losangelena Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 Or maybe he just understands that texting is a subpar way of getting to know someone and would rather ask you these things in person. I don't think it's that strange to not ask someone what their degree is in over text, or their dog's breed. I have "text-ver-sations" with my BFF, but not potential dates. I would think having "job interview" texts is a bad thing. Glad you're meeting. Hopefully the conversation will be sparkling. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Samhain Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 He texted me before he even left work yesterday and set a place/time. We're meeting at some wine bar (much too sophisticated for a bumpkin like myself). We'll see how this goes. I'm a little perplexed because over the last week (including Christmas) he was texting me countless times a day back and forth. something that strikes me as odd...every other guy from OLD wants to ask me what my degree is in, etc etc etc. like I'm in a job interview. he's never asked me questions like that. He knows I have a couple degrees, he's never asked what in. Just strikes me as odd. He knows I'm doing homework. He's never asked what class in taking. He knows I have a dog, but he's never asked what kind. Yet he's also never written me anything explicit/sexual...which is what j would expect out of a guy who's just trying to get laid. Well you want to have some things to talk about when you're actually on your date! Maybe he felt you were blowing him off when he first wanted to go out and you couldn't. So "let me check my schedule" is his way of not looking too desperate. (ever seen in movies where someone asks somebody out and they're ecstatic about it yet they say "let me check my diary" while they open and shut it quickly then say yes!!) From everything you've said he's seemed very eager to go out with you, and I think you are focusing on any negatives that you can possibly notice and ignoring the obvious positives. I know you have to be careful with OLD but at least give the first date a chance before you mull over so many questions. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 Or maybe he just understands that texting is a subpar way of getting to know someone and would rather ask you these things in person. I don't think it's that strange to not ask someone what their degree is in over text, or their dog's breed. I have "text-ver-sations" with my BFF, but not potential dates. I would think having "job interview" texts is a bad thing. Glad you're meeting. Hopefully the conversation will be sparkling. OMG yes!!! Has the dating become so jaded and rote that a guy with some actual manners and a different approach is considered an oddity. Wow. OP, just go with it he sounds, so far, like a good guy. And what's wrong with a wine bar? Sounds like a perfectly nice place to take a first date. Much better than cycling through people at Starbucks. Try to just relax and have fun. Stop looking for things to pick apart. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Northwestern1011 Posted December 29, 2015 Author Share Posted December 29, 2015 When are you meeting with him? Is it today? Next week? It's tonight Link to post Share on other sites
xcupid Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 You know nothing about his life or other commitments. If you want to meet up with him continue to make arrangements. Otherwise forget it and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Xiomn Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 Aww. I wish I had someone to take to a wine bar as a budding wine enthusiast. Link to post Share on other sites
jj99 Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 I wouldnt lose to much sleep over it. It sounds like youre anxious to meet and maybe that's why youre torturing yourself. He sounds like he's interested, just geniunely busy + it is the holidays after all. Why dont you try to make plans for next week after everything dies down? And if he blows you off or says he has to check his schedule again, then move on. You can speculate all you want but it's just going to annoy you. Try to save all of that specualtion for after the 1st date. And full disclosure - if he's an engineer, he will ALWAYS be busy and will ALWAYS put his work 1st. Trust me. I was w/ an engineer for 8+ years and 1 of the reasons we broke up was b/c he said his work was more important to him. But that might not be the case w/ this guy. You wont know till you go out. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 Oh, holy cow. It's the holidays and there's stuff going on for everybody. Stop overthinking all this. The guy asked YOU when you're free. Just sit back and relax. Stop thinking about him until he calls and arranges a meet up. Not a date. The first time you meet someone from OLD it's just for a quick drink or two or coffee just to confirm that they are who they say they are and look like their picture. If he arranges something after the New Year, great. Otherwise, just do whatever you would be doing until then. Link to post Share on other sites
