bc72fgbjbc Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 Okay so there's this girl that I had been dating for maybe one month. It didn't really worked between us so we decided to just stay friends. So there's 3 facts about my situation: 1. I do NOT feel something for her anymore 2. I'm still sexually attracted to her 3. I'm perfectly okay with the fact of being ''just friends'' After some time she even told me that I'm probably her best male friend and that it would be nice to start having sex again. It's just perfect for me, being able to stay friend with her (because she's really important to me) without being threated like a kind of sexless puppy dog. I just want to know if there's any tips for being a good friend for her and keep her sexually attracted at the same time? Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 I just want to know if there's any tips for being a good friend for her and keep her sexually attracted at the same time? There are no good tips, because this type of situation just NEVER works out the way it's intended. It's a minefield. Sex inevitably creates a sense of intimacy and attachment, particularly if you're already good friends. The potential for crossed signals and hurt feelings is very high. And consider the fact that this will block both of you from pursuing better matches with anyone else. Because I promise you, if one of you does that, the other one will end up jealous and hurt. So you're creating a structure that has all of the trappings of a monogamous relationship, but none of the commitment or trust. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 These situations have worked out well for me. For example, one FWB lasted about 7 years, and we're remained good friends after the benefits stopped by mutual agreement so we could pursue others for relationships. Another has lasted nearly 5 years so far, without undue feelings or attachment, and has not stopped us from pursuing other relationships - but, I do agree that a FWB could prevent you from doing so, when you should. So, attachment and problems are not inevitable. That depends more on the personality of the people, really, and their ability to think and act rationally, compartmentalize sex, and control their emotions - it can be done. Trust is entirely possible - it's the commitment that you avoid. You do have to talk and communicate well, and be honest with each other. That's true for any relationship, not just FWB. Friendship is more important than sex, so keeping that as the priority helps keep things in perspective. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Heracles Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 (edited) 1. I do NOT feel something for her anymore 3. I'm perfectly okay with the fact of being ''just friends'' 1 and 3 are closely related. I think she will remain sexually attracted to you as long as 1 is true. In other words, her degree of attraction to you is inversely proportional to how much you care. Don't take my word for it. Experiment for yourself. PS: The relationship might evolve to the point where one of you wants more. Watch out for that Edited December 28, 2015 by Heracles 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 I just want to know if there's any tips for being a good friend for her and keep her sexually attracted at the same time? If you're worrying about trying to keep her sexually attracted, that sounds more like a relationship, lol... I wouldn't worry. It's gonna last until either one of you stops wanting it or hooks up with someone (unless you guys cheat). Just enjoy it while it lasts. It's a special friendship. Don't get mad or upset if she wants to stop. That's a rule I go by. FWB can be really fun if you both do it well. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 She'll dump you as soon as she really gets it that you're dating other women and that she can't make you love her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bc72fgbjbc Posted December 29, 2015 Author Share Posted December 29, 2015 She'll dump you as soon as she really gets it that you're dating other women and that she can't make you love her. I don't think so, mate. Initially it was her idea to stop dating and stay friends and after that it was also her idea to start having sex again. We already made it clear that we're just close friends who have sex together. I guess that's what she also wants. I don't know why she would want me to love her? Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 Isn't an fwb usually some random that you neber dated and never would date that you sleep with until it fizzled? Cause you seem a little too close to her, she seems awefully important to you to just be a sexcapade. Id maybe get one more night out of your system with each other but after that...put some distance for awhile, not in an awkward way but have a mature discussion that she means too much to you as a friend to jeopardize and that you both should work on the friendship only aspect and find other fwb's so you don't lose eachother eventually. I know you said you had zero feelings for her now, is the same true for her? Careful...girls are smart as a whip and try to play it cool with their feelings but the getting you back in bed proposal might be the Im gonna get him back trick. We're masters at the game fyi...thats why I say you find a random and you guys just be buddies! Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 Isn't an fwb usually some random that you neber dated and never would date that you sleep with until it fizzled? That would be a **** buddy. FWB may often be misused, but the emphasis is supposed to be on the Friend aspect. I think it is misused because people don't like to have sex with people they may not particularly like - it sounds cheap, and to me, a **** buddy is a cheap arrangement. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 That would be a **** buddy. FWB may often be misused, but the emphasis is supposed to be on the Friend aspect. I think it is misused because people don't like to have sex with people they may not particularly like - it sounds cheap, and to me, a **** buddy is a cheap arrangement. True! And in this case, the girl is more than a casual friend...shes a clise friend and an ex. For these 2 reasons I wouldn't even consider it. The tension is building where they both need the comfort of sex from eachother as they are eachothers comfort zone and luckily dont hate eachother after breaking up but rather just have no new conquests right now. So a night to get it on...probably unavoidable, might as well, its been discussed, but after that...Id distance...work on friendship only and not complicate by adding sex. Find a girl who is friendly and whom you have no history nor future with and make HER your F%#! Buddy...not the one you care about as a long term future TRUE friend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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