sexual anticipation - I have found that 'friends' isn't so appealing anymore, and becomes something more like distant acquaintances that are friendly, but not actually friends. I banned 'fake friendships' from my life in my early 20's. Best decision I could have made. I rejected offers, and refused to make them. It really is easier that way to move on, and really does account for both partner's best interests: to move forward in life rather than sit in neutral, or G_d forbid: reverse. What to do in your case? Keep up NC. In addition, you will want to begin the process of letting go entirely. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted June 2, 2005 Share Posted June 2, 2005 My cheating ex-wife wants us to be friends and I don't want to. That should give you the answer, and it's totally in line with what Lucrezia said. A friend of mine once got dumped by a woman he was seeing. She had the "can we still be friends" talk in a coffee house. He thought about this for a moment, then said, "no thanks, I have enough friends." Got up, walked out. Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted June 2, 2005 Share Posted June 2, 2005 Originally posted by reservoirdog1 My cheating ex-wife wants us to be friends and I don't want to. That should give you the answer, and it's totally in line with what Lucrezia said. A friend of mine once got dumped by a woman he was seeing. She had the "can we still be friends" talk in a coffee house. He thought about this for a moment, then said, "no thanks, I have enough friends." Got up, walked out. That's the best. They do it so they don't feel that bad about dumping you, cheating on you, etc., so that you can, by your continued presense, pump up their ego. I would not bother. Why would you be friends with a girl who let another guy hook up with her? That's not really what friends do. Link to post Share on other sites
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