hhatesboys Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 I have mixed feelings about this, tbh. I always know when I am/am not available so I would take that as a blow off, too. But I have been doing this thing lately that makes me feel better about it, and maybe it could help you too? I just decided to have a "benefit of doubt" policy, unless I actually have some kind of relationship with the person. Texting for a week is not a relationship. I am not THAT invested in it, so it should not require a whole bunch of emotional effort. So if he says he is too busy, I just take him at his word and choose to believe it. Like "eh, people get busy, makes sense." If it is an excuse you will figure it out eventually. So it doesn't hurt anything to just believe him as long as there is no reason NOT to believe him. So yes, if the excuse is plausible I just accept it. The key is that it has to be plausible. If he keeps doing it again and again then it is no longer plausible. But seriously, try this it works. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Northwestern1011 Posted December 30, 2015 Author Share Posted December 30, 2015 Met the guy, and none of my former questions seem to matter now because im pretty sure it was a one and done kind of deal. We sat AT the bar (I hate that, because it's always awkward), I feel like I was awkward, I had one beer and we were only there like an hour. I texted him when I got home and said "thanks, I had a nice time with you. And you're cuter than your pics." He replied with "you are too. And I have to be honest, it was kind of hard to read you." So none of it really matters. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 I texted him when I got home and said "thanks, I had a nice time with you. And you're cuter than your pics." He replied with "you are too. And I have to be honest, it was kind of hard to read you." So none of it really matters. What did you reply to his comment you were hard to read? When someone says that it's because they need a green or red light. If you like him tell him if he wants to get together again you are up for it. It's not a marriage, it's dating! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Northwestern1011 Posted December 30, 2015 Author Share Posted December 30, 2015 What did you reply to his comment you were hard to read? When someone says that it's because they need a green or red light. If you like him tell him if he wants to get together again you are up for it. It's not a marriage, it's dating! My response: "I figured. I told you can be a little awkward." I was basically lapsing in and out of sleep when I wrote it. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 My response: "I figured. I told you can be a little awkward." I was basically lapsing in and out of sleep when I wrote it. Do you like him enough to give him a 2nd date? If yes then give him a green light. Tell him if he wants to get together again you'd like that as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Northwestern1011 Posted December 30, 2015 Author Share Posted December 30, 2015 Do you like him enough to give him a 2nd date? If yes then give him a green light. Tell him if he wants to get together again you'd like that as well. I would. I thought my response worked as a green light--telling him nothing was wrong, I was just awkward. He was nothing like I was expecting (which isn't necessarily a bad thing), sitting at a bar I've never been to was hard to let my guard down with, I haven't been on an OLD type meet up in over 6 months, and I wasn't going to have more than one beer regardless because I drove. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 I would. I thought my response worked as a green light--telling him nothing was wrong, I was just awkward. It didn't come across as a green light to me, more like you were letting him down nicely. Men have as much, if not more, insecurities than us women. He is probably trying to figure out what you meant by your last text. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 If you liked him and want to see him again, then I'd follow up and say, "would love to do it again sometime!" That's very clear and direct. Then let him decide if he wants to as well. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 Also, don't write yourself off so fast, or just assume that because you felt awkward and the date was short that he wouldn't be interested in seeing you again. No need to shoot yourself in foot. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 You know, there never really has been a situation where I really had to check my schedule all that much. Been talking to a guy [insert worthless technological dating platform here] who I would like to at least meet. We've been texting back and forth pretty much daily for a week (which everyone knows is a bad thing to do before actually meeting the person IRL). He suggested a meet up early on, but I had plans (plus, Christmas kinda got in there). Last night he asked when we're going to meet. I told him I'm pretty open this week (this is unusual). His response? "I'll have to look at my work calendar and see what night works best." After a period of several minutes of radio silence. He works pretty much the same schedule I do (9-5), so I felt like that was weird. So I told him not to worry, I'll make other plans. He responded right away, elaborating that he has meeting a and depending on the meeting that kind of influences if he feels like going out that night. And then that Wednesday and Thursday are usually best. He wrote me this morning telling me he didn't sleep well, so tonight wouldn't have been a good night anyways. I sit back after reading this am trying to figure out if I'm just paranoid, or if all of that sounds like a cop out? Like the long period of silence was due to him trying to stack the deck with other dates, and I'm getting set low in the queue of priority deoendingn on what nights the other chicks are available. Am I being paranoid, or is this a blow off and I should cut this one off? Link to post Share on other sites
