confusedmandi Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 So I've been seeing this guy and things were going really well and on Halloween we had a huge fight. He was upset I was taking my kids trick or treating with their dad (my ex). He went out with a guy friend and was drinking and that evening we got into a fight and he hung up on me. Long story short the next day he told me he didn't want to be with me anymore but would take a few days to think about it. We talked it over and decided to stay together. Things have been good since that. Recently on my birthday he was very sweet, made me my favorite dinner, baked me a cake! and gave me a beautiful necklace. Everything was sweet and thoughtful. Well I did something bad- he left his phone in my car and I looked through it. the whole time we've been dating I've never gone thru his phone. I guess I just wanted to reassure myself that I have nothing to worry about. However, I found a message on facebook that was questionable. It was on Halloween, the day we got into a fight and he said he wanted to break up. It was from some girl I've asked him about (because she "likes" a lot of his facebook posts) yes I know that sounds ridiculous because we are in our 30's but the message was in response to something he sent her (that he deleted) and it said "sorry I wasn't on here all day. Still curious to know what you have for me lol" I know it could be totally innocent but since it happened on the day we were fighting, he was drinking and acting unreasonably angry with me and wanted to break up with me the next day.. it just seems suspicious. Should I ask him about it or let it go? I should also mention that an ex of mine tried to start trouble recently and told my boyfriend (lies) that he and I have been sleeping together. He literally had no reaction. Just said he didn't believe it and just brushed it off. Never questioned me about it or anything. Just was irritated with my ex. now there is no truth to what my ex said but I'm wondering if his lack of response is because he trusts me or because he has cheated on me and figures even if it is true that we are now "even"? Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 OH ...my...god....please let it go if you want to keep your relationship intact.....and stop looking through his phone. You can assume al day long....it's just going to poison your mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Fleur de cactus Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 Don't ask him anything. Let it go if you don't want to lose him for good. Probably he wrote to the girl to vent bc you were fighting. He needed someone to talk to. You don't expect him to never talk to someone when things go wrong between you. Probably the other girl wanted to hear what happened between you. Let it go and good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 I think every honest relationship should be open to scrutiny. I get sick of reading this stuff about how "I shouldn't have looked." Yes, you should have and you should have found nothing that raised questions. But you did. Regardless of whether he did anything or not, I have a problem with a guy who doesn't want you to be on good terms with your ex, and who isn't ok with him sharing in events with his kids. This is a red flag. I think he was doing something that night and hid it by overreacting to the situation. It's a classic smoke and mirrors tactic. I would quietly watch him for awhile. I personally think he's lying to you about something. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GingerVixen Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 I see Red flags everywhere. He is not pleased with the relationship anymore. He doesnt respect the fact you have to keep in touch with your ex because of your children. He is talking to other women online. He tried to break up with you. I think you have your answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 the message was in response to something he sent her (that he deleted) and it said "sorry I wasn't on here all day. Still curious to know what you have for me lol" I considered the possible things he wanted to give her on the day you had a fight, and all I keep coming back to is his ..... Sorry to be blunt but there is a reason why he deleted his side of the message. Did he go through with it at a later time? Did the guilt make him want to break up the next day, or was it just to have a free pass to sleep with someone else without technically cheating? Is he lining her up as a backup? No idea.. The point is his first reaction after a fight was to contact another woman to "give her something" and then hid the evidence. He doesn't sound like a very trustworthy guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 the point is his first reaction after a fight was to contact another woman to "give her something" and then hid the evidence. He doesn't sound like a very trustworthy guy. ^^^^^ repeated for truth ^^^^^ Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 So I've been seeing this guy and things were going really well and on Halloween we had a huge fight. He was upset I was taking my kids trick or treating with their dad (my ex). He went out with a guy friend and was drinking and that evening we got into a fight and he hung up on me. Long story short the next day he told me he didn't want to be with me anymore but would take a few days to think about it. We talked it over and decided to stay together. Things have been good since that. Recently on my birthday he was very sweet, made me my favorite dinner, baked me a cake! and gave me a beautiful necklace. Everything was sweet and thoughtful. Well I did something bad- he left his phone in my car and I looked through it. the whole time we've been dating I've never gone thru his phone. I guess I just wanted to reassure myself that I have nothing to worry about. However, I found a message on facebook that was questionable. It was on Halloween, the day we got into a fight and he said he wanted to break up. It was from some girl I've asked him about (because she "likes" a lot of his facebook posts) yes I know that sounds ridiculous because we are in our 30's but the message was in response to something he sent her (that he deleted) and it said "sorry I wasn't on here all day. Still curious to know what you have for me lol" I know it could be totally innocent but since it happened on the day we were fighting, he was drinking and acting unreasonably angry with me and wanted to break up with me the next day.. it just seems suspicious. Should I ask him about it or let it go? I should also mention that an ex of mine tried to start trouble recently and told my boyfriend (lies) that he and I have been sleeping together. He literally had no reaction. Just said he didn't believe it and just brushed it off. Never questioned me about it or anything. Just was irritated with my ex. now there is no truth to what my ex said but I'm wondering if his lack of response is because he trusts me or because he has cheated on me and figures even if it is true that we are now "even"? Thoughts? Well, as a guy I do have a couple of points here but just bear with me. Is it safe to assume that your Boyfriend does not have children? Generally guys that do not have children will not understand the dynamic that exists between exes that have children together and are still co parents. I say that because I have no children and anyone I have dated in the past that did have children at some point this became a bone of contention. It is just the way it is. I'm not trying ti justify it, I'm just saying that for guys that have no children we don't have a parental type of mindset, ever. So the whole concept of remaining friendly with an ex for co parenting purposes is simply a foreign concept to us. But there is no reason you should feel bad for going through his phone. Your gut told you something was amiss and your gut is still telling you that. And a natural progression of this is that he was upset and his ego was bruised because you chose to take your kids trick or treating with your ex. So in his ego bruised mind, you chose the Ex over him. Failing to understand it was a co parenting thing you were doing for your kids, he just decided that he could use the Halloween incident as an excuse to flirt with this girl. LOL none of this should come as a shock.... Perception is reality, so in his mind you choosing the ex on Halloween, combined with this other guy telling him he has been banging you, and you feeling the need to go through his messages means this relationship will soon see it's last sunrise. His ego is beyond bruised, in his mind he'll never have you to himself, ever, and no he does not trust you one bit. I don't think any of this is your fault.I think it is just one of those deals that won't get any better and there are too many people involved apart from the two of you. So that being the case just let him go. Link to post Share on other sites
PaperCrane Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 I don't think any of this is your fault.I think it is just one of those deals that won't get any better and there are too many people involved apart from the two of you. So that being the case just let him go. This is the killer of many relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
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