No Contact

[fishyman]

Hi, so My ex and I split up 6-7 weeks ago now, basically due to a lot of stress in her life at that time (Work/funeral/buying a house)and she pushed me away and ended it for no apparent reason to me.

 

Obviously I did the usual contacting her and reminding her of the good times and how great we were together etc etc. didn't want to push her away and haven't directly said that I want to get back together so it was a couple of messages in the first few days then a few E-mails 7-10 days apart she replied to parts of the first and last and avoided the second. evaded any personal stuff in any of them. From the gist of the last reply it would appear she has turned to god to deal with the stress/grief and says she is happy.

 

So I went no contact for my own sanity about 2 and a half weeks ago. then yesterday received a text off her saying she hoped I had a lovely Christmas! I replied with a short "Thanks, you too x" as I didn't want to be rude. she's now constantly on my mind again!!

 

I had already unfriended her on FB but she outright blocked me a couple of weeks later and re-friended a couple of guys she had blocked previously due to them both making her feel uncomfortable.

 

She's made it very clear she doesn't want me, so why bother sending the text? is she just messing with my head or does it mean something else?

cheers

[Satu]

She has mixed feelings about you, but that's normal...

 

The issue is whether or not you want to be in touch with her.

 

You probably have mixed feelings about that too, and that's also normal.

 

Personally speaking, I would cut contact and get on with some healing, but that's just *my*preference.

 

 

Take care.

[privategal]

I feel you left a long enough window and many niceties when SHE broke up with you, pushed you away and is now breaking nc when you were doing good, healing, and moving on.

If you read the nc link at the top of the page...it will say...unless she writes "I want you back" you don't reply to breadcrumbs.

You seemed like you were good to her and had been positive after breakup.

Clearly it got you nowhere to be nice.

Id cut contact unless she comes at you with official news/feelings...only reconciling.

Dont ease her guilt of dumping you by replying and being available to her crumbs.

She broke your heart, she doesn't get to just do a drive by text and wish you a merry xmas, happy birthday, nice weekend.

Those things would be merry, happy, nice if you were still a couple.

Now her contact is mind games and hot and cold.

Just stop replying. Actually block her. She shouldn't have said Merry Christmas. It was selfish.

[Chronotrgr]

Privategal deserves a slow clap for that post, I couldn't agree more with every sentence of it.

 

Unfortunately you have done about as much as you can possibly do, when she's pushing you away and blocking you, what kind of effort could you possibly make? Not a solid one I'm afraid.

 

I think the effort if it'll ever happen will have to be from her side of the fence, I know some people are stubborn and often times need a push towards the path of reconciliation but unless she makes an effort, even a minimal effort that suggests reconciliation, you need to avoid contacting her and as much as it may pain you, look the other way when breadcrumbs start flying.

 

Be proud of yourself for being a good guy throughout this break up, it takes a strong character to overcome that initial bitterness, if she don't want you then trust me, someone out there will, no doubt.

[fishyman]

Thanks for the advice. Obviously I'd love to reconcile with her as it was a great relationship with only minor issues most relationships have.

 

It was hard enough being alone at xmas and we were going to see the New Year (and my Birthday) in together. so thats going to be difficult for me anyway, especially if she messages me again then because as you say privategal it's far from happy without her.

 

Thanks again, Happy New Year to you all!!

[Chronotrgr]

I'm there myself matey, my relationship wasn't half bad, I remember more good times than I do petty arguments with her, we had a very close relationship with one another, I'd never been so close to anybody in my life, and I can honestly say she felt the same way, sadly our only real issue was that we didn't spend enough time together.

 

I'm sorry you had to endure the holidays vwithout her, my Christmas was pretty heart wrenching to say the least, new year probably won't be any different for me either.

 

I'm in the same boat as you, I would love to reconcile but unfortunately that has to be something that my ex has to put on the table, if she can't tell me that she wants me back and time together will be a priority for us then I can't play any part in her life I'm afraid.

[fishyman]

I feel your pain Chronotrgr.

Still can't get my head around her just ending it without any discussion of what was on her mind and then just cutting me off. Especially as we've never had an argument. and a few weeks before asked me to move in with her. still hasn't given me a specific reason for it, just 5 different excuses. so none of it makes sense to me.

 

Wish she would just talk to me because I know we could have gone the distance.

[Methodical]

Ending the relationship out of the blue, blind siding you, was bad.

 

When relationships end (not from an abusive situation where cutting ties and heading for the hills is necessary), I think we expect and deserve some measure of mature discussion for the sake of closure.

 

It childish for ppl to say they are going NC, and then a few days/weeks later, initiate contact. Her message sounded well meaning, but at the same time, she didn't honor her word/vow of NC. (I never understand why ppl go back on their declaration and many times it's with nefarious intent when they do.)

 

In the future, for your own sake, it might be best to not reply. Doing so gave her a rise and at this point set you back a few paces. The mind games ppl play are cruel. You have nothing to prove and nothing to lose. She made that decision for you.

 

Good luck!

[greenleaves54]

I feel you left a long enough window and many niceties when SHE broke up with you, pushed you away and is now breaking nc when you were doing good, healing, and moving on.

If you read the nc link at the top of the page...it will say...unless she writes "I want you back" you don't reply to breadcrumbs.

You seemed like you were good to her and had been positive after breakup.

Clearly it got you nowhere to be nice.

Id cut contact unless she comes at you with official news/feelings...only reconciling.

Dont ease her guilt of dumping you by replying and being available to her crumbs.

She broke your heart, she doesn't get to just do a drive by text and wish you a merry xmas, happy birthday, nice weekend.

Those things would be merry, happy, nice if you were still a couple.

Now her contact is mind games and hot and cold.

Just stop replying. Actually block her. She shouldn't have said Merry Christmas. It was selfish.

 

I agree that dumpers wish Merry Christmas because they feel somewhat guilty about leaving their ex in the dust for some other man/woman.

 

However, I'm happy to ease my ex's guilt, because I believe that everyone is entitled to leave a relationship if they don't believe in it anymore. I'm not angry with my ex. I wished her good luck with everything. Because breaking up means that we are not meant to be together and that I will find someone else who is a much better match for me.

 

Therefore, I was happy to wish my ex Merry Christmas back. I kept it very short though, absolutely no small talk. I don't see any negative consequences with replying in my own situation, but perhaps it is different for others.

Edited December 29, 2015 by greenleaves54

[Chronotrgr]

I feel your pain Chronotrgr.

Still can't get my head around her just ending it without any discussion of what was on her mind and then just cutting me off. Especially as we've never had an argument. and a few weeks before asked me to move in with her. still hasn't given me a specific reason for it, just 5 different excuses. so none of it makes sense to me.

 

Wish she would just talk to me because I know we could have gone the distance.

 

I think you may have it a little bit rougher than I do given that you never argued and she just cut you off like that, me and my ex had some pretty major rows in the past over things like her ex's behaviour and such, she broke up with me back in July/August after my step nan had passed away, I was pretty moody at that point, but since getting back together we didn't argue, we spent a little less time together considering she started a job as a care worker, but we got on pretty good, one morning she just started shouting out of nowhere and before I knew it she wanted me out, I tried to stay close and talk her out of it but nothing did the trick and about 2 weeks later I had to leave, she pushed and pulled for a while and her excuse was that a few instances in the past was bothering her, now we don't speak, she cut me off for good.

 

I still feel like there's something major that she hasn't told me to really make the break up make sense because we was pretty happy and very close, closer than I'd been with anybody, after we'd got back together she was talking about marriage and children, so to go from her enthusiasm on subjects like that to being kicked out, going backwards and eventually blocked out completely, it's making it hard to trust a single word a woman ever says to me again.

 

Like you, I wish I could sit down and talk to her properly so we could maybe start something up slowly at her pace and go from there but I've done and said all I can, all I can do now is move on or not, wait for her or not, I don't know what to do which is what makes it so difficult, she might never want me back, she might want me back, I just don't know.

[Chronotrgr]

Ending the relationship out of the blue, blind siding you, was bad.

 

When relationships end (not from an abusive situation where cutting ties and heading for the hills is necessary), I think we expect and deserve some measure of mature discussion for the sake of closure.

 

It childish for ppl to say they are going NC, and then a few days/weeks later, initiate contact. Her message sounded well meaning, but at the same time, she didn't honor her word/vow of NC. (I never understand why ppl go back on their declaration and many times it's with nefarious intent when they do.)

 

In the future, for your own sake, it might be best to not reply. Doing so gave her a rise and at this point set you back a few paces. The mind games ppl play are cruel. You have nothing to prove and nothing to lose. She made that decision for you.

 

Good luck!

 

Funnily or maybe not so funnily enough, I was just talking about an ex who I respected for ending things in the right way, she met up with me, told me straight how she felt, why she was ending the relationship, what I had meant to her, how difficult it was to make the decision to end the relationship, she hugged me tight, gave me one last kiss and I could see what I meant to her, it was rough but because of the sentimental value of that moment, I bounced back pretty quickly, all the questions had been answered, there was no doubt she was gone and why she was gone, there no lingering thoughts "will she come back?, will she apologise?, will she explain herself?" I had none of that, just closure, nothing more nothing less.

[Methodical]

That was mature and respectful to both parties involved. Her, for being upfront and truthful, you, for accepting and respecting her wishes. Yes, I'm sure it was still difficult bc you had genuine feelings for her, but you weren't tossed aside carelessly. You both handled the situation with grace and dignity.

[Chronotrgr]

That was the day her boobs morphed into a gigantic set of balls, I think it takes a great deal of courage to set out and face the person your about to hurt head on without backing down or dancing around your feelings, I couldn't possibly feel anything but respect for her, I felt a massive degree of sadness as anybody would after a break up, but I had no doubts, I had no regrets, just memories of a wonderful time together and a clear reason for why it ended, I could sleep at night and more importantly I could move on with my self worth and confidence in tact, she spared me a lot of pain and suffering through having the respect and love for me to break up with me in the way in which I deserved.

[ExtraSpice]

Breadcrumb texts are the worst. I would say maybe I am on the other side of the situation (at least in the beginning I was).

 

I broke up with my ex. Over reasons that I later realized could have been solved if effort was put forth. But I had to come out and say "I messed up, I apologize, would you be willing to give it another chance?". Obviously not in those exact words. But the point is I broke up with her and the burden of bringing up the conversation of getting back together was on me and not her.

 

Same thing applies here, if she wants to get back she can't be giving hints and wait or you but come out and say it. Breadcrumbs only make things worse, blocking or asking her not to text would be beneficial.

[fishyman]

Got a happy birthday and happy new year message off her yesterday but just deleted it, Yay me