Xiomn Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 (edited) My response: "I figured. I told you can be a little awkward." I was basically lapsing in and out of sleep when I wrote it. Can confirm as a man I would not glean from this that you would be interested enough in me to see me again. If you want to see him again then be more direct about it. You're actually being awkward over text too when there's no pressure to be so awkward because it's not in person. Edited December 30, 2015 by Xiomn 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 Also, don't write yourself off so fast, or just assume that because you felt awkward and the date was short that he wouldn't be interested in seeing you again. No need to shoot yourself in foot. just being honest: OP, you sound deflated and negative. I can see why you are hard to read. You should have answered his text more clearly--whether it was that you didn't see a romantic attraction or that you'd love to go out again. For your own sake, get your deflated attitude and overthinking under control or it will sabotage potential relationships that could be great for you. Selfishly, take care of it. Happy to help you work on it. Good luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
robaday Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 Yeah agree with post above. He asked you out initially you blew him off. Then expressed desire to see you again (which is brave actually -if someone blew me off and didnt rearrange id just let it go) and wanted to check his schedule during the busiest time of year for everyone. Then you found it weird he didn't ask you job interview questions, and also commented on the fact that he mentioned nothing sexual as if that indicates a ONS. Then you weren't happy with his choice of venue. Then you weren't happy with where you sat. And then you almost kinda blew him off again through text. It's clear you don't like this guy, let him go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Northwestern1011 Posted December 30, 2015 Author Share Posted December 30, 2015 (edited) I wasn't like over the moon, but I also wasn't turned off by him. I could go either way--but I don't think that's terrible unusual for me. Every first date I've ever had has been "meh" with the exception of 2. For people like me who are clueless: it's only like the day after. Should I text him and just tell him if he'd want to hang out again sometime it would be nice? Or is it just too awkward at this point? Also, when he parted ways, he said if I go downtown for the ball drop on NYE to let him know. Is that a good sign? Edited December 30, 2015 by Northwestern1011 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 I wasn't like over the moon, but I also wasn't turned off by him. I could go either way--but I don't think that's terrible unusual for me. Every first date I've ever had has been "meh" with the exception of 2. For people like me who are clueless: it's only like the day after. Should I text him and just tell him if he'd want to hang out again sometime it would be nice? Or is it just too awkward at this point? Also, when he parted ways, he said if I go downtown for the ball drop on NYE to let him know. Is that a good sign? NW, yes PLEASE text him. I don't know why you'd think it would be awkward. You literally have nothing to lose. And yes, if he says to let him know, let him know! Take him at face value. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 I wasn't like over the moon, but I also wasn't turned off by him. I could go either way--but I don't think that's terrible unusual for me. Every first date I've ever had has been "meh" with the exception of 2. For people like me who are clueless: it's only like the day after. Should I text him and just tell him if he'd want to hang out again sometime it would be nice? Or is it just too awkward at this point? Also, when he parted ways, he said if I go downtown for the ball drop on NYE to let him know. Is that a good sign? I think you sound like the type who may need a few dates to feel it with someone. That's because your neuroses, fear and overthinking get the best of you. You actually don't sound like you are really "seeing" the person for who they are on the first date but kinda in a judgemental/thinking place. You need to just feel. That's not going to happen overnight because it's a big change for who you naturally are. Give your dates, including this one, 2-3 chances unless you are for sure it's a NO. So yes you should text him what you said above. It's not too awkward. His text sounded like he was interested. If anything and you get negative feedback from him it will be a lesson for you that your input and way you are handling things can be better honed to give you your desired outcome. AND of course it's a great sign about him saying he would like to meet up on NYE at ball drop!!! Not too presumptive, yet showing significant interest. Not playing games and sweet. He sounds like a good guy still--at every step of the way so far. Go for it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 Am I being paranoid, or is this a blow off and I should cut this one off? Reading your perception of events, my opinion would be along the lines of 'if it don't flow, let it go' IMO, no reason to do in-depth analysis or look for appropriate labeling. Move on to other options and, if you feel like it, accept an invitation with this one should it occur in the future. Flow with things. Generally though, a guy who is interested in dating a woman doesn't go into how his work imbues his emotional state and, yikes...... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts